Thursday, October 31, 2013

Case Study No. 1089: Aurroara Lee

Animals Of The Night
A music video for the book, The Werewolf the librarian and I
Tags: animals of the night librarian The wli werewolf music video erin rambeau Of night animals rambeau
Added: 6 months ago
From: UrbanYetiStudio
Views: 182,271

Animals of the Night

music video created from the book

The Werewolf, The Librarian and I
by: Erin Rambeau

[scene opens with a female librarian (long red hair, black dress) standing in front of a green screen - which depicts a dark forest scene - as she begins to sing]

It is so hard being who I am
A stranger in a foreign land
I fear for myself and for all others
That is why I hide away from the world

[cut to a "werewolf" (i.e. a man wearing a wolf mask and furry gloves) standing next to the librarian, as she strokes his face]

But you and me, we are one and the same
We are one, we're just from a different land

[cut to a shot of the moon, then back to the librarian]

We are not monsters
We are animals

[cut to the werewolf standing next to the librarian again]

We are not monsters
We are animals
Of the night

[cut to the librarian running barefoot through the forest, as she finds the werewolf and leads him away by the hand]

He loved me like no other
We became one with our weaknesses
I loved our differences from the world
We hid away parts of us
Just to be in each other's arms
We loved each other
Like it would be the end of the world

[cut to the werewolf and the librarian walking across a small wooden bridge]

We are not monsters
We are animals
We are not monsters
We are animals
Of the night

[cut back to the librarian standing in front of the green screen, as she continues to sing]

I never believed he would ever hurt me
I have never believed he would ever try

[cut to the werewolf standing next to the librarian again, as he reaches for her chest and then walks backwards out of frame]

I never believed he would ever try to kill me
But he stole my heart, ripping it right from my chest
Now I die every time, every time I think of him

[cut to a shot of the moon, then back to the werewolf and the librarian standing in front of the green screen]

We are not monsters
We are animals

[cut to another werewolf (wearing an "Adidas" sweatshirt) grabbing the librarian by one arm, as the other werewolf grabs her other arm and they play "tug of war"]

We are not monsters
We are animals
Of the night

[cut to the librarian standing next to the sweatshirt-wearing werewolf]

We own the night
We are the monsters that you fear

[cut to the librarian wearing "Thriller"-style contact lenses and fake fingernails, as she stares into the camera]

We are the demons of your soul
We are the animals that kill
We are the animals

[cut to the librarian and the two werewolves holding hands, as she continues to sing]

We are monsters
We are animals
We are monsters
We are animals
Of the night

[they turn to the right, look up into the "sky", and raise their left hands upwards]

We are animals that follow the moon

[cut to the librarian leaning up against the sweatshirt-wearing werewolf]

We are
We are

[cut to both werwolves surrounding the librarian, as they slowly turn and look into the camera]


[the scene fades to black, as a stock "howling wolf" sound effect plays and "Animals Of The Night" appears on screen]

Directed by
Tim Gravelin

Written by
Erin Rambeau

Produced by
Urban Yeti Studios


Erin Rambeau

Justin Bayliss

Russel Simpson

Music Written by
Erin Rambeau

Camera Operators
Tim Gravelin
Richard Gravelin

Sound Department
Britney Moore
Sandra Lancaster

Tim Gravelin



The Werewolf, the Librarian and I (Volume 1)
by Erin Lee Rambeau

I was just a boring librarian, until an incident changed my life forever. I was transformed into a werewolf. Now I have to take control of my life and deal with a 350 lb ex-vampire who drinks synthetic blood and eats everything she can get her hands on and a stalker who is driving me nuts. Not to mention my mother who thinks she is being stalked by a foot fetish freak who loves her shoes!



Aurroara Lee, a young librarian and recently turned werewolf, has to learn to cope with her new "curse," (which is mostly harmless, except that she turns into a wolf and eats left, not right, shoes) while working at the local library, which is part of a government study on how chocolate affects librarians. Aurroara also has a stalker and a friend who is part zombie and part dragon. Someone in this book is a tree nymph and someone else is part dinosaur and part caveman. And then a child runs around the library naked and poops on the floor. That's basically the book. You should read it. I really can't express how amazing this book is.And remember I am not the author of this book, just a concerned citizen.




My name is Aurroara Lee. I am a librarian by day and a werewolf by night. I work at the "River wood's Library." The people I work with are, to say the least special.

My manager's name is Jillian Wright, she is a fairy. I mean a real fairy. She has the wand and the dust. Fairies are not as nice as people think. Well she isn't anyway. Dude half the time I think she is PMSing and the other half she is just plain mean. She never lets anyone take any vacations and will interrogate you to death if you call in sick. Everyone except for me. I think she is afraid I will turn into a werewolf and eat her and FYI if she pisses me off enough I will!!!!!!

The young lady under her is Kasmine Smith, her title is lead Branch Assistant. She is in charge when the manager is not in the building and she creates the schedule. Kasmine is a tree nymph. She is basically a tree, with a face and arms and legs and talk. Being a tree nymph has its down sides, like she is ubber afraid of fire and root rot. It has its up sides as well, such as it makes her really flexible. She is a great ballet dancer. She is limber and can stretch her limbs out beautifully.

Then there is Rosa Ackeman. She is the children's specialist and a catix (This by the way is a cross between her mother a cat and her father phoenix.) She is an orange and red stripped cat with gold wings. She was able to rise and die again, but she wouldn't burn, she would just loose all her fur and be reborn with new fur. She is great with the kids, and patient, quiet, and gives them rides. The kids love her.

Our teen specialist is Kalila Sweet. She is a humacorn. (Which is part human and part unicorn.) She has beautiful silver flowing hair. The teenage girls love to brush it and teenage guys like to throw hoops and try to make it around her horn.

There are over 17 people who work in this little library and throughout this book I will talk about each one of them. But first let me tell you a little about myself.

I am a werewolf. I live in a tiny town in Colorado, called River. It is quiet and not much happens here.

You are probably wondering how I became a werewolf. No, my mom is not a dog and my dad who is not human did not mate. No it didn't happen that way.

I am a nymphomaniac, in other words I LOVE sex! Well I was having sex with what is now my ex-boyfriend when he got a little too excited and bit my neck. He didn't tear into my throat and start eating my innards. Werewolves actually have self control! It is something they have mastered over the hundreds of years they have been here. They can control it as long as they are in human form, but when they are in werewolf form it is a lot harder to control.

Anyway so he bit me on the neck, he tasted my blood. He then bit into his tongue to control the urge to bite me again. He then drew blood from his tongue.

As he held himself above me I asked him what was wrong. As he opened his mouth to say "Nothing is wrong I am fine." Little droplets of his blood spilt out of his mouth and into my wound. It only took a week for my blood to fuse with his, and for me to transform for the first time into a werewolf.

It hurt like hell. Every bone in my body broke to expand. My two front teeth were extended out into over grown K-9 sized teeth. My nails became claws, razor sharp and deadly.

I ran. I ran from the howling, from the claws, from the fur, from the teeth. I ran until I realized I was running from myself. In a matter of minutes I had covered over 100 miles. I remember starting to run back, thinking I have to get home. Then I woke up in my bed, covered in blood.

For the first time ever I was afraid I killed someone. I turned on the news. The newscaster was talking about a brutal murder. "Oh god. What have I done? What have I done?" I screamed. I listened hoping it was no one I knew. "The massacre happened late last night. Five are supposedly dead. Only bits and pieces are left of them. The other three hid inside the house and were not harmed."

"Oh my god I killed five people. I am a murderer. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!"

I fell to the floor and started rocking back and forth. "Help me, I am a murderer," I kept saying. I looked up at the news caster. "We will never know who killed these five today, but we can only hope they have a clucking good time in the afterlife." She said with a laugh.

I sat there dumb founded. "What the hell?" I said.

The news caster at the news station came on. "The police believe the killer of the five chickens to be a dog or coyote. So make sure you keep all your animals safely inside at night. Thank you and good night."

I started crying in relief. I had never felt more relieved than I just did. I hadn't murdered anyone, I just had some chicken.

For the next few days I looked up online everything I could about werewolves. How they lived, where they came from, their transformation schedule so it didn't c-inside with mine, like it would matter. I learned a lot. I learned a lot more two weeks later. Kevin my current ex, is the man who made me into what I am today, came back. He always disappeared for 2 weeks, now I know why.

"Hey baby, whatcha doin?" He asked as he walked through my door.

"Nothing much," I said.

"Cool, want to go have some dinner?" He asked.

"Sure, but I have a quick question before we go." I said.

"Shoot, what do you want to know? And if you are asking where I have been for the last two weeks, I told you I just go to my parents to see them." He answered.

"Why didn't you tell me you were a werewolf?" I guess I caught him off guard because his mouth fell open and the only words he got out were. "Duhh, duhh, duhh!"

"Can I just tell you where I have been for the last two weeks?" He said trying to play it off.

"No!" I said sternly.

"How did you know I was a werewolf? I never showed any signs in front of you! NONE!" He asked.

"Hummm, let me think. Could it be that you bite me while having sex? ... No all men do that. Could it be you are very animal like in the bed room? ... No that's just human instinct. Could it be ever since you bit me I turned into a werewolf? ... Oh wait, bingo I think we have a winner!" I said sarcastically.

He was dumb founded again.

"Oh god Aurroara ... I never ... I mean ... This was never supposed to ... " He stammered out.

"I know and from what I read it is incurable. But I just need to know if there are places to go where I won't kill any people?" I asked.

He stared at me for quite some time.

"Wow, I have changed a lot of people in my time and you are the first to take it so well." He said.

If he only knew that for the first week I sat in my house, with the thought of killing myself. Why you might ask, did I not kill myself. A friend once told me "The world would come to an end if this much sexiness was taken out." As I sat there contemplating death I thought of that quote and how interesting it would be to have the strength of a hundred men and the sight and hearing of a wolf. It took me some talking to, to get me to realize, this wasn't a burden, it was a gift. I can make it and wield it into whatever I want. I am ... a werewolf/librarian.

"Hello, earth to Aurroara. You there?" He asked.

"Oh sorry. What can I say I move with the changes in my life. Now what do I do with it?" I asked him.

"Whatever you want! The country is the best place to go, when you change. A lot of animals and few people. And whenever you change back it is usually in the middle of a forest or field and no one sees all the blood on you. So buy a country home and go out there during a full moon!" He said.

"Dude I am a librarian, not a millionaire. I have problems paying next month's rent and I have shit for credit. I can't afford that." I said.

"Then take a change of clothes out to the country, park your car in the trees. When you change you will be in the country. When you change back you can walk to your car, use a wet nap to wipe yourself down and change clothes. Well what's left of your old ones. FYI try to get naked when you change it will save on your clothing bill!" He said.

We talked for hours about changing, sex and getting too attached to people. (This is not a good idea cause most humans can't deal with the idea of dating/mating with a werewolf.)

So now you know how it happened. Interesting to say the least. Me and Kevin still talk, but he moved to Paris for a while. Oh hang on a patron is here to check out some books be right back ...

"Sorry about that."

Anyway I work Tuesday nights 12(noon)-9pm. I work with Kalilia, Peter, Hellzone, and Cylia. As you know Kalilia is a humacorn. Peter Pot is an annoying little shit of a poltergeist. He is a clerk, but spends most of his time pushing books on top of little kids, tripping teenagers and pulling the wigs off old folks. Ya we have to apologize a lot for the things he does. Then when the people leave, we have one big laugh. So you could say he is our comic relief. (He is still an ass!!)

Hellzone is the security officer for our library. He is a Hellhound and an interesting breed of hellhound at that. His father was human and his mother was a hellhound. Hellzone got 95% hellhound and 5% human. He looks just like a big black dog that walks on two black hairy human legs. He spends most of his time barking orders to patrons and throwing them out when they disobey him.

Cylia is our page (the person who shelves the books). She is a Cyclops. She has very bad depth perception, but is super fast and great at her job. She can shelve books with the best of them.

I spend most of my Tuesday night cleaning up after Peter or listening to people complain that Hellzone kicked them out for no reason, or making sure Cylia doesn't run into the book shelf, knock it over and start a domino effect where it knocks all the book shelves over (every Librarians nightmare). Ya it's happened before. I do help the patrons who are too afraid to ask anyone else for help because they are not human or they see my co-workers as freaks. I sometimes just sit there and think, if they only knew the truth.

I used to be the only full human at the library until the incident. Now, I do believe I fit right in, rather well!!!!

Case Study No. 1088: Margaret Gesner, the Monsters University Librarian

Monsters University Library Challenge
Sorry guys for the static noise. I recorded over the computer on a pirated movie, but so far the recording cam out great on both ends. I love this scene in the movie with the 50ft librarian.
Added: 3 months ago
From: cpatangan
Views: 39,521

[scene opens in the Monsters University Library, where teams of students are participating in the "Don't Wake the Parent" challenge of the Scare Games (trying to capture flags from the statue high above the main reading room without drawing the attention of the librarian) as members of the Greek Council provide "commentary" from the upper balcony]
CLAIRE: We are at the halfway point of the second event, and things are getting interesting.
[cut to Sulley with his Oozma Kappa fraternity brothers (who are all slowly tip-toeing through the reading room towards the statue), as he looks up and sees a member of the Eta Hiss His sorority climb down from the ceiling and grab their flag from the statue's arm]
NADYA: [whispers] Got it!
CLAIRE: [from off camera] Only two teams left. Who will make it out with their flag, and who will be eliminated?
[Sulley looks over and sees the Slugma Slugma Kappa sorority walking past them (at a much faster pace), then cut back to the Greek Council]
BROCK: In a real scare, you do not wanna get caught by the kid's parent. And in this event, you do not wanna get caught by ... The Librarian.
[cut to a closeup of the slug-like elderly female librarian sitting behind the reference desk, as she puts a finger to her lips and shushes them]
LIBRARIAN: [whispers] Shhh. Quiet.
[she takes a pair of opera glasses and begin reading a book, then cut back to the members of Oozma Kappa, as the two-headed monster gives a smug smile]
TERRI: [whispers] What's so scary about a little old librarian?
[as they continue tip-toeing, a blue monster gets up from his chair and starts to walk off, but he puts his foot down and causes one of the floorboards to creak]
[cut back to the librarian, who snaps her book shut and rises to her full form ... a giant creature swarming with tentacles, as she uses one to grab the monster and lift him off the ground]
LIBRARIAN: I said ... quiet.
[as the monster screams, she lifts him through the skylight and throws him out into a nearby pond]
[cut back to the librarian, as she slithers over towards a nearby bookshelf and uses her opera glasses to look over the spines, as the members of Oozma Kappa are frozen in place with fear]
[cut to Mike at the head of the group, as he gently (and even more slowly) sets one foot in front of the other, so the others follow suit (but Sulley just stands there with a frustrated look on his face)]
SULLEY: [whispers] Faster!
MIKE: [whispers] Slow and steady.
ART: [whispers] Slow and steady.
DON: [whispers] Slow and steady.
TERRI AND TERRY: [whispers] Slow and steady.
SQUISHY: [whispers] Slow and steady.
[Sulley starts shaking (as if he's about to blow a gasket), then sighs and joins his friends in slowly moving forward ... but then he looks over and sees the Slugma Slugma Kappa members climbing a staircase towards the statue, so he decides to throw caution to the wind and quickly tip-toe past his teammates]
MIKE: Gasp!
ART: [whispers] Sulley!
DON: [whispers] Sulley!
TERRI AND TERRY: [whispers] Sulley!
SQUISHY: [whispers] Sulley!
[Mike turns towards them and puts a finger to his lips, shushing them]
MIKE: Shh!
[they all pantomime his "shushing" motion, then cut back to Sulley as he slows down and tip-toes towards the ladder propped up next to the bookshelf underneath the statue ... causing the floorboard to creak]
MIKE: Gasp!
[cut to Mike, as he looks towards the reference desk, then to the librarian as she looks in Sulley's direction ... but she's not wearing her opera glasses (as indicated by the camera going all "fuzzy" from her POV), so she dismisses the sound and goes back to looking over her bookcase]
[cut back to Sulley, as he quickly climbs the ladder and reaches for their flag on the statue's arm ... but the ladder comes loose and he ends up falling down hard on the floor]
[cut back to the librarian, who angrily looks over at the source of the noise and begins to advance towards Sulley]
[cut back to Mike, just before the librarian is about to reach Sulley]
MIKE: [whispers] No!
[cut back to the librarian, who stops when she hears a "popping" noise behind her, then turns to find that Don Carlton is using the suckers on his tentacle arms against the floor]
[the distraction succeeds in causing the librarian to leave Sulley behind and advance towards Don, but then she stops again when she hears the two-headed monster "singing" behind her]
TERRI AND TERRY: Five-six-seven-eight! Da da da dah dah! Dah buh dah dah! Look over here! Look over here!
[she turns towards them, then stops again when she sees Art jumping up on the tables, laughing and kicking students' books/papers onto the floor]
[cut back to the Greek Council watching these proceedings from up above]
MOP TOP: Is that legal?
BROCK: You better believe it, Mop Top! The only rule is ... don't get caught.
[cut back to the floor area, as Art rolls into a circle to avoid the librarian's tentacles, then Mike looks up and sees the Slugma Slugma Kappa sorority making their way towards the statue]
[the librarian turns to chase after the two-headed monster (whipping one of her tentacles back and - unintentionally - knocking the Slugma Slugma Kappa members off of the bookshelf), then the rest of the Oozma Kappa members join off and run towards the exit]
TERRI AND TERRY: Come and get me! Come and get me!
[cut to Mike, who is standing still with a shocked look on his face]
MIKE: Guys! What're you doing?!
TERRY: They said don't let her catch you!
TERRI: They didn't say how!
[as they continue running, they grab Mike by the arms and drag him along (as he looks up and stares at the librarian while she's chasing after them)]
MIKE: Ahhh!
[they continue running (as the librarian knocks over bookcases and tables with her tentacles in her pursuit) and fly out the doorway, sliding along the grass before coming to a stop in front of the pond]
ART: We did it!
MIKE: No we didn't! We forgot the flag!
SQUISHY: [from off camera] Mike?
[he turns, as the camera zooms in on Squishy standing behind him with their flag in his hand]
[cut to the other Oozma Kappa members, as they cheer and yell "Way to go Squishy!" (while Mike stares at him with a dumbfounded look on his face)]
MIKE: How ...
TERRI: Misdirection!



The Librarian is an elderly female monster who works at Monsters University's school library.

She hates loud noises inside the library. If she catches any monster being too loud, she will attack the offending party with her tentacles, and anyone who gets caught will be tossed out of the library and into a pond facing the entrance. The librarian is involved in the "Don't Wake the Parent" course of the Scare Games, where anyone who is caught by the librarian, if they antagonize her, will be disqualified from the competition, with the one team that successfully escapes her during her rampage being the winner of that round. The only way you can be disqualified if you get caught, not if you just make a noise.

The Librarian appears to be very grouchy, and immediately attempts to destroy anyone who makes noise in the library.

The librarian resembles a tiny pale turquoise cephalopod monster with six tentacles, gray hair, and is wearing a black dress and horn-rimmed glasses. Although when sitting at her desk she seems to be small and inoffensive, when she stands, she turns out to be a lumbering giant equipped with six monstrous tentacles, about the same size as the library in which she works.

* Monsters University

* The librarian also bears some resemblance to Ursula, the villainess of the 1989 Disney animated film The Little Mermaid. They both have octopus-like tentacles, and they are both elderly looking.
* The Librarian's real name was not told of the movie but, in the Fear Year book, her name was Margaret Gesner.



A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned how two members of my family had tipped me off to a reel librarian featured in the recent release, Monsters University (2013). Since that post went live, I have had five additional friends recommend I watch the movie, which I did over the Independence Day long weekend.

First impressions? I loved it! Yes, it is VERY over-the-top, but as my fellow reel librarian blogger Maria states over at her Pop! Goes the Librarian blog, "I just can't bring myself to roll my eyes. Sometimes you just have to laugh." :D

Monsters University serves as a prequel to the 2001 hit Monsters, Inc., and has shades of the creation story in it, specifically about the wee monster, Mike (Billy Crystal). He's thrown out of the School of Scaring because he's... well, not scary. But to get back into the program, he assembles a team out of fellow rejects, including Sullivan (John Goodman) to enter the Scare Games, a series of trials to crown the top scarer at the university.

So where does the library come into the story? It's the setting for the second challenge of the Scare Games, and the challenge is... wait for it... "Don't Wake the Parent." And standing in for the parents - at 40+ feet tall! - is the ugliest monster librarian EVER on screen. I think I can state that with confidence.

From the trailer, you only get the front view, but from the side, there's the additional bonus of a grey bun perched on the back of her head.

And SPOILER ALERT, what is this university librarian's monster power? The ability to hear noises at twenty paces or less - and the ability to make the offenders feel her wrath by scooping them up with her squid-like tentacles and throwing them out the roof into the nearby lake. Another point in the "scaring pros" column is her shushing power.

But an obvious weakness? Her poor eyesight. Ahhh, the bane of almost every librarian. ;) But I kind of loved how she didn't wear glasses on a lanyard, but instead carried the horn-rimmed spectacles around on a stick, like they were opera glasses, or like a masque at a fancy ball. YES.

Side note: The end credits featured rookie cards for each monster, and I was so wishing there had been one for the librarian. Like when she retired, she became the resident scarer at the university library. She WAS scary, so she was fulfilling her monstrous destiny.

I also liked how she unfolded herself from the desk; at first glance, she may look meek and small, but when angered, she turns out to be almost as big as the library! Also, her tentacles make her the best shelver EVER. ;)

The only downer for me was that while the challenge seemed to be about who could be the quietest, it turned out to be a challenge for who was able to not get caught. SIGH. Mayyyyyyybe not such a great lesson in the end. The ends do not always justify the means.

Fun tidbits about the Monsters University library and librarian:

* The library is on the main quad, perpendicular to the School of Scaring (click here for a map of MU)
* There are 89,000 books in the MU Library (click here for "MU At a Glance")
* The Monsters, Inc. wiki lists one of the librarian's enemies as "People making loud noises in the library"
* The librarian is a cephalopod, with six tentacles (Pixar Wiki)
* To me, the librarian looks like a cross between Roz from Monsters, Inc. and Ursula from The Little Mermaid.

And, parting quote, courtesy of Mike:

"What are you afraid of? You just angered a 40-foot librarian!"

Case Study No. 1087: Holloman Academy Librarian

Charisma Carpenter in Haunted High
Charisma Carpenter's blink and you'll miss it cameo in SyFy Channel's Haunted High.
Tags: charisma carpenter haunted high
Added: 1 year ago
From: xlivvielockex
Views: 5,546

[scene opens inside the Holloman Academy library after hours, as the young female librarian (hair in a bun, glasses, short black dress) is closing up when she notices a dark figure moving quickly on the other side of the room]
LIBRARIAN: Hello? Hello? Hello?
[she slowly makes her way towards the stacks]
LIBRARIAN: The library's closed ... You'll have to come back tomorrow.
[she walks past the bookshelves, then stops when she notices someone at the other end]
[she begins walking back the other way, to try and see who it is]
LIBRARIAN: Excuse me ...
[as she makes her way towards the next bookshelf, she is suddenly confronted by a demonic-looking woman with fangs]
[she steps back, as the hardwood floor suddenly turns into "quicksand" and begins sinking down]
LIBRARIAN: Help me! Help me!
[she begins screaming and clawing at the demon-woman's cloak]
LIBRARIAN: Help me! Help me! Help me! Ahhh!
[the floor suddenly changes back into hardwood, slicing her in half and spraying blood across the wall]
[the librarian (or rather the torso of the librarian) falls backward as the demon-woman chuckles to herself before disappearing in a cloud of smoke]



In what kind of high school would you find Danny Trejo as a badass janitor, Charisma Carpenter as a sexy librarian, and M.C. Gainey as its headmaster? My kind of high school, that's what. Too bad it's haunted.

Haunted High is a new Syfy original starring major badass Danny Trejo, major babe Charisma Carpenter, and another badass not to be trifled with, "Lost" heavy M.C. Gainey.

Obviously, they are a little too old to be playing students. Key members of the student body will be played by Marc Donato of "Degrassi: Next Generation" and newcomer Jonathan Baron.

The Hollywood Reporter's "Heat Vision" blog brings us word of the premise:

The story, by Paul A. Birkett and Anthony C. Ferrante, is set at the fictional Holloman Academy, a New England private school that is visited by a demonic dead headmaster (Gainey).

Baron is the headmaster's grandson and must fight to save the school while Donato is the school's bad boy. Carpenter plays the sexy librarian while Trejo is a janitor who is secretly the kick-butt guardian of the school.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Case Study No. 1086: Mike "The Math Librarian" Martelle

Mike Martelle interview
Mike Martelle Grizzly Gym Math Librarian
Tags: Mike Martelle Grizzly Gym Math Librarian
Added: 2 years ago
From: martelle22
Views: 364

[scene opens with Mike Martelle being interviewed outside of an MMA ring]
AL NAVA: This is Al Nava for TheFightGame dot TV. I'm here with Mike Martelle ...
[he shakes his hand]
AL NAVA: How ya doin', man? The Librarian!
MIKE MARTELLE: The Math Librarian!
AL NAVA: The Math Librarian ...
[Mike takes the microphone from him]
MIKE MARTELLE: Y'know, lemmee tell ya ... Even the Math Librarian can get the numbers wrong. Even the Math Librarian can confuse the angles. Even the Math Librarian can zig when he should've zagged!
[Al laughs, as Mike continues gesturing towards the camera]
MIKE MARTELLE: The great ones can stub their toes, too ... Is that supposed to impress somebody? There is no man alive who can escape the Isosceles Triangle Choke, the Pythagorean Theorem, or the Amadeus Net once I successfully apply them!
[he hands him back the microphone]
AL NAVA: Well, today you weren't able to apply that, today. We're here in Tee-Jay, is this your first time coming out here and fighting? 'Cause I know last time, you weren't able to fight. Um, your opponent didn't show up or some problems like that, but how'd you feel today before the fight?
[he takes the microphone back]
MIKE MARTELLE: Man, I felt alright before the fight today. I'd just like to take a moment to thank everybody I train with ... GAMMA in Montreal, Phil Gelinas, Fabio, Yolanda, Grizzly Jim. Guys like "Crazy Legs" Mike Domingo, "Little Angry Gloves" Adrian Kinsella, "Sheriff" Shawn Whitman.
[he smiles]
MIKE MARTELLE: This is my first match here in Tijuana after the debacle, the fiasco last year at Rosarito Beach ... I'm still Tijuana's favorite son! Everyone loves the Math Librarian, he's not going nowhere! In fact, I got a special challenge to make right now.
AL NAVA: Wow ...
AL NAVA: You sure may! Who would you like to challenge?
MIKE MARTELLE: It's someone I got a little history with. Some of you out there already know who I'm talking about ... I'm talking about Ken Shamrock!
[Al laughs]
MIKE MARTELLE: World's Most Dangerous Man, the world's most dangerous librarian just called you out!
[he hands him back the microphone]
AL NAVA: Well, we'll see if he answers with us. And y'know, maybe we'll make that happen somehow somewhere ... How about today, you tell us about your future.
[he shakes his hand]
AL NAVA: How about what're you doing later, man? You going out and partying? Having a good time?
MIKE MARTELLE: Well, there is plenty of good times to be had in Tee-Jay, and I may avail myself of some of said options.
[Al laughs]
MIKE MARTELLE: Uh, much props to my opponent tonight. I'd like to thank everybody, including TheFightGame dot TV ... My sponsors, LibrarianGear dot com.
[he points at his t-shirt, which features a graphic similar to the MLB logo (although instead of the silhouette of a man holding a baseball bat, it's a woman with a bun in her hair putting a finger to her lips to shush someone)]
MIKE MARTELLE: ScientificWrestling dot com, Jake Shannon ... I really, y'know I'm just, it's a great opportunity to be here. And it's a great opportunity to talk to you guys again.
AL NAVA: Well Mike, y'know, hopefully next time we see you, you'll be able to show a little bit more. Y'know, be able to do a little bit more. This time, unfortunately, you didn't come out a winner--
[Mike shrugs]
AL NAVA: But it's always a pleasure watching you ... Mike, nice seeing you again.
[he shakes his hand]
AL NAVA: And this is Al, this is Mike, for TheFightGame dot TV.



Canadian Mixed Martial Artist Mike 'The Math Librarian' Martelle is coming to Australia in November to take on heavyweight sensation 'Big' Jim Yorke. PWP caught up with Mike to find out, among other things, where the name 'The Math Librarian' came from. Read the interview below.

*Hi Mike, for the Australian MMA fans that don't know you, for starters can you fill us in on your background. How did you get into MMA and how long have you been training?
I've been in martial arts my entire life, and I've been competing full-contact since 1995 - Muay Thai, Shootfighting, Pankration, et cetera. I turned pro in 2005, after all the talk of Olympic Pankration in 2004 failed to materialize.

*Where do you train?
My own school, Grizzly Gym, as well as GAMMA – that's the headquarters of Brazilian Top Team Canada, in Montreal.

*Your nickname 'The Librarian' has to be one of the most memorable in the sport. How did you come to be called 'The Librarian'?
Actually, it's "The Math Librarian", and I even placed 1st in a recent internet list of the Top Ten MMA Nicknames! (The Top Ten Nicknames You've Never Heard). The simple truth is that my real job before turning pro was working in the Math & Statistics Library at Queen's University here in Canada. In a sport filled with scary nicknames like "The Axe Murderer" and so forth, I thought it'd be fun to stand out with something completely the opposite.

*We see you've had a great 2010 so far, with several KO and submission wins showing your versatility. Without giving too much away, how have you been preparing for your fights?
Thanks! I always prepare the same – I do everything. Standup, wrestling, BJJ, conditioning, strength training, you name it. I just aim to be the best I can possibly be in every area of the game.

*Have you ever been to Australia before?
Never, I can't wait! You guys are one of the remaining stops on my career goal of competing on every continent!

*Do you know much about Australian MMA?
I know that you have some tough guys down there, that's for sure! I was actually roommates with Anthony Perosh at ADCC 2009, he was a class act all the way.

*Can you tell us quickly about Canadian MMA? Any up and comers that will be on our screens soon?
The sport is huge up here right now, and it seems like every one of the big teams has several guys chomping at the bit to hit the big time! It's a great environment to train in, that's for sure!

*Your opponent, 'Big' Jim Yorke is well known in Australian MMA circles. How do you see the fight panning out with Big Jim?
I have nothing but respect for Big Jim. I've been watching his footage, and I think we'll have an explosive battle. It's an honour to fight him, and I thank both Mr. York and PWP for the opportunity!

*As a professional athlete, you must have some help from sponsors and supporters. Any names you would like to mention?
Actually, I have no sponsors at the moment – if you know any, send them my way! :)

*We can't wait to have you down under on PWP2, good luck with your preparations!
No no, thank YOU and all the fans for this great opportunity!

Case Study No. 1085: The Librarian (Giuseppe Arcimboldo)

Promo for Worldwide Books approval plans, with tribute to librarians.
Tags: Worldwide Books approval plan library art
Added: 1 year ago
From: worldwidebooks14850
Views: 6

["Worldwide 1962-2012" appears on screen]
["Italy, 1566" appears on screen]
["Giuseppe Arcimboldo captures the essence of the librarian" appears on screen]
[cut to a still image of Arcimboldo's "The Librarian" (a painting featuring books and papers arranged to resemble a bearded man)]
["Since 1962" appears on screen]
["Worldwide Books has been capturing the essence of" appears on screen]
["The art librarian" appears on screen]
[cut back to Arcimboldo's painting, as the image becomes increasingly pixelated]
["Worldwide Books Approval Plans ... A stroke of genius" appears on screen]



APPROVAL PLAN PROGRAM. For 50 years, Worldwide Books has offered reliable collection-development and acquisition services to libraries collecting strongly in the areas of art, architecture, photography and design. As a leading specialist in the selection and distribution of art-exhibition catalogues and other books on art, Worldwide provides thorough and systematic coverage of titles from hundreds of museums and galleries throughout the world, while also offering comprehensive coverage of new art books from scores of the leading American trade and university presses.

Worldwide is highly regarded for the depth and breadth of its coverage, and for its flexible, expertly administered approval-plan program. Plan subscribers are ensured a balanced and conscientious selection of publications on all aspects of art and art history, while saving valuable staff time otherwise consumed by complex search and ordering processes. Our many standard plans can be customized as desired, and special plans can be designed to suit any collection profile or budget. Modifications to a plan may be implemented at any time, and subscribers are granted unrestricted return privileges.

Worldwide places a strong emphasis on thorough and accurate bibliographic records. Our Web site provides free and unrestricted access to our complete bibliographic database of some 100,000 titles that we have carefully and systematically selected since the early 1960s. Our extensive inventory currently includes nearly 30,000 in-stock titles—many of them no longer available from other sources—enabling us to compile unique retrospective collections and to readily supply a wide range of rare and out-of-print titles in new condition.

Worldwide's library clients automatically receive favorable discounts on most of the American trade and university-press publications that we offer; titles from university presses and most small presses are routinely discounted 10%, while those from major American trade publishers are discounted 20%.



Artist: Giuseppe Arcimboldo
[Italian painter, 1530-1593]

Title: The Librarian

Date: ca.1566
Medium: oil on canvas
Dimensions: 38 x 28 inches (97 x 71 cm)
Location: Skokloster Castle, Sweden

Arcimboldo is well known for several famous images of a man's face created out of plants and vegetables. This is a slightly different effort - a librarian created out of anthropomorphic pile of books.

While it recalls certain visual tricks of artists like Salvador Dali and New York Times illustrator David Suter, this painting reminds me very strongly of many whimsical technological illustrations that Boris Artzybasheff painted as Time Magazine covers during the 1940s, 50s and 60s.

Case Study No. 1084: The Librarian Sisterhood

The Librarian Sisterhood
This short film was created for the EKU Libraries Fall 2011 all-staff meeting. I came up with this idea several months ago, but numerous people helped bring it to fruition. I hope everyone enjoys watching it half as much as we enjoyed making it. I should point out that this in no way reflects EKU Libraries. No patron was harmed in the making of this film. -Richard Garland

Music by Kevin MacLeod
Tags: mockumentary library eku libraries richard garland comic funny
Added: 2 years ago
From: ekulibraries
Views: 4,921

Black Dog, Foxtwin, & Fairie Dragon
A Richard Garland Film

[scene opens with a young man (wearing glasses and a tweed jacket while holding a pipe) walking around the campus of Eastern Kentucky University and speaking directly to the camera]
RUPERT: Hello! We're here on the campus of Eastern Kentucky University, a seemingly idyllic institute of higher learning. The university offers programs which include mathematics, anthropology, and blunderbuss repair. At the heart of the university, and of the student experience, lies the John Grant Crabbe Library.
[he stops and points towards the entrance to the school library]
RUPERT: Behind this beautiful facade, however, lies a den of horrors. A carnival of terror. A quilting bee of brutality.
[cut to the man emerging from behind a pillar in front of the library]
RUPERT: The number of students found dead within these walls ...
[he whips off his glasses and stares ominously into the camera]
RUPERT: Is staggering!
[cut to the man poking his head up from behind a wall near the library]
RUPERT: It is estimated that if all the dead bodies pulled from these walls were stacked together, it would be the equivalent of a large pile ...
[he whips off his glasses again]
RUPERT: Of stinking corpses!
[cut to the man emerging from behind a tree]
RUPERT: What, or more specifically, who is behind this, you may ask ...
[he places the pipe in his mouth, then cut to the man walking up to a whiteboard (which seemingly has his entire speech written out in blue sharpie)]
RUPERT: They call themselves the "Librarian Sisterhood," or at least according to the few witnesses that were willing to talk.
[he whips off his glasses again, then cut to the man walking up to a corner of the library's outer facade and "hugging" it]
RUPERT: Within these walls, nothing escapes their gaze, and no transgression goes unpunished. Their retribution is swift, and always ...
[he whips off his glasses again]
RUPERT: Deadly!
[cut to the man sitting on the ground outside of the library]
RUPERT: Through interviews and hidden cameras, we've begun to knot together a macrame ...
[he whips off his glasses again]
RUPERT: Of the macabre!
[cut to the man standing outside of the library, as he walks towards the camera]
RUPERT: What you're about to see is not for the faint of heart.
["Rupert Van Witherbottom, Documentarianationalist" appears on screen]
RUPERT: Join me, Rubert Van Witherbottom, for our expose. The Librarian Sisterhood, you've just been ...
[he whips off his glasses again]
RUPERT: Withdrawn!
["The Librarian Sisterhood, You've just been withdrawn" appears on screen, then cut to the man sitting in a dark room talking to a young woman holding a large cardboard "dot" over her face]
RUPERT: If I understandulate correctly, madam-moy-zell, you were a member of the Librarian Sisterhood, and that you come to us now at great personal peril. Tell me, what prompted this pilgrimage to our production?
[cut to a closeup of the woman's obscured face]
FORMER MEMBER: Well, to be honest, I first joined the Sisterhood because I thought it was the Jelly of the Month club. It was only when I was forced to help dispose of a patron's body that I realized what the group was really about.
[cut back to the man]
RUPERT: Why didn't you simply go to the local constabulary with this informay-ciano?
[cut back to a closeup of the woman]
FORMER MEMBER: I feared for my life! The motto of the Sisterhood is "Ink In, Blood Out" ...
[she drops the dot (exposing her face), then quickly bends down to pick it up]
[she gets back into the frame (with the dot in front of her face again)]
FORMER MEMBER: No one crosses them, and lives to tell about it!
[cut back to the man]
RUPERT: So why open up about it now?
[cut back to a closeup of the woman]
FORMER MEMBER: I just can't sleep anymore, the guilt is eating me up inside! The things I've witnessed are truly terrible ...
[cut back to the man]
RUPERT: An example, please?
[cut back to a closeup of the woman]
FORMER MEMBER: Well, this one time ...
[the scene fades to black, then cut to a closeup of a "Please do not reshelve materials" sign in the library, as "Reenactment" appears on screen]
[the camera pans out to show a male patron entering the scene, as he pulls a copy of "The Crocheter's Quilt Book" off the shelf and begins leafing through it]
[the patron shakes his head and puts the book back, then pulls a copy of "The Book of Smocking" off the shelf and begins leafing through it]
PATRON REENACTOR 1: There are no patterns for my cape in here! It's called "The Book of Smocking," but ... it doesn't tell you how to smock!
[he puts the book back on the shelf, then steps back in surprise as a young female librarian (blonde hair, blue shirt, grey pants) approaches and taps her fingernails on the "Please do not reshelve materials" sign]
LIBRARIAN REENACTOR 1: Having trouble reading?
[cut to the patron tied up in a chair]
PATRON REENACTOR 1: Why do you have me tied up down here?
[the librarian enters the scene, holding a copy of Leonard Nimoy's "A Lifetime of Love Poems on the Passages of Life"]
LIBRARIAN REENACTOR 1: Oh, I've noticed that you had some trouble reading, so I'm here to help you with that!
[she holds the book up to his face, as he looks at the cover and begins to struggle]
[she opens up the book and begins reading]
LIBRARIAN REENACTOR 1: "If I were to take the time to tell you about each time that I think of you, I would spend all my time telling you about thinking of you."
[cut to another shot of the librarian holding the book, as the patron shrugs his shoulders]
PATRON REENACTOR 1: That wasn't so bad.
LIBRARIAN REENACTOR 1: Oh, that was just the warm-up!
[she continues reading]
LIBRARIAN REENACTOR 1: "Rocket ships are exciting, but so are roses on a birthday. Computers are exciting, but so is a sunset."
[he starts to struggle again]
PATRON REENACTOR 1: No no, anything but that! Help!
LIBRARIAN REENACTOR 1: "You mean so much to me, I wish I could be a cushion following you wherever you go. To be there, in case you should fall. I won't do that!"
PATRON REENACTOR 1: Argh, I hate Star Trek! I hate poetry! Help, kill me now!
LIBRARIAN REENACTOR 1: Oh, that can be arranged ...
[cut back to Rupert (who has his glasses in his mouth for some reason), as he spits them out and shakes his head in horror]
RUPERT: Good gravy! That is indeed monstrous!
[cut to a closeup of the woman's obscured face]
FORMER MEMBER: Oh, it gets worse! This other time ...
[the scene fades to black, then cut to another young female librarian (brown hair, blue shirt, grey pants) sitting at her computer, as "Reenactment" appears on screen]
[cut to a female patron sitting across the room, listening to loud music on her headphones and typing on her laptop]
[she laughs at something on the screen, as the librarian continues to sit at her computer stone-faced]
PATRON REENACTOR 2: Oh-em-gee! Oh no she didn't!
[cut back to the librarian, as she watches the patron take a box of cookies (taking out the bag and throwing the box over her shoulder) and begin eating]
[cut to a closeup of the librarian's face, as (without taking her eyes off the patron) she slowly brings a phone up to her ear]
[cut back to the patron, as she laughs loudly and slaps her hand repeatedly on the table, when her cellphone rings (to the sound of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up")]
PATRON REENACTOR 2: [into phone] Hey! Yeah, I know! I was just chatting to her ... No! She can't! I know! Three watermelons!
[she pauses, then shakes her head]
PATRON REENACTOR 2: Naw, it's okay, I'm in the library ... I know. Well, I mean, if he was like four, then I would've been--
[she laughs]
PATRON REENACTOR 2: I know! No, that was the night before last, this time we have to leave early ... I know.
[the librarian from the original reenactment enters the scene and clears her throat while standing over the patron (who doesn't seem to realize she's there)]
PATRON REENACTOR 2: You better be! He woke you up at 3AM in the stupid morning--
LIBRARIAN REENACTOR 1: Would you please--
[the patron (choosing to ignore the librarian) reaches over and pops the tab on her can of soda]
[she takes a sip, so the librarian taps her on the shoulder]
[she puts the phone down and finally looks up at the librarian]
LIBRARIAN REENACTOR 1: Would you please come with me?
PATRON REENACTOR 2: I don't wanna leave my stuff!
LIBRARIAN REENACTOR 1: Oh, where you're going, you don't need stuff.
[cut to an "ST Viewscan" microfilm scanner, as the reel is spinning by itself ... then the camera pans down to show the patron dead on the floor (her body wrapped in microfilm)]
[cut to a bathroom stall in the men's room, as Rupert emerges (wiping his hands on his jacket)]
RUPERT: Truly shocking ... After hearing those tales of torture, we were determined to get some footage of the dastardly deeds. What follows will curdle your blood, and will turn your kidneys ...
[he whips off his glasses again]
RUPERT: Inside out!
[cut to the library's front desk, where another young female librarian (brown hair, glasses, black sweater, black pants) greets a female patron carrying a stack of books, as "Hidden Camera" appears on screen]
FEMALE PATRON: May I check these out, please?
LIBRARIAN 1: Sure, could I see some ID?
[she takes her purse and places it on the counter]
FEMALE PATRON: Let's see here ... Just a second.
LIBRARIAN 1: Oh, take your time.
[she begins rifling through the purse's contents (taking out pens, a glass jar, and keys), as the librarian gives her an annoyed look]
FEMALE PATRON: Um, y'know what? I'm having trouble finding it ...
[she turns the purse over and shakes the rest of its contents out onto the counter]
FEMALE PATRON: Let's see ... Y'know what? I'm having trouble finding it, can I just give you my nine-hundred number?
LIBRARIAN 1: Are you just having trouble seeing in here?
LIBRARIAN 1: Here, let ... let me help you.
[the librarian reaches over (as if she's going to pick through the mess to try and look for the ID card), but then grabs her barcode scanner and "shoots" it right in the patron's eyes]
FEMALE PATRON: Ahh, my eyes!
[the patron grabs at her face and staggers backwards, while the librarian smiles and grabs something out of the mess]
LIBRARIAN 1: Oh look, I found it ...
[she tosses the card off camera]
LIBRARIAN 1: Too bad you can't read any of these anymore.
[cut to another shot of the librarian at at the front desk, as a young man ("Undercover Reporter") walks up to her]
UNDERCOVER REPORTER: Hi, uh, do you guys have a bathroom in here?
LIBRARIAN 1: Shockingly enough, we have two sets of bathrooms! Just down the hall and to your right, you'll see it.
[he points down the hall]
[she waves her hand in that direction]
LIBRARIAN 1: Yeah, go.
[he walks off, as the librarian picks up her phone]
LIBRARIAN 1: [into phone] Rub a dub dub, one man ... in the tub.
[the camera follows the reporter down the hall as he turns the corner, when another female librarian (brown hair, purple shirt, black pants) tackles him from behind]
UNDERCOVER REPORTER: [from off camera] Ahh!
[the cameraman tries to run after his fallen comrade, but trips and drops the camera]
CAMERAMAN: [from off camera] Aw sh[beep]!
[he picks up the camera and runs around the corner, eventually making his way to the restroom, where he slowly opens the door]
UNDERCOVER REPORTER: [from off camera] I think your bathroom's across the hall!
LIBRARIAN 2: [from off camera] What, so you can't find the bathroom?
[the cameraman enters, and sees the feet of the reporter and the librarian behind the closed stall door]
[the sound of a flushing toilet can be heard, as the camera zooms in on the reporter's feet kicking out from underneath the door]
LIBRARIAN 2: There, you think you can find it the next time? You gonna remember to flush?
[the sound of a flushing toilet can be heard again, as the reporter resumes kicking his feet]
MALE PATRON: Ah! Glub blub glub!
[the reporter coughs and gasps for air, suffering the after-effects of his librarian-delivered swirlie]
LIBRARIAN 2: What the [beep] was that?!
[fearing his presence has been discovered, the cameraman runs out of the bathroom in a hurry, as the scene fades to black]
[cut back to the librarian at the front desk, typing at her computer while a male patron sits across from her reading a book, as "Hidden Camera 2" appears on screen]
MALE PATRON: Oh man, this higher education is tough! I dunno, I need something here ... Google Scholar. I'm gonna get Google Scholar, I use Google all the time!
[he laughs to himself]
MALE PATRON: Let's see here ...
[he takes a yellow highlighter pen and pulls the book towards him]
MALE PATRON: Now, read this here big book!
[he starts reading out loud]
MALE PATRON: "Although the original illustration portray ... portrays ... "
[he laughs and starts marking up the book, as the librarian stares at him in disbelief]
MALE PATRON: Heck, can't even read this! What is this, a dictionary?
[the librarian puts a finger to her lips and shushes him]
MALE PATRON: I'll slap fire out you! Don't shush me, I'm tryin' to get some learnin' over here!
[the librarian shakes her head, as the patron continues using his highlighter]
MALE PATRON: Tryin' to highlight the, uh ... specificity of the femininity--
[he stops]
MALE PATRON: Gah! Brain hurts!
[the librarian continues to stare at him in disbelief, as he casually writes something down in his notebook]
MALE PATRON: Make a note'a that ...
[she picks up her phone and loudly presses the buttons (while the patron remains unperturbed]
MALE PATRON: Yes sir, yessir!
[cut to an older female librarian (short brown hair, purple dress) sitting in her office, as "Hidden Camera 3" appears on screen, when the phone rings]
LIBRARIAN 3: [into phone] What?! Give me a [beep]ing break! I'll take care of it!
[she loudly hangs up the phone, then yells for someone off camera]
LIBRARIAN 3: Bruiser! Get in here!
[another librarian (the one who attacked the undercover reporter) enters]
LIBRARIAN 3: I need you to take care of something for me ...
[the younger librarian nods and pulls out a letter opener]
LIBRARIAN 2: I got it.
[the scene fades to black, then cut to a blue recycling bin where a man's legs (presumably the male patron with the highlighter) are sticking out]
[cut to Rupert sitting in a woman's office, as "Interview with the Dean" appears on screen]
RUPERT: Madame Dean, surely you're aware of the unusually large death rate in your library?
DEAN: I am certain, Mister Witherbottom, I have no idea what you're talking about.
RUPERT: Come now, treat me not like a fool! You must know of the organization which truly runs this library!
DEAN: Mister Witherbottom, I and I alone am in charge of what happens within these walls ...
[he laughs]
RUPERT: Oh really?
[he bends down and picks up a laptop, then places it on the table in front of her]
RUPERT: Well then, Madame Dean, how do you explain ... this?
[he presses a button, as the sounds of the undercover reporter being swirlied in the mens' room can be heard]
RUPERT: As you can see, this unfortunate soul is being drowned in the loo!
DEAN: That is dreadful ... I had always heard the library at UK was full of ruffians!
[he laughs again]
RUPERT: Mmm, Miss Dean! As a man of science, I must take umbrage with your willful ignorance!
[he slaps his hand down on the table]
RUPERT: Don't pretend you don't recognize one of your own employees performing this dastardly deed! Or, that they are a member of ...
[he whips off his glasses again, and stares at her]
RUPERT: The Librarian Sisterhood?
DEAN: [pause] I have no further comment on the matter, Mister Witherbottom. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
[she points to the door, as he makes a "frustrated" noise and sticks his pipe in his mouth, then the scene fades to black]
[cut to Rupert standing outside of the library, as he speaks directly to the camera]
RUPERT: Despite the denials of the duplicitous dean, we knew we had the goods on these ...
[he whips off his glasses again]
RUPERT: Ladies!
[cut to Rupert crouching down next to a shrub outside of the library]
RUPERT: One simply could not argue with the footage obtained, displaying these atrocious ...
[he whips off his glasses again]
RUPERT: Atrocities!
[cut to a "mugshot" of one of the librarian from the front desk]
RUPERT: [in voice over] On the strength of this evidence, the messenger ...
[cut to another mugshot of the older librarian]
RUPERT: [in voice over] Along with the head cheese were sent to federal prison, although both vowed that no prison could hold them.
[cut back to Rupert lying down in the grass]
RUPERT: As for Bruiser, she managed to escape the net authorities threw up ...
[he whips off his glasses again]
RUPERT: To catch her.
[cut to several photographs of the librarian (wearing a white hoodie) standing in a gas station]
RUPERT: [in voice over] These photos, believe to be of this at-large fugitive, were taken near a border crossing in southwest Tejas!
[cut back to Rupert standing outside of the library (in front of a "No Smoking Within 25 Feet of Any EKU Entrance" sign) while holding his pipe]
RUPERT: If you have any information as to her whereabouts, please contact the local authorities ...
[he whips off his glasses again, as the scene fades to black]

Cast of Characters

Amy Salyer
Sarah Cooper
Clay Howard
Victoria Koger
Kyle McQueen
Ashley Wray
Sarah Richardson
Daniel Weddington
Linda Sizemore
Becky Osborne
Trenia Napier

With Jens Arneson
as Rupert Van Witherbottom

And Betina Gardner
as "Madame Dean"

Richard Garland

Emily Bayma

Todd King

["After completing this documentary we received the following footage in the mail. There was no return address ... " appears on screen, then cut to Rupert in the stacks area of the library]
RUPERT: We're here in the stacks, following an anonymous tip promising insider information ... and free moon pies!
[he walks down the hall, then points to a sign taped to one of the retractable bookcases, reading "Free Moon Pye(backwards "s"), Yum!"]
RUPERT: Ah, the free moon pies I was promised!
[he walks behind the bookcase, then a hand reaches in from off camera, slowly making its way toward the automatic button]
RUPERT: [from off camera] Where are the moon pies?
[the hand presses the button, closing the bookcase in on Rupert]
RUPERT: [from off camera] Ah! Egad! Treachery! Oh, the humanity! For science!
[the bookcase "crushes" him, as "The End" appears on screen]



Corpses are piling up at the Eastern Kentucky University Libraries as Documentarianationalist Rupert Van Witherbottom compiles evidence of a secret and sinister Librarian Sisterhood whose punishment of patron transgressions is a "macrame of the macabre." This video expose (15:24) will curdle your blood and "turn your kidneys inside out." Conceived by Library Associate Richard Garland for the EKU Libraries Fall 2011 all-staff meeting, and starring Jens Arneson (above), Sarah Cooper, Clay Howard, and other EKU staffers.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Case Study No. 1083: Meghan, Travis, Patrick, Heather, Dorothy, and Leah

how not to conduct a reference interview
a group of six mlis students made this puppet show to illustrate what not to do at a reference interview.
1) cat in that hat type poem
2) withholding judgement
3) misspellings/mishearings - "oranges & peaces = orgin of species"
4) the annoying patron
Tags: library reference interview
Added: 6 years ago
From: sipawhiskey
Views: 8,184

[scene opens with a "Cat in the Hat" handpuppet speaking directly to the camera and reciting a poem]

Good morning class, how do you do? We've got some reference tips for you!
We are here to demonstrate
The proper way to mediate
When a user seems perplexed
We'll show you what you should do next.
Be nice, be kind
They're in a bind!
And only you can help them find
The thing they need to ease their mind.
So listen closely when the speak
Don't start to search, don't start to seek!
Even if they take a week!
Hear them now, and smile (don't pout!)
Don't grimace at their query,
Even if their convoluted thoughts may make you weary.
Once you understand exactly what the user needs
Here's how you should present your information leads.
Don't disappear and leave them there to wonder where you've gone,
Tell them you're off to find their stuff and will be back anon.
If you have to go online
Tell them what you have in mind.
Don't look down and start to type
You'll make the user yell and yipe
If they don't know you're helping them
To find the perfect info gem!
Once you have done all you can to help reduce their ask
Tell them if they need more help, you'll help them with their task.
You then will close the interview in a positive way
The user will be willing to return to you one day!
Then you'll know you are a professional success
And you'll be thankful that you've earned your pricey MLS!

[cut to a "Winnie the Pooh" handpuppet speaking to the rabbit librarian]
WINNIE: Hi, can you help me?
WINNIE: I wanna know about bears.
RABBIT: Uh, what about 'em?
WINNIE: Well, actually, panda bears.
RABBIT: Uh ... Well, waddaya want, like, pictures?
RABBIT: Uh, waddaya want? Like, stories about pandas?
WINNIE: Mmm, not really.
RABBIT: Well, what is it you want, then?
WINNIE: Well, I just started dating a panda bear, and my dad doesn't approve because he's a different species. I just wanna know if he's a panda or a bear! I'm a bear, he's a bear! We can date, right?
RABBIT: Alright, hold on here. Lemmee look.
[he starts typing on his computer]
RABBIT: Alright. I, I got some bad news for ya.
RABBIT: Alright, first of all ... A panda's not a bear.
RABBIT: The hell is wrong with you? This is a Christian state we're in here! This is illegal in this state, I want you out of my library!
[Winnie begins crying and runs off]
[cut to three white mice handpuppets speaking to an Eeyore handpuppet]
MICE: Hi, can you help us?
EEYORE: Sure, what can I do for you?
MICE: We need to find out about ... hymens!
EEYORE: Hymens?
MICE: Yes!
EEYORE: Uh, well, we have lots of good books for children who have a question like yours ...
MICE: Great!
EEYORE: Follow me ...
[a hand reaches in and places a "book" (i.e. a piece of paper) on the counter]
EEYORE: Okay, here you go. The sex education section.
[the mice look at the book]
MICE: Hmm ... Eww, gross! Naked people!
EEYORE: Uh, yeah sure ... Isn't that what you wanted?
MICE: Eww!
EEYORE: Uh, wait a minute ... Spell "hymen."
MICE: "H-Y-M-N" ... "Hymen."
EEYORE: Oh, okay ... Follow me to the religion section.
[cut to a clown handpuppet at the reference desk, as a line of patrons are waiting to ask questions]
LAMB: So, I have two questions. My cat just had kittens. Seven kittens, you know what kittens are, right?
CLOWN: Uh, yeah.
LAMB: Well, seven itty-bitty kittens, the tiniest kittens you've ever seen!
CLOWN: Mm, uh huh.
LAMB: And I need seven cat names, very special cat names!
CLOWN: I think you can find regular and special cat names in the pet section.
LAMB: Oh, I didn't like any of those names in the books!
CLOWN: You could try the baby names book ...
LAMB: No no no no! I want cat names, not baby names! I want names like "Fluffy" or ... uh, "Jo-Jo Coco" or something!
[the other patrons in line begin to get agitated]
CLOWN: Uh, did you try the internet? There's a lot of good websites on pet names.
LAMB: Mmm, but I had to uh, reconfigure my browser for the AOL connection to Eudora ... Uh, I need a proxy to get in!
CLOWN: Why are you using a proxy to get onto the library? The computers are right over there.
LAMB: [pause] Hurry up! I didn't have to use a proxy here? I'm already on the bus stop, and my destination is so that ... If we were talking hypothetically, I was waiting for the bus, and then the train came, and I didn't even need the bus? Is that what you're saying?
CLOWN: What are you talking about? Oh ... Oh, okay, I've got the perfect book for you right over here.
[the clown librarian goes off camera, then comes back with a giant book with "Cat" for the title]
CLOWN: Oh yeah, this is the perfect one. You're gonna love this one, heh heh heh ... Yeah, here you go.
[he slams the lamb handpuppet with the book]
CLOWN: Yeah, how do you like that one?!
[the other patrons jump in and begin beating up the lamb]

The End
Brought to you by the Group Four:


Case Study No. 1082: Mr. Sladdery

Bleak House Chapter 2 by Charles Dickens Audiobook
Bleak House by Charles Dickens

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Bleak House is the ninth novel by Charles Dickens, published in 20 monthly parts between March 1852 and September 1853. It is widely held to be one of Dickens' finest and most complete novels, containing one of the most vast, complex and engaging arrays of minor characters and sub-plots in his entire canon. Dickens tells all of these both through the narrative of the novel's heroine, Esther Summerson, and as an omniscient narrator. Memorable characters include the menacing lawyer Tulkinghorn, the friendly but depressive John Jarndyce and the childish Harold Skimpole. The plot concerns a long-running legal dispute (Jarndyce and Jarndyce) which has far-reaching consequences for all involved.

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Bleak House is a novel by Charles Dickens, published in 20 monthly instalments between March 1852 and September 1853. It is held to be one of Dickens's finest novels, containing one of the most vast, complex and engaging arrays of minor characters and sub-plots in his entire canon. The story is told partly by the novel's heroine, Esther Summerson, and partly by a mostly omniscient narrator. Memorable characters include the menacing lawyer Tulkinghorn, the friendly, but depressive John Jarndyce, and the childish and disingenuous Harold Skimpole, as well as the likeable but imprudent Richard Carstone.

At the novel's core is long-running litigation in England's Court of Chancery, Jarndyce v Jarndyce, which has far-reaching consequences for all involved. This case revolves around a testator who apparently made several wills. The litigation, which already has consumed years and between 60,000 and 70,000 pounds in court costs, is emblematic of the failure of Chancery. Dickens's assault on the flaws of the British judiciary system is based in part on his own experiences as a law clerk, and in part on his experiences as a Chancery litigant seeking to enforce his copyright on his earlier books. His harsh characterisation of the slow, arcane Chancery law process gave memorable form to pre-existing widespread frustration with the system. Though Chancery lawyers and judges criticized Dickens's portrait of Chancery as exaggerated and unmerited, his novel helped to spur an ongoing movement that culminated in enactment of the legal reform in the 1870s. In fact, Dickens was writing just as Chancery was reforming itself, with the Six Clerks and Masters mentioned in Chapter One abolished in 1842 and 1852 respectively: the need for further reform was being widely debated. These facts raise an issue as to when Bleak House is actually set. Technically it must be before 1842, and at least some of his readers at the time would have been aware of this. However, there is some question as to whether this timeframe is consistent with some of the themes of the novel. The great English legal historian Sir William Holdsworth (see below) set the action in 1827.

Sir Leicester Dedlock and Honoria, Lady Dedlock (his junior by more than 20 years) live at his estate of Chesney Wold. Unknown to Sir Leicester, Lady Dedlock had a lover, Captain Hawdon, before she married Sir Leicester - and had a child by him, Esther Summerson. Lady Dedlock, believing her daughter is dead, has chosen to live out her days 'bored to death' as a fashionable lady of the world.

Esther is raised by Miss Barbary, Lady Dedlock's spartan sister, who instils a sense of worthlessness in her that Esther will battle throughout the novel. Esther doesn't know that Miss Barbary is her aunt, thinking of her only as her godmother. When Miss Barbary dies, the Chancery lawyer Conversation Kenge takes charge of Esther's future on the instruction of his client, John Jarndyce. Jarndyce becomes Esther's guardian, and after attending school in Reading for six years, Esther moves in with him at Bleak House, along with his wards, Richard Carstone and Ada Clare. Esther is to be Ada's companion.

Esther soon befriends both Ada and Richard, who are cousins. They are beneficiaries in one of the wills at issue in Jarndyce and Jarndyce; their guardian is a beneficiary under another will, and in some undefined way the two wills conflict. Richard and Ada soon fall in love, but though Mr. Jarndyce doesn't oppose the match, he stipulates that Richard (who is inconstant) must first choose a profession. Richard first tries the medical profession, and Esther first meets the newly-qualified Dr. Allan Woodcourt at the house of Richard's prospective tutor, Mr. Baynham Badger. When Richard mentions the prospect of gaining from the resolution of Jarndyce and Jarndyce, John Jarndyce beseeches him never to put faith in what he calls "the family curse".

Meanwhile, Lady Dedlock is also a beneficiary under one of the wills in Jarndyce and Jarndyce. Early in the book, while listening to her solicitor, the close-mouthed but shrewd Mr. Tulkinghorn, read an affidavit aloud, she recognizes the handwriting on the copy. The sight affects her so much that she almost faints, which Tulkinghorn notes and thinks should be investigated. He traces the copyist who turns out to be a pauper known only as "Nemo" who has recently died. The only person to identify him is a street-sweeper, a poor homeless boy named Jo.

Lady Dedlock also investigates the matter disguised as her French maid, Mademoiselle Hortense. She pays Jo to take her to Nemo's grave. Meanwhile, Tulkinghorn is convinced that Lady Dedlock's secret might threaten the interests of his client, Sir Leicester Dedlock, and watches her constantly, even enlisting the maid, who detests her.

Esther meets her mother at church and talks with her later at Chesney Wold - though, at first, neither woman recognizes the tie that binds them. Later, Lady Dedlock realizes that her abandoned child is not dead and is, in fact, Esther. She waits to confront Esther with this knowledge until Esther survives an unidentified disease (possibly smallpox, as it permanently disfigures her), which she got from her the homeless boy Jo after Esther and her maid Charley attempted to nurse him back to health. Though they are happy to be reunited, Lady Dedlock tells Esther that they must never acknowledge their connection again.

Esther recovers, but her beauty is supposedly ruined. She finds that Richard, having failed at several professions, has ignored his guardian and is wasting his resources in pushing Jarndyce and Jarndyce to conclusion (in his and Ada's favour). Further, he has broken with his guardian, under the influence of his lawyer, the odious and crafty Mr. Vholes. In the process of becoming an active litigant, Richard has lost all his money and is breaking his health. In further defiance of John Jarndyce, he and Ada have secretly married, and Ada is carrying Richard's child. Esther experiences her own romance when Dr. Woodcourt returns to England, having survived a shipwreck, and continues to seek her company despite her disfigurement. Unfortunately, Esther has already agreed to marry her guardian, John Jarndyce.

Hortense and Tulkinghorn discover Lady Dedlock's past. After a quiet but desperate confrontation with the lawyer, Lady Dedlock flees her home, leaving a note apologizing for her conduct. Tulkinghorn dismisses Hortense, no longer any use to him. Feeling abandoned and betrayed by Lady Dedlock and Tulkinghorn, Hortense kills Tulkinghorn and seeks to frame Lady Dedlock for his murder. Sir Leicester discovers his lawyer's death and his wife's flight, and he has a catastrophic stroke but manages to communicate that he forgives his wife and wants her to return to him.

Inspector Bucket, who up to now has investigated several matters on the periphery of Jarndyce and Jarndyce, accepts the commission of the stricken Sir Leicester to find Lady Dedlock. He suspects Lady Dedlock, even after he arrests George Rouncewell (the only other person known to be with Tulkinghorn on the night of the murder and to have quarrelled with him repeatedly). Bucket asks Esther to help search for Lady Dedlock. By this point, Bucket has cleared Lady Dedlock by discovering Hortense's guilt, but Lady Dedlock has no way to know this and wanders the country in cold weather before dying at the cemetery of her former lover Captain Hawdon (Nemo). Esther and Bucket find her there.

Developments in Jarndyce and Jarndyce seem to take a turn for the better when a later will is found which revokes all previous wills and leaves the bulk of the estate to Richard and Ada. Meanwhile, John Jarndyce cancels his engagement with Esther, who becomes engaged to Dr. Woodcourt. They go to Chancery to find Richard and to discover what news there might be of the lawsuit's resolution. To their horror, they learn that the new will has no chance to resolve Jarndyce and Jarndyce, for the costs of litigation have consumed the estate. Richard collapses, and Dr Woodcourt determines that he is in the last stages of tuberculosis. Richard apologizes to John Jarndyce and dies, leaving Ada alone with their child, a boy she names Richard. Jarndyce takes in Ada and the child. Esther and Woodcourt marry and live in a Yorkshire house which Jarndyce gives to them. In time, they have two daughters.

Many of this intricate novel's subplots deal with the minor characters and their diverse ties to the main plot. One of these subplots is the hard life and happy though difficult marriage of Caddy Jellyby and Prince Turveydrop. Another focuses on George Rouncewell's rediscovery of his family at Chesney Wold and his reunion with his mother and brother.



In Fashion

It is but a glimpse of the world of fashion that we want on this same miry afternoon. It is not so unlike the Court of Chancery but that we may pass from the one scene to the other, as the crow flies. Both the world of fashion and the Court of Chancery are things of precedent and usage: oversleeping Rip Van Winkles who have played at strange games through a deal of thundery weather; sleeping beauties whom the knight will wake one day, when all the stopped spits in the kitchen shall begin to turn prodigiously!

It is not a large world. Relatively even to this world of ours, which has its limits too (as your Highness shall find when you have made the tour of it and are come to the brink of the void beyond), it is a very little speck. There is much good in it; there are many good and true people in it; it has its appointed place. But the evil of it is that it is a world wrapped up in too much jeweller's cotton and fine wool, and cannot hear the rushing of the larger worlds, and cannot see them as they circle round the sun. It is a deadened world, and its growth is sometimes unhealthy for want of air.

My Lady Dedlock has returned to her house in town for a few days previous to her departure for Paris, where her ladyship intends to stay some weeks, after which her movements are uncertain. The fashionable intelligence says so for the comfort of the Parisians, and it knows all fashionable things. To know things otherwise were to be unfashionable. My Lady Dedlock has been down at what she calls, in familiar conversation, her "place" in Lincolnshire. The waters are out in Lincolnshire. An arch of the bridge in the park has been sapped and sopped away. The adjacent low-lying ground for half a mile in breadth is a stagnant river with melancholy trees for islands in it and a surface punctured all over, all day long, with falling rain. My Lady Dedlock's place has been extremely dreary. The weather for many a day and night has been so wet that the trees seem wet through, and the soft loppings and prunings of the woodman's axe can make no crash or crackle as they fall. The deer, looking soaked, leave quagmires where they pass. The shot of a rifle loses its sharpness in the moist air, and its smoke moves in a tardy little cloud towards the green rise, coppice-topped, that makes a background for the falling rain. The view from my Lady Dedlock's own windows is alternately a lead-coloured view and a view in Indian ink. The vases on the stone terrace in the foreground catch the rain all day; and the heavy drops fall - drip, drip, drip - upon the broad flagged pavement, called from old time the Ghost's Walk, all night. On Sundays the little church in the park is mouldy; the oaken pulpit breaks out into a cold sweat; and there is a general smell and taste as of the ancient Dedlocks in their graves. My Lady Dedlock (who is childless), looking out in the early twilight from her boudoir at a keeper's lodge and seeing the light of a fire upon the latticed panes, and smoke rising from the chimney, and a child, chased by a woman, running out into the rain to meet the shining figure of a wrapped-up man coming through the gate, has been put quite out of temper. My Lady Dedlock says she has been "bored to death."

Therefore my Lady Dedlock has come away from the place in Lincolnshire and has left it to the rain, and the crows, and the rabbits, and the deer, and the partridges and pheasants. The pictures of the Dedlocks past and gone have seemed to vanish into the damp walls in mere lowness of spirits, as the housekeeper has passed along the old rooms shutting up the shutters. And when they will next come forth again, the fashionable intelligence - which, like the fiend, is omniscient of the past and present, but not the future - cannot yet undertake to say.

Sir Leicester Dedlock is only a baronet, but there is no mightier baronet than he. His family is as old as the hills, and infinitely more respectable. He has a general opinion that the world might get on without hills but would be done up without Dedlocks. He would on the whole admit nature to be a good idea (a little low, perhaps, when not enclosed with a park-fence), but an idea dependent for its execution on your great county families. He is a gentleman of strict conscience, disdainful of all littleness and meanness and ready on the shortest notice to die any death you may please to mention rather than give occasion for the least impeachment of his integrity. He is an honourable, obstinate, truthful, high-spirited, intensely prejudiced, perfectly unreasonable man.

Sir Leicester is twenty years, full measure, older than my Lady. He will never see sixty-five again, nor perhaps sixty-six, nor yet sixty-seven. He has a twist of the gout now and then and walks a little stiffly. He is of a worthy presence, with his light-grey hair and whiskers, his fine shirt-frill, his pure-white waistcoat, and his blue coat with bright buttons always buttoned. He is ceremonious, stately, most polite on every occasion to my Lady, and holds her personal attractions in the highest estimation. His gallantry to my Lady, which has never changed since he courted her, is the one little touch of romantic fancy in him.

Indeed, he married her for love. A whisper still goes about that she had not even family; howbeit, Sir Leicester had so much family that perhaps he had enough and could dispense with any more. But she had beauty, pride, ambition, insolent resolve, and sense enough to portion out a legion of fine ladies. Wealth and station, added to these, soon floated her upward, and for years now my Lady Dedlock has been at the centre of the fashionable intelligence and at the top of the fashionable tree.

How Alexander wept when he had no more worlds to conquer, everybody knows - or has some reason to know by this time, the matter having been rather frequently mentioned. My Lady Dedlock, having conquered HER world, fell not into the melting, but rather into the freezing, mood. An exhausted composure, a worn-out placidity, an equanimity of fatigue not to be ruffled by interest or satisfaction, are the trophies of her victory. She is perfectly well-bred. If she could be translated to heaven to-morrow, she might be expected to ascend without any rapture.

She has beauty still, and if it be not in its heyday, it is not yet in its autumn. She has a fine face - originally of a character that would be rather called very pretty than handsome, but improved into classicality by the acquired expression of her fashionable state. Her figure is elegant and has the effect of being tall. Not that she is so, but that "the most is made," as the Honourable Bob Stables has frequently asserted upon oath, "of all her points." The same authority observes that she is perfectly got up and remarks in commendation of her hair especially that she is the best-groomed woman in the whole stud.

With all her perfections on her head, my Lady Dedlock has come up from her place in Lincolnshire (hotly pursued by the fashionable intelligence) to pass a few days at her house in town previous to her departure for Paris, where her ladyship intends to stay some weeks, after which her movements are uncertain. And at her house in town, upon this muddy, murky afternoon, presents himself an old-fashioned old gentleman, attorney-at-law and eke solicitor of the High Court of Chancery, who has the honour of acting as legal adviser of the Dedlocks and has as many cast-iron boxes in his office with that name outside as if the present baronet were the coin of the conjuror's trick and were constantly being juggled through the whole set. Across the hall, and up the stairs, and along the passages, and through the rooms, which are very brilliant in the season and very dismal out of it - fairy-land to visit, but a desert to live in - the old gentleman is conducted by a Mercury in powder to my Lady's presence.

The old gentleman is rusty to look at, but is reputed to have made good thrift out of aristocratic marriage settlements and aristocratic wills, and to be very rich. He is surrounded by a mysterious halo of family confidences, of which he is known to be the silent depository. There are noble mausoleums rooted for centuries in retired glades of parks among the growing timber and the fern, which perhaps hold fewer noble secrets than walk abroad among men, shut up in the breast of Mr. Tulkinghorn. He is of what is called the old school - a phrase generally meaning any school that seems never to have been young - and wears knee-breeches tied with ribbons, and gaiters or stockings. One peculiarity of his black clothes and of his black stockings, be they silk or worsted, is that they never shine. Mute, close, irresponsive to any glancing light, his dress is like himself. He never converses when not professionally consulted. He is found sometimes, speechless but quite at home, at corners of dinner-tables in great country houses and near doors of drawing-rooms, concerning which the fashionable intelligence is eloquent, where everybody knows him and where half the Peerage stops to say "How do you do, Mr. Tulkinghorn?" He receives these salutations with gravity and buries them along with the rest of his knowledge.

Sir Leicester Dedlock is with my Lady and is happy to see Mr. Tulkinghorn. There is an air of prescription about him which is always agreeable to Sir Leicester; he receives it as a kind of tribute. He likes Mr. Tulkinghorn's dress; there is a kind of tribute in that too. It is eminently respectable, and likewise, in a general way, retainer-like. It expresses, as it were, the steward of the legal mysteries, the butler of the legal cellar, of the Dedlocks.

Has Mr. Tulkinghorn any idea of this himself? It may be so, or it may not, but there is this remarkable circumstance to be noted in everything associated with my Lady Dedlock as one of a class - as one of the leaders and representatives of her little world. She supposes herself to be an inscrutable Being, quite out of the reach and ken of ordinary mortals - seeing herself in her glass, where indeed she looks so. Yet every dim little star revolving about her, from her maid to the manager of the Italian Opera, knows her weaknesses, prejudices, follies, haughtinesses, and caprices and lives upon as accurate a calculation and as nice a measure of her moral nature as her dressmaker takes of her physical proportions. Is a new dress, a new custom, a new singer, a new dancer, a new form of jewellery, a new dwarf or giant, a new chapel, a new anything, to be set up? There are deferential people in a dozen callings whom my Lady Dedlock suspects of nothing but prostration before her, who can tell you how to manage her as if she were a baby, who do nothing but nurse her all their lives, who, humbly affecting to follow with profound subservience, lead her and her whole troop after them; who, in hooking one, hook all and bear them off as Lemuel Gulliver bore away the stately fleet of the majestic Lilliput. "If you want to address our people, sir," say Blaze and Sparkle, the jewellers - meaning by our people Lady Dedlock and the rest - "you must remember that you are not dealing with the general public; you must hit our people in their weakest place, and their weakest place is such a place." "To make this article go down, gentlemen," say Sheen and Gloss, the mercers, to their friends the manufacturers, "you must come to us, because we know where to have the fashionable people, and we can make it fashionable." "If you want to get this print upon the tables of my high connexion, sir," says Mr. Sladdery, the librarian, "or if you want to get this dwarf or giant into the houses of my high connexion, sir, or if you want to secure to this entertainment the patronage of my high connexion, sir, you must leave it, if you please, to me, for I have been accustomed to study the leaders of my high connexion, sir, and I may tell you without vanity that I can turn them round my finger" - in which Mr. Sladdery, who is an honest man, does not exaggerate at all.

Therefore, while Mr. Tulkinghorn may not know what is passing in the Dedlock mind at present, it is very possible that he may.

"My Lady's cause has been again before the Chancellor, has it, Mr. Tulkinghorn?" says Sir Leicester, giving him his hand.

"Yes. It has been on again to-day," Mr. Tulkinghorn replies, making one of his quiet bows to my Lady, who is on a sofa near the fire, shading her face with a hand-screen.

"It would be useless to ask," says my Lady with the dreariness of the place in Lincolnshire still upon her, "whether anything has been done."

"Nothing that YOU would call anything has been done to-day," replies Mr. Tulkinghorn.

"Nor ever will be," says my Lady.

Sir Leicester has no objection to an interminable Chancery suit. It is a slow, expensive, British, constitutional kind of thing. To be sure, he has not a vital interest in the suit in question, her part in which was the only property my Lady brought him; and he has a shadowy impression that for his name - the name of Dedlock - to be in a cause, and not in the title of that cause, is a most ridiculous accident. But he regards the Court of Chancery, even if it should involve an occasional delay of justice and a trifling amount of confusion, as a something devised in conjunction with a variety of other somethings by the perfection of human wisdom for the eternal settlement (humanly speaking) of everything. And he is upon the whole of a fixed opinion that to give the sanction of his countenance to any complaints respecting it would be to encourage some person in the lower classes to rise up somewhere - like Wat Tyler.

"As a few fresh affidavits have been put upon the file," says Mr. Tulkinghorn, "and as they are short, and as I proceed upon the troublesome principle of begging leave to possess my clients with any new proceedings in a cause" - cautious man Mr. Tulkinghorn, taking no more responsibility than necessary - "and further, as I see you are going to Paris, I have brought them in my pocket."

(Sir Leicester was going to Paris too, by the by, but the delight of the fashionable intelligence was in his Lady.)

Mr. Tulkinghorn takes out his papers, asks permission to place them on a golden talisman of a table at my Lady's elbow, puts on his spectacles, and begins to read by the light of a shaded lamp.

"'In Chancery. Between John Jarndyce-'"

My Lady interrupts, requesting him to miss as many of the formal horrors as he can.

Mr. Tulkinghorn glances over his spectacles and begins again lower down. My Lady carelessly and scornfully abstracts her attention. Sir Leicester in a great chair looks at the file and appears to have a stately liking for the legal repetitions and prolixities as ranging among the national bulwarks. It happens that the fire is hot where my Lady sits and that the hand-screen is more beautiful than useful, being priceless but small. My Lady, changing her position, sees the papers on the table - looks at them nearer - looks at them nearer still - asks impulsively, "Who copied that?"

Mr. Tulkinghorn stops short, surprised by my Lady's animation and her unusual tone.

"Is it what you people call law-hand?" she asks, looking full at him in her careless way again and toying with her screen.

"Not quite. Probably" - Mr. Tulkinghorn examines it as he speaks - "the legal character which it has was acquired after the original hand was formed. Why do you ask?"

"Anything to vary this detestable monotony. Oh, go on, do!"

Mr. Tulkinghorn reads again. The heat is greater; my Lady screens her face. Sir Leicester dozes, starts up suddenly, and cries, "Eh? What do you say?"

"I say I am afraid," says Mr. Tulkinghorn, who had risen hastily, "that Lady Dedlock is ill."

"Faint," my Lady murmurs with white lips, "only that; but it is like the faintness of death. Don't speak to me. Ring, and take me to my room!"

Mr. Tulkinghorn retires into another chamber; bells ring, feet shuffle and patter, silence ensues. Mercury at last begs Mr. Tulkinghorn to return.

"Better now," quoth Sir Leicester, motioning the lawyer to sit down and read to him alone. "I have been quite alarmed. I never knew my Lady swoon before. But the weather is extremely trying, and she really has been bored to death down at our place in Lincolnshire."