Monday, June 30, 2014

Case Study No. 1410: Staff of Unnamed Library (The Librarian's Naughty Habit)

Yes, this was an actual book.....
The Librarian's naughty habit.
By Heather Brown.
158 p.
Appl. au: Greenleaf Classics, Inc., employer for hire.
(c) Greenleaf Classics Inc.
Tags: sexy librarian literature
Added: 9 months ago
From: ToonLib
Views: 28


Only the second installment from Greenleaf's legendary series of librarian smut, published when the ex-Roguers faced prison in Michigan. Young librarian Samantha finds work as the assistant to Miss Greenstalk, but things go awry when a book--the, ahem, "Joy of Lust"--launches Sam into a world of secret desires. It's OK as long as Sam just serves her boss, but between the other hires, the earnest teens Sam meets in stacks, and the police visitors following a convoluted rape thing, Sam finds herself torn away from working on what she loves: getting young men interested in the library.

Though not quite a classic on a par with "The Librarian Loves to Lick," and lacking the studied innocence of "Horny Peeping Librarian," still, "The Librarian's Naughty Habit" is easily the finest account of sex and the circulation desk that we at Greenleaf Classics can legally do.



The advent of a more liberal society has revolutionized the life of the modem American woman, opening up new vistas both professionally and personally. As with most social revolutions, however, the changes are apt to be slow and sporadic, leaving untouched many of those it hopes to reach.

One profession, that of the librarian, reflects the uneven progress of social change - women entering this field have long been characterized as "stuffy" or "frigid" or "old maids" with little consideration given to their true personalities or capabilities.

Living in this shadow and its traditions, the woman in this story, Samantha casts a new light onto a profession long stereotyped. Both ambitious and adventurous, she finds herself suddenly confronted by a sexual liberalism which challenges her curiousity.

THE LIBRARIAN'S NAUGHTY HABIT - a chronicle of our times. The story of a woman trapped in a tide of social change.



Miss Greenstalk, the head of circulation, had asked me to review a new book which the library just received. She wanted to know whether I thought it was suitable to put on our shelves. It was a perfectly reasonable request since I was Miss Greenstalk's assistant, and she asked me to look over books for her all the time.

However, this time there was an exceptional quality about her request because the book she wanted me to read was one of those illustrated sex manuals, the first one I'd ever actually looked at. It was called THE JOY OF LUST and I'd never seen anything like it in my somewhat sheltered life.

Just from being a librarian I knew that sex was getting increasingly popular as a subject for books nowadays, and even that there were a lot of sex manuals being printed by reputable publishers. But I had no idea of how far they'd gone. The Joy of Lust certainly brought me up to date in a hurry.

After Miss Greenstalk had asked me to review it for her, and I sat down and opened the book for the first time, my breath was taken in astonishment. There, in full color, a drawing that couldn't have been more explicit if it had been a photograph, showed an erect male penis fully penetrating a juicily spread cunt that was so hairy it instantly made my mouth water.

I felt ashamed of myself, being aroused by the depiction of the raw meat of copulating genitals. I should have been repelled by the tastelessness and vulgarity of it all. This was certainly not literature and had no place in the public library.

Then why couldn't I take my eyes off it? Why did my pussy spasm like it was trying to wring loose every last drop of cunt-juice? Why were my breasts throbbing? My nipples pulsing stiffly?

Trying to elevate my mind from the gutter, I flipped the pages, hoping from some straight text, or at least a more innocent picture. What I saw was a woman's mouth droolingly swallowing a stiff prick. At the sight of it my cunt jumped between my legs like somebody had set fire to my pubic hair.

I moistened my lips with my tongue at the delicious sight of the hard prick splitting the woman's lips in the book. When I flipped the pages again I wasn't doing it to get away from anything, but to find another filthy picture to make me even hornier.

Case Study No. 1409: Unnamed Female Librarian (Scott Pilgrim vs the World)

Library Scene Flowers Ramona (Garbage Truck)
"no copyright infringement

Awesome scene between scott and flowers: )!!
song is garbage truck
Tags: Scott Pilgrim vs The World Flowers Ramona LIBRARY SCENE Sex Bob-omb Garbage truck concert soundtrack movie comic con 2013 2010
Added: 8 months ago
From: guillermo marquez talavera
Views: 1,188

[scene opens with a closeup of a "Silence Please!" sign in the library, as the camera pans over to show Scott and Knives browsing the stacks]
SCOTT: It's weeeeirdd ...
KNIVES: What's "weeeeeirdd?"
[she takes a book off the shelf and places it on the stack in his hands]
SCOTT: Libraries remind me of grade school ...
KNIVES: That must seem like a really long time ago.
SCOTT: Yeah ... Let's talk about something else.
[cut to Scott and Knives walking down the stairs, as Ramona handing a clipboard to the female librarian (short black hair, glasses, pearl necklace, dark blouse, grey skirt) at the front desk can be seen]
[cut to a closeup of Scott's face, as he stares at her in disbelief]
[cut to a closeup of Ramona's face, as she looks up at Scott (with no hint of emotion)]
[cut back to Scott, then back to Ramona as she rollerblades out the door (the Amazon package that the librarian signed for can be seen sitting on the table in front of her)]
[cut back to Scott (looking stunned), as Knives turns to him with a smile on her face]
KNIVES: Do you know that girl?



Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is a film based on the Scott Pilgrim graphic novels, directed by Edgar Wright. The title is shared by the 2nd book in the series: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. According to the draft script, the movie was originally going to be called Scott Pilgrim's Little Life. (no, not Precious Little Life, just Little Life) The plot of the film includes Scott Pilgrim battling the exes of Ramona Flowers in order to win her love.

The film was released in theaters in North America on August 13, 2010, and was released on DVD and Blu-ray on November 9, 2010. The DVD included deleted scenes, bloopers, and commentary from the cast and crew.

The story begins in Toronto where the members of Sex Bob-omb, Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera), the bass guitarist and second vocalist, Stephen Stills (Mark Webber), the guitarist and first vocalist and Kim Pine (Alison Pill), the drummer, live. Scott states that he's dating high-schooler Knives Chau (Ellen Wong) and that they have done many things together, like riding the bus and going to the arcade to play Ninja Ninja Revolution (a parody of Dance Dance Revolution.). Knives arrives at Scott's house and goes to the living room so Scott can introduce her to his band. When Knives arrives, Sex Bob-omb plays "LaunchPad McQuack (not the actual title of the song according to Stills.)" for Knives and Neil (Johnny Simmons). After the song, Knives states that Scott, Stills and Kim are so amazing. Scott tells Wallace(Kieran Culkin) about the whole dating a high-schooler thing, but warns him not to tell his sister, Stacey Pilgrim (Anna Kendrick), and Wallace texts her about the whole thing and Scott receives a phone call from her, insulted. When school ends, Scott and Wallace are standing outside the school, waiting for Knives. Knives come out, and her and Scott start to date, they did lots of things together (play Ninja Ninja Revolution, go to the CD store, walk through snowy Toronto and see the house Scott grew up in.)

Scott then dreams that he's so alone in a hot desert, a 24-year old girl Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) tells Scott that's he just having an idiotic dream. While dating Knives for the second time, Scott sees Ramona again in the Toronto Reference Library, but is just Scott's imgination, as Stills tells him that he only played one bass guitar note for the entire 'Garbage Truck' song. Sex Bob-omb goes to Julie's party and asks Comeau (Nelson Franklin) about his describing of Ramona (Do you know this one girl with hair like this? *holds up a scribbly picture of Ramona's hair*) Comeau tells Scott that it's Ramona Flowers and she's going to be at the party. Scott runs into Ramona for the third time and begins chatting to her. Scott asks if he's dreaming, and decides that he'll leave Ramona alone forever now, but just stalked Ramona until she left the party. Scott then asks everyone what they know about Ramona Flowers (she's American, she has boyfriends, knew her back in New York, she kicks all kinds of ass, she's on another level, she has men dying at her feet, she's got battle scars, moved to tornoto, got a job as a delivery girl on, comes in to the second cup where Julie works.)

Case Study No. 1408: "Super Librarian 9000 Extreme"

Super Librarian 9000 Extreme
Play as a time-traveling robot, sent to insure the success of the historically important Liberty Library. Re-shelve books and shush noisy patrons, but don't let the real librarian catch you, lest you cause a paradox!

For more, check out my portfolio at http://nate.chamot or follow https://twit
Tags: Robots (Video Game) Nathan Chamot Library (Building Function) Video Game (Industry) DePaul University (Organization) Chicago Gaming (Business Operation)
Added: 3 months ago
From: Nathan Chamot
Views: 27

[scene opens with a blocky grey robot speaking with a similarly-colored male figure with a moustache and top hat]
MAYOR: Library Bot Three-Thousand, you must go back in time, save Liberty Library, and make it the greatest library of all time!
LIBRARY BOT 3000: Beep.
MAYOR: Remember Library Bot, if you're spotted by the real librarian, it will cause a time paradox!
LIBRARY BOT 3000: Beeeeeep.
["WASD to move, Left and Right keys to turn, Space bar to shush" appears on screen, then cut to a first-person perspective of the player moves around a public library, taking books from the book return slot and reshelving them in the stacks]
["Warning! Paradox Imminent" appears on screen, as the player gets too close to the "human" librarian (another grey-colored jumble of polygons with a pair of glasses on his "face"), but is able to side-step the obstacle and make his way to the stacks]
["New Library Wing Opened" appears on screen, making the "Historical Accuracy" meter change from yellow to green (while the "Paradox Detector" stays empty), as the player continues shelving books and shushing laughing patrons as they walk by]
["New Library Wing Opened" again appears on screen, making the "Historical Accuracy" meter change from light blue to dark blue, as the player continues shelving books and shushing laughing patrons as they walk by]
["New Library Wing Opened" again appears on screen (as the "Historical Accuracy" meter is almost full), while the player continues shelving books and shushing laughing patrons as they walk by]
[the "Historical Accuracy" meters fills to the top, then cut to a reporter interviewing the librarian (as Library Bot peeks its head into the shot from the background)]
REPORTER: Liberty Library has become the world's greatest library today, and will hereby house all the documents in the entirety of the planet Earth! Mister Librarian, what would you attribute to the library's success?
LIBRARIAN: I have no idea, honestly. Business has just been booming these last few hours. It's amazing!
LIBRARY BOT 3000: Beeeeeep.



Play as a time-traveling robot, sent to insure the success of the historically important Liberty Library. Re-shelve books and shush noisy patrons, but don't let the real librarian catch you, or you'll cause a time paradox!

Super Librarian was an especially challenging project, as the entire game, start to finish, needed to be made in just 3 weeks, with myself as the sole developer. More challenging still, the game needed to be made in raw XNA, with only the half-finished Iridel providing engine functionality. Still, Super Librarian was successfully completed on-time.

After the initial three week development, an additional team was brought on to perform optimizations and create the HUD and intro/outro scenes. Sadly, I no longer have their names...if you worked on Super Librarian or know someone who did, please contact me so I can provide proper credit.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Case Study No. 1407: Miss Hudson

Sleepy Hollow 1x10 "The Golem" Promotional Photos | Season 1 Episode 10
Sleepy Hollow 1x10 "The Golem" Promotional Photos | Season 1 Episode 10
Tags: Promotional Photos Season Episode Episode Part
Added: 7 months ago
From: 3RedStudios
Views: 201


'Sleepy Hollow' recap: 'The Golem'

What do you do when your wife has been imprisoned in Purgatory, and you just found out you had a son that she kept secret? In Ichabod's case, hit something. Hit something really hard. We find him splitting wood at the late Sheriff Corbin's cabin. Abbie is starting to get into the Christmas spirit, but clearly Ichabod isn't into "celebrating yuletide with a titillating display of lumber." He'd rather smash lumber and get some answers about his family.

And he has just the man in mind to get them. Rolling down the driveway in a '94 Lincoln sofa on wheels is the ever frumpy Henry Parrish, also known as the sin eater. Ichabod thinks that because of Parrish's ability to reach other realms, he can communicate with Katrina. But this communication comes at high risk.

"When you reach beyond this existence," Parrish says, "you're tempting fate. I cannot say what consequences will befall you." Consequences be damned, says Ichabod. Abbie is all in as well. Let the weirdness begin.

The only way to communicate with the dead is to get closer to death, Parrish explains. So he gets right to it by putting Ichabod in a choke hold. Unconscious Ichabod has a vision of a church. There, a baby carriage is rolling and nearly teeters off a small flight of stairs. He catches it in time and sees that it doesn't contain a child, but a lumpily shaped, frightening doll. Ichabod then notices Katrina in the church. She's got some explaining to do.

Katrina says their son's name is Jeremy, and that though she didn't realize it at the time, she and Ichabod had a shotgun wedding. Thankfully, she says, the coven didn't know she was pregnant either. Katrina figured that out when she was in Europe, searching for a spell to revive Ichabod. When she returned to the fledgling states, the coven pursued her for trying to intervene in Ichabod's demise. The coven gave Katrina an ultimatum: Tell us where he's buried, or face a fate worse than death. She chose option c) Vanish into thin air and have the child at Lachlan Fredericks' estate.

But Katrina knew she couldn't keep the child with the coven bent on revenge. She left Jeremy with Grace Dixon, who ran Fredericks' estate and was also one of Abbie's ancestors. But before she left, she gave Jeremy a doll - the same one Ichabod saw in the carriage. She promised Jeremy that the doll would protect him in a time of need. After this last bit of information, a demon who closely resembles the D.C. villain, Clayface, and Jeremy's doll, bursts into the church and spoils another all too brief family reunion.

After explaining everything he'd seen to Parrish and Abbie, Parrish says, "It seems your fates were merged before you met." Ichabod begs Parrish to stay and help in their search for answers, but it takes some convincing. Parrish insists that his only role was to destroy Ichabod's sin. But he relents after Abbie begs him to stay. They plan to start at the historical society. In the woods, the demon is seen rising from the soil.

We catch up with Captain Irving, who is on a literal guilt trip to New York City. He stops by a church he used to frequent to compare apocalyptic notes with a priest. All signs point to death, says the priest, but end of days matters are open to interpretation. "If god has a plan, who's it for?" asks Irving. "Me or him?"

At the library, Ichabod, Abbie and Parrish are searching for information on Trinity Church, the place where Katrina handed over Jeremy. The librarian is at first reluctant to help, but then points them in the right direction. They learn that the church caught fire, killing Grace Dixon. There were rumors that Jeremy could start fires just by crying - a sign of Katrina's powers. After the fire, the child was found the next morning unharmed. Jeremy was sent to a home for orphans of the war.

The trail grows cold there, though. And the librarian is not willing to offer additional help. But Parrish says she's holding out. "Lying is a sin," he says. "I can sense a sin a mile away." Abbie spots the librarian running to her car. But they fail to get to her in time before a demon, presumably the Clayface impersonator, rips her and the car to pieces.

Time to regroup. The trio begins to review the evidence, looking over the dead librarian's things. Abbie drops a box onto a table, and it startles Parrish. "Whatever is in there, it reeks of anger and pain," he says. Ichabod notices that a seal on the box is that of Katrina's coven. The librarian must have been a member. Opening it, they find a drawing that resembles Jeremy's doll.

All becomes clear to Parrish in a vision: The drawing was Jeremy's. The priest that ran the orphanage took it upon himself to rid Jeremy of his supernatural powers by beating them out of him. All it took was a drop of Jeremy's blood, and his ardent wish for a protector, for the doll to manifest into his champion, killing the priest. Ichabod surmises that this is the same protector that followed him back into reality, and it is bent on destroying the coven that wanted to harm Jeremy.

Back in New York, Irving and his daughter are taking a stroll through a park. Irving is doing his best to not think of all his supernatural problems back in Sleepy Hollow, but they followed him. A hot chocolate vendor accosts him, his glassy eyes rolling back in his head: "How strong is your daughter?" he asks. "God may have a plan, but we have one too." That plan includes going after her. Irving is about to conjure up a first class beatdown, but the demon leaves the vendor, and takes over a nearby woman. Evil is a wily adversary.

Further investigation into the dead librarian witch reveals that she had a safe full of carnival tickets dating back 100 years. But Ichabod, in a very Daniel Plainview-esque state, is beside himself for abandoning his child to this surrogate father who likes to dismember people. Parrish consoles him, saying that he believes Jeremy must have been a good man. "He was, after all, molded from your clay."

Cue Ichabod, super genius. The mention of clay triggers his memory. He's drawn to a passage in Washington's bible, a source that Katrina left him as a guide. He flips to Psalm 139, which has parallels with the Talmud, and speaks of God giving life to an enchanted being made of mud. This creature is known as a golem, and it possesses the passions of its creators. Jeremy wanted a protector, and the Golem became one. Looking over the carnival materials, Abbie sees a sign for the Four Who Speak as One. Abbie recognizes these witches from her vision in the Fredericks manor. Ichabod realizes that the Golem is after these witches, and if they played a role in imprisoning Katrina, maybe they can bust her out.

Crane goes into the carnival alone and finds them. They're certainly creepy enough, doing their best Christian Bale Batman impersonation while, you guessed it, speaking in unison through bad teeth. They recognize Ichabod and tell him that it was foretold that his arrival would seal their fate. They know they're going to die, and they're untroubled by it.

The witches see themselves as agents of fate. "The ordained path" was disrupted when Katrina brought Ichabod back from the dead, when she ran off to have a son and when Ichabod brought the son's Golem into this world. "I don't believe fate befalls us however we act, only unless we act," says Ichabod. The witches say that Ichabod's death would have spared the child, and that it was their duty to send Katrina to purgatory, and, much to Ichabod's terror, stop Jeremy's heart with a spell and bury him. The witches resign themselves to death, refusing to free Katrina. They offer just one bit of advice: Only Jeremy's blood can stop the Golem.

The Golem's rampage begins. He tears through the carnival, Hulk smashing everything in sight. Ichabod finds Parrish, but gets wounded by an exploding funhouse mirror. He pulls a large shard of mirror from his chest. "Your son's blood is your blood," Parrish says. "Your blood can destroy it." The Golem comes after Abbie, but Ichabod distracts the demon. He tries to talk the Golem out of his rage, and his words appear to calm him, but the beast attacks again, only to fall on Ichabod's blood-soaked shard of the mirror. "You endured enough pain," says Ichabod. "Bear it no more." When the camera cuts back, the Golem is a doll once again.

With the Golem defeated, and Henry Parrish officially a part of the 'Sleepy Hollow' team, he offers some parting words. "One cannot turn from fate," says Ichabod. "And yet," says Parrish, "for the first time, I feel like fate has delivered me a blessing by bringing you both into my life." turning to leave, he says, "We never really bury the dead, son. We take them with us. It's the price of living."

Parrish leaves, and Abbie goes to get something to eat. Ichabod hears a mirror to his right shatter, never a good sign in this show. He's pulled through the mirror and into a forest where he hears Katrina screaming and the voice of Moloch. Your death is assured, Moloch says. And Abbie's as well. "I touched her soul once," Moloch says. "Soon it will be mine forever. And you will give it to me."

Moloch punches Ichabod back into reality. Abbie is there, and he explains just how screwed they are. A supernatural showdown looms in the episodes to come. But we'll have to wait to see how it shakes out until next week.



Remember how Katrina had a baby boy in secret? Crane is kind of fixated on that. And I guess that's fair. But it's like when one of your friends goes through a crush or a breakup - it's all they want to talk about and after a while you get really tired of hearing about it. Even though you want to be supportive and all, you can't help thinking, Geez, isn't there anything else in your life?

Crane calls on our Sin Eater friend Henry Parrish. To, like, nearly kill him. (That is, to have Parrish bring him - Crane - closer to death because that will allow him to communicate with Katrina.)

In a really crooked liminal space, Katrina tells Crane their son is named Jeremy. She tells of having to flee her coven and having to give the baby up to a church, but not before giving him a really creepy doll.

Crane vows to find out what happened to Jeremy. And then must run away before the titular Golem can grab him within whatever limbo they're inhabiting as they chat.

Alas, that Golem then bursts forth from the earth of Sleepy Hollow.

And Irving is showing a distinct decline in his faith in God. This seems like such a cliche but it was handled pretty well here, not too overbearing. And they continue to make Irving a little more interesting with each new episode. Good character building.

Trinity Church is where Katrina left Jeremy. Historical logs show people were afraid of him because he could start fires by crying. He was eventually sent to an orphanage. Meanwhile, the Golem crushes librarian Miss Hudson in her car before Crane & Co can demand more information.

The Golem is the doll, btw. We've all figured that out, right?

(I like looking at Tom Mison, but he gives equal weight and intensity to pretty much everything he says, which makes his dialogue kind of monotonous. Of course, if he keeps looking like that, I probably won't care.)

The stuff going on with Irving is actually way more creepy than anything going on with Crane or Abbie. Maybe because it's more rooted in the natural world, less over the top (relatively).

Golem is looking for the four women from Katrina's old coven, the women who banished Katrina to purgatory. So now Crane, Abbie, and Henry must find these women before the Golem does, and hopefully convince them to release Katrina. But when they find the women participating in a carnival, they tell Crane his arrival foretells their death.

They also tell how Jeremy refused to join their coven so they imprisoned the Golem in purgatory and hexed Jeremy to stop his heart. And because Jeremy's blood gave the Golem life, only Jeremy's blood can stop him. Geez, this show has a thing about blood. And so far we haven't even had any vampires.

Why is this Golem trying to hurt Crane if its job is to defend Jeremy? Crane doesn't want to hurt Jeremy.

It takes Henry a ridiculous amount of time to conclude that Jeremy's blood is also Crane's blood. And why didn't Crane or Abbie think of it either? After trying to reason with the thing, Crane is forced to stab it with a shard from a shattered funhouse mirror - one that is handily tipped with Crane's own blood.

And then Abbie gives Crane a stocking with his name on it. And Crane walks through a mirror into a forest and is threatened by . . . something . . . So what else is new?

I'm starting to get that old feeling that no real progress is being made here. I mean, we found out about the son, and that turned out to be a non-entity. (For now. I'm willing to entertain the possibility that he will return from this hex in some form or fashion.) And now we're back to the usual: Katrina in limbo (yawn, who cares) and lots of weird creatures threatening Crane and Abbie with the apocalypse. Sigh. When is this game going to change?



Lt. Abbie Mills: We don't even know if any of your descendants are still alive.
Ichabod Crane: Well, if Jeremy married and had three children, the average at the time, then we compound that number over eight generations, I could have as many as... six thousand offspring.
Lt. Abbie Mills: Six thousand little Ichabods... Crane, I have an idea. The Historical Society library, they have a rare records collection dating back to Revolutionary-era Sleepy Hollow.
Ichabod Crane: That's where we start.


Miss Hudson: From the 18th century? No, I don't think we have any records on Trinity Church.
Ichabod Crane: Madam, this town has existed since Adriaen van der Donck dubbed it Sleepless Haven in 1655. Surely there must be some reference to its many houses of worship in the town's historical society.
Miss Hudson: You speak with such authority on the past.
Ichabod Crane: Without books, we have neither a past nor a future... I would've thought a librarian above all would comprehend that.
Miss Hudson: ... If we have anything on Trinity Church, it would be in that section over there. Feel free to look. I'll be in the back.


[Henry opens a large book]
Henry Parrish: I found it... Grace Martha Dixon. Born 1751, died 1784.
Ichabod Crane: She was a young woman.
Lt. Abbie Mills: Says here, according to eyewitness accounts, there was a fire. They were trapped inside. Local townspeople were afraid of Jeremy. People claimed they haad seen him start fires just by crying.
Ichabod Crane: Katrina's powers... He inherited them.
Lt. Abbie Mills: After the house burned down, they found the boy the next morning... completely unhurt. People came to believe he was some kind of monster. After that, he was sent to a home for orphaned children of the war.
Ichabod Crane: What happened to my child?
Lt. Abbie Mills: It doesn't say.
Ichabod Crane: My son... was responsible for the death of your ancestors.
Lt. Abbie Mills: It's not your fault. There's nothing you could've done.
Ichabod Crane: I could've been there.
Henry Parrish: That is not a choice you were given, my friend... I'm so sorry. To both of you. I feared opening these doors would be painful.
Ichabod Crane: The home to which my son was sent. Does it have a name?
Lt. Abbie Mills: There's nothing here. And don't count on Miss Helpful guiding us in the right direction.
Henry Parrish: Oh, she knows more than she's telling... Lying is a sin. I can sense a sin a mile away.
[Crane goes to check the back room]
Ichabod Crane: Miss Hudson?... She's gone.
[they hear her running to her car]
Lt. Abbie Mills: Outside.
[she gets in her car, but the Golem smashes her side window]
Miss Hudson: Ahhhhhhh!!!
[they go outside and find her car smashed up, with her bloody hand sticking up out of the car door]
Lt. Abbie Mills: Oh my God... What could've done this?
Henry Parrish: I won't be catching that later train, will I?


Lt. Abbie Mills: The librarian's personal effects just came in from impound.
Ichabod Crane: These are all of the archivist's possessions?
Lt. Abbie Mills: Just from her office at work. Apparently, she has a personal safe... You doing crosswords?
Henry Parrish: As I said, it distracts me from my troubles. A good puzzle misleads you, it sends you in one direction but fools you into thinking you know what's going on. But once you've discovered the trick, you see that there's often a hidden meaning. Just as the librarian was trying to conceal something from us... You don't perhaps know an unusual word for "fidgety and restless," do you?
Ichabod Crane: Gumplefick.
Lt. Abbie Mills: Gumplefick?
Henry Parrish: Perfect fit!
Ichabod Crane: Still reconciling today's language and its advancements. For example, in my era, a toilet was a "vanity cabinet." "Intercourse" meant simply social conversation, "awful" meant "awe-inspiring."
Lt. Abbie Mills: So if I went out with a guy and we had awful intercourse, we'd be going on a second date?
Ichabod Crane: Disconcerting, yet accurate.
Lt. Abbie Mills: It's just weird.
[Mills takes a metal box out from among the librarian's possessions, and Parrish winces in pain]
Lt. Abbie Mills: What's wrong?
Henry Parrish: The box... It's filled with pain.
[Crane looks at the mark on the box lid]
Ichabod Crane: This symbol... It's the crest of Katrina's coven. The Sisterhood of the Radiant Heart. Only a member of the Sisterhood would possess such an item.
Lt. Abbie Mills: Seriously, the librarian from the Historical Society... was a witch?
Ichabod Crane: Just as Reverend Knapp was before her. Embedded in Sleepy Hollow for centuries.
Henry Parrish: That explains her expression... Recognition. She knew who you were.

Case Study No. 1406: Looney Librarian

looney librarian
cooped up librarian going to lunch
Tags: HP MediaSmart
Added: 2 years ago
From: kitty621000
Views: 107

[scene opens with a woman wearing glasses, who is using the "pinch" effect on her webcam to make it look like she has a bulbous forehead and a comically-oversized chin]
LIBRARIAN: How are you? Looking for a special book in our library? Are you?
[she furrows her brow]
LIBRARIAN: Hmm, come back in about an hour, because I'm on lunch now ... Okay?
[she moves in close so that her features become even more distorted and crazy-looking]
[she leans back, so that the effect causes her head to look extremely tiny]

Case Study No. 1405: Unnamed Student Library Worker (Leisure Suit Larry, Magna Cum Laude)

Morgan the Librarian - Leisure Suit Larry MCL Ep58
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Tags: FLuffee4thewin Morgan The Librarian Leisure Suit Larry MCL Leisure Suit Larry Leisure Suit Larry MCL Ep58 Ep 58 playstation playstation3 psp psn ps2 ps3 sony
Added: 1 year ago
From: FLuffee4theWin
Views: 5,494

[the player enters the college library, where a male student worker (short black hair, glasses, black sweater, brown pants) at the front desk is speaking to a male student]
COLLEGE GUY: What's checked out to my library card?
LIBRARIAN: It says you've got out the June Eighty-Four issue of "Assgasm," the April Ninety-Three issue of "Top Heavy," the "Tea Bagging" Double Annual Ninety-Six ... I could continue, but this list is quite long. Somebody's been pretty busy.
COLLEGE GUY: Not me, somebody stole my card! That fairy swiped it!
LIBRARIAN: Hey man, we don't use the word ... "fairy" around here. It's a derogatory term. Besides, y-you're the one that took out "Tea Bagging," and this one called "Man Splash."
COLLEGE GUY: This fairy was, like, wearin' pink and he was carrying a dildo! And he was, like, really gross and hairy!
LIBRARIAN: If you're referring to Ramone, he's got a condition. It's called hypertrichosis.
COLLEGE GUY: Um, and the fairy was flying!
LIBRARIAN: Yes ... Now, you have a hundred and seventy eight dollars in fines. There's a hold on your account until you pay up.
COLLEGE GUY: Fuckin' fairies ... So you, like, been down to the lab?
LIBRARIAN: Yes, I am a bio-chemistry student.
COLLEGE GUY: You fucked that professor yet? She's hot, bro.
LIBRARIAN: She is an intelligent woman, and worthy of your respect.
COLLEGE GUY: I'm tellin' you ... I'd like to heat up my test tube in her bunsen burner!
LIBRARIAN: Ah yes, your scientific double entendres are very clever ...



Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude is a 2004 video game, part of the Leisure Suit Larry series. The game introduces a new main character, 'Larry Lovage', as Larry Laffer's nephew. This is the 7th game in the series.

Like many other current games, Magna Cum Laude has a free exploration mode where Larry can walk about campus and interact with students and personnel on the premises. In this mode, Larry can search for hidden money or tokens, strike poses to impress girls, and take photos which can later be sold to collectors. At several locations on campus a minigame can be entered, usually by "activating" an object or a person (starting a conversation). The player must win most of the minigames in order to advance. Minigames started by a conversation usually increase the affection of one of the girls; other minigames can provide money or increase "confidence".

There are several different minigames, and variations on them:

* Chat: the player must steer a sperm icon through a course of "hot spots." Green hot spots result in a good conversation, whereas red spots result in inappropriate and humiliating (but amusing) topics.
* Dancing: a rhythm game similar to Dance Dance Revolution where the player must press the right buttons on time
* Trampoline: a variation of dancing, where Larry is bouncing on a trampoline
* Serve: a variation of the classic arcade game Tapper, where food or other items must be passed to each row before the queue reaches Larry
* Quarters: a drinking game where coins must be tipped in a glass to get the other player drunk

Other minigames included are panty raids and evasion, where Larry must escape other people by running along a set course. Typically in order to "win" a girl, multiple of these games must be played in succession.

The game originally received an "Adults Only" rating from the ESRB and was subsequently edited to receive a more commercial "Mature" rating in the USA and Canada. In Europe, the game was released unedited on all three systems and featured a disclaimer on the packaging highlighting that it was "uncut". The unedited version was eventually released in North America under the title Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude—Uncut and Uncensored!. The major difference between the two North American releases is that the uncut and uncensored version contains full frontal nudity and sex scenes, although the latter contains very little and is mostly implied.

The main character, Larry Lovage, is a student at Walnut Log Community College whose purpose is to get on a dating TV show called "Swingles". Uma Yasmine, the hostess of the show won't allow Larry in the show until he will prove his seductive wits by obtaining "tokens of affection". Sixteen college girls will conveniently be at his disposal. His aging uncle, Larry Laffer, from the original games, provides brief advice and appears at a local bar. Larry also must outsmart a sorority house and a fraternity house, known as Dio, where they recite lines that are actually modified lyrics of Black Sabbath songs.

A brief subplot involves the college's arena football team going against a rival team known as the Maiming Maggots. However, the college's team name is a running gag because it is obscured by objects, only revealing it as Flaming Fa-. The final scene shows the team name is actually the Flaming Fantasticks after the Swingles van leaves the school.



In order to advance now, you need to get ALL THREE females' Tokens of Affection. No small task, but it's not too tough.

First up is Morgan, who is in the library. For once, you will not have to speak to her to get things started. Instead, Interact with the Drink Station in the library near Nigel. You'll make some coffee for her, although it will cost you 15 bucks to do so. The coffee-making mini-game is, of course, in Whack-A-Mole style. If you want to save some money, save it before starting, because EVERY TIME you play, it will cost you another 15.

Once the coffee is made, talk to the librarian. You'll need to fully accessorize the Geek Outfit before Morgan will speak to you, so buy the Bow Tie, Calculator Watch, Pocket Protector, and Thick Glasses. If you run short on funds, run over to the Greek Quad to snap pics of cheerleaders, or go to the Power Station and snap Analisa in her bra and panties.

Geek Outfit - Purchasable from The Library's Librarian (Cost: 10)
Bow Tie - Purchasable from The Library's Librarian (Cost: 5)
Calculator Watch - Purchasable from the Library's Librarian (Cost: 10)
Pocket Protector - Purchasable from the Library's Librarian (Cost: 10)
Think Glasses - Purchasable from the Library's Librarian (Cost: 10)

Once you've purchased the necessary accessories from the librarian and equipped the Geek Outfit, speak to Morgan, who is by the mural on the third floor. You'll engage her in a chat mini-game.

Clear it, and you'll be taken to Larry's room automatically for another chat session. After that is a game of Strip Slaps with Morgan, followed by the third chat session.

Finish up with a streak session through campus; it's not that simple, though. You need to avoid all the guys (or else they'll chase you and beat you up), and can only offend people if your body is directly facing them.

Once you run naked past 16 people (and avoid campus security), you'll have to hide back at the library, where you get Morgan's Token of Affection: her D&D Dice Bag.

(CHAT 1 - Larry approaches Morgan in the library with some coffee.)

*Green Smiley* Oh, what a predicament I'm in...
*Red Frown* Oh, what a pickle I'm in!
*Red Depressed Face* Man, my life sucks!

*Green Smiley* I have here two Choco-Mocha Creme Lattes...
*Red Frown* Why I have here two steaming piles of beany goodness...
*Red Frown* I have tasted the creamy goodness of these two coffees...

*Green Smiley* Yet there's only one of me...
*Red Frown* I have a really small bladder...
*Red Frown* I am but a puny little man...

*Green Smiley* If only someone would aid me in this horrible predicament!
*Red Frown* If only these were a favorite drink of someone nearby...
*Red Frown* If only someone would fall for my transparent scheme...

Morgan: Did you say Choco-Mocha Creme Latte? Yeah, I'll take it off your hands. Those are, like, my favorite!

*Red Frown* I know!
*Green Smiley* Really?
*Red Frown* Shut... up!

*Green Smiley* It's good to find a woman who shares my refined tastes...
*Red Frown* It's so good to find a woman who'll fall for my trick...
*Red Boobs* It's good to find a woman with a nice rack...

*Red Frown* Y'know, this morning, I was at home masturbating...
*Green Smiley* Y'know, this morning, I was at home reading...
*Red Drunk Face* Y'know, this morning, I was at home with a hangover...

*Green Smiley* And as I pored through my much dog-eared copy of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", I...
*Red Boobs* And as I read the back of the Girls Gone Wild tape, I...
*Red Frown* And as I flipped through the Kama Sutra, I...

Morgan: Really? That's my favorite book!

*Red Frown* Yeah, yeah. Ever since you got it on your thirteenth birthday, I know...
*Red Frown* Uh, no it's your second favorite...
*Green Smiley* Why, yes it is!

*Red Brain* But, it's not like I'm some sorta nerd...
*Green Smiley* But, uh, don't get the impression that I'm some bookish sort...
*Red Frown* But, really, I'm one of those people who's too cool for books...

*Red Frown* ...y'know, all "tea-time" and "limp wrists" and "getting in touch with feelings"...
*Red Frown* ...y'know, with pocket protectors and chess club who never gets laid...
*Green Smiley* ...who does nothing but read all day long...

*Green Smiley* I also spend time with my other interests...
*Red Frown* I also pretend to have other interests...
*Red Frown* There's lots of other things I learned in prison...

*Green Smiley* Eating Boo-Berry cereal...
*Red Cuffs* Dressing up Barbie dolls in bondage gear...
*Red Frown* Eating strawberry shortcake...

*Green Smiley* And buying Dukes of Hazzard lunchboxes off EBay!
*Red Frown* And buying used underwear on EBay!
*Red Frown* And selling my used underwear on EBay!

Morgan: Okay, that's a bit too familiar... Do I know you?

*Red Frown* No, but I do stalk you...
*Red Devil* Carnally? Heh, not yet...
*Green Smiley* Probably...

*Red Frown* Uh, would you like to get to know me better? Carnally?
*Red Devil* So, you, me, some sweet lovin'? Interested?
*Green Smiley* Hey, uh, you wanna go somewhere and talk about it?

*Red Frown* And uh, have sex?
*Green Smiley* Uh, like a date?
*Red Frown* I'll strip first...

Morgan: A date?.... I dunno... You don't seem too weird, but, isn't this a bit sudden? I don't know if I could hang out with someone who I only know in real life. Shouldn't we IM or MORPG a little first?

*Green Smiley* Um, eh, oh, I know!
*Red Boobs* What'd you say? I was too busy staring at your ample bosom...
*Red Frown* I'd like to "MM" your "RPG"! Or uh...

*Red Frown* We could shave each other's armpits...
*Red Frown* We could dress up like plumbers!
*Green Smiley* We could sneak down to the library sub-basement...

*Green Smiley* And have a picnic in the old sewer tunnel!
*Red Frown* And explore each others bodies while we explore the sewer tunnels!
*Red Cheese* And hang around in stinky poo-gas!

*Red Rat* We could attack some rats while we're down there!
*Red Frown* I'm gettin' a wee bit hoooot just thinkin' about it...
*Green Smiley* It could be quite an adventure!

Morgan: What? I just did that last week! How do you even know about those tunnels?

*Red Alien* Why, it's like we've had a Vulcan mind meld!
*Green Smiley* It's like I've known you all my life!
*Red Frown* It's like I'm not the only one in these pants...

*Green Smiley* We both have a crush on B'andre the Giant...
*Red Frown* We both lost our virginity to Scotty Peters...
*Red Frown* We both use super-absorbant Kotex, with wings!

*Red Frown* Our favorite fruit is George Michael!
*Green Smiley* Our favorite fruit is the kumquat!
*Red Frown* Our favorite fruit is Bolivia!

Morgan: Have you been reading my website?

*Green Smiley* Web? Wha? Who? Whaddaya? Wha?
*Red Frown* I wouldn't say "reading" so much as "oggling"...
*Red Frown* Do you really think I'd use my computer for something other than porn? Hello!

*Red Frown* Okay, look. I may have been stalking you, a little...
*Red Frown* Okay, look. I may have spent over forty-eight hours straight staring at it...
*Green Smiley* Okay, look. I may have stumbled onto it, once...

*Red Brain* And maybe it was because I did a search for "hot young nerd chicks".
*Green Smiley* And maybe it was because I heard you sometimes left your webcam on while you were changing...
*Red Frown* And maybe it was because I got turned on a little bit by your baby pictures...

*Red Boobs* But even after I realized that was Luba's website I was thinking of...
*Red Frown* But even after I found out that you didn't have a "Members Only" section...
*Green Smiley* But after a few weeks of waiting for that to happen again...

*Red Frown* I started to come back, because you gave out details of your sex life.
*Green Smiley* I started to come back, because I really liked reading what you wrote!
*Red Hick Face* I started to come back, because I heard you liked dorky guys...

*Red Frown* I feel like you're me, if I had been a chick...
*Red NO Sign* I feel like you're the sister I never had incest with...
*Green Smiley* I think we've bonded in ways I never thought I could with a girl who doesn't know I exist.

Morgan: Wow, I have my own... creepy stalker fanboy...

*Green Smiley* Is that so wrong?
*Red Frown* Do, you, uh, think you'll call the cops?
*Red Frown* You think I'm some creepy pervert?

*Success* Kinda, but I guess it's sorta cute. At least you have the balls to ask me out. All my guy-friends wanna bang me, but they're too scared to even ask...
*Failure 1* According to local sexual harrassment laws, yes...
*Failure 2* I thought "creepy stalker" kinda summed up my opinion on that...

(CHAT 2 - Larry leads Morgan into his room. She looks around.)

Morgan: Oh, wow! Is that a B'andre the Giant poster?

*Red Hick Face* Poster? What poster?
*Green Smiley* I think so!
*Red Frown* B'andre the... who?

*Green Smiley* Well, it was up here when I moved in...
*Red Frown* Y'know, I keep tellin' the janitor to stop puttin' up posters in my room!
*Red Frown* Honestly, I haven't been here in a few weeks, who knows?

Morgan: Heh, I used to have such a crush on him as a kid. After my dad took me to Wrestlemania, I wrote "Morgan loves B'andre" like a million times on my Trapper Keeper...

*Red Frown* So did I!
*Red Frown* You had a Trapper Keeper, too?
*Green Smiley* Really?

*Red Balls* My grandpa, he was a peanut vendor at B'andre the Giant's private baseball stadium...
*Green Smiley* My grandpa, he was a peanut vendor at Wrestlemania IV...
*Red Frown* My grandpa always said he had a dream where he was a peanut vendor...

*Red Frown* And he was invited to the cast party after...
*Red Frown* He and B'andre really hit it off...
*Green Smiley* And he went into the shower there...

*Green Smiley* And he said B'andre the Giant's weiner was like a foot long!
*Red Ruler* And he said B'andre the Giant's weiner was only, like, three inches long!
*Red Frown* And he said B'andre the Giant was the best lay he ever had!

Morgan: Heh, if your grandfather was a peanut vendor, what was he doing in the wrestler's locker room?

*Red Frown* Okay, okay, so the whole "stalker" thing kinda runs in the family...
*Red Wang* Okay, when I say "peanut vendor", you need to look for the double meaning, okay?
*Green Smiley* Um, my mom said I wasn't supposed to talk about it with anyone outside the family...

Morgan: Anyway... Did you know B'andre was over seven feet tall?

*Red Ruler* He was a little taller than me...
*Red Frown* And he had a posse!
*Green Smiley* Seven foot, two inches...

*Green Smiley* Five hundred and forty pounds...
*Red Frown* And he weighed more than my Aunt Mabel!
*Red Frown* But, it's not like being taller makes you a better person...

*Green Smiley* See, he suffered from acromegaly...
*Red Frown* See, he had a really bad eating problem...
*Red Frown* He suffered from melbolalaby...

*Red Maple Leaf* A rare disease that causes nearby plants to burst into song!
*Red Frown* A rare disease that makes you really tall, and big, and kick a lot...
*Green Smiley* A rare disease that results in an over-abundance of growth hormones...

Morgan: You sure know a lot about B'andre the Giant...

*Red Frown* More than any man alive!
*Green Smiley* I should!
*Red Frown* More than I'd like to...

*Red Frown* See, me and B'andre are brothers, separated at birth...
*Green Smiley* See, me and B'andre are best friends...
*Red Frown* See, me and B'andre are blood brothers...

Morgan: Uhhh, don't you mean "were"?

*Green Smiley* Oh, we still are...
*Red Frown* Oh, y-yeah, I do...
*Red Frown* You don't believe me?

(starts dialing)
*Red Frown* He should just be getting home after helping my mom with her back problem...
*Green Smiley* I'll call him on the phone, right now...
*Red Frown* There's no way a phone call can be fake...

(into phone)
*Red Frown* Hello, B'andre the Giant? Uh, pretend you know me...
*Red Frown* Yeah, Andrette. Is your Daddy home?
*Green Smiley* Helloooo, B'andre the Giant? This is Larry...

*Red Frown* Oh, you and my mom are wrestling right now?
*Green Smiley* Oh, you and Bulk Bogan are wrestling right now, huh?
*Red Frown* Oh, you're in the locker room with my grandpa right now...

*Red Frown* Tell "The Bulkster" he owes me licensing rights for stealing my
*Red Frown* Tell "The Bulkster" that I accept his apology over the time he got mad because he couldn't accept that I was so much cooler than him...
*Green Smiley* Tell "The Bulkster" I'm sorry for kickin' his wimpy butt last year...

(to Morgan)
*Red Frown* He's telling Bulk Bogan to get a life!
*Red Frown* He's telling Bulk Bogan you like him!
*Green Smiley* He's telling Bulk Bogan what I said!

*Red Depressed Face* Bogan is running home, crying!
*Red Devil* Bogan sounds really turned on!
*Green Smiley* Heheh! Bogan sounds really mad!

Operator (from in phone): If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help, hang up, and then dial your operator.

Larry (into phone):
*Red Frown* Well, I don't think she's buying it...
*Green Smiley* Oh, really? That's nice, B'andre the Giant...
*Red Frown* Oh, really? That's nice, B'andre the Giant...

*Red Frown* I love you too, snookums...
*Green Smiley* (sniff) I think you're my best friend, too... (sniff)
*Red Frown* See ya next Thanksgiving, old buddy...

*Red Frown* Ah, well, I'm almost outta minutes, buh-bye...
*Red Frown* I've got a lady caller... Bye!
*Green Smiley* Well, gotta go, bye...

Morgan: Larry, I hate to break it to you, but B'andre the Giant's been dead for, like, ten years...

*Green Smiley* Oh, yeah?
*Red Frown* That's a lie!
*Red Frown* That's what Bulk Bogan wants you to believe!

*Red Frown* Then who has my mom been spending all that time with?
*Red Frown* Then who sent me that fruit basket last week?
*Green Smiley* Then who was I talking to on the phone?

Morgan: Oh, I dunno. No one?

*Red Frown* Why don't you talk to him?
*Green Smiley* How 'bout I just call B'andre the Giant back?
*Red Frown* All right, then. Why don't I just invite B'andre over?

*Red Tombstone* And tell him he's dead!
*Green Smiley* And tell him you called him a nobody!
*Red Ruler* And tell him he's over seven feet tall!

*Red Tombstone* I bet he'd lurch out of his grave...
*Green Smiley* I bet he'd take the first flight over here...
*Red Frown* I bet he'd fly right here on his Giant Plane!

*Red Frown* And show you just where he puts his peanuts!
*Green Smiley* And deliver a big boot to the back of your head, personally!
*Red Explosion* And throw a big rock at your head!

Morgan: God, Larry! It's not like I'd fall for that sad little trick, anyway, even if he was alive...

*Green Smiley* Trick? Oh, you thought I was trying to trick you?
*Red Frown* Really? I thought it was working!
*Red Frown* Trick? What trick?

*Success* Y'know, it's really cute how you thought a way to impress me... I think you're ready... There's something I've been wanting to try...
*Failure 1* Wow, you really are stupid, aren't you?
*Failure 2* My mother warned me about dating losers! Why didn't I listen?

(CHAT 3 - Larry and Morgan are playing D&D in his room.)

Morgan: So, you rolled a thirteen, which is enough to hit!

*Red Frown* My Magic Poking Stick does...
*Green Smiley* My Two-Handed Sword of Girth does...
*Red Frown* "Beaver Slayer"... that's what I named my sword... does...

*Red Frown* 1d7 +1/2 against beavers, so I do...
*Green Smiley* 1d10 +3 against loins, so I do...
*Red Brain* 1d8 + against dorks, so I do...

*Green Smiley* 9 damage!
*Red Frown* A world of hurt!
*Red Hick Face* What's six plus three again?

Morgan: Oh, that's enough to take out the last orc! The princess calls for you to save her...

*Red Frown* Nice. I pop some breath spray... Has that been invented yet?
*Red Boobs* Sweet! I check out her, uh, equipment...
*Green Smiley* Cool! I go up to her...

*Red Boobs* Does she have big knockers?
*Green Smiley* Is she cute?
*Red Devil* Does she look desperate enough to do me?

Morgan: Uhh... yeah. Her Charisma's seventeen, so, I guess she's cute...

*Red Hick Face* Seventeen, all right! She's legal!
*Red Boobs* I stare at her chestadid...
*Green Smiley* I talk to her...

(heroic voice)
*Red Frown* Verily, thou art hot!
*Red Frown* Yo, sexy!
*Green Smiley* Hey, baby!

*Red Frown* Do you have the Mapkeeping skill? I keep getting lost in thine eyes!
*Red Frown* Did it hurt when you fell from Valhalla?
*Green Smiley* What's a nice wench like you doing in a rotten dungeon like this?

Morgan: Okay, I'll need a Charisma check to see how well you did. (rolls) Ohhhh, that's not good... But her "INT" is only five, so she doesn't notice.

*Green Smiley* So, does she, like, like me?
*Red Devil* So, does she do me?
*Red Frown* Five? That's the same as mine! We're soulmates!

Morgan: Uh, no. She says, "Oh, you must save me good sir knight. The evil wizard will be back soon!"

Larry (heroic voice):
*Red Frown* Riffy!
*Green Smiley* No problem!
*Red Frown* Gotcha covered!

*Red Frown* I offer to teach her my stroking technique...
*Green Smiley* I whip out my +5 Rod of Stroking!
*Red Wang* I whip out my Rod... of Stroking!

Morgan: Larry, it's "Striking", not "Stroking"... Hehe... Whatever... "No! He's too powerful! You'll never stop his virgin sacrifice!"

Larry (heroic voice):
*Green Smiley* Wait! "Virgin" sacrifice?
*Red Frown* Virgin! What a wonderful word!
*Red Boobs* Thou, a virgin? With thine hooters?

*Red Wang* Hey, what say we fix this virgin problem of yours!
*Green Smiley* So, wait, if he can't sacrifice you, what happens?
*Red Frown* I know the perfect cure for virginity!

Morgan: "Well, I guess that'd break the spell, and the demons would take him instead!"

Larry (heroic voice):
*Green Smiley* I have an idea!
*Red Wang* I have a boner!
*Red Shocked Face* Demons? Yikes!

*Red Frown* If we're going to die, at least we can go out the good way!
*Red Frown* It might not work, but at least it will be fun!
*Green Smiley* It's crazy, but it's our only chance!

*Red Wang* My squire is ready to come out!
*Red Splat* Get thee ready for some man-cream!
*Green Smiley* Taketh off all thine clothes!

Morgan: "Whaaat?"

*Red Frown* Once we get rid of that pesky hymen...
*Green Smiley* If you're not a virgin...
*Red Frown* One night with me, and...

*Red Frown* You won't be pure anymore!
*Green Smiley* He can't sacrifice you!
*Red Frown* No demon would want you!

Morgan: Mmm, she's not sure how to react... (rolls) Ooo, just barely made it. She rips off her chainmail bikini and leaps into your arms, topless...

*Red Frown* Great! So, at least my fictional versions get some, and...
*Red Condom* Great! So, I finally get to use my Chainmail Condom I spent all my gold pieces on?
*Green Smiley* Great! So, we have sweet, sweet, sex, and...

Morgan: Nah, I'm not gonna let you get off that easy... What, exactly, do you do?

*Green Smiley* Well, I get on top of her...
*Red Frown* I mount my fair wench...
*Red Frown* I guess, I climb up on her as high as I can get...

*Green Smiley* ...and feel her royal boobies!
*Red Frown* ...and rummage around for her G-spot!
*Red Frown* ...and immediately start rutting!

Morgan: Okay, that's a -4 penalty for "no foreplay", but a +2 for her Superior Sluttiness feat. (rolls) Ooo, a critical hit! She's humping your leg!

*Red Frown* Wow, I love this game! I hump back!
*Green Smiley* Okay, I mount her and thrust!
*Red Frown* I try to move her up to a better place for humping...

Morgan: Dexterity check! And you don't have the right skills, so... mmm, you miss... You hit her elbow. She takes 1 damage...

*Green Smiley* Okay... This time I cast "Mordenkai's Sureshot" first.
*Red Wang* Okay... This time I cast "Cure Minor Erection" first.
*Red Frown* Okay... This time I cast "Satanic Bodily Possession" first.

Morgan: Hmmhm... Good idea! Your penis emits an eerie blue light, and you get a +8 bonus! Okay, you're in!

*Green Smiley* I ride her like a warhorse!
*Red Frown* I ride her like the neighbor's My Little Pony!
*Red Frown* I ride her like a Scotsman on a sheep!

*Red Frown* Has she noticed me, yet?
*Red Frown* Is she done yet?
*Green Smiley* How long 'til she's not a virgin?

Morgan: If you have to ask... Okay, Constitution check... (rolls) Sorry, you lose it early. That's gonna be a -4 on future reaction rolls...

*Red Frown* Future rolls? But, I already had sex with her!
*Green Smiley* But we did it, right?
*Red Frown* Why would that be a minus?

*Red Frown* So, I'm a man, now!
*Green Smiley* We stopped the sacrifice?
*Red Frown* She didn't run screaming?

*Success* Yes! Once again, quick thinking and quick sex have saved the kingdom!
*Failure 1* Nope! She pulls off her mask, and reveals that she was really a master assassin all along! You just fucked your murderer!
*Failure 2* Nope! She casts Dispel Magic on herself and reveals that she was really the evil old wizard all along! You just fucked the villain!

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Case Study No. 1404: Orange Gold Anything Muppet Librarian

Sesame Street: People in Your Neighborhood
If you're watching videos with your preschooler and would like to do so in a safe, child-friendly environment, please join us at

A librarian and a plumber are your neighbors.

Sesame Street is a production of Sesame Workshop, a nonprofit educational organization which also produces Pinky Dinky Doo, The Electric Company, and other programs for children around the world.
Tags: people in your neighborhood librarian plumber sing song
Added: 2 years ago
From: SesameStreet
Views: 135,833


"The People in Your Neighborhood" has been performed on Sesame Street many times, sung by many different characters. The song focus on occupations, with each variation focusing on different jobholders (usually portrayed by Anything Muppets).

The version heard on most albums is sung by Bob and two Anything Muppets, a postman and a firefighter performed by Jim Henson and Frank Oz respectively.

In Episode 0718, David sang with an Orange Gold Anything Muppet Librarian (Jim Henson) and a Lavender Anything Muppet Plumber (Richard Hunt).



DAVID: Come on, let's take a little walk through the neighborhood and see who we meet.


Oh, who are the people in your neighborhood, in your neighborhood, in your neighborhood?
Say, who are the people in your neighborhood, the people that you meet each day?


Psst, come here.

LIBRARIAN: Yes, can I help you, young man?

DAVID: Yeah, you want to sing with me?

LIBRARIAN: Now that's a novel idea.

DAVID: You must be a librarian.

LIBRARIAN: Librarian. Let me look that up.


Hmm, it says here,


A librarian will help you look
for a special magazine or book.

There's a lot to read, and it's all free
so come down to my library.



A librarian is a person in your neighborhood.



In your neighborhood.



In your neighborhood.



A librarian is a person in your neighborhood, a person that you meet each day.


PLUMBER: Uh, Excuse me.


PLUMBER: Pardon me, do you have any books on plumbing?

LIBRARIAN: Good heavens, it's a greasy reader.


PLUMBER: Huh? I don't know what he meant by that.

DAVID: Psst, c'mere, c'mere. Are you a plumber?

PLUMBER: Oh, I'll never tell. You'll have to wrench it out of me.


DAVID: Well, come on. You want to sing with me?

PLUMBER: Well, OK. Pipe down and we'll plunge right into it.


Oh, the plumber is the one who knows
how to fix the toilet when it overflows.

If you have a stopped-up toilet, drain, or sink,
I'll be there to fix it quick as a wink.



Oh, a plumber is a person in your neighborhood.



In your neighborhood.



In your neighborhood.



And a librarian is a person in your neighborhood.



They're the people that you meet--



--when you're walking down the street.



They're the people that you meet each day.

LIBRARIAN: I'll look that one up.

PLUMBER: Yes, I'll sink about it.


Case Study No. 1403: Unnamed Male Librarian (Moonrise Kingdom)

'Moonrise Kingdom' Animated Shorts
In Wes Anderson's indie mega-hit "Moonrise Kingdom," 12-year-old Suzy (Kara Hayward) packs an unusual set of items for her runaway adventure with her pen-pal boyfriend, Sam (Jared Gilman): A half-dozen (fictitious) storybooks she stole from the library, three of which she reads aloud over the course of the film. Anderson commissioned six artists to create the books' evocative jacket covers, but initially the director wanted to take the artistry even further. "At one point in the process, when she's reading these passages from these books, I'd thought about going into animation," he says.

The animated shorts include: Shelly and the Secret Universe, The Francine Odysseys, The Girl from Jupiter, Disappearance of the 6th Grade, The Light of Seven Matchsticks, and The Return of Auntie Lorraine.
Tags: 219646971 1675944213001 MK Boo 1567998015
Added: 2 years ago
From: TheMkanimation
Views: 35,233

["Do you like to read?" appears on screen]
LIBRARIAN: [from off camera] Do you like to read?
[cut to an older male librarian (glasses, white beard stubble, green knit cap, white scarf, red smoking jacket, finger-less gloves) sitting in an armchair in front of a large bookcase, speaking directly to the camera]
LIBRARIAN: If not, feel free to turn this off and don't bother watching it. If yes, however ... this might be interesting for you. I'm the narrator of a new movie called "Moonrise Kingdom," and I'm also the librarian for the township of New Penzance, where the story takes place. The following brief animated film clips will give you just a glimpse into the suitcase carried by the heroine of the movie. Her name is Suzy Bishop, as she reads a short paragraph from each of her six favorite books.
[he reaches over to a nearby table, and takes the top book off of the pile sitting there]
LIBRARIAN: And we're gonna begin with the story of a young gymnast ...
[he holds the book up to the camera]
LIBRARIAN: And a powerful amulet.
[cut to a closeup of the book's cover ("Shelly and the Secret Universe" by Nan Chapin), then cut to pencil-animation of a young girl watching another girl go through her routine on the balance beams]
SUZY: [in voice over] "If there's one thing competition-level gymnasts know how to do, even if they're only eleven-and-a-half years old and they've been publicly betrayed by their entire extended families, and they've been grounded since February and now they're going to be forced to get braces for an overbite that isn't their fault ... it's jump."
[the girl turns to the camera, then jumps off screen]
SUZY: [in voice over] "Shelly did ... Our story begins as her toes leave the ground."
[cut back to the librarian, who holds up another book]
LIBRARIAN: The first of the next two books is about a strong-willed girl ... and a troubled lion.
[he puts the book down, then holds up another one]
LIBRARIAN: The next ... takes place on a foreign planet.
[cut to a closeup of the book's cover ("The Francine Odysseys" by Gertrude Price), then cut to an animated sequence featuring a lion wearing a crown walking towards a small lake]
SUZY: [in voice over] "His eyes downcast, his kingdom in ruins, Mynar pressed his heavy paw through the rippling surface of the cool shallows and down to its stone floor."
[cut to a closeup of the lion's face]
SUZY: [in voice over] "My people once were led by a great and noble beast, and I no longer see his face in this reflection."
[cut to a young girl sitting in the middle of a desert]
SUZY: [in voice over] "Meanwhile, on the plains of Tabitha, Francine rested. There would be another time for war."
[cut to a closeup of another book's cover ("The Girl from Jupiter" by Isaac Clarke), then cut to an animated sequence featuring a purple alien with several tentacles protuding from its large face]
SUZY: [in voice over] "'Why are you crying?' said the Hydra Goblin. 'Don't you know? Death is a process. In time, you must learn to choose to accept, in order to accept to choose to learn' ... "
[cut to a young blue-skinned girl standing in front of the creature]
SUZY: [in voice over] "Marney was sick of this gibberish. 'Just get me off this planet once and for all!' she said coldly. 'While I've still got a few friends alive' ... "
[cut back to the alien creature]
SUZY: [in voice over] "The Hyrdra Goblin stroked his brow with the end of a ropy tendril ... 'This girl,' he thought, 'Might just do.'"
[cut back to the librarian speaking directly to the camera]
LIBRARIAN: Alright, let's just go on straight to the next one.
[cut to a closeup of the book's cover ("Disappearance of the 6th Grade" by Burris Burris), then cut to type-written words appearing on a blank page]
SUZY: [in voice over] "The flashlight's beam drew a moon through the black across the attic and settled on a gap in the base-board. A mouse-hole, no bigger than a pocket-watch. Eric crouched on his flat feet and placed his hand in front of the tiny opening. 'It's windy,' he said. 'Like someone in there's blowing on my fingers.'"
[cut to white text on a black background]
SUZY: [in voice over] "Christy rolled her eyes and sighed a sigh. 'He's right again,' she thought. 'Little brothers drive people crazy.'"
[cut to a closeup of another book's cover ("The Light of Seven Matchsticks" by Virginia Tipton), then cut to an animated sequence of a boy and a girl climbing down a rope and onto a ledge]
SUZY: [in voice over] "'But I'm not going,' said Barnaby Jack. 'I'm running away tonight, for good. And this time, I won't get caught.' Annabel whispered, 'I'm coming with you.'"
[cut to a closeup of the girl's hairline]
SUZY: [in voice over] "Her yellow hair, now brown at the roots, caught up in the wind and danced."
[cut to a closeup of the boy reaching into his pocket and taking out a bullet, putting it in the girl's hand]
SUZY: [in voice over] "Barnaby Jack took Annabel's hand and pressed something in to it the size of a jellybean ... 'Hide this in your socks and be ready at midnight.'"
[cut back to the librarian, who holds up another book]
LIBRARIAN: And finally, one last one.
[cut to a closeup of the book's cover ("The Return of Auntie Lorraine" by Miriam Weaver), then cut to an animated sequence of a little girl surrounded by scientific equipment and bunsen burners]
SUZY: [in voice over] "I don't believe in magic. I used to, but once I started taking Introduction to Life Science with Mister Massey, I realized the logical explanation for practically every mystery in the world is even more interesting than a supernatural one ... Auntie Lorraine wouldn't agree. Of course, that's no surprise, because--"
[the girl drinks her concoction from a test tube, then the camera zooms in, as her orange hair turns black with white streaks]
SUZY: [in voice over] "She's a professional witch-hunter."
[cut back to the librarian speaking directly to the camera]
LIBRARIAN: Thanks for joining us, and I hope you enjoyed our little previews ... Our movie, by the way, is coming soon to a theater near you. It's called "Moonrise Kingdom."



Wes Anderson's latest, the love story Moonrise Kingdom, is set in the whimsical world of New Penzance, where khaki scouts led by a dedicated math teacher/scout leader, a local sheriff, and a pair of apoplectic parents set out to find two adolescent lovers who have run away on a romantic adventure in the island's thick forests. In the mix of a heady ensemble that boasts Bill Murray, Bruce Willis, Frances McDormand and Tilda Swinton, it is heralded character actor Bob Balaban who serves as the story's quirky narrator, playing the New Penzance's local historian/weather authority.

His role has expanded into the film's web-based marketing, where he's guided fans through behind-the-scenes featurettes as well as the movie's lovely website. Now in the latest viral offering from Anderson - which he teased last week - we learn Balaban's character is also the local librarian, and so is the perfect person to introduce the film's supplementary animated short, which explores the pilfered library books that young Suzy Bishop brings along on her exploits.

Inspired by the covers of the books - created specifically for the film - and their accompanying captions, this short offers not only an expansion on the world of Moonrise Kingdom but also an added insight into the enigmatic Suzy, who is far more guarded than most movie tweens. Through these fantastical tales of young girls with thirsts for adventure and deep-seated powers, it is far easier to unfold what makes the oft-scowling Suzy tick. And surely it will serve as another tantalizing teaser for those still waiting for Moonrise Kingdom to reach theaters near them.

Case Study No. 1402: Unnamed Female Librarian (Reina Del Cid)

Library Girl (original song)
To all kindred nerds.

Shelving books on the night shift
It takes some time, but I guess I like it
Dewey's decimals keep me company

Out the window, you are dancing
With those girls who can't stop laughing
Lip-gloss, too hot, fake-baked drama queens

You were drinking a margarita
I was reading My Antonia
I got to thinking that

I don't fit inside that world
And I'm not like those other girls
Oh no, I'm not, I think a lot
But please don't be afraid

Just 'cause I navigate the media
And use encyclopedias
It doesn't mean that I don't need
A boy just like you to talk to

Set my cup back on its saucer
At the coffee shop, reading Chaucer
With my iPod on my favorite track

The girls you're with get turtle lattes
Decaf, skim-based, extra frothy
But you and I both drink our coffee black

You were talking about ACDC
And I was playing my Puccini
I got to thinking that

Repeat Chorus

You can buy me a margarita
And I will lend you My Antonia
You can take me to ACDC
And I'll play you my Puccini
It doesn't matter that

I don't fit inside that world
I'm not like those other girls
Oh no, I'm not, I think a lot
But you are not afraid.

That I navigate the media
And use encyclopedias
It doesn't mean that I don't need
A boy just like you to talk to
Tags: reina del cid reinadelcid library girl original song acoustic indie pop blue guitar
Added: 3 years ago
From: ReinaDelCid
Views: 221,158


Here is a great music video, Library Girl. Love the out-takes at the end. Check it out: Music is by Singer/songwriter Reina Del Cid,who sings about a bookish girl who works as a library shelver at night and wonders about a guy she likes who is more into AC/DC than Puccini.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Case Study No. 1401: Dirty Randy

The League 5x04 Promo 'Rafi and Dirty Randy' (HD)
The League 5x04 Promo 'Rafi and Dirty Randy' (HD). On the next episode of The League, When their friend is murdered, Rafi and Dirty Randy (Seth Rogen) head to L.A. to avenge his death and break into the mainstream porn business.

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The League 5×04 Promo/Preview -- Season 5 Episode 4 (HD)
The League S05E04 Promo/Preview -- Season 5 Episode 4 (HD)
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The League 5×04, The League S05E04
The League 4×04, The League Season 4 Episode 4, The League S04E04
The League 4×04 Promo/Preview

The League 5×04, The League 5×04 Promo, The League 5×04 Preview, The League 5×04 Trailer, The League S05E04 Promo, The League, Season 5, Episode 4, FXX, Promo, Preview, Trailer, HD, The League S05E04, The League 4x04

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Tags: The League 5x04 The League 5x04 Promo The League 5x04 Preview The League 5x04 Trailer The League S05E04 Promo The League Season 5 Episode 4 FXX Promo Preview Trailer HD The League (TV Program)
Added: 9 months ago
From: TvPromos24
Views: 1,385


The League
"Rafi And Dirty Randy"
Season 5, Episode 4

Well, after all of that talk about how recently The League seems to be going in circles and repeating the same patterns, tonight's episode sure did shut me the hell up. What was even happening? What a strange half-hour of television, even for The League. Or, actually, it was especially strange because it was The League. There wasn't any talk of fantasy football (the very activity this show is built around), almost all of the main cast were missing (they seem to be dropping like flies; Ruxin is still away from last week and the other three only show up for a minute or two at the very beginning), and the entire episode is a weird mix of murder and porn and drugs with an ending slightly reminiscent of Spring Breakers. That said, I thoroughly enjoyed every bit of it.

"Rafi And Dirty Randy," written by Jason Mantzoukas and Seth Rogen and focused on their respective, titular characters, didn't feel like an episode that fits within the world of The League - even though we've already established how fucked up that world is. Of course I expected things to get a little weird in an episode about Rafi and Randy but I was not prepared for a cold open that featured Jorma Taccone getting shot in the head. (The immediate cut to the catchy theme just made it that much more, though.) Upon hearing the news of his friend's death, Rafi meets up with Randy in the library where they plan a little "vigilante justice" (within earshot of all the library's employees and patrons). Randy quits the job that he was actually fired from four months ago and the two guys head out on a road trip - in a car they stole from Kevin.

What follows is a montage of pure beauty as the two friends drive to Los Angeles. An indie flick soundtrack plays as they blow lines (but then fall asleep) and discuss their plans while laying on the hood of the car (but the car is still moving) and comment on the beauty of the world (and how dead animals turn Randy on). It's one of the funniest sequences The League has done in recent history and though I've never seen The Guilt Trip, I can only hope there was a little mocking of that road trip movie included here.

When they do arrive in Los Angeles - after they've stopped to jerk off at the Grand Canyon, of course - the episode just keeps testing the limits of ridiculousness. Rafi blows up Kevin's car. Will Sasso shows up to accidentally hail Hitler. David Krumholtz and Andy Daly (as Joel and Ethan Cocque) shoot porn in the unclean room where Spazz died. A little-person porn star pretends to be an 11-year-old and pole dances in front of her "peers" at a birthday party. Randy shoots Kevin Nealon.

Nothing makes any sense, really, but that is what's so great about these characters. You just sort of accept whatever dumb, shitty thing they do. Everything Rafi says and does is screwed up but Rafi believes that it's actually normal. He's so sure that getting revenge on Spazz's murderer is the only course of action that you just go along for the ride. I've never been a huge Rafi fan but I get it - and Mantzoukas' delivery is especially on point throughout this episode. His "OF COURSE" response to setting a cat on fire is so matter-of-fact and hilarious.

"Rafi And Dirty Randy" is full of manic pacing. It's an episode devoid of focus and encouraged by short attention spans - even the two characters get stuck in overlapping rapid-fire side conversations that occur in the middle of scenes, distracting both them (and the viewer) from what is happening. There's also such incredible escalation happening throughout that it only seems natural when it fast-forwards a year to Rafi and Randy working in porn and shooting guns in the air. There are shades of Rogen all over the script and I really do hope he and Mantzoukas collaborate more often because it's the hardest I've laughed during this show in a while. It's very alienating and incredibly weird - I can definitely understand why fans might dislike it - but I think it's also clever. It's an atypical episode of The League as a whole but everything that happens feels very typical in this strange little world.



In Praise of "The League's' "Rafi and Dirty Randy," the Year's Funniest Sitcom Episode
by Stephen Silver on October 7, 2013 at 9:55 am

The best sitcom episode of 2013 didn't air on NBC, CBS, Fox, or HBO, left out most of its series' regular cast, and departed radically from both the tone and subject matter of its series.

I'm speaking of "Rafi and Dirty Randy," an episode of FXX's The League that debuted two weeks ago, a 23-minute short film of depraved brilliance. Built around the character of Rafi (Jason Mantzoukas) and his librarian/pornographer pal Dirty Randy (guest star Seth Rogen)- and written by the two actors- the episode is an anarchic, 10-jokes-per-second rampage across America, resembling the trailer for a "Hangover" sequel that's both funnier and more audacious than any of the actual films:

The plot begins with the two characters hearing about the murder of an associate of theirs, and striking out to Los Angeles in a stolen car in quest for revenge against the porn kingpin (Kevin Nealon!) responsible. We're also introduced to very unnatural uses of baby pacifiers, car mirrors and grand canyon, as well as "the Cock Brothers, Joel and Ethan Cock," a gag that's hilarious on about three different levels. That's only scratching the surface- and the episode even concludes with a shocking death.

"Rafi and Dirty Randy" not only leaves out the show's regular cast nearly entirely, but also abandons its usual tone, working in such themes as arson, porn industry turf wars and multiple murders. But don't think "Rafi and Dirty Randy" is a breach from The League's continuity- the adventures of Kevin, Ruxin and the gang back in Chicago are repeatedly referenced, both in this episode and the following week's, which is set concurrently.

One of the best parts is the participation of Rogen, a decent-sized movie star who's shown that he's not above slumming as a sitcom guest star- he also appeared in probably the only memorable episode of the first season of The Mindy Project. It's certainly the funniest project Rogen has been involved with, probably since "Superbad," and I would absolutely watch a "Rafi and Dirty Randy" movie. However, it would probably need to be rated NC-17.

So please, I implore you, check out the episode. It's the hardest I've ever laughed at a League episode that didn't involve Mr. McGibblets:



Dirty Randy is played by Seth Rogen. He is Rafi's friend, who works as a librarian and a pornographer.

The reason he works at the library is for the infrastructure and says "it's a place where you can find desperate people and you can pay them in drugs and alcohol to work as part of the porn production team."

Before he was a porn director, he was homeless, kicked out of the military, crack dealer, and porn location scout. He met Rafi in an asylum, an experience he describes as "very romantic". He believes that puns "are as vital to the porn business as they are to the pet shop and children's barbershop industries."

He directed such movies as the controversial "Shitler's List" (the controversy was that it was shot in black and white), "Toe-Bangers 3" (The SEAL Team-Six member who shot Bin Laden found a copy of it in the compound, but the Government will not release the footage), "Dr. Andre Nodick," and "12.12.12: The Mayan Cockandlips" (filmed in the loft Deion Sanders bought from Andre).

In Season 5, he is also a member of Rafi's "Domination League." He threatens Ruxin with a trident made out of dildos.

Case Study No. 1400: Staff of the Niihama National Archives

GITS:SAC, PSP, Chapter 1 - Crossing 1
The intro basically.
Tags: Sony Playstation Portable PSP Ghost in the Shell Cyberpunk Anime FPS Motoko Tachikoma
Added: 4 years ago
From: ErickDamon
Views: 5,775

Top Secret
National Police Agency Security Bureau Administrative Document
Classification code: Public Security Investigation H-88
Suspect: Takashi Michiba

The rights belong to neither me, nor you, and most certainly not to that man.
Needless to say, not to the state either.
Even assuming that the rights belong to somebody, those who were born, are living, and will be dying on that land should be the only ones.

Only those who are not influenced by ideologies or states, and rely on the land for not only their livelihood but their very survival, can possess the usage rights for that land.

["Chapter 1. Crossing" appears on screen]
["A.D. 2030 May" appears on screen, as the scene opens inside of a helicopter flying over the city of Niihama, where the members of Public Security Section 9 listen to a radio transmission outlining the hostage crisis taking place at the Niihama National Archives building]
RADIO VOICE 1: According to the workers who escaped, after the terrorists infiltrated the National Archives through the loading gate on Basement Level One and destroyed the automatic security system, they took all of the employees in the facility hostage. They've gained control of the first floor lobby, as well as the library floors One through Three.
RADIO VOICE 2: Have there been any statements or demands from the criminals?
RADIO VOICE 1: Not at the present time. However, they seem to be looking for the H-88 Report.
RADIO VOICE 2: The H-88 Report? The one that conducted an investigation of General Michiba, the mastermind of the failed Far North rebellion twenty years ago?
RADIO VOICE 1: Yes, sir. Its designation as a state secret has been lifted, and it was transported here to the National Archives from the National Police Agency to prepare it for public release.
[Chief Aramaki looks around at the members of his team]
[cut to a shot of Kusanagi (a female cyborg) standing next to Batou (her male second-in-command)]
KUSANAGI: Go ahead and have command authority for the investigation transferred to Section Nine. Everyone's been waiting for that document to be released, but for an armed terrorist group to attack, that makes me awfully suspicious.
BATOU: Maybe they're conspiracy theorists who want the truth about what happened twenty years ago.
KUSANAGI: They would risk their own lives for it? Not likely. If you consider the social impact that the H-88 Report will have, as well as the timing of the attack, it looks like the perp is running scared over the possibility of that document being released.
[cut to a closeup of the Tachikoma in the helicopter (a blue spider-like robot with a child-like voice)]
TACHIKOMA: Ummm ... What's this "H-88 Report?" Since we're gonna be involved with the investigation, we'd like to input accurate information!
[the camera pans over to Kusanagi, as she looks over at the robot]
KUSANAGI: I never said anything about you working the investigation ... Oh, never mind. "88" is short for "National Police Agency Security Bureau Administrative Document, classification code Public Security Investigation H-88."
[cut to a closeup of Kusanagi's face]
KUSANAGI: It's the report on the attempted rebellion in the Far North, that includes the testimony of General Michiba.
[cut to a closeup of Togusa (a former policeman)]
TOGUSA: An attempted rebellion in the Far North? You mean the armed uprising by the officers of the Fifth Army who tried to turn the Far North, which we'd just taken back, into an independent state?
[cut to a shot of Batou]
BATOU: That's right. The Public Security Bureau tried to bury the whole thing way back then, but certain leaks about the affair came out, and that brought the incident to the public's attention. Now that the politicians see which way public opinion is blowing, they've requested a public review of it.
[cut to another shot of the team]
BATOU: But the rebellion that Michiba and the others planned involved a lot of military secrets. So, because the report contained sensitive material, it was classified as a state secret, and that designation remained on it for twenty years.
[cut to a closeup of Saito (the team's sniper)]
SAITO: And tomorrow marks the twentieth anniversary, huh?
[cut to another shot of the team]
RADIO VOICE 1: We should be arriving above the National Archives in just a few moments.
[cut to a closeup of Aramaki]
ARAMAKI: All right. I'm going to begin the mission briefing now ...
[cut to the mission map, where the player customizes his Tachikoma and weaponry before selecting "Start Mission"]
[cut to Kusanagi and the Tachikoma inside one of the empty floors of the Niihama National Archives]
TACHIKOMA: All of the country's official documents are sleeping right beneath our feet, stored in electronic form! I can't wait to get this incident resolved, because the sooner it's behind us, the sooner I'll be able to hook up to their database!
KUSANAGI: Tachikoma, don't run off on your own ...
[she sneaks up to one of the corners with her gun drawn, as the robot lumbers up behind her]
TACHIKOMA: That's why I'm requesting appropriate orders!
KUSANAGI: In that case, we'll decide on a signal for when I want to give you an order. Is that all right with you?
[cut to the controller menu (including which buttons make Tachikoma move free or follow the player)]
[cut back to the Niihama National Archives]
TACHIKOMA: Understood! Don't worry about a thing! You can put your mind at ease, because you're in good hands with me!
KUSANAGI: I'll hold you to that.
ARAMAKI: [over radio] What are you doing?! Hurry up and get in there!
KUSANAGI: Roger. Let's go, Tachikoma!
["Wipe out terrorists, head for lower lvl" appears on screen, as the player makes his way through the building, shooting terrorists before reaching a locked door on the lower level]
TACHIKOMA: I've disengaged the lock on the gateway that leads underground!
KUSANAGI: You've done a good job so far, but the hard part is up ahead. So stick close, and whatever you do, don't fall behind.
[the player enters the door, as "National Archives, B1" appears on screen]
["Wipe out terrorists, head for next lvl" appears on screen, as the player continues killing terrorists before reaching another locked door]
[cut to a shot of the Tachikoma unlocking the door, as the player enters]
["Wipe out terrorists, head for next lvl" appears on screen, as the player makes his way through rows of movable shelving units (while killing more terrorists) before reaching another locked door]
[cut to a shot of the Tachikoma unlocking the door, as the player enters]
["Wipe out terrorists, rescue hostages" appears on screen, as the player makes his way past more movable shelving units (killing more terrorists) before reaching a room with two armed terrorists (one wearing a ski mask), as well as a male archivist (black hair, suit and tie) and a female archivist (short brown hair, green sweater, white blouse, black skirt) being held hostage]
[cut back to the player's first-person POV, as he shoots and kills the two terrorists (while making sure to avoid the hostages)]
[cut to the rest of the team joining Kusanagi in the room, as they inspect some papers strewn across the floor, when the Tachikoma re-enters the room]
TACHIKOMA: I've finished bringing out every one of the hostages!
ARAMAKI: [over radio] Did you learn anything?
[cut to a shot of Kusanagi reading from one of the pamphlets on the floor]
KUSANAGI: Looks as though they were digging through papers all throughout the archives.
ARAMAKI: [over radio] To throw the investigation into chaos?
KUSANAGI: I won't say that's not a possibility, but the all-important H-88 Report was left lying there, looking like they read through it in a hurry.
ARAMAKI: [over radio] If the enemy isn't after the report, what are they after?
[cut to a closeup of Batou kneeling down next to one of the dead terrorists]
BATOU: Either way, our only option right now is to dig through this guy's brain.
RADIO VOICE 1: Chief, I finally got an ID on the terrorists. These guys are ex-military. They're still running around with their unit ID codes left in their cyberbrains. However, I came across traces of evidence indicating that their memories had been overwritten just prior to the assault.
[cut back to a shot of Kusanagi]
KUSANAGI: So, someone cast a spell over them, huh?
ARAMAKI: [over radio] If they're merely puppets, that means someone has to be hiding behind the curtain pulling the strings. Now we need to give those strings a tug. At any rate, get back here, people
[the camera pans over to show the Tachikoma standing behind Kusanagi]
TACHIKOMA: Ummm ... Do you think it would be all right if I hooked up to the National Archives' database now?
[Kusanagi says nothing, so the Tachikoma turns toward the computer monitors set up against the adjacent wall]
[Kusanagi turns at the sound of the robot's gasp, then the camera zooms in on a bomb set up underneath the computer's keyboard]
[the screen fades to white (as the sound of an explosion can be heard), then "Mission Completed" appears on screen]



Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex, released in Japan as Kokaku Kidotai: Stand Alone Complex: Domain of the Hunters, is a video game based on the cyberpunk anime of the same name. It is a first-person shooter game, released for the PlayStation Portable. It is a sequel to the first Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex game of the same name.



Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex - PSP (2005)

Developed by obscure company G-Artists (whose biggest claim to fame seems to be PS1 shmup Philosoma and the Kurushi puzzle games), and assisted by Production IG, GitS: SAC for PSP came out less than a year after the system's Japan launch. Its European release came out just a couple of months after the PSP in that region. In a surprise move it is radically different to both the PS1 and PS2 games which came before, styling itself more as a first-person shooter than a third-person action platformer. In Japan it was subtitled Hunter's Territory to differentiate it from its PS2 predecessor. Ironically, if Mobygames is to be believed, Kurushi also saw the involvement of second-party developer Sugar & Rockets, which apparently was formed from Exact, the company behind the original GitS on PS1. Implying... no real connection at all, but is fun trivia nonetheless.

The game's reception was mixed, depending on who you speak to, with most critics hating it, and an eclectic list of responses from players. To be honest, it's really not bad at all. In fact, SAC for the PSP stands as a great example of how unreliable professional reviewers can be, with no consensus at all even for basic things. Some claim the story is the best part, while for others it's the worst. Gamespy hilariously condemns it for not having a map, despite the map being prominent, accessible via the Select button, extremely useful, and essential when ordering your Tachikoma around. It's almost as if some reviewers booted the UMD, played the first level for five minutes and then used PR supplied screenshots to knock out a review without any real knowledge of it. The game isn't without its flaws, and there are legitimate reasons why some could consider it the weakest of the GitS trilogy, but in several ways it's also better than its two predecessors. For the author of this expansive article, SAC is a damn fine game, perhaps surpassed on the PSP by newer action titles but still an excellent contender.

Although by a different developer and on different hardware, SAC on the PSP is pitched as a direct follow-up to SAC on the PS2. It's also intended to integrate directly into the anime series. What starts off as a routine interception of terrorists breaking into the national archives quickly escalates into a complex conspiracy, with several twists, again involving the Far North's fight for independence, which was touched upon in the previous game. There's also a sub-plot detailing the creation of the Tachikoma units. As explained by Masao Tsuda, assistant producer at SCEJ, in an interview with IGN: "The script was written by Production IG, who was involved in SAC [the anime series]. Based on the series, the story and the investigation of incidents are very important components of the game. The incident in Niihama, Berutarube, where the current story takes place, also appears in the original Ghost in the Shell by Masamune Shirow. It is also a geographical location that appears in [the second film] Innocence. The storyline follows an incident that occurs in Niihama that ultimately spreads into the city of Berutarube. The city turns into a battle ground involving the government and terrorists."




TYPE: Event Mission
OBJECTIVE: Rescue the hostages, stop the documents from being stolen, and determine the ringleaders objectives.



Without wanting to go into too much depth this level is a very simple introduction to the game. The level layout is intuitive and the objective is to kill all the patrolling enemies in a section to release the doors and move on.

The openable doors leading between sections are always marked by a green indicator light next to or above the door. Those marked with red indicators are not accessible.

When you reach the end of the level make sure you target the terrorist wearing the balaclava and avoid hitting the hostages. Once he is dead the level is complete.

I would recommend picking up some new weapons during this level.