Monday, July 28, 2014

Case Study No. 1470: Unnamed Female Librarian (Crank Yankers)

Crank Yankers - Kevin Needs Help With Homework
Kevin calls the library to get help with homework.
Tags: Crank yankers prank call full episode comedy central spoonie elmer special ed hadassah ken gladys stevem dick birchum bobby fletcher adam carolla george zucco cammie jimmy kimmel jim florentine tony barbieri kevin katie sarah silverman neadlon fred armison dom irrera wana sykes bobcat goldthwait dane cook david alan grier patton oswalt lisa kudhell got mail eminem turd in car old guy ups movie theater caulk
Added: 2 years ago
From: RaptorSeaan
Views: 653

["4:29 PM. Kevin needs help with his homework" appears on screen, then cut to the inside of the Yankerville Public Library, where a female librarian puppet answers the phone]
LIBRARIAN: Public library, how can I help you?
[cut to the room of a young male puppet, modeled after Kevin Kimmel (Jimmy Kimmel's real-life son), as he talks to the librarian over the phone]
KEVIN KIMMEL: Hi, is this the library?
[cut back to the librarian]
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: I need to look up two words in the dictionary.
[cut back to the librarian, as she laughs]
LIBRARIAN: Okay, and what words are those?
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: One of the words is "topography."
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: Lemmee go get a dictionary and check it out, okay?
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: I asked my brother for help, but he's retarded.
[cut back to the librarian]
[she laughs again]
LIBRARIAN: That's not nice.
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: Do you have it?
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: Oh, I'm looking for it. I'm looking it up.
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: It's in the "T"s, not the "P"s.
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: Yeah, I know that. And I'm looking, let's see ... I'm trying to see if it's, um, an "E" or--
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: I don't have all night.
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: Oh, don't worry. It won't take all night.
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: Spongebob's comin' on in a few minutes ...
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: Okay, hold on.
[cut back to Kevin]
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: Okay, all it says is "the condition of a district soon after the begin--"
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: [loudly] Slow down!
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: [slowly] "The condition ... "
[cut back to Kevin]
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: "Of a district ... soon after ... the beginning--"
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: Hold on! Hold on, I can't understand you. What, you got marbles in your mouth?
[cut back to the librarian]
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: Let's take it from the top.
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: Okay ... "The condition," okay? "Of a district" ...
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: "Of" ... what?
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: "Of a district."
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: I thought you said "dickhead" ...
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: No, "district."
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: Keep going.
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: "Soon after" ...
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: You don't have to go so slow, I'm not retarded. Like my brother.
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: "Of erosion" ...
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: "Of erosion" ... Okay.
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: Okay? Um ... "By extreme winds."
[cut back to Kevin]
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: "Main branches have--"
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: Jesus Christ! How long is this?
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: "Well developed, narrow valleys in the areas between the streams."
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: I'll be done with high school by the time it's finished!
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: Mm, yeah ... "Are little modified." And that's the whole definition.
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: Okay, give it to me one more time.
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: "The condition of a district--"
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: Do it sad!
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: No, that's okay. There's the definition, was there something else you needed looked up?
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: Yes, one more word.
[cut back to the librarian]
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: "Lesbian."
[cut back to the librarian, as she laughs]
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: Three minutes 'til Spongebob! Hurry!
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: Okay ... "Highly sensual erotic--"
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: What does "erotic" mean?
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: It's very tense in, like, sexuality ...
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: Oh, horny.
[cut back to the librarian]
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: Please, don't make it too hard! I'm only in second grade!
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: I'm not! I'm not, I'm not. Okay ... "The repeated homosexuality brand associated--"
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: You know a lot about being a lezbo!
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: No, I'm just reading this from the book.
[cut back to Kevin]
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: "Homosexuality brand associated with Sappho."
[cut back to Kevin]
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: The Greek poet.
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: Those Greeks were all homos!
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: Okay ... "Of or relating to homosexuality, relations between females."
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: Read it back sexy.
[cut back to the librarian]
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: Because ... Just read it back sexy.
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: Okay ... "Of or relating to homosexual relations between females."
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: I love it!
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: Okay, is that it?
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: You've made me a man!
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: Really now?
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: I'll never forget you.
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: Really now? Y'know, you're kind of weird--
[cut back to Kevin]
KEVIN KIMMEL: Goodnight, sweet cheeks.
[cut back to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: Yeah, whatever. Bye.
[cut back to Kevin]
[he hangs up]



"Crank Yankers" (Season 2, Episode 13)
Kevin needs help with his homework. He needs two words looked up: Topography ("It's in the Ts, not Ps") and "Lesbian" ("Read it to me sexy" "Thanks, you made me a man today!")
* Kevin portrayed by Kevin Kimmel

About: Crank Yankers is an American TV show produced by Adam Carolla, Jimmy Kimmel and Daniel Kellison that featured actual prank calls made by show regulars and celebrity guests, and re-enacted onscreen by puppets for a visual aid to show the viewer what is happening in the call.

Case Study No. 1469: Miss Treat

The Answer Woman (Librarian in 1955 New Yorker Magazine)
Answering a completely off-beat question may provide the germ of a great advertisment or an adroidt advertising plan. Not long ago, for instance:

An art director at Campbell-Ewald asked what Nero wore when Rome burned, because it was important to the creation of a compelling ad;

A television man asked what a "kissing bridge" was, so he could film a commercial;

A chap in the research department asked for the estimated Gross National Product for 1955, to assist in preparing a prospectus.

And they each got the right answer. They turned to Miss Treat.

Miss Treat runs Campbell-Ewald's library. In fact, it's safe to say that Miss Treat IS the library. She created it and she nurtured it, until now - as far as we've ever been able to determine - it is one of the most complete agency libraries west of the Hudson; better than most of those east of the Hudson.

We prove that to ourselves every day, but probably the most satisfactory proof of the claim lies in the constant and increasing use our clients have made of this library over the years.

Miss Treat has an answer for everything - THE answer. Like the time a copy writer sought the origin and meaning of "wheels within wheels." Origin was easy: "Ezekiel" in the Old Testament. Miss Treat found the meaning buried deep in John Calvin's "Works."

Miss Treat is our own private oracle, and in a highly skilled creative agency an oracle is a handy person to have around.

Much of the information she provides is prosaic, albeit vital. The media department wants circulation figures, account executives want competitive advertising files from years past, or tear-sheets of ads from a field in which we're seeking new business, or market data, or references from Dun & Bradstreet, or any of a hundred other items. They all turn to Miss Treat.

Who knows when the research department, the media department, or one of our other offices may seek the solution to some problem that can be solved only by intensive an exacting library research? And who knows where a lively, inquisitive art director or copy writer may hang his hat when he takes off on the creation of an ad?

At Campbell-Ewald, everyone connected with creative advertising - and that's everyone - always seeks the new, shares an enthusiasm in his quest for the forceful and dramatic in advertising that isn't forestalled by mere inability to locate information.

Miss Treat sees to that. Her versatile assistance is essential - as much so as account executives, production men, researchers, art directors and copy writers - to the creation of readable, persuasive advertising that this agency insists upon for its clients.

A good library complements a good agency. Campbell-Ewald counts itself fortunate to have one of the foremost agency librarians in the United States - Miss Treat.
Tags: miss treat librarian new yorker february 12 1955
Added: 7 months ago
From: ToonLib
Views: 19


In a full-page 1955 ad in the New Yorker, the Campbell-Ewald Advertising agency lauds its corporate librarian, Miss Treat, saying, "Miss Treat runs Campbell-Ewald's library. In fact, it's safe to say that Miss Treat is the library." The ad continues: "Miss Treat is our own private oracle, and in a highly skilled creative agency an oracle is a handy person to have around."

Case Study No. 1468: The Lonely Librarian

One Finger Push - "The Lonely Librarian"
Recorded March 2006. By Christine Stoesser, Andrew Borek, Justin Scott Gray.
Tags: justin scott gray christine stoesser andrew borek amok recordings thief make me young usb orchestra nill this is esophagus sarnia
Added: 1 year ago
From: amokrecordings
Views: 7


Justin Scott Gray & Christine Stoesser & Andrew Borek ... We started a band and called it "One Finger Push" ... This came out of our jams and was recorded live to cassette, back in 2006.

It's one of my favorite pieces I've ever recorded and we never had the opportunity to properly release it... It's rough, obviously, but it's a ...beautiful moment that seemed to work... Hope you can enjoy it as much as we did :)

The Lonely Librarian
By: One Finger Push



stomachsorstaples > Albums > unreleased
DEMO the lonely librarian

One Finger Push



Jan 01, 2006

Friday, July 25, 2014

Case Study No. 1467: Jim Ottaviani

GC4K at TCAF 2011: Jim Ottaviani
On Sunday, May 8th, while attending the Toronto Comic Arts Festival, I ran around to as many of my favorite kids comics creators as I could and asked them all the exact same questions. Keep in mind, conventions are crazy loud and crazy busy, so there is a lot of background noise. Let me know in the comments if you have trouble hearing anything and I'll translate for you.
Added: 3 years ago
From: GoodComicsforKids
Views: 86

[scene opens with a man speaking directly to the camera]
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] I'm here with Jim Ottaviani, and ... Are you ready for my fabulous questions, Fabulous Jim?
JIM OTTAVIANI: I am ready for fabulous questions.
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Alright. Question number one is, how did you get started working in comics?
JIM OTTAVIANI: How did I get started working in comics. It's a long long story, but I think you've only got a very small SD card, so I'll make it really short. I, my original career, you know I'm currently working as a librarian, but my--
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] All the best people are!
JIM OTTAVIANI: Secret origin is as a nuclear engineer.
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Ooh!
JIM OTTAVIANI: And ... In the course of studying science, engineering, lots of physics because of the nuclear part, I started coming across all these names of physicists. There's the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, there's Schroedinger's Equations, there's all this stuff, all these things, and you start to wonder, "Who are these people?"
[he smiles]
JIM OTTAVIANI: And reading biographies, reading histories of science, what I learned was they are interesting, fascinating in fact, people. And I really enjoyed learning about their lives, the periods in which they worked, and what surrounded the discoveries that made them so famous. At the same time, I'm a comics reader, and I love comics, and I'm noticing that, in science periodicals anyway, it's full of pictures anyway!
[he smiles]
JIM OTTAVIANI: So, it took awhile to actually do the math right, but I finally, y'know, added the proverbial two and two together and said, "Science, comics, maybe me, let's do it!"
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Let's do it!
JIM OTTAVIANI: So that's what I did!
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Fantastic! Question number two is, did you read comics when you were a kid and, if so, who were your influences ... some of your influences when you were a child?
JIM OTTAVIANI: I certainly did read comics as a kid, I read many more newspaper strips than I read comic books.
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Mm hmm.
JIM OTTAVIANI: My comic book reading really didn't start much until college, in terms of a serious comic reading ... but on the comic book side, "Amazing Spider-man," the original issues.
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Yeah.
JIM OTTAVIANI: Uh, my company name is GT Labs, a sideways reference to a certain laboratory where a certain nerdy science geek got bitten by a certain spider. Anyway--
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] That's awesome!
[she laughs]
JIM OTTAVIANI: Horribly geeky, uh, secret origin for my company name.
[she laughs]
JIM OTTAVIANI: Uh, but mostly it was, like I said, newspaper strips. So, reading "Calvin and Hobbes" and "Peanuts" and "Doonesbury" and all these other things. And one of my most vivid memories from my early years is being, laying on the floor of my cousin's house. Back when they printed "Prince Valiant," full page--
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Yeah!
JIM OTTAVIANI: And sorta laying on my stomach, with the comics page in front'a me, and having my whole field of vision taken up by Prince Valiant. And, it's kinda magical!
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] It is!
JIM OTTAVIANI: And I'm sure at some point, that has had an influence on me. Even thought nothing I've done is even remotely similar to Prince Valiant ...
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Excellent! Question number three--
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] What are you currently working on?
JIM OTTAVIANI: What am I currently working on? I'm gonna give that two answers, because my corporate overlords at First Second require one of these answers to be--
[he reaches over and grabs a copy of the graphic novel "Feynman" from his table]
JIM OTTAVIANI: I am working on promoting ... the--
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Da dah dah dah!
JIM OTTAVIANI: Upcoming Feynman book, which is out from First Second ... uh, later this year. But actually physically working on right now, I am working on a script about Alan Turing.
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Ooh!
JIM OTTAVIANI: The computer scientist and mathematician, and famed ... now that it's de-classified, World War Two code breaker. I'm working on a shorter story about DC's Metro. And we're in the process of wrapping up a book about Dian Fossey, Jane Goodall, and Birute Galdikas. The primate researchers.
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Right ... Fantastic!
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Next question, what graphic--
[he holds up four fingers]
JIM OTTAVIANI: This would be four!
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] This would be four, thank you! Do that again.
[he holds up four fingers again]
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Four! What graphic novel or comics titles have you read in the last year that you think are fantastic for kids or for teens?
[he smiles and crosses his arms]
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] I know, this is a hard one!
JIM OTTAVIANI: You know why this is hard? Because I got, because I used to get that question every two-three months, enough that I really wanted to have good answers. And so, what I've started to do is keep a spreadsheet, heaven help me, of everything I read--
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Uh huh!
JIM OTTAVIANI: So ... the downside of that is, once it's on the spreadsheet, I tend to forget about it. And usually, people are asking me interview questions via email or via the phone--
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Oh, so you just look!
JIM OTTAVIANI: And then I just, like, pop up the Excel and it's like, "This is the past five weeks that I've really really liked!"
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] And then there's me!
JIM OTTAVIANI: And then there's you, doing it live ... and I'm stuck!
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Aw, that's alright.
JIM OTTAVIANI: So, great. Great for kids. Can I cheat?
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Yes!
JIM OTTAVIANI: Oh, that's true, you actually won't know if it's been in the last five months! Or five weeks, or whatever it was that you--
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] This is true!
JIM OTTAVIANI: You said, what did you say?
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] I actually said a year, but--
JIM OTTAVIANI: Last year ... So I think, one of my favorites in recent memory is Gene Yang's "Prime Baby."
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Hilarious!
JIM OTTAVIANI: I just re-read, uh, "American Born Chinese." Also by Gene Yang ... Uh, I've been dipping back into "Bone."
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Excellent!
JIM OTTAVIANI: For awhile ... Uh, I'm really looking forward to reading--
[he reaches behind him and grabs another graphic novel]
JIM OTTAVIANI: "Anya's Ghost" by Vera Brosgol.
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Oh, it's goood! Yes!
JIM OTTAVIANI: And I think that's a great kids' book ... Uh, Hope Larson's "Mercury" was terrific.
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Mm hmm.
JIM OTTAVIANI: Raina Telgemeier's ...
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] "Smile" ...
JIM OTTAVIANI: Telgemeier's "Smile" ... Uh, I'm looking forward to Dave Roman's "Astronaut Academy."
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Me too.
JIM OTTAVIANI: But I haven't seen that yet.
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] It's pretty!
JIM OTTAVIANI: I think Dave has copies upstairs.
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] He's upstairs.
JIM OTTAVIANI: And I haven't gotten upstairs yet.
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Yeah.
JIM OTTAVIANI: Got to have breakfast with him, but didn't get to see his book!
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Aw!
JIM OTTAVIANI: Bad luck for me!
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Yes.
JIM OTTAVIANI: Um, is that enough? That--
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] That's good! That's, yeah. That's a nice pool of books, thank you!
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Alright, here's another librarian question!
[he holds up five fingers and mouths "Five!"]
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] If you were stuck on a desert island, what book would you bring? It doesn't have to be a comic, it can be prose, it can be illustrations. What book would you bring to keep you company until you're rescued?
JIM OTTAVIANI: [pause] How long until I'm rescued?
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Um, let's say a week.
JIM OTTAVIANI: Oh, just a week?
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Just a week.
JIM OTTAVIANI: Aw man, that's--
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Just the one book, but, y'know, you've got enough time to get it re-read! Or read it for the first time ...
JIM OTTAVIANI: It should probably be something that I should read for the first time, and my wife has been pushing Patrick Rothfuss' "Name of the Wind" on me.
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Ooh!
JIM OTTAVIANI: And it, it's really hefty, so that's probably about a week's worth of reading ... I've got the John Adams biography by David McCullough that I haven't read. I'm about eighty pages into the Mark Twain autobiography. Uh, I could probably stand to read "Moby Dick" again. I'm, I'm one of these freaks who actually likes "Moby Dick," and has read it at least one and a half times.
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] There are a handful of you, yes.
[she laughs]
JIM OTTAVIANI: Um, so ... but I didn't actually, I didn't pick one for you. What should I say? It should probably be the new book, so I'll go with Patrick Rothfuss' "The Name of the Wind," because I have not read it and my wife really wants me to read it.
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] And you've got something to look forward to.
JIM OTTAVIANI: That's right!
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Fantastic! That was my five questions!
JIM OTTAVIANI: Thank you for the five!
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Thank you very much! You're, um, you've been a delight to talk to. I really appreciate it. I'm gonna do a quick pan of your table--
[she takes her handheld camera and moves it across the several books that he has displayed at his table]
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Because you've written so many fabulous non-fiction titles for kids, for teens, for adults ... I'm halfway through the Feynman book right now.
JIM OTTAVIANI: [from off camera] Yup!
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] Um, and I'm loving it! Which, which is wonderful, and as you know ... uh, "Wire Mothers" was a surprise hit with me. I loved it very much!
[she points the camera back at him]
JIM OTTAVIANI: That's great!
EVA VIOLIN: [from off camera] And thank you so much, Jim. I appreciate talking with you!
JIM OTTAVIANI: Thank you, and you're quite welcome!



On Sunday, May 8th, while attending the Toronto Comic Arts Festival, I ran around to as many of my favorite kids comics creators as I could and asked them all the exact same questions. Keep in mind, conventions are crazy loud and crazy busy, so there is a lot of background noise. Let me know in the comments if you have trouble hearing anything and I'll translate for you.

I like that Jim Ottaviani has a secret origin. I like that Jim Ottaviani is enthusiastic about being a librarian. I like that Jim Ottaviani uses the graphic novel format to write amazingly readable non-fiction for kids, teens, and adults (and as someone who doesn't naturally gravitate to non-fiction, that's saying something). I like that Jim Ottaviani works with some amazing artists, including Leland Myrick, Zander and Kevin Cannon, Dylan Meconis, and Janine Johnston. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I like Jim Ottaviani.



Jim Ottaviani is the author of several comic books about the history of science. His best-known work, Two-Fisted Science: Stories About Scientists, features biographical stories about Galileo Galilei, Isaac Newton, Niels Bohr, and several stories about physicist Richard Feynman. He is also a librarian and has worked as a nuclear engineer.

Ottaviani has a background in science, earning a B.S. at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign in 1986, followed by a master's degree in nuclear engineering from the University of Michigan in 1987. He worked for several years retrofitting and fixing nuclear power plants. Intrigued by the research component of his job, Ottaviani began taking library science courses at Drexel University, and in 1990 he enrolled in the Library and Information Science program at the University of Michigan. He earned his M.S. in information and library studies from Michigan in 1992. He spent several years working as a reference librarian at Michigan's Media Union Library. He now works at the University of Michigan Library as coordinator of Deep Blue, the university's institutional repository.

Ottaviani's interest in writing science-related comics was inspired by Richard Rhodes's book The Making of the Atomic Bomb. In discussing the book with comic book artist Steve Lieber, the two decided to write and illustrate a famous meeting between physicists Niels Bohr and Werner Heisenberg during World War II. That projected expanded to include other stories from the history of science to become the graphic novel Two-Fisted Science, including stories written by Ottaviani and illustrated by a variety of artists.

Since the publication of Two-Fisted Science, Ottaviani has gone on to write several other comic books about scientists, including Dignifying Science (about women scientists), Fallout (about the creation of the atomic bomb), Suspended in Language (about physicist Niels Bohr) and Bone Sharps, Cowboys, and Thunder Lizards (about nineteenth century paleontologists). These works are all self-published by Ottaviani's own company, G. T. Labs. The company's name is an homage to General Techtronics Labs, the fictional company where comic book character Peter Parker was bitten by the radioactive spider that led to his becoming Spider-Man.

Two of Ottaviani's most recent works Levitation and Wire Mothers (published July 2007) are the beginning of a planned series on "the science of the unscientific." Levitation the physical and psychological aspects of stage magic. Wire Mothers is tells the story of psychologist Harry Harlow's work in the 1950s on importance of love and affection among primates, in contravention of then-prevailing theories put forward by the Behaviorist school of thought.

In addition to his self-published work, Ottaviani has worked on two short comic books about orangutans, one of which was published by the Orangutan Foundation International. He also has two forthcoming comics in the works to be published by First Second Books, one on physicist Richard Feynman and another on three primatologists: Jane Goodall, Dian Fossey, and Birute Galdikas.

Case Study No. 1466: "Cards Against Librarianship!"

Cards Against Librarianship!
Download the full deck here: lets-play.html
Tags: cards against librarianship librarians libraries cards against humanity
Added: 6 months ago
From: ToonLib
Views: 11

This year, our library participated in Hour of Code. Next year, we'll participate in Hour of ___.
* Haggis.
* Half-assed attempts at gamification.
* Paranoia.

Oh, great. Someone stuffed the book drop with ___.
* Amy's Organic Palak Paneer.
* A tour group of first graders.
* LeVar Burton.

What's a librarian's worst nightmare?
* 52 bags of donated Reader's Digest Condensed Books.
* Sleeping with someone, then learning s/he pronounces it "Liberry."
* Getting endorsed for "public libraries" on LinkedIn.

The internet's down. I guess we'll all have to resort to ___.
* Back issues of Maxim.
* Crop dusting the stacks.
* Seething.

What's our Library Director's guilty pleasure?
* Dr. Who cosplay.
* Sucking and chewing on board books.
* Blogging anonymously.

If our branch manager doesn't stop ___ at every staff meeting, I'm going to scream.
* Inappropriately fondling an Orlando Bloom READ poster.
* Never shutting up about running half-marathons.
* Bringing Jesus into every conversation.

In a surprise rebranding effort, NYPL is replacing its iconic lion statues with with statues of ___.
* LEGO minifigs.
* Storytime MILFs.
* Gollum.

The #1 way to calm down an angry patron? ___.
* Roundhouse kicks.
* Raffi.
* My lovely lady lumps.

___ @ your library.
* Bedbugs.
* Twerking.
* Red tape.

Customers. Patrons. Members. Frankly, I prefer to call them ___.
* Sleestaks.
* Wildlings.
* Antibacterial wipes.

It's just not storytime without ___.
* Sriracha.
* Assisted suicide.
* Lap dances.

___ want/s to be free.
* Dobby.
* Chips and salsa.
* An ALA membership.

I have no idea how that librarian stays employed. As far as I can tell, s/he spends most of the day ___.
* Subtweeting about colleagues.
* Checking Facebook.
* Going into detail about lactose intolerance.

Librarians, you know? Sometimes I get the feeling we're all just ___.
* Letting the Pigeon drive the bus.
* Plotting to usurp Nancy Pearl's throne.
* Paraprofessionals.

I've had it. If I see one more patron ___ in here, I freaking quit.
* Networking.
* Vomiting.
* Failing to check Snopes.

"I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave. The library's scent policy expressly prohibits ___."
* Children.
* Ann Coulter.
* Wearing lots of cologne.

Since flashing the lights and making an announcement weren't working, we've switched to ___ to encourage patrons to leave the building at closing time.
* Gay weddings.
* Singing Kum-ba-yah.
* Giving wet willies.

Reading aloud to ___ can help young beginning readers gain confidence.
* Kale.
* Malcolm Gladwell.
* A Roomba.

Don't tell me you "love books" ... to be a good librarian, what you really need to love is ___.
* Territorial pissing.
* Prezis.
* Deflowering members of the Teen Anime Club during a Miyazaki marathon.

The new Nicholas Sparks book features a heterosexual white couple ___ on the cover.
* Pretending to understand Fair Use.
* Making beef jerky.
* Waiting 'til after the closing announcement to ask a question.

I'm usually pretty mellow, but woe be to the patron I catch in the act of ___.
* Wearing those shoes that look like feet.
* Mansplaining.
* Returning a book full of tape flags.

Well, who knew you could get fired for offering a patron ___?
* Constructive criticism.
* Paranormal romance.
* Deodorant.

Children left unattended in the library will be given an espresso and ___.
* Exorcisms.
* QR code tattoos.
* Brazilian waxes.

To eliminate jargon that patrons find off-putting and confusing, we will henceforth refer to "databases" as "___."
* "Rock star" librarians.
* Gluten-free goodies.
* Dewey, the Library Cat.

It's important for libraries to foster an atmosphere of ___.
* Holiday-themed sweater vests.
* DRM.
* Calling the Help Desk.

We firmly believe that in order to succeed in the 21st century, all children must have equal access to ___.
* Golf pencils.
* Ennui.
* Newbery books that only appeal to adults.

While facilitating access to information is libraries' first priority, ___ must be a close second.
* Pinning wedding ideas.
* Acronyms.
* Keeping up appearances.

Wikipedia can tell you all about ___, but our staff can show you in person.
* Waterboarding.
* Cameltoe.
* Tasers.

Youth Services Librarians agree: it's never too early to introduce your baby to ___.
* Library security guards.
* Annotated bibliographies.
* Sobbing quietly while learning to code.

Patron tip: with your library card, you have 24/7 remote access to ___.
* Siri.
* Google.
* Salon style at an affordable price.

Bulky, intimidating reference desks must go. In the future, nothing will stand between librarians and their patrons but ___.
* Emotional baggage.
* Devices that are incompatible with the library's ebooks.
* James Patterson's "co-authors."

It's Fine Amnesty Day! Today, you can pay off your library fine by/with ___.
* Riverdancing.
* Ritual sacrifice.
* A full performance of the "trololo" song.

What never fails to liven up a staff party?
* Groupies.
* Revenge served cold.
* Playing Jenga with those impossibly small Beatrix Potter books.

A good reference interview should always include ___.
* Feats of strength.
* Side eye.
* Checking out Mozart while doing Tae Bo.

My most popular storytime themes are "On the Farm" and "___."
* Shock and Awe.
* Lying down and giving up.
* Value Line.

The library's new Play & Learn Space offers early literacy-rich opportunities for little ones to interact with ___.
* Christopher Walken.
* Ornamental grass.
* The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.

Sessions are live-tweeted; slides are posted online. But attending conferences in person remains valuable for the opportunity to enjoy ___ with one's peers.
* "Happy ending" massages.
* Mixing up a batch of library-themed cocktails.
* Awkward silence.



Cards Against Librarianship, the starter deck, is here. Please play and give feedback so it can be as much fun as possible.

You can download the deck here:

Cards Against Librarianship Answer Cards (371)
Cards Against Librarianship Question Cards (71)

*Huge thanks to Thomas Maluck, Carl Hess, and various folks on Twitter and the ALATT Facebook group for contributing card suggestions.

*There are many different forms of librarianship, and while I tried to keep the deck mostly general, I have mainly worked on the public-facing side of public libraries and I'm certain that's reflected. I took card suggestions from folks with different experiences, but if, due to lack of niche knowledge and after a simple Google search, I couldn't understand why they were funny, I left them out. I highly welcome and will link to specialty "Expansion Packs"--for ex, "Archivists' Expansion Pack"--as long as the cards in them are phrased to be compatible with as many of the cards in this starter deck as possible. Blank cards are provided above; if you want them to match exactly (not necessary), import each blank into PicMonkey or something similar and type in Arial.

*Creating question and answer cards that are compatible in a maximum number of situations was more challenging than I expected. For this reason, a few of the cards included in the preview versions posted here earlier did not make the final deck. Suggestions in this arena are welcome, too, as well as feedback as to the playability and compatibility of the starter deck. Please send them to elloyd74[at] with the subject line "Cards Against Librarianship" (I sometimes miss notifications of comments on this blog).

*If you make an especially hilarious combination that you want to share, please do so on Twitter with the hashtag #CardsAgainstLibrarianship (or in the comments below, if you're not on Twitter).

IMPORTANT INFO: Cards Against Librarianship is inspired by Cards Against Humanity, and, as in CAH, you will find cards in CAL that refer to sexuality and other topics generally considered taboo in the workplace. If you've never played CAH, you might take a peek at the content of their cards before deciding if CAL is a game you want to look at and play with colleagues (or even alone). As a general rule, CAL is tamer--I didn't go anywhere near CAH's infamous "Toni Morrison" and "Pac-Man" cards--but what I feel comfortable including and what you feel comfortable reading may certainly differ. Using the blank cards provided above, folks can swap in their own tamer cards or raunchier cards, depending on preference.

Posted by Emily Lloyd at 8:05 AM

Case Study No. 1465: Unnamed Female Librarian (Cyber Seduction, His Secret Life)

Cyber Seduction (8/11)
Cyber Seduction [His secret life]
Jeremy Sumpter^^ xD
Tags: Jeremy Sumpter Cyber Seduction
Added: 6 years ago
From: TiGhTaShiT182
Views: 142,213

[scene opens in the Hoover High School library, as student Justin Petersen is sitting at one of the computer terminals (ostensibly working on a paper), when he looks around suspiciously]
[cut to the front desk, where an older female librarian (hair in a bun, glasses, white cardigan sweater with a high collar) flips through a book with a highlighter pen]
[cut back to Justin, who (satisfied that she's not paying attention) takes a USB drive out of his pocket and plugs it into the computer (no doubt to block the school's filtering software), then checks the search engine "Snoop EZ" for porn sites]
[cut to a closeup of the computer monitor (with pictures of several skimpily-clad girls), when an African American male student walks behind Justin]
[cut to Justin nervously looking around, as he quickly switches windows back to his Word document]
[satisfied that the student didn't see anything, Justin goes back to the porn site (now featuring video of a woman in a negligee]
[cut to a young female student sitting down at a table across from Justin ... he recognizes her from a porn site he's visited previously, so he returns to "Monica's Page"]
[he looks over at the girl (who's writing something down and doesn't notice him), then clicks on a link which shows video of Monica teasing that she's going to take off her top]
[cut to a shot of Monica as she continues to do homework, then to an extreme closeup of Justin's eyeball (which shows the reflection of the computer monitor)]



Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life is an original Lifetime television movie which was first broadcast on June 20, 2005. It was directed by Tom McLoughlin and written by Wesley Bishop and Richard Kletter. The movie stars Jeremy Sumpter, Kelly Lynch, and Lyndsy Fonseca. It is now available on DVD.

The film has become an internet phenomenon due to its overzealous portrayal of internet pornography and its obvious heavy bias on pushing a Christian agenda.

Justin Petersen is a popular 16-year-old high school student and a successful swimmer with a steady girlfriend, Amy. Justin's coach announces that Justin has made the All-State team, which pleases his parents, particularly his mother Diane, who used to swim as well.

Justin is introduced to internet pornography when a friend sends him a link to a softcore featuring Monica, a fellow student who has a crush on him. Captivated, Justin is then exposed to a porn film at a party, and later browses more explicit pornographic websites, only to be caught by his mother. It is easy for Diane to be aware of her son's behavior, as Justin does little to make his activities clandestine. Throughout the film, he continues to view pornographic images in public places, making little effort to cover his tracks.

Justin's late nights in front of the computer and increasing obsession with porn soon impact upon his lap times. He betrays Amy's trust by downloading porn onto her PDA, and exposes his younger brother Alex to porn, leaving Alex queasy. Justin begins to gain a reputation at school of being a "porn freak" after showing his friends S&M porn. Eventually, his addiction causes him to almost miss the All-State swim finals, where he places third. Discovering a CD-R titled Virgin Vaginas, Diane confronts Justin and moves his computer into the living room. This, however, does not stop him. Justin continues to surf the web for porn, eventually racking up extensive bills on his parents' credit cards. He goes to the extent of using a computer in the school library to access porn and gets caught hacking the internet firewall. As a result, he is suspended from the swim team and placed on overall probation.

Justin becomes closer to Monica and increasingly ignores Amy. After being pressured to have sex with him, Amy puts the brakes on their relationship, finding Justin's attitude towards sexual matters to be repulsive. However, when Monica tries to seduce him, Justin hesitates, and an angry Monica kicks him out of her house. Monica throws a physical tantrum alone after feeling rejected by Justin and bangs her own head, causing it to bleed. Soon after, Justin endeavours to make amends with Amy. After leaving Amy's house, he is noticed by another schoolmate, who relays to other schoolmates that he is near. Monica is seen in a restaurant with noticeable face injuries, and it is presumed she told others that Justin was responsible for them. The schoolmates beat Justin up on the street, disturbed by his reputation and the alleged incident with Monica.

Depressed after being physically attacked, Justin arrives at the school's swimming pool and leaps in, presumably to drown himself. Earlier in the movie, he would be under the water fantasizing about women and porn, but this time he thinks of all the things he has to live for. He saves himself and apparently breaks his addiction.



Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life (2005, made for TV). Jeremy Sumpter as popular high school sophomore Justin Petersen develops an addiction to internet porn. When his parents disconnect the internet at home, he finds it on the high school library computer. But he gets caught.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Case Study No. 1464: Unnamed Female Librarian (The Lawrence Welk Show)

02-02-1980 (13) Mary Lou Metzger, Jack Imel - Ballin'The Jack & The Old Soft Shoe
Great entertainment and they are joined by Kathie the "Librarian." This clip is from an episode of the "Lawrence Welk Show."
Tags: Ragtime Home Video
Added: 2 years ago
From: navydoctrinidad
Views: 96

[scene opens inside a public library, as Jack Imel walks up to Mary Lou Metzger, who is sitting at the table reading a book]
JACK: Hey Mary Lou, whatcha readin'?
[cut to the young (but still stereotypical-looking) female librarian sitting at the front desk]
LIBRARIAN: Quiet, please!
[cut back to Jack and Mary Lou, as he lowers his voice]
JACK: [whispers] Whatcha readin'?
MARY LOU: This is a book on how to dance.
JACK: Aw, come on! You know how to dance!
MARY LOU: Yeah, but I'm learning a new one. It's called "Ballin' the Jack" ...
JACK: [loudly] "Ballin' the Jack?!"
[a group of patrons sitting at the table near them look up and tell them to "Quiet, please!"]
MARY LOU: Do you know how to do "Ballin' the Jack?"
JACK: Sure ...
MARY LOU: Really?
[they both walk to the middle of the library, where they start singing and dancing]
JACK AND MARY LOU: First you put your two knees close up tight. Sway 'em to the left, sway 'em to the right. Step around the floor, kinda nice and light. Twist around, twist around, with all your might.
[the other patrons are watching them and nodding in approval]
JACK AND MARY LOU: Spread your lovin' arms way out in space, do the Eagle Rock with style and grace. Swing your foot way round, bring it back, that's what I call Ballin' the Jack!
[they start tap dancing, as the librarian comes over with her hands on her hips and a stern look on her face]
LIBRARIAN: Quiet, please!
[she walks back to the front desk and starts looking over her books, but they continue to tap dance, so she once again comes over (as they climb up onto the table)]
LIBRARIAN: Softer, please!
[they climb down from the table, then start dancing and singing around the librarian]
JACK AND MARY LOU: Give me that old soft shoe, I said that old soft shoe!
[the librarian slowly starts dancing along with them]
JACK AND MARY LOU: Doo do, doo do, doo do do do!
[the librarian smiles and starts singing along]
ALL: Put your foot way round, bring it back, that's what I call Ballin' the Jack!
LIBRARIAN: [loudly] Yee haw!
[the librarian quickly covers her mouth in embarrassment, so the patrons and Jack and Mary Lou gather around to "shush" her, as the screen goes to black]



The Lawrence Welk Show Season 25 Episode 21 :: "Rhythm is Our Business"
Original Airdate: Saturday February 02nd, 1980

medley: Ballin' The Jack/The Old Soft Shoe: sung and danced by Mary Lou Metzger & Jack Imel joined by Kathie Sullivan