Friday, January 27, 2012

Case Study No. 0199: Nathan V. Pire

The Librarian
Funny movie about a vampire librian.
Tags: comedy horror
Added: 6 years ago
From: rahostetler
Views: 50,501

Half Pint Pictures

Ryan Hostetler presents

Matt Davey
Lys Green
Davo Hynds
Andrew Gale

The Librarian

I think this is based on a true story ... but don't hold me to that.

[scene opens inside the (apparently empty) library, as a female student enters and starts walking through the stacks when a book suddenly falls on the floor behind her]
[she bends down to pick it up, then gets up to find a male librarian (with an orange tie and a black shirt with the collar turned up) standing directly behind her]
NATHAN: Hi, I'm Nathan!
JESSICA: Oh my gosh, you scared me ... I didn't know there was anyone behind me.
[she tries to laugh it off while putting the book on the shelf, but the librarian just keeps staring at her with a goofy smile on his face]
NATHAN: I'm the new librarian!
JESSICA: Oh, okay. That's ... that's cool.
NATHAN: Got some Edgar Allen Poe down here.
JESSICA: Uh huh.
NATHAN: He's an interesting author.
JESSICA: Yeah, that's what I've heard.
JESSICA: Um, I'm gonna go study ...
[he shakes her hand]
NATHAN: Nice to meet you.
JESSICA: Yeah, what was your name again?
[his face suddenly gets serious]
NATHAN: Nathan.
JESSICA: Nathan, okay.
[he smiles again]
JESSICA: Well, I'll see you ... See you later.
[she walks away as Nathan stands there, but then he suddenly appears from behind the bookshelf in front of her]
NATHAN: Do you need any help finding any books?
JESSICA: Oh, um ... Actually, I'm good. How did you ...
NATHAN: I'm pretty quick on my toes. They called me Twinkle Toes in high school!
[he awkwardly laughs]
JESSICA: Oh, that's kinda ...
NATHAN: Twinkle!
JESSICA: Cute, yeah.
[he laughs again]
JESSICA: Um, actually, I could use a little bit of help.
NATHAN: Uh huh?
JESSICA: I'm looking for philosophy books.
NATHAN: Philosophy.
[he points behind him]
NATHAN: It's down this way.
JESSICA: Okay. Um, thanks.
NATHAN: Mm hmm.
[she starts walking (as Nathan follows closely behind her), then cut to inside a dorm room as Jessica is trying to watch television but her boyfriend is doing pushups in front of her]
JESSICA: Landon? Landon!
JESSICA: Get up here!
[he does one more pushup, then sprawls out on the sofa next to her]
LANDON: I think I'm gettin' bigger, baby!
JESSICA: Yeah, you look bigger, baby ...
[she uses the remote]
JESSICA: There's nothing on ...
LANDON: Wait, sports highlights!
JESSICA: It's the news!
[cut to the news broadcast on the television, which has the NBC logo and "National Game Candyland, 9:02 ET" on screen]
MALE REPORTER: Today, President George W. Bush has declared the national boardgame to be Candyland. He did so because he loves lollipops and candy canes.
[cut back to the two students sitting on the couch]
LANDON: Uh, pumpkin's a little crooked.
[he reaches over to adjust a jack-o-lantern on the nearby table, but just as an excuse to drape his arm over Jessica's shoulder]
MALE REPORTER: [from off camera] Today, the national weather service has declared yet another extreme natural disaster ... Uh, we're just kidding! Ho ho!
[he moves in to give her a kiss, when something on the news suddenly catches her attention]
JESSICA: Oh wait, wait!
[cut back to the news broadcast, which now reads "College Girl Dead, 9:02 ET"]
MALE REPORTER: Last night, a young college girl was found dead in a janitor's closet of the local library. Doctors and officials say that all of her blood was drained through two teeth-like puncture wounds in her neck.
[cut back to Jessica and Landon on the couch]
JESSICA: Is this a girl from our school?
MALE REPORTER: [from off camera] Where the blood went? Well, nobody knows! Ha ha ha!
LANDON: Uh ... yeah, maybe.
[he tries to move in again, but she pushes him away]
JESSICA: No, baby. Seriously, seriously.
[cut back to the news broadcast]
MALE REPORTER: Official say the murderer may have been a local employee of the local library. The local employee of the local library may have also been a local friend of the local murder victim.
[cut back to Jessica and Landon on the couch]
LANDON: Yeah, that's weird.
MALE REPORTER: [from off camera] The exact locale of the murder is still to be determined, and no one is in more fear than the locals.
JESSICA: Yeah, teeth marks?
JESSICA: Oh well ... So, I met someone new today.
LANDON: Oh yeah? Play sports?
JESSICA: No, he works in the library. He's got kinda curly hair, he's real nice.
[cut back to the news broadcast, which now reads "Jail Break, 9:02 ET"]
MALE REPORTER: Last week, there was a prison break at Springfield Penitentiary.
[cut back to Jessica and Landon on the couch]
LANDON: Hold it, wait ... Turn that up.
[he takes the remote and turns up the volume]
LANDON: That's near here.
[cut back to the news broadcast]
MALE REPORTER: Official do not know the location of the inmate, but they say he is very dangerous and they warn all citizens to be on the lookout.
[cut back to Jessica and Landon on the couch]
JESSICA: Okay ...
[cut back to the news broadcast]
MALE REPORTER: He is described as a five-nine male, with dark brown curly hair, and is ... well, a really nice guy.
[cut back to Jessica and Landon on the couch]
LANDON: Hey, that sounds an awful lot like the guy you just described!
JESSICA: It couldn't be him ...
LANDON: And why not?
JESSICA: Because he's too nice!
LANDON: I don't think you should go back there ...
JESSICA: Landon, you can't tell me what to do--
LANDON: It's not safe! I'm not--
JESSICA: Landon, this is the news ... Just because it's close to here doesn't mean it has anything to do with what's going on!
[cut back to the news broadcast, which now reads "Giraffe Loose, 9:02 ET", then quickly back to Jessica and Landon on the couch]
LANDON: Listen, you're not going back ...
JESSICA: Landon! It's the library!
LANDON: Jessica, you are my girl! I'm not telling you what to do, that's just how it is! You're not going back!
JESSICA: Landon ...
JESSICA: I'm leaving ...
[she gets up and leaves]
LANDON: No, you're not going back there ... You're not going back, I tell you, listen. Come back, you're not going back.
[he turns and starts knocking on the sliding glass door behind him]
LANGDON: Hey, hey! Get back in here! Show's on ...
[giving up, he turns off the television and walks into the kitchen, where another male student is washing the dishes]
KEVIN: Hey Landon!
LANDON: [sighs] Hey Kevin ...
[he opens the refrigerator, grabs a jar of pickles, and sits down on the countertop]
KEVIN: Sounds like you got in a fight! Sounded bad ... [laughs]
LANDON: Yeah ...
KEVIN: Hey hey, didja hear the librarian killed a girl?
LANDON: [pause] What?
KEVIN: Yeah, librarian killed a girl!
[he leans in close]
KEVIN: [whispers] He's a vampire ...
LANDON: What? Kevin, what're you talking about?
KEVIN: He's a vampire! He's a vampire ... [singing] He's a vampire!
LANDON: Kevin, how would you know that?
KEVIN: Because, at the murder scene, they found two teeth-like puncture wounds in her neck, where he used his teeth to draw out the blood!
LANDON: Kevin, they said it was probably a double stab ... You know that. How do you know it's a vampire?
KEVIN: Double stab with two little teeth, it's a vampire!
LANDON: Wait, Jessica just went to the library ...
KEVIN: Well, going to the library is a great idea ... if you want her to die!
LANDON: Do you really think he's a killer?
KEVIN: Well, I don't know if he's a killer ... but I know he's a vampire.
[Landon gets up with a determined look on his face]
LANDON: We gotta do something!
[he leaves, and Kevin (after eating one of the pickles) follows him, then cut to Jessica entering the empty library]
JESSICA: Nathan?
[she walks by one of the bookshelves, where Nathan is standing with his hands covering his eyes (but she doesn't notice him)]
JESSICA: Nathan? Hello?
[she walks down one of the aisles]
JESSICA: Hello? Nathan? I need help with philosophy ...
[Nathan pops up on the other side of the bookshelf and pokes his head in between the books]
[she jumps back, but then starts to laugh as Nathan continues smiling]
JESSICA: You scared me again ... Hey, do you think you can help me find a book?
[she looks in between the books for him, but he suddenly appears at the other end of the bookshelf]
JESSICA: How do you do that?
NATHAN: I'm pretty speedy, they called me Twinkle Toes in high school ...
JESSICA: [laughs] Well, let's go find that book, Twinkle Toes ...
[she walks ahead of him, as Nathan suddenly gets a serious look on his face and follows her]
[cut to Landon sitting in the library, when Kevin pops up behind him and slaps a folder on the desk in front of him]
KEVIN: [singing] Look what I found! Look what I found!
LANDON: What is this, Kevin?
[he starts looking through the pamphlet]
LANDON: Wait, that's the guy, that's the librarian!
KEVIN: Yeah ...
LANDON: [starts reading] "Nathan V. Pire" ...
KEVIN: [singing] Vam-pire ...
LANDON: [continues reading] "Born in Transylvania in 1647. Blood type, anything and everything. Last seen in Transylvania in 1643, when he was run out by wooden stakes. Highly allergic to garlic."
[he looks up]
LANDON: Dude, this is it ... He's gonna kill Jessica! We gotta go!
[cut to Jessica standing by herself reading a book (a biography of Babe Ruth), when Nathan suddenly appears right behind her]
NATHAN: You like it?
[she jumps, but then laughs it off again]
JESSICA: Oh Nathan ... Yes, thanks.
[he takes a book from behind his back]
NATHAN: Found, found the book you were looking for.
JESSICA: Oh ... thanks.
NATHAN: Mm hmm.
JESSICA: A different one. Thanks, Nathan.
JESSICA: Thanks a lot ... Uh, lemmee just check it out.
[she turns, as Nathan bares his fangs and goes for her neck, but she turns back around so he quickly goes back to normal]
JESSICA: Y'know, this is exactly what I was looking for!
JESSICA: Thanks a lot ...
[she turns around again, so Nathan again attempts to bite her neck, but he again has to stop when Jessica turns back around]
JESSICA: Y'know, it's really hard to find good help in libraries these days.
NATHAN: [shrugs] I do what I can ...
[she again turns around, and he again moves in close to her neck, but stops when her phone starts ringing]
JESSICA: Oh crap, my phone ...
[cut to Landon and Kevin outside the library, calling her on Landon's cellphone]
LANDON: She's not answering!
KEVIN: Talk louder!
LANDON: Let's get her!
[cut back to Jessica and Nathan, as she looks down at her phone and gives an annoyed sigh]
JESSICA: It's Landon ...
[Nathan starts to growl in frustration, so Jessica turns around with a look of concern]
JESSICA: Nathan? Are you okay?
NATHAN: Give me your blood!
[he gets an evil look on his face and grabs her by the shoulders]
JESSICA: Nathan!
[cut to Landon and Kevin running (and falling) up the stairs, then back to Nathan as he stops once he hears approaching footsteps]
LANDON: [from off camera] Hey!
[while Nathan is distracted, Jessica pushes him away and runs off, so he turns to confront his opponents]
KEVIN: [happily] Vampire!
NATHAN: I'm not happy!
[he charges, so Landon and Kevin turn to run away in the opposite direction, which leads to an extended chase sequence ... The two eventually catch up with Jessica, as they all hide behind a bookshelf (not realizing that Nathan is right behind them)]
KEVIN: [turns and whispers to Nathan] Shh! We're looking for the vampire!
[still oblivious, Kevin suddenly points to his own neck]
KEVIN: [whispers] Hey, I have a new cologne! Smell!
[Nathan bites him]
KEVIN: Ow! What the?!
[Landon turns and sees what's going on, so he grabs Jessica by the hand]
[Nathan runs off in pursuit, while Kevin rubs his neck]
KEVIN: [weakly] Hey, guys ...
[he collapses, as Landon and Jessica come back into frame (stepping on and over his limp body) while Nathan continues his pursuit]
[cut to Landon and Jessica running out of the library, entering the "School of Theology"]
JESSICA: Nathan, what're we gonna do?
LANDON: I dunno, I'm not used to this kind of stuff!
JESSICA: Wait a minute, we need to do something!
LANDON: I'm not used to vampires coming after me ...
[he suddenly gets down on all fours and crawls behind one of the pews in the chapel]
JESSICA: Landon ...
[she looks at the entrance, where Nathan rises from one of the pews (as if he's coming out of a coffin)]
JESSICA: Landon! He's coming! Landon!
[Landon pokes his head up]
LANDON: Screw you!
[he runs off, leaving her]
JESSICA: Landon!
[he tries to crawl under the pew, but Jessica grabs him by the legs and pulls him out]
JESSICA: You are not leaving me at a time like this!
LANDON: No no no!
JESSICA: Get out from there! Come on, you're being a wuss! Come on, get out of there! Landon!
[he struggles, but then just sits down on the pew and puts his head in his hands ... until he notices a Bible next to him, which causes him to have a flashback where Kevin is drawing on a chalkboard]
KEVIN: Cross, for Jesus ...
[he points to a very "abstract" drawing of a face, then to a square with the word "BIBLE" in the middle of it]
KEVIN: [taps on the board with his chalk] Bible ...
[cut back to the chapel, as Landon picks up the Bible]
LANDON: Jessica!
[he throws the Bible to her, as (in slow motion) she "hikes" him the Bible before he throws it across the room, watching it slide across the floor before Nathan steps on it]
NATHAN: Uh oh ...
[cut to a closeup of the Bible as Nathan's clothes fall to the floor around it (with his body nowhere to be found), then back to Landon, as he high fives the stained glass image of Jesus behind him]
JESSICA: We did it!
[she runs over and hugs him]
JESSICA: Oh Landon, I'm so sorry! But y'know, I was never really worried ... You know what they say, virgins never die!
LANDON: [pause] Uh, yeah ... I wasn't worried either.
[they walk over to the pile of Nathan's clothes, then notice Kevin sitting up from one of the pews (like Nathan had previously done) and rubbing his neck]
LANDON: Kevin? Are you alright?
KEVIN: Yeah ... I feel cold.
LANDON: You look really pale ...
[Kevin bends down and picks up the clothes]
KEVIN: What happened?
[Landon smiles and turns to the camera, as the theme from "The Wonder Years" ("With a Little Help From My Friends" by Joe Cocker) begins to play]
LANDON: [in voice over] It was at that point that I realized what true friends really are.
[Jessica holds Landon's hand]
LANDON: [in voice over] It's making it through the hard times, the struggles. The ones that are there with you to the bitter end. Those are your real friends, and I found it in Kevin and Jessica.
[they turn and leave]

Matt Davey
Lys Green
Davo Hynds
Andrew Gale

Written and directed by
Ryan Hostetler

I apologize if we have offended any librarians ... I have never met one of you but you guys seem really nice.

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