Thursday, May 31, 2012

Case Study No. 0354: Unnamed Female Librarian (California Raisins)

California Raisins Rap - Books Check Em Out Ad from 1991
An old commercial for public libraries featuring the California Raisins rapping "Books (Check Em Out)".
Tags: California Raisins Books Raisens Check Em Out Commercial Ad Sir Mix-A-Lot Mixalot Mix-Alot Rap Rapping Library Grapevine OldCommercials4U
Added: 3 years ago
From: ClassicCommercials4U
Views: 21,816

[scene opens inside a library, as the claymation California Raisins appear and begin rapping]
RAISIN: Books, check 'em out! Books, check 'em out! Pick up a book! You got a fantasy?
[a book opens up and the Raisins begin breakdancing on it]
RAISIN: Imagination can take ya to where ya wanna be! Are ya curious? How can ya find out? Books, check 'em out! Books, check 'em out!
[the Raisins jump off a pile of books and begin "free falling"]
RAISIN: Read about stars and cars! Play electric guitars! Or cops that work hard, patrollin' the boulevard! The heavyweight champ and his craziest bout ... Books, check 'em out!
[the Raisins land on a book and continue dancing, then they scatter when an unseen female librarian reaches in and stamps the book]
RAISIN: Books, check 'em out!
[the book (with the spine title reading "Check 'Em Out!") slams shut, as "A public service message from The American Library Association" appears onscreen]
RAISIN: [from off camera] At your library.



California raisins star in TV spot for libraries and literacy
Emergency Librarian;Nov/Dec90, Vol. 18 Issue 2, p75

"Books -- Check 'em out!" is the message of a television public service advertisement starring the California Raisins rapping for reading on behalf of the American Library Association (ALA).

The 30-second spot was released to national networks and 600 local stations in time for airing during the Library Card Sign-Up Month in September.

The spot, produced in claymation by the Will Vinton Studio, has the Raisins rapping and dancing for reading. Similar commercials produced for the California Raisins carry a $300,000 price tag.

The spot marks the second year of cooperation between the California Raisin Advisory Board and ALA. Last year the Raisin Board developed a free reading incentive program for children in cooperation with ALA. The project included a survey of children's attitudes toward reading and a tour by the "California Raisins" of nine libraries in major cities.

California Raisin Reading Club materials were distributed free to some 6,000 school and public libraries. More than a million children participated, with some 67,000 qualifying as "Top Raisin Readers".

California Raisin Reading Club materials are still available through the ALA Graphics Catalog.

Case Study No. 0353: Mr. Gregory

Psych 101 - Episode 1 - The Librarian
A down on his luck LA psychologist is forced by circumstances to hold therapy sessions in his car.
Next episode watch?v= abqmyNBEVWA
Tags: Psych 101 boobs Comedy The Second City SNL Saturday Night Live The Fanatic Salon Comedy Central Curb Your Enthusiasm Writer Improv Funny Michael McCarthy Wade Kelley Ryan Sickler Judy Nazemetz Marty Colasuonno Norman Siderow Psychology 101 Freeway humor Punch The Clown Los Angeles Tubatar
Added: 2 years ago
From: psych101theshow
Views: 3,310

Psych 101
Created by Marty Colasuonno

[scene opens with two men sitting inside of a car]
MR. GREGORY: Thank God you came, Doctor Bode! Let's go!
DR. BODE: You left ten messages on my machine saying you were gonna commit suicide ...
MR. GREGORY: Yeah ... What I meant to say was, I need a ride to work.
DR. BODE: What?!
MR. GREGORY: I, I can't drive today because they're predicting an earthquake, and I don't want my car to get crushed in some underground garage. Besides, it's been two weeks since my last session.
DR. BODE: Mister Gregory, I told you, I'm not seeing patients right now.
MR. GREGORY: Yeah yeah, I know. Your office burned down ... I've got so much to tell you, can we get going?
DR. BODE: Mister Gregory, you're not listening! I have no office, therefore I have no place to see patients! My-my wife cheated on me, froze my assets, ruined my credit ... My life's in shambles! I-I can't see patients right now!
[cut to Dr. Bode driving down the highway]
DR. BODE: Okay Mister Gregory, what's on your mind?
MR. GREGORY: My boss. Oh, he's the biggest a-hole on the planet ... "You talk too loud!" "Don't play your harmonica!" "Don't wipe your boogers under that chair!"
DR. BODE: Remind me again what you do ...
MR. GREGORY: I'm a librarian.
[cut to a closeup of Mr. Gregory]
MR. GREGORY: Your wife really screwed you over, didn't she?
DR. BODE: I shoulda seen it coming ... Who spills mayonnaise on the back of their jeans?
[Mr. Gregory stares out the window and says nothing]
DR. BODE: I'm gonna recommend that you see my colleague, Doctor Caesar. He's an excellent therapist.
MR. GREGORY: I don't want another therapist, I want you ...
DR. BODE: [yelling] Fuck you!
[camera pans around to reveal that he's actually yelling at the driver in front of him]
DR. BODE: Fucking asshole! Fuck you!
[Mr. Gregory just stares ahead and laughs nervously]
DR. BODE: [pause] I'm sorry ...
[they start moving again]
MR. GREGORY: Why don't you see patients outta your home?
DR. BODE: Because I live at a Motel Six!
MR. GREGORY: Well then, why don't you do this?
DR. BODE: [agitated] Do what?
MR. GREGORY: Have sessions in your car. It's like, fifty minutes in traffic to downtown. Same as your sessions. You could charge them cash so your wife can't get her hands on your money. Plus, you can tack on thirty-nine cents a mile for gas and wear-and-tear.
DR. BODE: Wow, that's a really interesting proposition, Mister Gregory ...
MR. GREGORY: Then it's settled?
DR. BODE: Yes, it's settled.
[Mr. Gregory laughs, but then the car jostles and he looks out the back windshield]
DR. BODE: [pause] Oh my God ...
MR. GREGORY: You ... ran over a squirrel! A poor little defenseless squirrel!
[he begins pawing at his seatbelt and whimpering]
MR. GREGORY: Oh, I'm gonna need another session this afternoon ...
DR. BODE: Really? This afternoon? Listen, not to be indelicate, but y'know ... it's just a squirrel.
MR. GREGORY: Yeah, I know ... but I need a ride home from work.

Michael McCarthy as Dr. Bode
Wade Kelley as Mr. Gregory

Norman Siderow

Written and directed by
Marty Colasuonno

Director of Photography
Luke Stern

Lyle Such

Production Assistant
Tyler Eastman

Special thanks to
Jamie Colasuonno
Darin Barri
Dave Poncia

Copyright 2009
Marty Colasuonno



Psych 101 is a webseries starring Michael McCarthy as a down on his luck LA psychologist is forced by circumstances to hold therapy sessions in his car.

Case Study No. 0352: Lucy Hull

The Borrower by Rebecca Makkai Book Review
For my first video, I decide to review an amazing book.

You can buy "The Borrower" here: Borrower-Novel-Rebecca-Makkai/ dp/0670022810

Here's Rebecca Makkai's website:
Tags: the borrower by rebecca makkai book review TheFacelessCritic
Added: 11 months ago
From: TheFacelessCritic
Views: 143

[scene opens with the Faceless Critic (a young lady wearing a multicolored ski mask) speaking directly to the camera]
FACELESS CRITIC: Lucy, who's the main character, is really relatable and just really cool, and just a good-hearted person. She's really good at heart, but she kind of has, like, a moral dilemma throughout the story, because she is kidnapping a boy, but his parents are just horrible.
[cut to another shot of the Faceless Critic]
FACELESS CRITIC: Lucy breaks every librarian stereotype in existence. She's twenty six years old, she's funny, she's cool, she isn't going like "Shhh!" all the time.
[cut to another shot of the Faceless Critic]
FACELESS CRITIC: Ian, who is the boy in this story, he's ten. His parents are like evangelical Christians, and his mother actually gives Lucy a list, saying like he can't read any books about magic or any witchcraft. He can't read anything that's, y'know, "against God." The stereotypical, like, overbearing Christian parents.
[cut to another shot of the Faceless Critic]
FACELESS CRITIC: A lot of the adults in this book think that Ian is gay, which is ridiculous. Like, there's one line where Lucy says "He's ten years old, I doubt he's anything-sexual!" Because one woman says, "Oh, that little homosexual boy" ...
[cut to another shot of the Faceless Critic]
FACELESS CRITIC: His parents are so scared at the thought of him being gay that, in fact, they enroll him in this like anti-gay class ... that's like trying to help the like "sexually confused" brothers and sisters of the church or something. It, it's bull[bleep] basically.
[cut to another shot of the Faceless Critic]
FACELESS CRITIC: And so Ian gets mad at his parents, and he runs away. And Lucy opens up the library in the morning, and she finds him hiding under the desk with like ... You know those things that are like a stick with the bandana tied on the end of it and have stuff in it? That was his backpack!
[cut to another shot of the Faceless Critic]
FACELESS CRITIC: Ian kinda like, basically tricks Lucy into taking him on this wild adventure ...
[cut to another shot of the Faceless Critic]
FACELESS CRITIC: They drive through all these places, they go and stay with Lucy's parents for a few days. Lucy's father and mother used to live in the USSR, and her father is like a rebel. They stay with a family who's friends with her father, who have like a really hard to pronounce Russian last name.
[cut to another shot of the Faceless Critic]
FACELESS CRITIC: One thing I really liked about the book was that some of the chapters are actually parodies of childrens' books. Like, there's one chapter that was a parody of "The Very Hungry Caterpillar." It was like they ate, it was like "Lucy and Ian ate blah blah blah blah blah" but they kept driving, but they were still hungry. If you've ever read "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" before.
[cut to another shot of the Faceless Critic]
FACELESS CRITIC: There was also a parody of "The House That Jack Built," but it was "The Mess That Lucy Made."
[cut to another shot of the Faceless Critic]
FACELESS CRITIC: They meet a lot of interesting people, and go to a lot of cool places in this book, and it's just funny throughout the whole thing.
[cut to another shot of the Faceless Critic]
FACELESS CRITIC: There's not a moment of this book that I did not find entertaining. There was no long drawn-out boring parts, every part of this was interesting.
[cut to another shot of the Faceless Critic]
FACELESS CRITIC: Highly recommended, five stars out of five!



Lucy Hull, a young children's librarian in Hannibal, Missouri, finds herself both a kidnapper and kidnapped when her favorite patron, ten- year-old Ian Drake, runs away from home. The precocious Ian is addicted to reading, but needs Lucy's help to smuggle books past his overbearing mother, who has enrolled Ian in weekly antigay classes with celebrity Pastor Bob. Lucy, a rebel at heart beneath her librarian exterior, stumbles into a moral dilemma when she finds Ian camped out in the library after hours with a knapsack of provisions and an escape plan. Desperate to save him from Pastor Bob and the Drakes, Lucy allows herself to be hijacked by Ian. The odd pair embarks on a improvised road trip from Missouri to Vermont, with ferrets, an inconvenient boyfriend, and upsetting family history thrown in their path. Along the way, Lucy struggles to make peace with her Russian immigrant father and his fugitive past, and is forced to use his shady connections to escape discovery. But is it just Ian who is running away? Who is the strange man who seems to be on their tail? And should Lucy be trying to save a boy from his own parents?



Lucy Hull is twenty-six and unmarried, a children's librarian in a fictional Hannibal, Missouri. The only child of a Russian immigrant father and a Jewish American mother, Lucy grew up in Chicago, bookish, very slightly rebellious, the inheritor of genetic guilt on both sides of the family. Always a little ashamed of her father's dubious business dealings, she fled to Missouri after college as a way to distance herself from her parents and their probably tainted money.

Despite sometimes viewing herself as a bit of a cliche, Lucy likes her job and the mission it provides her. She runs the Chapter Book Hour reading group every Friday afternoon (they're reading Roald Dahl's deliciously subversive Matilda as the story begins), she oversees the summer reading program, she passes out candy on Halloween, with double candy and a bookmark to any kid dressed as a character from a book. She lives in an apartment above a theater amid towering stacks of books. Her conversation is peppered with book quotes and references, and she loves nothing more than recommending just the right book. Her best and favorite library client is a loudly precocious and somewhat flamboyant ten-year-old called Ian Drake, a voracious and sophisticated reader.

When Ian's mom approaches Lucy at her desk in the library one afternoon to complain gently about Lucy's having given him Tuck Everlasting (about a family who's found the gift of immortality and the choice a young girl must make), Lucy is perplexed. Then Ian's mom requests that Ian only be allowed to check out books with "the breath of God in them," ignores Lucy's response that although she herself must allow her patrons full access to all the books it would certainly be Mrs. Drake's right to choose Ian's books for him, and finally whips out a list of topics ("Witchcraft/Wizardry; Magic; Satanism/Occult Religions, etc.; Adult Content Matter; Weaponry; The Theory of Evolution; Halloween; Roald Dahl, Lois Lowry, Harry Potter, and similar authors") which she'd like Ian to avoid. What else can Lucy do but nod and say she understands (though never actually agreeing to these terms)?

Not long after this encounter, Lucy learns that Ian is attending weekly sessions with a man who calls himself Pastor Bob. Pastor Bob is "formerly" gay, now born again, married to a reformed lesbian, and on a mission to de-gay the rest of the world. So really, what can she do, several months later, when she arrives at work early one morning to discover that Ian has run away from home with a backpack full of power bars and a hobo bag on a stick? She finds herself, against her better judgment but seemingly without a choice, on the lam with Ian. Lucy's not exactly a kidnapper...but she really should know better. And yet, though compelled by forces she can't quite bring herself to comprehend, Lucy has never seen Ian more gleeful, and the thought of getting him out of Pastor Bob's clutches--though the two of them never, ever talk about it--keeps her driving.

I couldn't stop comparing Lucy and Ian's journey to that of Ava and the Bird Man in Karen Russell's Swamplandia!, released earlier this year. Both are unconventional and discomfiting pairings of unrelated adult and child companions on journeys seemingly directed by the child. But, where the reader's discomfort with Ava's journey never for a moment lets up, and it ends much as one fears it will, that of Lucy and Ian is one of wholesome, if weird, discovery (and sometimes joy). In The Borrower Rebecca Makkai manages to write from Lucy's guilt-ridden, self-flagellating perspective while maintaining a light--and frequently hilarious--tone. Even Lucy's frequent moments of doubt and dread are balanced out by the spot-on deftness of the narrative, complete with passages written in the mode of authors from Eric Carle to Margaret Wise Brown to Lewis Carroll and beyond. The Borrower is a book for readers, for lovers of personal freedom and the beauty of being oneself, whoever that self may be. If you get all the book references ("Where's Papa going with that ax? said Fern"), then so much the better, but you'll enjoy this wonderful novel either way.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Case Study No. 0351: Marilyn Mauritz

Librarian 'Making A Difference' With Second Chances
Twice a month, WCCO-TV gets to do something pretty fun — surprise someone who's helping others. This week's Making a Difference award is going to a librarian. Not just any librarian — Marilyn Mauritz believes in second chances even if you goofed up and lost a book.
Tags: Making Difference 27
Added: 1 year ago
From: AmericanEquityMortg
Views: 6


ST. PAUL (WCCO) - Twice a month, WCCO-TV gets to do something pretty fun - surprise someone who's helping others. This week's Making a Difference award is going to a librarian. Not just any librarian - Marilyn Mauritz believes in second chances even if you goofed up and lost a book.

Misplaced books and mounting fines - they're enough to make you stop using the library. That's when you could use a "fixer" like Mauritz.

When the Humboldt High School librarian's not helping kids find books, she's helping them get back in good graces with the public library.

"I worked at the public library for eight years as my second job, so I know how to kind of get some help there," she said.

Her friend, Dianne Hopen, nominated Mauritz for the award.

"And she'll call and say, that was in another lifetime, they were little, they were young, they didn't understand," said Hopen.

"So we go down there and clear up their record, then I get 'em a library card, and get 'em back on track," said Mauritz.

Mauritz isn't just a "fixer." She's a "finder."

"When you talk with her, she'll say, 'Oh I went to Barnes and Noble, I went to this bookstore, I went to that book store, I went to Half-Price and I got this book for this one kid and I didn't think I was going to find it," recalled Hopen "Or I ordered these and I asked them to rush it, because if I don't get that book to those kids by tomorrow, I might lose 'em."

Even the students at Humboldt feel there isn't a book out there that she can't track down.

Mauritz stocks a lot of Mangas - graphic novels, perfect for her kids, most of whom speak English as their second language.

Marilyn Mauritz is a librarian who doesn't just love books. She loves the people who read them too.

Mauritz is so devoted to her students that she goes to their concerts and games, and takes pictures to post them online. She even has former students come back when they can't find a book they need.

Case Study No. 0350: "The Managarian"

Managarian Part I: Introduction
Welcome to the future.
Tags: library manager
Added: 5 years ago
From: Sigafoos
Views: 427

Bookie Productions presents
A film by Bialkowski, Conley, Keefe and Smith
Library Training Film
(c) 1992 Bookie Productions

Part I: Introduction ("Welcome to the future")

[scene opens with a young female librarian (green blazer, large hoop earrings, exaggerated blush) speaking directly to the camera]
NARRATOR: Congratulations, you've just been promoted within your information institution. You may think you have it easy, but the number of confusing and potentially dangerous situations you may find yourself in will shock and appal you.
[cut to another shot of the narrating librarian, as she turns and speaks directly to the camera]
NARRATOR: Working in any type of library is much more than knowing databases and LC subject headings ... As a librarian, you are also a manager. You will have to make policy-shaping decisions, both after careful thought and on-the-fly. No matter how low on the totem pole you are, you can still boss those puny pages around and tell them what to do! Welcome to your career as a "managarian!" This video will walk you through the finer aspects of library management. After this short training session, you will be a certified professional, so hold on and be ready for full library manager immersion!
[cut to another shot of the narrating librarian, as she turns and speaks directly to the camera]
NARRATOR: To start things off, we're going to revisit how you got started ... the interview process! Now that you're a managarian, you get to see and experience the interview process from the other side! Now, it's not like in the olden days. Some people might be uppity if you ask the wrong questions. So, let's watch Mister Jones get himself into trouble.

Part II: The interview ("Bookie Productions shows how not to conduct an interview. Mr. Jones from the Red Bank Public Library runs the asshole gamut on this one")

[scene opens with a male librarian sitting in his office, when he turns on the intercom and speaks with his secretary]
MR. JONES: Gracie, send in the next sucker.
GRACIE: [over the intercom] Mister Jones, he heard that.
MR. JONES: Uh-huh ... You're not hired. Send in the next person.
[a young woman enters and shakes his hand]
MR. JONES: Hi ... Alright, so sit down and talk to Uncle Jonesy, Miss--
VIRGINIA: It's "Ms." Primm, Virginia Primm.
MR. JONES: Uh, okay ... Well, uh, Miss Primm, why would you like to work--
VIRGINIA: "Ms." ...
MR. JONES: Whatever. Why do you think that you would like to work at the Red Bank Public Library?
VIRGINIA: Well, besides being the only qualified MLS candidate within a hundred miles ...
MR. JONES: Mm hmm.
VIRGINIA: I also have a lot of professional experience. Um, I think this is a fine institution. It is the biggest building on the block, and I have very strong aspirations of one day owning a very expensive pen.
MR. JONES: Mm-hmm. Uh, are you Jewish?
VIRGINIA: Um, I'm not really sure what that has to do with the interview process ...
MR. JONES: Oh, it's simple. It's just that, y'know, Jewish people ... they y'know, they have a lotta holidays, let's be honest with each other. Y'know, and on these holidays, they say that they can't work so they request the time off. Personally, this is just my conviction, is that it's not really fair to the rest of our workers if ... y'know, if you were to get off Rosh Hashanah but everyone else has to come in and pick up your slack.
VIRGINIA: I see ... If you must know, I'm between religions right now.
MR. JONES: Yeah, I have no idea what that means ... but, what would you say are three toughest work situations that you've encountered, and any of them stemming from the fact that you're Irish?
VIRGINIA: [pause] Actually, I'm Latvian.
MR. JONES: Really? Do you know Bixie Zillplatas, that guy totally stiffed me on an eBay auction ...
VIRGINIA: I'm not actually from Latvia ... My grandparents are La--
[she shakes her head]
VIRGINIA: What're you getting at, again?
MR. JONES: I'm sorry, just answer the question ... Toughest work situations.
VIRGINIA: Well, um, one situation that I did overcome that I learned a lot about professionalism from, was I had a situation where I was dating one of my co-workers and ... things went sour and I kinda wound up getting shanked in the HQ20s.
VIRGINIA: So, I've learned a lot about interoffice etiquette.
MR. JONES: You'd be surprised how often that happens ... That reminds me, do you see any smelly little bundles of joy in your future?
VIRGINIA: I'm not so sure ... that's something you can even ask me.
MR. JONES: Oh, it's a standard question ... Oh, I'm sorry, is it your boyfriend's swimmers?
VIRGINIA: [pause] I think this interview is over.
[she gets up to leave]
MR. JONES: No no, it's just that if you're planning on getting knocked up in the future, I think that--
VIRGINIA: "Knocked up"?
MR. JONES: Yeah? Y'know--
VIRGINIA: Thank you for your time, Mister Jones ...
[she turns and leaves]
MR. JONES: Somebody's bitter 'cause they're barren ...

Part III: Customer service ("Dealing with those jerks we call patrons")

[scene opens with the narrating librarian speaking directly to the camera]
NARRATOR: We learned a lot there, didn't we? Now it's time to look at customer service! Even though patrons can still be annoying, we need to put up with them. Here's a sample reference interview ... Try and see where you would act differently!
[cut to a young female librarian sitting at the front desk (with a sign reading MOBil Librarian") as she types at the computer while listening to "Cold" by Dead Hearts on her headphones, when a young male patron walks up and repeatedly tries to get her attention]
MOBIL LIBRARIAN: Yes, can I help you?
PATRON: [meekly] I, I need help finding something. I'm looking for the Summa Theologica by St. Thomas Aquinas.
MOBIL LIBRARIAN: Oh, oh sure. Just go to the catalog, and ... look it up, and you'll find it in the stacks.
[she puts her headphones back on, but the patron again interrupts her]
PATRON: Yeah, yeah, I already ... I already tried. I, I need help.
MOBIL LIBRARIAN: Did you try hard?
PATRON: Yeah, I tried really hard, actually. And I just ... I need help, from the librarian.
MOBIL LIBRARIAN: Okay, um ... Y'know, why don't you do that yourself, because it will be faster.
PATRON: Well, because you're a librarian, and ... that's what librarians are paid to do. They're paid to help patrons.
MOBIL LIBRARIAN: Um, I'm not a clerk, I'm actually ... Y'know, I have an advanced degree, I do more than search the stacks for your book.
PATRON: Okay, but ... but you're a librarian. You're supposed to, y'know, help me out. I'm looking for something--
MOBIL LIBRARIAN: Look, listen listen listen. I think it would just be easier for you to do it yourself. You go over there and you run as many queries as you would like.
PATRON: But you're a librarian! You're supposed to help me! I, I'm a taxpayer here. I need help from the public librarian.
MOBIL LIBRARIAN: Well, la dee dah, Mister! I need a new boat!
PATRON: What's that got to do with anything? I need to find a book, I need your help!
MOBIL LIBRARIAN: Listen, I am a librarian. I have a master's degree ...
[she points to her read sweater]
MOBIL LIBRARIAN: This is a sweater.
PATRON: A master's degree of what? Sitting there and playing on the computer all day? I need help! You're a librarian, I pay taxes, and I want help from the public librarian!
MOBIL LIBRARIAN: Listen, I have lots of very scholarly and librarian-ly things to do--
PATRON: Like what? You're just sitting there, you're sitting at the computer! What do you do? What's the job of a librarian, to play on the computer all day and listen to music?
MOBIL LIBRARIAN: It's very complicated, I ... Y'know, I have a master's degree. I bet you don't even know what an OPAC is.
PATRON: An online public access computer, of course I know what that is!
PATRON: I mean, you're a librarian! You should be helping me!
MOBIL LIBRARIAN: Hey, do I come to your job and unwrap your hamburgers?
[the patron sighs in frustration]
PATRON: I'm insulted by that! How do you know I don't have a master's degree?
MOBIL LIBRARIAN: Well, if you can't use the catalog yourself ...
PATRON: Well, I ... I tried. I couldn't.
MOBIL LIBRARIAN: Well mister, this game of Solitaire isn't going to play itself ... Thank you!
[she puts her headphones back on, and the patron simply shakes his head and walks away]

Part IV: The library of the Future ("Mark works in a library where he doesn't understand the clientele anymore")

[scene opens with a "robot" (i.e. a man wearing a garbage can and a cardboard box painted silver on his head) approaching a male librarian]
MARK: Hello.
ROBOT 1: Hello, I require access to your internets.
MARK: [pause] All of our computers have access to the internet.
ROBOT 1: "Internet?" You only have one? I require all seven internets ...
[the robot turns and walks away, before turning back and shaking his fist at the librarian]
ROBOT 1: Nubcake.
[cut to another robot approaching the librarian, holding a keyboard]
ROBOT 2: Human librarian!
MARK: Hello, Mister Robot! How are you today? You're having a problem with your keyboard?
ROBOT 2: Repair it, post haste!
MARK: Right, but um ... Yeah, I can see why it's malfunctioning. Um, it's not plugged into anything, buddy. I, I don't--
ROBOT 2: That is an IP-1-3-3-7 port, new kid!
MARK: Okay, um ... maybe you can tell me more about that.
ROBOT 2: Maybe I will free you from your fleshy prison!
[cut to another robot approaching the librarian]
ROBOT 3: 1 0 1 0 0 1 1 0 1 0 0 1 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 ...
[cut to the librarian staring blankly at the robot (he obviously doesn't speak binary), as the robot continues his "question"]
ROBOT 3: 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 1 0 0 ...
["Mark needs help! So he beams up for some new technologies" appears on screen, then cut to the librarian speaking with the first robot]
MARK: Well, we don't have Internet One because that's Facebook and MySpace. And we don't have Internet Two because that's the Penthouse one. But we do have Internets Three through Seven.
[cut to the librarian speaking with the second librarian]
MARK: Oh, I see! This is the newer model computer that we just go upstairs. Um, if you take it up there, you can have this serviced.
[he hands the keyboard back to the robot]
MARK: Here you go. Have a good day there, Mister Robot, sir!
[cut to the librarian speaking with the third librarian]
MARK: 0 0 1 1 1 1 0 0 0 1 1 1 1 1 0 0 ...
[the robot nods in approval, then the librarian turns to the camera and gives a thumbs up]

Part V: Where do patrons come from? ("A revolutionary new way to increase usage of your library")

[scene opens with the narrating librarian cradling a bottle of whiskey]
NARRATOR: It's okay, baby ...
[she realizes she's on camera and tries to hide the bottle while putting on a fake smile]
NARRATOR: Promoting your library can be a managarian's greatest challenge ... Develop a plan and ask yourself "What does my library have to offer? How can I attact the public to become patrons? And, where do patrons come from?"
[cut to a male librarian running into a conference room as the theme from "Rocky" plays]
DAN: Yeah! Alright everyone, are we excited?
[the unseen audience cheers]
DAN: Are we excited about patrons? Yes! Alright, I have been brought here today to talk to you about my exciting new plan, because y'see ... People always come to me and they say, "Dan, how do we get people to come to our library?"
[a voice from off camera yells "Dan, how do we get people to come to our library?"]
DAN: Like that, exactly! Every day I get that, and you know what? I have thought about that long and hard, and I've got a revolutionary new way, and you know what? I'm gonna tell it to you now! In fact, it's already in place, there are people outside at this moment working my plan!
[cut to outside the Oscar A. Silverman Undergraduate Library, as a young woman is walking around wearing a sandwich board reading "Free Porno-graphy! At Your Library!"]
[cut to another woman walking out of an elevator (as the "Rocky" theme swells) wearing the same sandwich board ... She turns to reveal that the back reads "Books Books Books! All New Collection! Come In & See Our Stacks!"]
["Porn: The Patron Panacea" appears on screen, then cut back to Dan in the conference room]
DAN: Alright everybody ... See, because here's the thing. The reason some libraries have problems getting patrons to come, is they don't understand the patron cycle! Because, you see, in order to get them into the library, we have to know how a patron is born. So, you know what? I've got a diagram here that explains where patrons come from!
[he takes a chart ("Where Do Patrons Come From? Patron Circle of Life") and places it on the wall behind him]
DAN: Y'see, when a mommy patron and a daddy patron love eaach other, that creates a tiny little baby patron! So that patron, that little patron-to-be, grows up from a tiny little one into a great big patron ready to come to our library! Now that patron has hit adolescence, that's where the pornography comes in ...
[the camera focuses on the part of the chart which shows drawings of magazines and bottles with "XXX" on them]
DAN: Some people ask me, "How do you get the baby patrons to stay out of the adult patron material, huh?" And for that, very simple thing!
[he walks over to the chalkboard]
DAN: You get the chalk, you make yourself another simple sign ...
[he draws a square]
DAN: Very easy! You can keep that one, you can take that home with you. This one, you get to make yourself! Ready?
[he writes "You Must Be This Tall to Enter the Porn Room" inside the square]
DAN: "You must be this tall to enter the porn room!"
[he draws a line in the middle of the square]
DAN: Right there, ladies and gentlemen! This is the kiddie side, this is the porn side!
[he writes "Kid" below the line and draws a heart above the line, then someone off camera yells "If they still wanna go in the adult section, can we use tasers?"]
DAN: Yes! Yes!
[the person off camera yells "Cool!"]
DAN: Okay, so back to my master plan here ...
[he walks back towards his chart and points to the drawing of two stick figures in bed together]
DAN: You get the porn, you get the booze for the ladies in there! And then the daddy patron, who used to be the baby patron, finds the mommy patron! She doesn't even need to be a patron, she just needs to be a mommy! Patrons can be at any day of the week ... And then, guess what?
[he points back to the beginning of the chart (a drawing of a human fetus)]
DAN: They make another baby patron! And this cycle, it goes on and it goes on and it goes on! And guess what? You keep getting more patrons and more patrons until one day, what do you have?
[he takes the chart and turns it around, showing a large number of stick figures standing in front of a building marked "Library"]
DAN: The army of patrons waiting to do your bidding! Let's see those people try to cancel our budgets, huh? Let's have them say, "Alright fine, but we're gonna use that blue budget there," and guess what happens? You've got a mob of people standing outside City Hall saying "Give us our porn!"
[he throws down the chart]
DAN: Alright, are you ready? Let's put this into action!
[he jumps off the stage and high-fives the audience members]

Part VI: Problem Patrons ("Dealing with the crazies")

[scene opens with the narrating librarian turning and speaking directly to the camera]
NARRATOR: In our final segment, we deal with the scariest aspect of a librarian's job ... the problem patrons.
[cut to a male librarian walking down the hall, when he sees a homeless lady picking through the garbage]
MALE LIBRARIAN: Hi, is there something I can help you with?
HOMELESS LADY: Oh, yes absolutely! Did you know that a woman can possess the body of another woman, have relations with that woman's husband, and conceive a child?
HOMELESS LADY: Would you like that child? I would not like that child.
MALE LIBRARIAN: Well ... Is there anything in the library that you're looking for?
HOMELESS LADY: Absolutely! Um ... If I had a tiara of seven diamonds, and a sword, I would not want the police to take them from me.
MALE LIBRARIAN: Okay. Um ... I'm afraid I'm not understanding your question on, on how the library can help you.
HOMELESS LADY: Okay, David ... If my grandmother knew what people were paying for chickenwings, she would roll over in her grave.
MALE LIBRARIAN: [pause] Okay. I think you need to see the circulation desk about that.
HOMELESS LADY: Do you like chocolate chip pancakes?
MALE LIBRARIAN: No, I hate chocolate. And I'm afraid you're gonna have to see the circulation desk.
[the screen freezes]
NARRATOR: [in voice over] You do not wanna mess with these people ...
[cut to the narrating librarian speaking directly to the camera]
NARRATOR: Seriously, you will be putting yourself in danger. If you must deal with the problem patron, there are a few ways to protect yourself.
[cut to a homeless man lying in the hallway, as a female librarian approaches him]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Sir? Excuse me, sir? Hello?
HOMELESS MAN: Huh? What? Oh!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Hi, um ... I was just--
[he slowly gets up and starts smiling]
HOMELESS MAN: Hi! Hi! How are you doing?
[he reaches out and shakes her hand]
HOMELESS MAN: How, how are you doing?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Hi, I'm great ... I just wanted to let you know that we have a policy here--
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: You're welcome to come to the library during our hours of operation--
HOMELESS MAN: Hey, hey! How have you been recently? Have you been good?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Uh, what we do here--
HOMELESS MAN: You're not retired yet? You're, you're not retired?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: No, not yet ... Um, if you wanted to peruse our materials, you're welcome to do so. I'd be happy to help you look for something.
HOMELESS MAN: Uh huh. Yeah, no ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: But the library isn't a place to come to sleep--
HOMELESS MAN: Y'know, things just ... They got crazy ever since I retired! I thought that, y'know, things were going to go along good, but y'know. The mayor even said, he called me into his office the day I retired and said, "Hey, y'know what's going on? This is how it is, you're the only person in the city who knew how to do that stuff!"
HOMELESS MAN: "So you were the only person" ... I had the key, no one else did!
HOMELESS MAN: And so y'know, when something went wrong, they had to do that ... I had the key, but then when I retired, y'know? All sorts of stuff happened, and--
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Well, the mayor has graciously kept our library open ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: And if there was something you were looking for, I'd be happy to help you--
HOMELESS MAN: But y'know, the mayor even said ... as I was talking to him how the situation in this town, it is insane! Y'know, I just don't know how people do it! How are they getting the electricity, because I had that key! I would put the key in there, and y'know, all set to go! But now, who's gonna do that?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Sir, are saying you electrocuted yourself?
HOMELESS MAN: No, I didn't electrocute myself! I had the key for the town, with the housing ... The situation with that, and the mayor came and, yeah!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: I just wanted to let you know that, y'know, the mayor has kept this facility open, and if there was something in this library that you were interested in reading ...
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: We'd be happy to show you that. Is there something I can help you find?
HOMELESS MAN: No, I'm good right here, because the mayor even said that I can stay here as long as possible.
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Well, we actually have a policy that you have to be using the library, not sleeping on the ground.
HOMELESS MAN: Why-why is that? No, no ... I was told.
[cut back to the narrating librarian speaking directly to the camera]
NARRATOR: Never go in alone! When you bring in a buddy, at least you outnumber the crazies!
[cut back to the homeless man, as the male librarian enters the scene to join his co-worker]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Well, our ... Um--
MALE LIBRARIAN: Excuse me, is there a problem?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Uh, I was trying to explain to this gentleman that we don't sleep on the ground in the library.
HOMELESS MAN: No, I ... I will not be leaving.
MALE LIBRARIAN: Why don't you just ... come with me?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [pause] He has candy.
MALE LIBRARIAN: Because, uh ... You kinda have to.
HOMELESS MAN: [pause] Okay.
[the homeless man and the male librarian walk off (as the female librarian heads off in the other direction), then cut to the female librarian as she sits at the front desk reading a newspaper]
NARRATOR: [in voice over] The best thing to do in a dangerous situation is to call security. It is never a bad idea to get security involved with problem patrons. After all, isn't it why you pay them?
[a male patron walks up to the librarian with his hand under his shirt (either holding a gun or pointing his finger)]
THIEF: Come on, gimmee all your money!
THIEF: Gimmee all your money! Come on, hurry up!
[the screen freezes]
NARRATOR: [in voice over] There are good ways and there are bad ways to handle this situation.
[the scene continues]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: What, do you need to buy a burger?
THIEF: No! Put it all in the bag! All the money from the fines and everything! I want the whole thing! Gimmee all your cash! Come on!
[she tries to hold back a laugh]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: All fifteen of it?
[cut back to the narrating librarian speaking directly to the camera]
NARRATOR: Have your zingers and one-liners ready when problem patrons approach the desk. Of course, you run the risk of having your co-workers pour a forty for you on the street corner. Hopefully, in situations like this, security will notice the trouble and come to your aid without having to be asked.
[cut back to the thief and the librarian, when one of the robots approaches the front desk wielding a baton]
ROBOT 2: Excuse me, is there a situation here?
[the screen fades to black, then cut back to the narrating librarian speaking directly to the camera]
NARRATOR: Congratulations, you have reached the end of this video. We hope that you take these tokens of wisdom into your career as a managarian. Again, thank you for watching. Goodbye.
[cut to the robot beating the thief with his baton]

Mark Bialkowski
Dan Conley as Shouty
Lauren Keefe (with Jose Cuervo)
And introducing Shannon Smith

Thanks to:
Gray Hogan - Intro music/phone voiceover audio/view.php? id=15777

James Rose - Bookie logo

Dead Hearts - Customer service jams



Alice Down the YouTube: Ethical Training in the Online Wonderland

Have you watched a good video lately? Join us as we view YouTube videos that deal with everyday ethical issues in the library. Meet the creators of these entertaining and thought provoking productions and engage in a conversation that will shatter your preconceived notions regarding how you handle ethical issues in the library.

The panel will include:

* Dan Conley from the Center for International Rehabilitation Research Information and Exchange (CIRRIE) at the University at Buffalo. He will be discussing his Managarian videos which take a humorous look at how librarians deal with patrons.

Case Study No. 0349: Canalave City Librarian

Pokemon Platinum - Sinnoh Region's Mythology
When you had a Arceus (from movie 12th event (From July 19th to September 30th in Japan) or Azure Flute wi-fi event) , a secret event will appear- a history lesson.
If you go to Oreburgh Mine with this Arceus in your party, you will see a Hiker whom is not normally in the area. Speak to him and he will give you a Flame Plate.

Here is what he say:

Hello, how do you do? I'm a student of philosophy.
If I had to explain very simply, I study how people came to be.
That could explain why I happen to be in Sinnoh.
In Sinnoh, there is a myth on how the world came into existence.
Investigating that myth may give me insight on the emergence of people.
I found something very interesting soon after arrival.
You may have it, if you'd like.

I'm told that Plate was created at the same time as Sinnoh.
The plate I found bears this inscription.
"The rightful bearer of a Plate draws from the Plate it holds"
The rightful bearer, I think, may point to the shaper of this world.
Oh, by the way, I'm only interested in the words and thoughts left behind. Physical artifacts like that Plate don't interest me once I've read them.
I hope we meet again somewhere.

Then, you go up to the 2nd floor of the Canalave City Library, you will meet this hiker again.
Tags: Pokemon Platinum English US Version DS Pocket Monster movie 12th event arceus plates canalave city library oreburgh mine flame Sinnoh Region's Mythology secret origin high
Added: 3 years ago
From: SkyHippowdon
Views: 9,972

[the player enters the Canalave Library and speaks with the female librarian at the front desk]
LIBRARIAN: Hello, this is the Canalave Library. Please keep quiet while you're on the premises.
[the player walks up to Lucian, who is standing in front of a bookshelf]
LUCIAN: Ah, hello. You're here to read, too? Books are wonderful things. The thoughts of people written in books stretch beyond time and space. I was just reading an analytical tome on humankind. It examines the human species from cultural and social perspectives. This is a thought-provoking quote: "It all began without humans. The end will also be without humans." The world we share with Pokemon ... does it exist for us? I imagine we'll see each other again at the Pokemon League. Take care.
[Lucian leaves, so the player walks up to the second floor of the library, where a hiker stops him]
HIKER: Well, hello! We meet again! After we parted, I went from Oreburgh, to Hearthome, Celestic, then Eterna. Yes, the town and cities surrounding the foot of Mt. Coronet. Why the fascination with Mt. Coronet, you may ask? Well Mt. Coronet happens to be called "The origin of Sinnoh." I learned many things on my journey. Would you like to hear them?
[the player selects "Yes"]
HIKER: The way I see it, our world began when the spirit within people was born. When that spirit came to be, there followed awareness about the world. Within the newborn spirit, time and space were intertwined as one. People and Pokemon, too, were but the same presence. As I understand it, people and Pokemon shared the spirit and awareness. They should have understood and accepted each other then.
[the hiker looks around]
HIKER: Because they shared the same spirit, people and Pokemon intermingled. People took the place of Pokemon, and the opposite also held true. That interpretation could give us an idea about how our world came to be. A Pokemon is said to have shaped this world ... Could that Pokemon be the physical form of the original spirit?
[the hiker looks around]
HIKER: Hmm... The spirit came to be, and from it, time and space were born ... That seems to point to legendary Dialga, the Pokemon of time, and Palkia, the Pokemon of space ... And they lead back to Arceus, the Pokemon that made them arise. Isn't this interesting? Would you like to hear some more?
[the player selects "Yes"]
HIKER: Oh, there were also Plates, weren't there? One Plate read, "Three beings were born to bind time and space." Those three beings I read to mean the three Pokemon of the lakes. It's about Uxie, Mesprit, and Azelf. The myth describes how they gave spirit to the world, shaping it. But it all starts with Arceus, the first. It is known as the Original One.
[the hiker turns and looks at a nearby bookshelf]
HIKER: Oh, by the way, I wrote down the words engraved on those Plates. I summarized them in a book and donated it to this library. There it is in that bookshelf. I'd be pleased if you'd read it.
[the hiker turns back around]
HIKER: I have to say, I'm glad I came out to Sinnoh. I suppose I'd better be off in search of new myths in faraway lands. It would be nice if our paths were to cross again.
[the hiker leaves, and the player looks at the book on the bookshelf]
["Sinnoh's Beginning as Told on Plates. This is a collection of engravings from ancient Plates found in Sinnoh." appears on screen, and the player begins reading the book]
LUCAS: "The Original One breathed alone before the universe came. When the universe was created, its shards became this Plate. The power of defeated giants infuses this Plate. Two beings of time and space set free from the Original One. Three beings were born to bind time and space. Two make matter, and three make spirit, shaping the world. The powers of Plates are shared among Pokemon. The rightful bearer of a Plate draws from the Plate it holds."
["Lucas returned the book to its place" appears on screen, as the player walks up to the third floor and looks at another bookshelf]
["This book is titled 'Sinnoh Region's Mythology.' Want to read it?" appears on screen, and the player selects "Yes"]
LUCAS: "Sinnoh Region's Mythology. Long ago, when Sinnoh had just been made, Pokemon and humans led separate lives. That is not to say they did not help each other. No, indeed they did. They supplied each other with goods, and supported each other. A Pokemon proposed to the others to always be ready to help humans. It asked that Pokemon be ready to appear before humans always. Thus, to this day, Pokemon appear to us if we venture into tall grass."
[the player moves on to another bookshelf]
["This book is titled 'Sinnoh Myth.' Want to read it?" appears on screen, and the player selects "Yes"]
LUCAS: "Betray not your anger, lest ??? will come. Weep not with sorrow, or ??? will draw near. When joy and enjoyment come natural as the very air, that is happiness. Let such be blessed by the hand of Master ???. Those words were spoken often as customary."



The Canalave Library (Japanese: Mio Library) is a location in "Pokemon Diamond", "Pearl", and "Platinum."

It is the only library in the region of Sinnoh and it has shelves of books, containing the myths of Sinnoh. It can be found on the north-west of Canalave City and it is the place the player, the rival, Lucas/Dawn, and Professor Rowan meet up before the player goes to Lake Valor.

Canalave Library is a small library. There are shelves and shelves of different books surrounding several reading tables and chairs. There is a sign that informs people that eating and drinking are prohibited. Not much happens on the lower floors, however people can be seen here reading about Pokemon and other books.

The upper floors of the library have the same layout as the lower floors, except that most of the books on the bookshelves can be read. These books are very philosophical and go in-depth into the history and existence of the Pokemon world as known. These books are considered Sinnoh myths, that many people, such as Cynthia, believe and study by. These books include, the Sinnoh Myth, which refers to Mesprit, the Sinnoh Region's Mythology, which explains why wild Pokemon appear in grass, the Sinnoh's Myth, which explains the existence of the lake guardians, the Veilstone's Myth, which tells a story about a young swordsman encountering Giratina, The Original Story, which explains the origin of the Pokemon world, A Horrific Myth, which tells a horrible tale about the lake guardians, and several other Sinnoh Folk Tales.

After Byron is defeated in the Canalave Gym, the player's rival sentences the player to the Canalave Library, before meeting up with Professor Rowan and his assistant to head up to the top floor to investigate strange happenings, when suddenly a huge explosion occurs from Lake Valor which could be heard all the way from the library. While everyone escapes before the aftershock occurs, everyone leaves the library for good.

Once the player has become the Champion, Lucian can be found in the library, choosing out a new book, since he had just finished his last one before being challenged in the Pokemon League.

In Pokemon Platinum, after acquired Arceus, a Hiker, as it seems, appears in the Oreburgh Mine admitting to being the author of all of these books. However, after telling his tale, he will leave the mines, and can be found again in the Canalave Library to give the player more information on Arceus.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Case Study No. 0348: "That sweet librarian"

The Library By T.G.I.F.
Full-Length Music Video Of T.G.I.F.'s song "The Library".


Here we go!

Verse 1:

Runnin' late after school one day
Didn't know what my momma would say
I got soccer practice, got homework to do
'Bout to throw in the towel and say "I'm through"

But I gotta make time for the library
Got a paper to write and some books to read
Oh what a wonderful place to be
I can set my mind free


Just a simple blue card and a signature is all you need.
Once you got that all the books in the building are free to you and me.
I asked my friend Joe and I asked my friend Jake, they said
The one place you should be right now is the library library library library now!


Verse 2:

I walked through the doors and what did I see?
I saw that sweet librarian lookin' at me.
She said "What can I help you find sonny?"
I said "Anything!"

As we walked down the aisles I was so amazed,
Just a bunch of covers filled with pages.
They were all rearranged by a man named Dewey, a man named Dewey!

Chorus 1X


Just a simple blue card and a signature is all you need.
Once you got that all the books in the building are free to you and me. Oh!
I asked my friend Joe and I asked my friend Jake, they said
The one place you should be right now is the library LALALAAA

Is all you need.
Once you got that all the books in the building are free to you and me. Oh!
I asked my friend Joe and I asked my friend Jake, they said
The one place you should be right now is the library library library library library library library library now!
Library now!

Library now! Library now! Library now! Library now! Librara....AHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Library now!
Tags: alternative indie punk rock the library t.g.i.f. tgif TGIF jordan friday one place music video ccclib ttw2008
Added: 4 years ago
From: JoystixMusic
Views: 1,151

The Library
Joystix Music

[various shots of a public library are interspersed with Jordan Friday singing into two microphones]

Music, Lyrics and Video
written, played, directed
and produced ALL by
T.G.I.F aka Jordan Friday

Filmography Done By
Ashtyn Friday

Thank You For Watching!

Now Go To The Library Already!



After the production of The Library By T.G.I.F., it won the title of "Best Promotional Video" by the Contra Costa Libraries. As of now, a press release is soon to come, but until then, the video will be released on The CCClib Myspace Page within this month. Hats off to T.G.I.F.! Updated Thursday May 1, 2008.

About T.G.I.F
As an aspiring musician, T.G.I.F. is constantly pushing the limits of modern music as we know it. From Celtic Rock to Spanish Alternative to his new genre, RockTechnix, T.G.I.F. enjoys an eclectic taste in music, and it shows in his musical choices.

T.G.I.F. writes, records, mixes, and produces all of his music completely by himself. "I just want to make these songs completely my own, without 'inside influence'" T.G.I.F. states.

Case Study No. 0347: Kooey T. Goose and Billiam Crock

Better Library Inductions For New Readers & Students
Kooey and Randy return to consider some helpful tips for librarians faced with the challenge of inducting new students to the mysteries of the libraryverse.
Tags: library librarians inductions new students readers weasel goose puppets educational training staff
Added: 3 years ago
From: llordllama
Views: 790

[scene opens with two handpuppets (Kooey T. Goose and Randy T. Weasel) talking directly to the camera]
KOOEY: The introduction of new students or readers is, for many librarians, one of the most challenging times of the year.
RANDY: Yeah, well, that's because you always bore them to death with pointless information ...
KOOEY: Actually Weasel, for once, you have a point.
RANDY: I do? Oh, quick, call the Drudge Report!
KOOEY: Many librarians make the fatal error of assuming the more they say during induction, the less the reader will have to ask later ...
[cut to a crocodile handpuppet speaking with a group of new students]
BILLIAM CROCK: Ah, welcome to this short introduction to your library. Well, let's start with the single most important item you need to know ... fines.
["5 dull minutes later" appears on screen]
BILLIAM CROCK: Now, some of you might be wondering about what're those funny numbers on the book spines? Well, let me tell you all about my very special friend Mister Dewey, and his frap-tabulous classification scheme ...
["7 thrilling minutes later" appears on screen]
BILLIAM CROCK: So, as you can see, that's the first couple of hundred class marks. Mmm, exciting stuff, eh? Yes, now, let's delve on into the 300s and see what mysteries we can uncover ...
["15 numbing minutes later" appears on screen]
BILLIAM CROCK: And so, that's all the basics out of the way. So, uh, let's turn then to how to borrow a book ...
[cut back to Kooey and Randy]
RANDY: Make him stop! My tiny weasel brain started to explode right about the 170s ...
KOOEY: Indeed. Total information overload going far beyond the readers' immediate needs. Inductions should be short, to the point, cutting out the chaff whilst leaving in only prime real meat!
RANDY: Mmm! Ah, otherwise, you'll find that all the folks will remember from the session is that librarians are very boring people who drone on and on and on about irrelevancies ...
[he turns towards the goose]
RANDY: Looking at no one in particular here ...
KOOEY: Harumph! Now remember, the key to attention and retention is relevancy. What I need to know today, I'll remember. And what I need to know about for next week, I'll worry about later and just switch off.
[cut back to Billiam]
BILLIAM CROCK: Now, next year, you'll need to search the databases. So, uh, let's look at my seventeen-point guide to how Boolean operators work!
[the crowd boos]
BILLIAM CROCK: Um, would anyone here like to know where the computers actually are?
[the crowd cheers, then cut back to Kooey and Randy]
KOOEY: I always remember the rule of three. The three things every reader should take away from the induction, even if they don't pick up on anything else.
[cut to Randy speaking to the group of new students]
RANDY: So, remember kiddy-winks ... Libraries are dull, boring, and pointless places that you'll be forced to visit ad nauseum!
["1) Dull 2) Boring 3) Pointless" appears on screen]
RANDY: Now, as for the librarians themselves--
[Kooey appears]
KOOEY: Stop that! This is not what I mean at all! They should remember ...
["1) Catalogue 2) Opening times 3) Ask a librarian" appears on screen]
KOOEY: The catalogue is the first place to look for anything that's a book, what the opening hours are, and they can ask a librarian anything!
RANDY: Anything? Oh, really? Well, uh, what's the average air velocity of an African swallow?
KOOEY: Uhhhh, I don't know. I'll have to go and ask somebody ...
[the goose slowly waddles off]

Kooey T. Goose
Randy T. Weasel
Billiam Crock

A Weasel Televisual Enterprises Production
(c) 2008 llordllama



Welcome to the home of Weasel Televisual Enterprises (WTE) on YouTube, I hope you stay awhile.

What you'll find here are a mix of educational videos aimed at librarians, information scientists and library readers. Each one hand crafted from the finest elements of edutainment possible.

Alongside these works you'll find an ever increasing series of videos spoofing popular science fiction and fantasy shows and programmes; along with tongue-in-cheek reviews of shows like Doctor Who and Torchwood. All performed by a talented cast of animals known only as The Menagerie.

And a few real life geese (gooses!) for good measure.

Fans of the videos should join the Facebook fan group today (Randy Weasel's Close Personal Chums) for occasional extras and news that doesn't make it onto YouTube. weaselchums

WTE and co are ever available for conferences, after dinner speaking and Prime Minister's Question Time...

Case Study No. 0346: The Archivist (Age of Stupid)

Age of Stupid: Clips: Layefa & The Archivist
Early edit of Oscar-nominated leading man Pete Postlethwaite in his role as the Archivist in the year 2055 in The Age of Stupid
Tags: Pete Postlethwaite Franny Armstrong Age of Stupid Layefa Nigeria Making
Added: 4 years ago
From: spannerfilms
Views: 2,659

[Layefa Malemi, a Nigerian woman struggling with poverty in her country, is pouring oil into an empty soda bottle]
LAYEFA: I buy diesel every Thursday. I sell them to one Misses Rebecca.
[cut to shots of people counting money while counting gasoline containers]
LAYEFA: I don't want to know about them, but I know she sell them to our customers. It is stressful, but it has a larger profit than selling the fish.
[cut to The Archivist watching footage of Layefa from the year 2055]
ARCHIVIST: Strange, watching these film fragments. It's like looking through binoculars. Observing people on a far-off beach. Running around in circles, fixated on the small area of sand under their feet, as a tsunami races towards the shore. They're so distant from me, I can't wave my arms or raise my voice. I can't warn them.



The Age of Stupid is a 2009 British film by Franny Armstrong, director of McLibel and Drowned Out, and founder of 10:10, and first-time producer Lizzie Gillett. The Executive Producer is John Battsek, producer of One Day in September.

The film is a drama-documentary-animation hybrid which stars the late Pete Postlethwaite as a man living alone in the devastated world of 2055, watching archive footage from the mid-to-late 2000s and asking "Why didn't we stop climate change when we had the chance?"

The film begins in the year 2055 in a world ravaged by catastrophic climate change; London is flooded, Sydney is burning, Las Vegas has been swallowed up by desert, the Amazon rainforest has burnt up, snow has vanished from the Alps and nuclear war has laid waste to India. An unnamed archivist (Pete Postlethwaite) is entrusted with the safekeeping of humanity's surviving store of art and knowledge. Alone in his vast repository off the coast of the largely ice-free Arctic, he reviews archive footage from back "when we could have saved ourselves", trying to discern where it all went wrong. Amid news reports of the gathering effects of climate change and global civilisation teetering towards destruction, he alights on six stories of individuals whose lives in the early years of the 21st century seem to illustrate aspects of the impending catastrophe. These six stories take the form of interweaving documentary segments that report on the lives of real people in the present, and switch the film's narrative form from fiction to fact.



In "The Age of Stupid," a frightening jeremiad about the effects of climate change, the craggy-faced British actor Pete Postlethwaite plays the Archivist, a finger-pointing, futuristic voice of doom in 2055. Peering into a retrospective crystal ball that shows scenes from the early 21st century, he scolds the human race for having committed suicide.

The curator of the Global Archive, a storage site of human knowledge in what is now a melted Arctic, the Archivist presses a rewind button on a touch screen to show documentary scenes related to climate change that were shot when there was still time for humanity to save itself. At the end of "The Age of Stupid," which uses crude animation that depicts London underwater, Sydney burning and Las Vegas buried in sand, the Archive is sent into space.

A much sterner and more alarming polemic than "An Inconvenient Truth," "The Age of Stupid," directed by Franny Armstrong, will be taken by some as an emergency wake-up call to do everything possible to avert impending catastrophe. In the film Mark Lynas, the British environmental activist and author of "Six Degrees: Our Future on a Hotter Planet," warns of a tipping point around 2015 if the world doesn't immediately act to reduce carbon emissions. Once global temperatures warm more than two degrees, he says, all will be lost.

Others may find the challenges to humanity posed by the documentary so daunting that "The Age of Stupid" (the Archivist's sarcastic nickname for our time) may convince viewers that, practically speaking, it is already too late to act. Cynics may assume that the ethic of consumerism is too deeply instilled in us to be changed, as is the faith in capitalism, which depends on continuous growth. If so, we might as well put the coming horrors out of our minds and live for the moment, while hoping for a miracle.

The personal stories among which the film hopscotches examine specific situations. Two involve big oil. We meet a retired paleontologist, who worked for Shell Oil, discovering new resources off the coast of New Orleans, but who also helped rescue more than 100 people after Hurricane Katrina. This was a disaster that the Archivist, looking back, says was only the first of many similar meteorological catastrophes related to climate change.

A young woman who dreams of becoming a doctor lives in an impoverished Nigerian village where Shell operates a drilling operation. She fishes in the oil-polluted waters to raise money for her education. She laments the paradox of "the resource curse," in which oil wealth contributes to a country's poverty by putting riches in the hands of a greedy, corrupt few who neglect the education and health of a country while contaminating the environment.

An octogenarian mountaineer in the French Alps observes how the melting of glaciers has necessitated the construction of longer ladders for climbers to reach them. Another vignette revolves around Iraqi children who hate the United States and blame the American lust for oil for the war.

The two stories that best exemplify the difficulties faced by environmentalists have to do with a fledgling Indian airline and a proposed wind farm in the English countryside. Jeh Wadia, an entrepreneur in Mumbai who is starting a low-cost airline, believes he is doing good by helping the economy in India. But as Piers Guy, a wind-farm developer in England who carefully measures his carbon footprint, says, air travel is a major contributor to global warming. Mr. Guy's campaign to build turbines that would produce wind energy in Bedfordshire is vehemently opposed by residents because it will spoil their views and lower their property values.

A thread of needling gallows humor runs through "The Age of Stupid." Near the end of the film the Archivist wonders: "Why didn't we save ourselves? Was the answer that we weren't sure we were worth saving?" He may have a point.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Case Study No. 0345: Mark Palkovic

world's smallest book .9 by .9 millimeters: The Chameleon
2:08 profiles/ palkovic.htm

CCM Librarian Mark Palkovic Owns The World's Smallest Book
Date: Oct. 25, 2002
By: Dawn Fuller
Phone: (513) 556-1823
Photos by Dawn Fuller and Dottie Stover
Archive: Profiles
Mark Palkovic, his book and certificate

Mark Palkovic, head librarian for the College-Conservatory of Music Library, owns a prized possession that's bringing him world fame. Guinness World Records has confirmed that Palkovic is the owner of the smallest book in the world. Palkovic's book, Chekhov's Chameleon, measures just .9 by .9 millimeters, not much larger than a grain of salt. Amazingly, this miniscule book has 30 pages and three color illustrations. The print cannot be read by the naked eye, but Palkovic keeps another larger copy of the book, still measuring just a tiny 2 by 1.8 centimeters, nearby.

Palkovic now has a certificate of authenticity from Guinness, respected worldwide for its verification of world records. He was also honored at the Miniature Book Society Grand Conclave that was held in Covington in October. Image Palkovic's book

"There are only 100 of these books that were published," says Palkovic. "Fifty were published in English (Palkovic has the English version) and 50 in Russian. I have copy number 16 of the English version."

Palkovic is treasurer of the Miniature Book Society, an international group founded in Ohio in 1983. The North Avondale resident's fascination with miniature books began back in 1979 when he worked as a cataloguer at Auburn University Library in Alabama. "I came into work one morning, and there was this little pink thing laying on the floor. I thought it was an eraser. When I went to pick it up, I saw it was this tiny book and I just became fascinated with them."

Palkovic says a nearby dollhouse shop carried miniature books, many of which were published by Mosaic Press in Cincinnati. He became friends with Mosaic Press proprietor Miriam Irwin when he moved to Cincinnati in 1981. He even wrote the text for a miniature book, titled Musical Boxes, published by Mosaic Press in 1983.

Miniature books can range in price from a 10-cent gumball machine copy to the valuable books that are trimmed in gold and bound in leather. "I have a beautiful Russian book that's partly bound in leather and partly bound in fish skin. book and certificate

"Miniature books appeal in two areas for collectors," Palkovic explains, "both as art objects and for their intellectual content. The thing that's appealing to me is that a miniature book is a very personal thing to collect. You must handle them to appreciate them."

He adds that even the cheap gumball miniature books can grow in value as they grow in age. Palkovic says he recently purchased a couple of books that had once been the prize in a Cracker Jack box. "They're titled, Hello, 1980, and they were printed in the early 70s, and they have stories about how advanced we would be in 1980. One of the things mentioned is that a special powder would be created to keep you from burning your food. When you burn your fried eggs, you just sprinkle on the powder, and they aren't burned anymore."

As for the tiniest book in the world, Palkovic does not just let it sit in its decorative collector's box. Even though it's as small as a little grain of salt, he has to take it out and look at the book, bound in gold and silk. "If you ever get a miniature book, you will never lose it," he says. "You may not be able to find it for awhile, but you'll come across it again. You just tend to put it somewhere safe because it's a treasured little thing."
Tags: world's smallest book millimeters The Chameleon
Added: 1 year ago
From: djdarren2056
Views: 1,454

The UC Archives and Rare Books Library Presents ...
The World's Smallest Book

[Mark Palkovic is addressing the audience while standing in front of the cabinet containing the world's smallest book]
MARK PALKOVIC: So the world's smallest book, from the certificate here is actually, we have two copies here for you to look at. This is the library's copy here.
[he holds up a tiny case]
MARK PALKOVIC: And, as Kevin said, it's "Chameleon." Uh, "The Chameleon," by Chekhov. And this one is in English. Uh, the copy that I bought several years ago actually has both English and Russian.
[he holds up another tiny case]
MARK PALKOVIC: You can see the little strip of paper here. Actually, those are the pages. Unbound, uncut. So you could actually see the layout of the book. And you can use the magnifying glass, but I'm not sure that'll really help you much. The book itself is actually glued down on the end of the strip of paper. So what I have here is the English version of the book, and it's copy number sixteen out of fifty.
[he points to the library copy on the table]
MARK PALKOVIC: And I don't know what copy number we have, do you remember?
[someone off-camera says "Thirty four"]
MARK PALKOVIC: Thirty four. So the library's copy thirty four, I've got copy sixteen out of fifty. There were also fifty copies done in Russian, and of course we don't have those. But I do have the pages from the Russian book here, but it's not been bound. There's a larger version of it here, that you actually could read ...
[audience laughs]

The smallest ever printed book measures 0.9 x 0.9 mm and is an edition of "Chameleon" by the Russian author Anton Chekhov. The book was made and published by Anatoli Konehko, of Omsk, Siberia, Russia in 1996. Each book consists of 30 pages, has three colour illustrations and 11 lines of text to a page.



What did Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Jos├ęphine de Beauharnais (the first wife of Napoleon Bonaparte) and Stanley Marcus of the Neiman Marcus department store dynasty have in common? All were enchanted with the miniature book.

That was just one revelation in this month's "50 Minutes – One Book" lunchtime lecture, sponsored by the University of Cincinnati's Archives and Rare Books Library. Mark Palkovic, head of the Albino Gorno Memorial Music Library, gave a talk on the world's smallest book, the Anton Chekov short story, "The Chameleon." Palkovic, who owns the world's smallest book, also showed the certificate from Guinness World Records that confirms that the .9 by .9 millimeter book – not much larger than a grain of salt – is indeed the smallest in the world. UC's Rare Books Collection also has a copy among the 300 miniature books housed in its collection.

Palkovic, who is also president of the Miniature Book Society, said that miniature books appeal to collectors, binders, printers and writers. But the discussion also revealed that miniature books could actually protect people from religious persecution when they could be easily hidden in a pocket. They could protect people from embarrassment as well, as some miniature books publish erotica.

Palkovic brought along some other miniature books from his personal collection, including a heart-shaped book with Benjamin Franklin's advice to his son about choosing a mistress.

Regardless of the content, Palkovic told the attendees that if they ever receive a miniature book as a gift, it's highly unlikely they'll ever give it away. "You might place it somewhere for safekeeping and forget where you put it, but you'll keep it," he said.

Kevin Grace, head of the Archives & Rare Books Library and University Archivist, said UC's miniature books collection has drawn student researchers from the College of Design, Architecture, Art, and Planning (DAAP), the McMicken College of Arts and Sciences (A&S) Department of English, and students from the UC College of Business who have looked at the collection while exploring the publishing industry. The oldest miniature book that's housed in the Rare Books Collection is an almanac dating back to the 1830s.

Palkovic will be attending a Miniature Book Society Conclave in Dublin, Ireland this summer, where collectors from around the world will meet and share their love and enthusiasm for miniature books.

Case Study No. 0344: Metro City Librarian

Let's Slay Nightshade part 3A
Nightshade talks to a dead guy, beats up British OddJob and saves a cute little kitten... What else will we see in this game? Oh and a Curator... cool...
Special thanks to The Nightshade Hideout for the comic book ad
http:// www.nightshadehideout
Tags: NES nightshade let's play Sydlexia Nightshade Hideout slayer viktor
Added: 3 years ago
From: Viktor13036
Views: 200

[the superhero Nightshade explores an abandoned mansion, which contains a large grandfather clock]
NARRATOR: It's the second largest clock Nightshade's ever seen! The only one larger was in "Nightshade and the Mystery of the Extraordinarily Large Clock" ... Keen! The hands seem to be stuck.
[the player selects "Operate" and "Clock"]
NARRATOR: Huge bouncing froggies! The hands move! Cool!
[this causes the fire in the nearby fireplace to extinguish, as the player selects "Examine" and "Logs"]
NARRATOR: Nothing unusual here.
[the player selects "Operate" and "Logs" (causing the logs to disappear and revealing a hole in the ground), then selects "Examine" and "Hole"]
NARRATOR: Wow! It's an incredibly obvious secret exit!
[the player selects "Operate" and "Hole", as Nightshade enters an underground passageway which contains a bookshelf, so the player selects "Examine" and "Books"]
NIGHTSHADE: Gosh! What an interesting book on Egyptology! I bet this will come in handy! I'd better take it.
[the player selects "Examine" and "Books"]
NARRATOR: Let's see here ... "Attack of the Giant, Rabid Vampire Elvis Clone" ... "Learn to Speak Spanish Like an Italian" ... "I Was a Teenage Swamp Monster From the Pit" ... "Transcendental Sky-Diving." My, what varied taste the owners of these had.
[Nightshade exits the mansion and makes his way towards the Metro City Library, where two squirrels are running around outside, so the player selects "Examine" and "Squirrel"]
NARRATOR: This squirrel looks very hungry.
[the player selects "Talk" and "Squirrel"]
SQUIRREL: Overthrow the government! Let us rise up and ... Er ... Squeak?
NIGHTSHADE: If there's one thing I can't stand, it's anarchic squirrels.
[the player selects "Use" and "Food" and "Squirrel"]
NARRATOR: Nice Nightshade feeds the pretty squirrels.
[the squirrels runn off screen, then return and drop an item on the ground in front of Nightshade, so the player selects "Examine" and "Amulet"]
NARRATOR: It's a sacred "Rat Guard (TM)" Amulet of Baast.
[the player selects "Pick Up" and "Amulet", then enters the library where a female librarian is shelving books, so the player selects "Examine" and "Woman"]
NARRATOR: My, what a pleasant young lady.
[the player selects "Talk" and "Woman"]
[Nighshade goes to the backroom of the library (which contains a bookcase), so the player selects "Examine" and "Books"]
NARRATOR: One of these books looks strange ...
[the player selects "Operate" and "Book", causing a secret panel to slide open on the adjacent wall ... Nightshade enters the room (which contains another bookcase and a scroll embedded within the opposite wall), and the player selects "Examine" and "Scroll"]
NARRATOR: Now there's something you don't see every day! It's a sacred Papyrus of Tanis (TM). Lots of pictures! Cool!
[the player selects "Examine" and "Books"]
NARRATOR: One of these books looks strange ...
[the player selects "Operate" and "Book", and a secret panel opens on the opposite wall, leading Nightshade back to the hidden bookcase underneath the mansion]


[Nightshade enters the Metro City Bookstore (where a female assistant is sitting in front of the cash register), so the player selects "Talk" and "Shp. Asst"]
NIGHTSHADE: Greetings, lowly book seller.
SHOP ASSISTANT: Greetings yourself, bozo.
NIGHTSHADE: I seek to purchase a book.
SHOP ASSISTANT: Amazing. This is a book store, so I guess you got that right. Did you have any particular book in mind?
NIGHTSHADE: Yes. I would like the Egyptian Book of the Dead.
SHOP ASSISTANT: That'll be two dollars. An excellent choice, bozo.
NARRATOR: The shop assistant hands you the book.
[Nightshade walks up to the bookcase behind the counter, and the player selects "Examine" and "Books"]
NARRATOR: Hmmm. Let's see here ... "How to Bonsai Your Pet" ... "A Field Guide to Molluscs" ... "101 Ways to a Slimmer Tibia" ... "Across the Andes by Gerbil" ... Nope. Nothing here at all interesting.
[Nightshade exits the bookstore and makes his way back to the library, where he approaches the librarian and the player selects "Use" and "Dead-Bk" and "Woman"]
LIBRARIAN: Sorry, this isn't a library book ... Hey! Yes it is! This book has been missing for eight years!



Nightshade is an action-adventure game released in 1991 for the Nintendo Entertainment System. It was developed by Beam Software and published by Ultra. The game was meant to be the first part in a series, but no sequels were ever made.

The game takes place in a fictional urban city called Metro City. As the story unfolds, the city's local superhero named Vortex is outnumbered by gangs and killed. With the city's protector murdered, the crime grows rapidly. Soon enough the city's crime lords start fighting over control of the city, until a villain named Sutekh takes control, combining all the gangs into one. With the city completely overrun by Sutekh and the other crime lords (Rat King, Goliath, Lord Muck, and Ninja Mistress), it is soon devoured in crime. A vigilante named Mark Gray (alias Nightshade) decides to step up and take the law into his own hands, vowing to rid Metro City of crime.

Outside of the occasional violence, the game is actually somewhat light in tone (even Nightshade himself is constantly being called "Lampshade" by everybody) and rife with various popular culture references. The ending gives credit to people for the "bad jokes".



This is a walkthrough for the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) game called Nightshade. Technically, the game is Nightshade: Part One: The Claws of Sutekh. But since Part Two was never made, it's simply called Nightshade.


"That's my home, Metro City. Quiet place. Good city. Good people. Good future. But as time passed, bad seeds started to grow, and Vortex, Metro City's protector, was outnumbered. Even with the help of the local police, Vortex was no match for the growth of corruption.

With Vortex gone, the criminals moved in like a cancer, eating through the city's heart. Day by day, Metro City was getting worse. Without Vortex to combat crime, things started to get out of hand. Crime feeds upon itself like rats fighting over cheese. Pretty soon the crime bosses began to fight over control of Metro City.

Then, something began to change. The gang wars stopped. There's someone new in town. Someone organizing all the criminals. He's the one I want. He's the one who wants to kill my town.

Someone had to do something!

Someone had to take Vortex's place. Someone had to stand up to Sutekh. It's time to put a stop to this plague. It's time for Nightshade."


Vortex: Former protector of Metro City. He was killed by criminals, and looks a lot like The Flash.

Sutekh: Ruler of the criminals that are overrunning Metro City. Nightshade's plan is simple: defeat Sutekh. Sutekh, for some reason, is really into ancient Egyptian things.

Nightshade: A shady man who wears an overcoat. He's determined to save the day by stopping Sutekh. It's strange that Nightshade looks more like a criminal than Sutekh does.


Librarian: It'd be nice if you could talk to her, but talking in the library is about as allowed as running near the pool.


Enter the shop here. Examine the books for sale. Great jumping jellyfish! The Egyptian Book of the Dead is for sale! Examine it again. Hey, it's a library book, written by Metro City's very own Professor Sandleford!

Use the money on the girl at the counter (she seems to have mistaken Nightshade for a clown) to buy the book. Exit the store.


Enter the library (G2). Use the Egyptian Book of the Dead on the librarian, and she raises your popularity. Go to the back room.

Examine the books on the back shelf. One is weird. Operate it (it's a green book) and a hidden doorway appears. Enter it.

The scroll is in this room. Use the dome on the scroll to protect it.

We're not done with the library yet, though. Examine the books in this room. Operate the strange one (on the left, it's a red book) to open the door.

Go through the door, and examine the shelf of books. Nightshade picks up a book on Egyptology, enabling him to read hieroglyphics. Cool!

Case Study No. 0343: Orcish Librarian App Review - Orcish Librarian
A quick review of the Orcish Librarian App for the iPhone!
Tags: TCGplayer Magic TCG player MTG Gathering Frank Lepore App Review Orcish Librarian
Added: 10 months ago
From: MagnetoXX
Views: 383


Orcish Librarian is a database of rulings, details, prices, and images for Magic the Gathering cards.

Orcish Librarian Support:



In the fun category comes this card from "Magic: the Gathering", The Orcish Librarian. If the image isn't clear, the librarian is eating The Joy of Cooking with some library paste. And Naked Lunch sits up on the shelf. And the quoted line is "Us hungry, need food .... Lots of books .... Hmm...."

As my regular readers will know, librarians are some of my favorite people. And something you may not know: I had a hand in play testing some cards back in the mid-90's. I don't recall the Orcish Librarian.

My wife brought home the page of American Libraries (March 2007) that contained this image under the heading "How the world sees us." There are some other interesting (and funny) quotes in the rest of the item too.



Card Name: Orcish Librarian
Converted Mana Cost: 2
Types: Creature - Orc
Card Text: Look at the top eight cards of your library. Remove four of them at random from the game, then put the rest on top of your library in any order.
Flavor Text: "Us hungry, need food . . . . Lots of books . . . . Hmm . . . ."
Expansion: Time Spiral "Timeshifted"
Rarity: Special
Card No.: 66
Artist: Phil Foglio

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Case Study No. 0342: John Lewis

Randy Librarian - Peter Sellers
From the opening to Only Two Can Play
Tags: Peter Sellers Wales Welsh Library libraries librarian
Added: 3 years ago
From: lex10
Views: 4,867



Gilliat, Sidney (Director). Only Two Can Play. United Kingdom: RCA/Columbia Pictures, 1962.

Starring: Peter Sellers (John Lewis, Librarian); Mai Zetterling (Liz); Virginia Maskell (Jean)

Based on the Novel: Kingsley, Amis. That Uncertain Feeling. London: Victor Gollancz, 1955.

The opening scene of this b&w 1962 male-librarian classic is the exterior of the Aberdarcy (Wales) Public Library. We see librarian John Lewis (Sellers), dressed in an ill-fitting suit, peering through a bookcase at a classy lady striding toward him -- starched shirtwaist dress, high heels, and lacquered helmet hair. Her voice purrs and she smiles coquettishly.

Lady: Good morning. Have you Conditioned Reflexes? It's by Pavlov.
Lewis: (awkwardly) Yes, yes, it's out at the moment, but if you'd like to leave your name I could reserve it for you.
Lady: (writing on card) I'll come back then.
Lewis: (hopefully) Do. Oh, ah ... would you like to leave your phone number?
Lady: I did.
Lewis: (looking at card) Oh! So you did, dear.

A moment later he's appreciating the fine legs of another lovely patron. This guy's got it bad. He realizes he's holding the James Thurber/E.B. White book Is Sex Necessary?, which he unceremoniously tosses onto a shelf. A quotation then overlays the screen as we see poor Lewis rest his face in his hands: "It is not observed that Librarians are wiser men than others" -- Ralph Waldo Emerson. We learn that Lewis needs "more than the normal outlet" for his "creative urges." He is married with children in a crowded and noisy three-room upstairs flat, and is suffering the seven-year itch. His very pretty wife, Jean, urges him to apply for a promotion because they need the money. He doesn't think he'd get the job. "I am not sufficiently up in Welsh literature," he tells her. When Liz, the flirtatious society wife of the Chairman of the Library Committee, comes to the library in need of special research materials, she begins a campaign to get him that job in exchange for ... favors. Later, when he's getting ready to have an intimate moment with Liz, he sees on the table a book by John Marquand called Point of No Return. He covers it with a magazine. He knows it's not the right way to land the promotion, but laments to his wife, "Why did I bother to cram to pass exams, to take degrees, where did it get me? I would be much better off as a road sweeper." Despite the foreign location and mid-20th century timeframe, male librarian stereotypes are apparent, especially during the interviews by the Committee of candidates (all male) for the promotion. Today's male librarian stereotype is effeminate, geeky, and socially inept, but back then men in the profession were thought to be nerdy in a scholarly sense, internally high strung, and socially clumsy. Okay, maybe things haven't changed all that much. This film, as the book on which it is based makes clear, concerns one librarian's "uncertain feeling." And speaking of Amis' book, the film is true to the tone and humor of the book and much of the storyline, although the librarian issues aren't quite as pointed but still central to who the character is.