Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Case Study No. 0179: The Dark Librarian, Underpaid Librarian, and Harried Librarian

The Dark Librarian
The Dark Librarian avenges abused library staff and patrons by exacting punishment on unruly library customers. Made for the Pimp Your Bookcart Contest
Tags: superhero library libraries comedy spoof bookcart book cart
Added: 4 years ago
From: TheDarkLibrarian
Views: 4,268

In a city
where the violence and anger
of the streets
have invaded
the hallowed aisles
of the public library

One man
has taken a stand

The Dark Librarian

He is just a signal away
He is the righter of wrongs

[scene opens with an elderly female patron putting a copy of "Texas Epic" back on the shelf upside down, then (after she's gone) a black-gloved hand reaches in and flips the book back the correct way]

He is your guide
in your hour of need

[cut to a young girl crossing her legs (as if she desperately needs to use the bathroom), then the black-gloved hand appears and points her in the right direction]

He is the guardian
of library material

[cut to a closeup of a stun gun, with the text "Library Stun Gun (Model #0930)" appearing on screen]
[cut to a female patron sitting at a table, folding a page in the book she is reading, when the black-gloved hand reaches in and tases her in the back of the neck]

But even this dark defender
of the Dewey Decimal System
needs a good bookcart

[cut to a bookcart covered in "hi tech" equipment, with the text "Military-Grade Net Gun (Model #B0710)" appearing on screen]
[cut to an overweight hillbilly taking a book off the shelf, first to clean out his ear, then he hides it under his overalls]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN 1: [looks over and sees the book theft] Gasp!
[cut to the black-gloved hand holding the net gun, then (after a "Fump!!" sound effect) the hillbilly is on the floor covered in a net]
HILLBILLY: What happened?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN 1: [standing over the hillbilly] Thanks, Dark Librarian!
HILLBILLY: Uh ma'am, can I get up now?
[she kicks him]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN 1: [puts a finger to her lips] Shh!
[cut to a closeup of a tape dispenser, with the text "Customized Tape Shooter (Model #S0726)" appearing on screen]
[cut to an overweight female patron talking loudly on her cellphone]
FEMALE PATRON: [into her phone] Can you hear me? Can you hear me?! Oh, I'm at the library! Can you hear me now?!
[nearby patrons cover their ears with their hands]
FEMALE PATRON: [into her phone] Well, did you see that show last night?! Oh yeah, I can talk! They let you talk here, no problem! You saw, did you see "Dancing With the Stars"?! Aw, I wasn't happy, I didn't like what they did!
[the black-gloved hand comes into view, pointing the tape shooter at the patron]
[after a "Phut" sound effect, the scene changes to the patron with a piece of tape stuck over her mouth, as the nearby patrons give a thumbs up]
MALE PATRONS: Thank you, Dark Librarian!
[the black-gloved hand reaches in and gives a thumbs up]
[cut to a closeup of a ray gun, with the text "Standard Hypno Ray (Model #M0309)" appearing on screen]
[cut to an older female librarian speaking to a number of patrons sitting at computer terminals]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN 2: I'm sorry, patrons, but the internet's down.
[the patrons start yelling as the librarian can only shrug her shoulders, then the black-gloved hand reaches in and points the ray gun at them, silencing the crowd]
[cut to a hypnotice pinwheel graphic with the words "Read a Book" superimposed over it, as the scene changes to show all of the patrons quietly reading books instead]
[cut to a closeup of the book "Atlas of the World", with the text "Front-Mounted Atlast Battering Ram" appearing on screen]
[cut to a young punk sitting at a table, when he takes out a knife and starts carving his initials into the surface ... then the sound of an engine firing up and screeching tires can be heard, as the camera changes to the POV of the battering ram as it smashes into the punk]
PUNK: [falls out of his chair] Ahh!
[cut to a closeup of a medical syringe, with the text "D.O.D. Freedom Serum (Batch #GWB050252)" appearing on screen]
[cut to the librarian speaking with a male patron at the front desk]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN 2: I'm sorry, sir ... Um, it shows that you have that book still checked out.
MALE PATRON: [gets belligerent] I never checked out that book, you must be mistaken! In fact, I've never been in this library before! In fact, I don't even have a library card!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN 2: [points to her computer screen] Well, I'm looking at your account right here ...
MALE PATRON: Well, obviously you're incompetent and cannot do your job, because I never saw that book!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN 2: Well, books just don't appear on your account ...
MALE PATRON: Oh, well--
[the black-gloved hand reaches in and injects the serum into the back of the patron's neck, who calms down and begins speaking in a slow monotone voice]
MALE PATRON: Yes, I did check out the book. My cat threw up on it. I threw it away.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN 2: I knew it! Thanks, Dark Librarian!
[the black-gloved hand reaches in and gives a thumbs up]
[cut to a closeup of a pair of nunchuks, with the text "Nunchaka (made of broken barcode readers)" appearing on screen]
[cut to a bald man sitting at a computer terminal, typing with one hand while holding a lizard handpuppet in the other]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN 2: I'm sorry, sir, these are for our card catalog only. I'll need you to get off the internet.
COMRADE BOOKOVSKI: [in bad Russian accent] You don't understand. I pay your salary.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN 2: I'm sorry, sir. We have a sign, it says "Card Catalog Only." Will you please get off the internet?
COMRADE BOOKOVSKI: [continues typing] I am taxpayer! I pay your salary!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN 2: I-I understand, sir, but--
[he makes his lizard handpuppet hiss at the librarian]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN 2: [backs away] Ahh! Ahh!
[cut to another shot of Comrade Bookovski typing at the computer, when the black-gloved hand reaches in and knocks the puppet out of his hand with the nunchuks (with "Gymkata" sound effect)]
COMRADE BOOKOVSKI: [watches the puppet fly through the air] Comrade Wayne, no!

One hero
One bookcart

Evildoers beware
You are Overdue for Justice

Cynthia - Annoying Patron
Sara - Patron In Need
Rosaelena - Annoying Patron
Bryan - Dirty Rotten Thief
Mary - Underpaid Librarian
Rita - Annoying Patron
Tom - Annoying Patron
Charon - Harried Librarian
Jered - Young Punk
Mark - Comrade Bookovski, Supervillain
The Dark Librarian - Himself

No library staff were hurt
in the filming of this video

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