Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Case Study No. 0093: Suzanne and the Pirate Librarian

Pirates at the Research Help Desk
The friendly staff at the research help desk are more than happy to assist you with your library research. You can find help at all four campus libraries.
Tags: Pirate Reference Research Help library libraries mcmaster mac talk tolkien archives
Added: 2 years ago
From: maclibraries
Views: 2,677

[the commercial opens with a young female librarian addressing the camera]
SUZANNE: Hi, I'm Suzanne, and I'm a librarian here at McMaster. Did you know that we have trained professionals to answer your research questions? At some libraries, like Innis and Thode, you'll find them where you check out books and laptops. Let's check it out!
[she takes a seat at the research desk, as a librarian dressed as a pirate appears]
PIRATE LIBRARIAN: Ahoy, what can I do ye for?
SUZANNE: I was wondering if I could get some help with my research paper?
PIRATE LIBRARIAN: Aye, that I can!
SUZANNE: I'm looking for a first edition of "The Hobbit."
PIRATE LIBRARIAN: That be one'a me favorite authors, J. Arr Arr Tolkien!
[the pirate begins slowly typing on his computer using his hook hand]
PIRATE LIBRARIAN: Shiver me timbers! Luck be on your side today! It looks like our Arr-chives has the first edition!
SUZANNE: Great! Thank you so much for your help ... I think I'm "hooked" on this service!



Pirates in the Library?
Posted on September 17, 2009

Watch the latest library video to find out why there are pirates in the library (and learn a little about the library along the way).

Case Study No. 0092: Cliff Wharton and Elaine Jefferson

It's a tough beat, handling the late returns and patrolling the aisles...

With John Keister, Nancy Guppy, Steve Wilson, Ed Wyatt, Bill Stainton, Tracey Conway, and Bob Nelson.

First aired October 30, 1993
Copyright King 5 - Almost Live!
Tags: seattle almost live keister conway nelson wyatt stainton guppy S10E06
Added: 3 years ago
From: GeorgeBuford
Views: 1,403

In Stereo (if you've got a really good TV & VCR)
LIBRARIANS. Filmed on location with the men and women of the Seattle Public Library System.

Seattle WA
Seattle Public Library
9:45 AM

[scene opens with librarians Cliff Wharton and Elaine Jefferson addressing the camera]
CLIFF: Yeah, you know the reason I like this job? It's that everyday it's something different, you never know what's gonna happen on any given day ...
ELAINE: Absolutely. One day you might have to check a book in, then maybe the next day check a book out. Maybe, then, help somebody find a book ...
CLIFF: Yeah, y'know, you've really gotta stay on your toes ...
ELAINE: Absolutely.
CLIFF: Especially this time of year, y'know, what with the kids going crazy, there's all ...
[they hear laughter coming from off-camera]
ELAINE: What the devil?
CLIFF: Alright, come on, let's move!
ELAINE: Okay, let's go ...
[they stop in front of two male patrons looking at the dictionary]
ELAINE: Okay, what're you doing?
PATRON 1: Uh, nothing. We're just looking up words and stuff.
ELAINE: Mm-hmm. Looking up words, what kind of words?
PATRON 1: I mean, just ... y'know, normal words.
[his friend tries to quickly close the dictionary, but Cliff stops him and looks at the page]
CLIFF: Not so fast, mister! There's some pretty smudged fingerprints right around that word right there ... "Copulation!" Now, you wanna tell us what you were really doing?
PATRON 2: Uh, we were looking up dirty words in the dictionary ...
PATRON 1: [giving his friend a dirty look] Aww!
CLIFF: Alright gentlemen, uh, you're done here. You wanna get your ass over to fiction? Get over there! Right now!
ELAINE: Try something by DH Lawrence, okay?
[as the two patrons walk off, she turns back to the camera]
ELAINE: They're not bad guys, they just can't seem to stay outta trouble ... Last week I caught 'em going through the National Geographics looking for topless shots of Tahitians ...
[she looks off-camera towards where the patrons were headed]
ELAINE: I said DH Lawrence, okay?!

10:05 AM

[Cliff and Elaine are looking over some books]
CLIFF: Well now, I don't know which category ...
[the alarm sounds as a male patron tries to leave the library]
CLIFF: Oh, excuse me, sir. We're gonna have to see what's in that backpack.
PATRON 3: Uh, there's nothing in here.
CLIFF: Well then, why did it beep?
PATRON 3: Uh, that was my keys!
CLIFF: Yeah, this isn't an airport, sir. Let's see what's in the bag ...
[the patron tries to run out the door, but Cliff stops him]
CLIFF: Hey hey, whoa whoa!
PATRON 3: No! No!
CLIFF: What've you got in here? What is it? What is it? What is it?!?
[he pulls a book out of the backpack]
PATRON 3: Oh god!
CLIFF: [reading the title] What? "The Romantic English Garden"? This is no problem, you can just check this out. Here, check it out for him. It's alright ...
PATRON 3: I'm ruined! They are gonna keep me outta Enumclaw! Turn that damn thing off! Oh my god ...
CLIFF: It's okay, it's alright ...
[he turns to the camera]
CLIFF: Not many guys from Enumclaw, and he's into romantic English gardens, needlepoint, things like that. And y'know, I guess his buddies think he's some kinda freak or something like that. But see, to me, that's what libraries are for. I think we need, y'know, more people from Enumclaw. Well, not a lot, but ... well some. Actually, probably would be best if they stayed in Enumclaw.

10:45 AM

[a female patron is looking through the newspaper section]
CLIFF: Oh boy, what do we have here? Excuse me, ma'am? Ma'am?
PATRON 4: Yes?
CLIFF: Uh, this is the New York Times. This is the finest newspaper in the world. When we return the New York Times, we fold it like this, understand?
PATRON 4: Yeah, sorry.
CLIFF: Okay, alright.
[she points to a crumpled-up copy of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer]
PATRON 4: Well, shouldn't that paper be folded too?
CLIFF: What, this one? Nah, that's fine. That's okay.

11:15 AM

[Elaine and Jeff are looking at a young male librarian trying to reshelve books]
ELAINE: Okay, now that over there is Jeff, he's one of our rookie librarians. Uh, looks like he's having a hard time of it, though.
CLIFF: Yeah, I better see what's going on ... Uh, Jeff? Jeff, buddy! What's going on?
JEFF: Well, I'm trying to file this book on paleontology away but it doesn't seem to fit here.
CLIFF: Yeah, y'know what, buddy? That's because you're in the literature section. See, you wanna be-- Jeff? Jeff, you wanna be down there. Right over there, there you go.
ELAINE: Now, I don't know what they're teaching our kids in librarian school these days. I mean, guy does not know the Dewey Decimal System ...
CLIFF: Yeah, y'know, when I was in the academy they used to drill us on Dewey, like, everyday. You didn't know your Dewey, you had to go down and give 'em fifty ...
ELAINE: Right now!
CLIFF: These days, I don't know. The whole profession, it's going to hell in a handbasket.
ELAINE: Oh, it's a sad state of affairs ...
CLIFF: Am I right? Am I right?
ELAINE: Yes, you're right.
CLIFF: Am I right?
ELAINE: You're damn right!



Almost Live! was a local sketch comedy television show in Seattle, Washington, USA, produced and broadcast by NBC affiliate KING-TV from 1984 to 1999.

Case Study No. 0091: Unnamed Male Librarian (The Silent Library)

The silent library
In a library, people are studying.
but in the library, if someone makes any noise, that person has to be severly punished.
After all, people locked in the library attempt to escape.
Tags: animation library horror korea 2D 3D sejong
Added: 4 years ago
From: algomalgo
Views: 1,881

[scene opens outside of a library, then cuts to the inside where we see the portrait of a stern looking male librarian, with a note - translated into English - reading "In the library, when you make any noise, although you have to be severely punished, the responsibility rests with you."]
[a number of names - "Peter, Vanessa, Jack, Brian, Honda, Allamoone, Jane" - flash on the screen, then the scene changes to six patrons (three men, one woman, a little boy and a little girl) calmly sitting at a table next to a large clock]
YOUNG BOY: [starts laughing when he notices that the large man sitting next to him has a head shaped like his pencil]
LARGE MAN: [motions as if he's going to hit the boy, causing him to drop his pencil on the ground, making a loud noise]
YOUNG BOY: [gives a nervous laugh, then screams as the chair underneath him suddenly falls down a trap door]
[the other patrons look on in shock, as television screens suddenly start turning on behind them, reading "Total: 5, Dead: 1"]
OLD WOMAN: [screams and tries to open the door - which is locked - when a section of the wall moves forward and crushes her]
[the screens now read "Total: 5-1, Dead: 1+1"]
[the other patrons are very nervous and whimpering to themselves, when somebody suddenly farts]
MAN IN HAT: [sniffs the air to try and find the culprit]
LARGE MAN: [takes off his nose to avoid the smell]
MAN IN HAT: [points at the big-nosed man]
BIG NOSED MAN: [shakes his head "no"]
MAN IN HAT: [points at the little girl]
YOUNG GIRL: [screams and shakes her head "no", then points at the large man]
MAN IN HAT: [points at the large man]
LARGE MAN: [starts growling in anger]
MAN IN HAT: [nervously puts his hand down and shrugs it off, then falls backwards as a robot boxing glove rises from the ground and knocks him square in the jaw]
[a cloud surrounds the fallen man - indicating that "he who smelt it dealt it" - then a strange machine descends from the ceiling, sucking up the bad air while attaching a number of hoses to the man in order to fill him with that air]
MAN IN HAT: [filled to bursting like a giant balloon, he floats into the air]
[the screens now read "Total: 5-1-0, Dead: 1+1+0", when a cell phone suddenly rings]
BIG NOSED MAN: [pulls a vibrating mouse out of his pocket, so he opens the large man's mouth and throws it in]
LARGE MAN: [swallow the mouse and burps, then grabs the big-nosed man by the neck and starts punching him in the face]
[a cell phone rings again, then cut to the outside of the library, as the two men smash through the window and wind up in a nearby tree]
LARGE MAN: [hanging from a branch by his shirt, he reaches for it, but not before it breaks and he goes crashing to the ground]
BIG NOSED MAN: [as the large man seems to regain consciousness, he falls from the tree and lands on his head, knocking both men out]
[the screens now read "Total: 5-1-0-2, Dead: 1+1+0+2"]
YOUNG GIRL: [holds her breath in fright]
[a black man, wearing headphones that barely contain the sound of his music, suddenly opens the door and comes moonwalking into the room]
BLACK MAN: [sits down, with eyes closed and head bobbing to the music]
YOUNG GIRL: [frantically motions for the man to turn off his music]
BLACK MAN: [starts beatboxing to himself]
YOUNG GIRL: [points to the man, then points at the television screens] Shh ...
[a fan suddenly drops from the ceiling and stops in front of the man]
BLACK MAN: [looks nervously at the fan]
[the fan quietly turns on, and the man relaxes as he enjoys the gentle breeze]
YOUNG GIRL: [scratches her head in confusion]
[the fan eventually speeds up, to the point where it blows the man out of his chair and through the window behind him]
YOUNG GIRL: [recoils in fright]
[the fan retracts back into the ceiling, as the screens now read "Total: 5-1-0-2+1-1, Dead: 1+1+0+2+1"]
YOUNG GIRL: [starts shaking, when she suddenly notices the man in the hat floating around the ceiling]
[she smiles, but then notices that a number of green hands have suddenly appeared from the television screens behind her and are reaching out for her]
YOUNG GIRL: [she climbs on the table, then jumps up and grabs the man's shirt, maneuvering him out the now-open window as they both float away]
[it appears that they are both going to float away to safety, but the scene changes to the old male librarian with his finger hovering over a red button]
MALE LIBRARIAN: [he presses the button, and the scene changes to the POV of two laser cannons taking aim at the two escaping patrons]
[the cannons lock onto their target, as the screen fades to black with the sounds of a young girl screaming]

(c) 2005 ANIAC



"The Silent Library"
2/3D Short animation, 8'23", 2006 by Gyuhyun Kim

2006 Won Grand Prize at May – CGLAND (, Korea
2007 Won Grand prize(Korea) and a Work Prize(Japan) – Mobile Comic Award 1st,Japan
SBS (SeoulBroadcastingSystem) -Ani-Gallery

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Case Study No. 0090: Unnamed Male Librarian (City of Angels)

City of Angels - lesson
Library clip from City of Angels, where Nicholas Cage consoles Meg Ryan
Tags: Hollywood Romantic Movies Meg Ryan Nicholas Cage City of Angels
Added: 2 years ago
From: fancyfreemale
Views: 8,377

[Maggie enters the public library and approaches a young male librarian sitting at the front desk]
MAGGIE: [hands him a book] Hi. I'm a physician, and I think a patient left that in my office. Is there any way you could tell me who checked it out?
LIBRARIAN: I can't tell you who, but I can tell you when.
LIBRARIAN: [wands in the barcode and begins typing on the computer] Alright, gimmee five minutes.
[he hands her back the book, and she wanders off, as the camera pans up to reveal a lone angel watching from the staircase]
MAGGIE: [browses a bookshelf, when Seth suddenly appears next to her]
SETH: Hello, Maggie. It's nice to see you again.
MAGGIE: It's weird to see you again.
SETH: Weird is nice.
MAGGIE: [nervous laugh]
SETH: [looks at the shelf] You like Hemingway?
MAGGIE: Yeah, yeah ... Uh, yeah, I'm starting to.
SETH: [he takes the book she was holding] May I?
SETH: [begins to read] "As I ate the oysters with their strong taste of the sea and their faint metallic taste, as I drank their cold liquid from each shell and washed it down with the crisp taste of the wine, I lost the empty feeling and began to be happy."
[he puts the book down]
SETH: He never forgets to describe how things taste! I like that ...
MAGGIE: [starts backing away] Uh, do you come here a lot?
SETH: I live here.
MAGGIE: [gives him a confused look] What do you do?
SETH: Read.
MAGGIE: [laughs] No, I mean ... your work.
SETH: Oh, well, I'm a messenger.
MAGGIE: Oh, well, what kind of messenger? Like a bike messenger?
SETH: No ... I'm a messenger of God.
MAGGIE: [smiles] Got a message for me?
SETH: I already gave it to you.
MAGGIE: Well, did you use my pager? 'Cause I usually don't get my messages unless you beep me.
SETH: You've ... definitely been beeped.
[Maggie continues backing away from Seth as he tries to get closer]
SETH: How is Messinger?
MAGGIE: He's good. Yeah, the operation went really well.
SETH: It was a good day.
MAGGIE: It was a good day, yeah. I didn't kill anybody today.
SETH: You're an excellent doctor.
MAGGIE: How do you know?
SETH: I have a feeling.
MAGGIE: That's pretty flimsy evidence.
SETH: Close your eyes ...
MAGGIE: [looks at him strangely]
SETH: It's just for a moment.
[she closes her eyes, so Seth takes her hand and runs his finger along her palm]
SETH: What am I doing?
MAGGIE: You're ... touching me.
SETH: Touch. How do you know?
MAGGIE: Because I feel it ... [she opens her eyes]
SETH: You should trust that. You don't trust it enough.
[he looks around and sees that a large group of angels is watching them]
SETH: Let's go somewhere.
MAGGIE: Where?
SETH: I don't care.
MAGGIE: What do you wanna do?
SETH: Anything.
[they exit the library, as the angels continue watching them]



CITY OF ANGELS (1998). Seth (Nicolas Cage) is an angel who falls in love with Maggie (Meg Ryan) and wishes he was mortal. Seth and the other angels hang out at the library (supposed to be L.A. from the other scenery, but really the San Francisco Public Library) reading people's thoughts. At the beginning of the movie we hear a woman's thoughts as she stands at an OPAC terminal: "What happened to the cards? You could touch the cards." Later, Maggie is curious to know who left a copy of Hemingway's "A Moveable Feast" on her nightstand (it was Seth) and she returns it to the library whence it came. Approaching a young, helpful but direct librarian (played by Sid Hillman) at a computer terminal, he tells her, "I can't tell you who checked it out, but I can tell you when." The library is also the location for other important meetings between Seth and Maggie.

Case Study No. 0089: Luis Soriano Bohorquez

Library on a Donkey
Humanwire correspondent Valentina Canavesio reports on Luis Soriano Bohorquez who created the Biblioburro, or Library Donkey, in an effort to bring books and the gift of reading to the children in his community of La Gloria, Colombia.

To learn more about Luis' Biblioburro and to donate to his cause, please visit
Tags: Library Donkey BiblioBurro Colombia LaGloria
Added: 2 years ago
Views: 34,404

[report opens with Molly Windman speaking directly to the camera]
MOLLY WINDMAN: In remote parts of the world, having access to a library is not commonplace, which is why Luis Soriano Bohorquez created the Biblioburro, or Library Donkey, in an effort to bring books and the gift of reading to the children in his community. Humanwire correspondent Valentina Canavesio reports from La Gloria, Colombia.
[cut to La Gloria, Colombia, as Luis address a group of gathering children while setting up his mobile library]
LUIS: [translated] Good afternoon kids, how are you?
CHILDREN: [translated] Good!
LUIS: [in voice-over] My name is Luis Soriano Bohorquez. I'm a teacher at the mixed school in La Gloria, which is part of the Nueva Granada department.
[cut to Luis waving the cameraman into his home]
LUIS: [translated] I invite you to come into my house!
[cut to inside a room in Luis' home, filled to the brim with boxes of books]
LUIS: [translated] This is my house, where the library functions, where I have 3480 books stored. Stored in boxes, in compartments. I have boxes also stored in my friends' houses, otherwise there wouldn't be room for me and the books.
[cut to Luis sitting in the center of the room]
LUIS: [translated] Today I have to bring a book to Santa Isabel village. I was looking for it, but it has been impossible for me to find. I know I have it, but because of the way the books are stored, it is difficult for me. I would have to bring everything down, because it might be in the bottom boxes, but I have to bring it to them. It is the duty of the library to fulfill the kids' requests. So this afternoon, I will take the time to find it and satisfy the kids.
[cut to Luis loading his books onto the donkey]
LUIS: [translated] Alfa carries practically the whole library. We carry 120 books on this library, for the joy and benefit of the farm kids. We have journeys of 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 kilometers ... up to 11. That's 8 hours (roundtrip) on the donkey.
[cut to Luis riding his donkey down the road]
LUIS: [in voice-over] I began this project about 10 years ago with the intent of helping my students complete their homework at home because they didn't have books in their home! They couldn't do research, homework, nothing!
[cut back to Luis talking to the children]
LUIS: [translated] Those who need to do their homework, I'm here to help, and those who are here to see the books and to read, here they are. You can take the books.
[cut to various children being interviewed by the cameraman]
BOY: [translated] I'm very happy that the teacher brings us these books and makes us read.
GIRL: [translated] It's very good, because of the books, and he reads us stories and helps us with the homework.
BOY: [translated] It's important because when your parents ask you to read them a letter that they don't understand, you can read it to them.
[cut to Luis riding his donkey down the street, then setting up his library in another town with another group of children]
LUIS: [translated] You're going to tell me what you are reading, I'll come and ask you.
[cut back to Luis' home, as he speaks directly to the camera]
LUIS: [translated] With the Biblioburro, we are fighting what we call the farmer's ignorance. In a book we can find cities, cultures, rights, duties. A child that we educate today with the Biblioburro, is a child to whom we are teaching rights, duties and commitments. And a child who knows his rights, his duties and commitments, is a child informed to say no to war. We are building Colombians of the future, in 15 years, intellectual Colombians.
[cut to Luis standing in front of an empty building and speaking directly to the camera]
LUIS: [translated] I am in front of the space where my library will be, and which I have been building for five years along with Diana, my wife. We have built it with our own hands, and it's the first library that will ever be built here, for the joy and pleasure of literature by the kids, which there are approximately 200 living here. This is the space we will have here, it is the reading space, and I know that with the help of the many who want to partner with us on this project, we are going to complete it.
[more footage of Luis riding his donkey is shown, then cut to Luis speaking directly to the camera]
LUIS: [translated] It's my life's commitment to be useful to the community that I belong to, to have a space where everyone knows we live a good life here, and that there is no violence, and that La Gloria is exactly that ... a glory.



October 20, 2008
Acclaimed Colombian Institution Has 4,800 Books and 10 Legs

LA GLORIA, Colombia - In a ritual repeated nearly every weekend for the past decade here in Colombia's war-weary Caribbean hinterland, Luis Soriano gathered his two donkeys, Alfa and Beto, in front of his home on a recent Saturday afternoon.

Sweating already under the unforgiving sun, he strapped pouches with the word "Biblioburro" painted in blue letters to the donkeys' backs and loaded them with an eclectic cargo of books destined for people living in the small villages beyond.

His choices included "Anaconda," the animal fable by the Uruguayan writer Horacio Quiroga that evokes Kipling's "Jungle Book"; some Time-Life picture books (on Scandinavia, Japan and the Antilles); and the Dictionary of the Royal Academy of the Spanish Language.

"I started out with 70 books, and now I have a collection of more than 4,800," said Mr. Soriano, 36, a primary school teacher who lives in a small house here with his wife and three children, with books piled to the ceilings.

"This began as a necessity; then it became an obligation; and after that a custom," he explained, squinting at the hills undulating into the horizon. "Now," he said, "it is an institution."

A whimsical riff on the bookmobile, Mr. Soriano's Biblioburro is a small institution: one man and two donkeys. He created it out of the simple belief that the act of taking books to people who do not have them can somehow improve this impoverished region, and perhaps Colombia.

In doing so, Mr. Soriano has emerged as the best-known resident of La Gloria, a town that feels even farther removed from the rhythms of the wider world than is Aracataca, the inspiration for the setting of the epic "One Hundred Years of Solitude" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, another of the region's native sons.

Unlike Mr. Garcia Marquez, who lives in Mexico City, Mr. Soriano has never traveled outside Colombia - but he remains dedicated to bringing its people a touch of the outside world. His project has won acclaim from the nation's literacy specialists and is the subject of a new documentary by a Colombian filmmaker, Carlos Rendón Zipaguata.

The idea came to him, he said, after he witnessed as a young teacher the transformative power of reading among his pupils, who were born into conflict even more intense than when he was a child.

The violence by bandit groups was so bad when he was young that his parents sent him to live with his grandmother in the nearby city of Valledupar, near the Venezuelan border. He returned at age 16 with a high school degree and got a job teaching reading to schoolchildren.

By the time he was in his 20s, Colombia's long internal war had drawn paramilitary bands to the lawless marshlands and hills surrounding La Gloria, leading to clashes with guerrillas and intimidation of the local population by both groups.

Into that violence, which has since ebbed, Mr. Soriano ventured with his donkeys, taking with him a few reading textbooks, encyclopedia volumes and novels from his small personal library. At stops along the way, children still await the teacher in groups, to hear him read from the books he brings before they can borrow them.

A breakthrough came several years ago when he heard excerpts over the radio of a novel, "The Ballad of Maria Abdala," by Juan Gossain, a Colombian journalist and writer. Mr. Soriano wrote a letter to the author, asking him to lend a copy of the book to the Biblioburro.

After Mr. Gossain broadcast details of Mr. Soriano's project on his radio program, book donations poured in from throughout Colombia. A local financial institution, Cajamag, provided some financing for the construction of a small library next to his home, but the project remains only half-finished for lack of funds.

There is little money left over for such luxuries on his teacher's salary of $350 a month. Already the family's budget is so tight that he and his wife, Diana, opened a small restaurant, La Cosa Politica, two years ago to help make ends meet.

Even among the restaurant's clientele, mainly ranch hands and truck drivers with little formal education, the bespectacled Mr. Soriano sees potential bibliophiles. On the wall above tables laid out with grilled meat and fried plantains, he posts pages from Hoy Diario, the region's daily newspaper, and prods diners into discussions about current events.

"We can take political talk only so far, of course," he said, referring to the looming threat of retaliation from the paramilitary groups, which have effectively defeated the guerrillas in this part of northern Colombia. "I learned that if I interest just one person in reading a mundane news item - say, about the rising price of rice - then that's a step forward."

Such victories keep Mr. Soriano going, despite the challenges that come with running the Biblioburro.

He fractured his left leg in a fall from one of his burros in July, leaving him with a limp. And some of his readers like the books they borrow so much that they fail to return them.

Two books that vanished not long ago: an illustrated sex education manual, and a copy of "Like Water for Chocolate," the Mexican writer Laura Esquivel's novel about food and love in a traditional Mexican family.

And there are dangers inherent to venturing into the backlands around La Gloria. Two years ago, Mr. Soriano said, bandits surprised him at a river crossing, found that he carried almost no money, and tied him to a tree. They stole one item from his book pouch: "Brida," the story of an Irish girl and her search for knowledge, by the Brazilian novelist Paulo Coelho.

"For some reason, Paulo Coelho is at the top of everyone's list of favorites," said Mr. Soriano, hiding a grin under the shade of his sombrero vueltiao, the elaborately woven cowboy hat popular in Colombia's interior.

On a trip this month into the rutted hills, where about 300 people regularly borrow books from him, he reminisced about a visit to the National Library in the capital, Bogota, where he was stunned by the building's immense collection and its Art Deco design.

"I felt so ordinary in Bogota," Mr. Soriano said. "My place is here."

At times, on the remote landscape dotted with guayacan trees, it was hard to tell whether beast or man was in control. Once, Mr. Soriano lost his patience, trying to coax his stubborn donkeys to cross a stream.

Still, it was clear why Mr. Soriano does what he does.

In the village of El Brasil, Ingrid Ospina, 18, leafed through a copy of "Margarita," the classic book of poetry by Rubén Dario of Nicaragua, and began to read aloud.

She went beyond where the heavens are

and to the moon said, au revoir.

How naughty to have flown so far

without the permission of Papa.

"That is so beautiful, Maestro," Ms. Ospina said to the teacher. "When are you coming back?"

Case Study No. 0088: Emily, Librarian of the Gods

Let's Play Eric The Unready part 35
In which we look through the Library of the Gods.
Tags: Let's Play Eric The Unready
Added: 1 year ago
From: ltm1988
Views: 42


An Interactive Fiction game by Steve Meretzky, released by Legend Entertainment in 1993.

As The Klutz knight Sir Eric the Unready, you must embark on a quest to end all quests — save the princess from an evil plot to take over the kingdom! And, of course, earn some respect for yourself, you unlucky buffoon, you.


The entire library in the Agora sequence is full of literary Shout Out material, though the main offender is The Joy Of Hex.



In Quest of the Crowbar

Read the paper over the past few days and make a note of the two items about unicorns. Note the sad story in today's paper. Do what the guy in the paper did to annoy the unicorn. On the branch, take the leaf. Go to the temple. Take the robe, wear it and look in its pocket. Ring the fourth bell. Show the paper to the virgin and give her the hanky. Wait. Once outside, put the hanky and leaf in the bowl. Take the chow. Ring the fourth bell again. Once in the room with the virgins, talk to them. Go into the sanctuary and wear the ring. Get in the vat. Wait until a virgin comes in. Uncloak and talk to the virgin. See what eventually happens to her. Cloak. When another virgin enters, give her the book to read. Enter the mouth in her place. Talk to the god working on the hole. Note his problem and the fact that he has a bottle opener. Check out the Goddess of Beauty and visit and talk to the God of the North Wind. Listen carefully to his complaints. Note that it's his birthday. Take the note and deliver it to Morty, by showing it to Clio. Give what he gives you to the repairgod. Get some nectar. Go to the Library and borrow books until you get one about reaching Mount Spa. Take it to the duplicator quickly before your loan expires. SAVE (or be prepared to UNDO). In the lab, work the machine (one of the switches is fatal) until you get a slimewig from it. Take it, go outside and get the message for Morty from the pigeon. Deliver it. When he calls in Clio, go outside and take the woad. Repeat this, and this time take the costume from the case. Read the bulletin board near the vending machine, ring for a cake in Clio's office and wait until it arrives. Take it to the God of the North Wind, and light the candles with the dragon by pulling on its tail. Go back to the pond and get the golden key. Visit the forgetful god and give him the nectar repeatedly. Get the egg. Now follow the ritual described in the book. At the top of the mountain, use the Golden Key.




This room is stacked floor to ceiling with books and scrolls and stone tablets of all shapes and sizes. Behind a small table is Emily, the diminutive Librarian of the Gods.

You greet the librarian, "Hi! I'm new here. Got any good books?"

"BROOKS? Of course we don't have any brooks! This is a library. We don't carry brooks, or streams, or rivulets, or anything like that. For that matter we don't have ponds or lakes either. All that water would spoil the paper. And besides, how could you borrow a brook? You can't pick one up and..."

You break into her tirade. "'Books,' I said. Not brooks. BOOKS!"

She stares at you blankly. "Oh. That's different. Well then. Never mind."

Emily puts a hand on your arm and says, "Wait a minute."

The librarian fusses around for a few moments and then says, "You know, we haven't had a mortal in here in eons. I know we have a few books meant for mortals, but I can't remember what they are. Perhaps I can find that reading list." She rummages in her desk. "Ah! Here it is." She blows the dust off of the piece of paper and hands it to you. "You can borrow any book you want, so long as it's on this list. I seem to have lost my glasses, so when you've made up your mind, just tell me the title of the book you want."

[examine list]


[read list]

*** Choose: How to Scale Mount Spa ***

You shout your request at the librarian. Emily wanders off, mumbling to herself as she goes. "Why write a book about a sick horse, is what I'd like to know. And what does the father's horse have to do with it?...." After a while she returns and hands you a book. "Remember," she says. "This is a lending library. I expect to see that book back here within ten minutes."

[examine book]

"Ailing Mount's Pa"

The case study of hereditary diseases in thoroughbred horses holds your interest for approximately fifteen seconds.

[read list]

"One book at a time, thank you very much. You still haven't returned the last one."

[give book to Emily]

The librarian takes the book away and puts it back on the shelves.

[read list]

*** Choose: From Here to Eternity ***

You shout your request at the librarian. Emily wanders off, mumbling to herself as she goes. "From beer to maternity. Now THAT shouldn't surprise anyone. One thing leads to another, I always say...." After a while she returns and hands you a book. "Remember," she says. "This is a lending library. I expect to see that book back here within ten minutes."

[give book to Emily]

The librarian takes the book away and puts it back on the shelves.

[read list]

*** Choose: Paradise Lost ***

You shout your request at the librarian. Emily wanders off, mumbling to herself as she goes. "Pair of dice lost. Why mortals are so fascinated with gambling is beyond me...." After a while she returns and hands you a book. "Remember," she says. "This is a lending library. I expect to see that book back here within ten minutes."

[give book to Emily]

The librarian takes the book away and puts it back on the shelves.

[read list]

*** Choose: Stairway to Heaven ***

You shout your request at the librarian. Emily wanders off, mumbling to herself as she goes. "Golf is just the stupidest game ever invented: people chasing a little ball around a field all morning, and then lying about how long it took them...." After a while she returns and hands you a book. "Remember," she says. "This is a lending library. I expect to see that book back here within ten minutes."

[examine book]

"Fairway Eleven"

It's a golfer's autobiography that would have been better left unwritten.

[give book to Emily]

The librarian takes the book away and puts it back on the shelves.

[read list]

*** Choose: The One Minute Miracle Worker ***

You shout your request at the librarian. Emily wanders off, mumbling to herself as she goes. "I knew a fumble-fingers once who worked in a mirror factory. Unluckiest person I ever met...." After a while she returns and hands you a book. "Remember," she says. "This is a lending library. I expect to see that book back here within ten minutes."

[examine book]

"The One Minute Mirror Cull Worker"

A fascinating account of a factory worker's attempt to speed up the detection and rejection of inferior products in a mirror factory.

[give book to Emily]

The librarian takes the book away and puts it back on the shelves.

[read list]

*** Choose: East of Eden ***

You shout your request at the librarian. Emily wanders off, mumbling to herself as she goes. "Why are restaurant guides always so popular? Seems to me all the ever talk about is the decor and the location...." After a while she returns and hands you a book. "Remember," she says. "This is a lending library. I expect to see that book back here within ten minutes."

[examine book]

"Eats of Eden"

The definitive guide to dining out in the Garden of Paradise. You read for a while and then realize that all the places they're talking about closed down a long time ago.

[give book to Emily]

The librarian takes the book away and puts it back on the shelves.

[read list]

*** Choose: Grapes of Wrath ***

You shout your request at the librarian. Emily wanders off, mumbling to herself as she goes. "Violence, murder, mayhem. Whatever happened to good taste?...." After a while she returns and hands you a book. "Remember," she says. "This is a lending library. I expect to see that book back here within ten minutes."

[examine book]

"The Rapes of McGrath"

You read about the heinous crimes of the notorious McGrath for a few moments and then turn away in disgust.

[give book to Emily]

The librarian takes the book away and puts it back on the shelves.

[read list]

*** Choose: For Whom the Bell Tolls ***

You shout your request at the librarian. Emily wanders off, mumbling to herself as she goes. "Now THERE'S a good book. All about the legends of bowling...." After a while she returns and hands you a book. "Remember," she says. "This is a lending library. I expect to see that book back here within ten minutes."

[examine book]

"For Whom the Tell Bowls"

A gripping account of professional sponsorship in the world of Bocce. It keeps you on the edge of your figurative seat for the entire twenty seconds it takes to read it.

[give book to Emily]

The librarian takes the book away and puts it back on the shelves.

[read list]

*** Choose: Setting up Sodom/Gomorrah: Priming the fountain ***

You shout your request at the librarian. Emily wanders off, mumbling to herself as she goes. "Why is everyone so all-fired interested in climbing to the top of the mountain. No good can come of it, I say...." After a while she returns and hands you a book. "Remember," she says. "This is a lending library. I expect to see that book back here within ten minutes."

[Your score has just gone up by 5.]

[read book]

"Getting up Spa From Agora: Climbing the Mountain"

The book jacket says that it contains a ritual that will make a golden stairway appear, thereby making it possible to ascend to the very peak of the Mountain of the Gods. Intrigued, you debate with yourself whether to continue reading.

The librarian snarfs the list away from you and says, "Sorry. Library property."


This is a large room filled with robed figures bent over manuscripts that they are painstakingly copying. A thin young god greets you as you enter. There is a sign here.

The attendant laughs. "The Rick-inator, comin' to see Richard."

[give book to richard]

Richard disappears into the back. He returns moments later and hands you a perfect copy, presumably keeping the original somewhere in the back.

[Your score has just gone up by 10.]

Richard scratches his ear and intones, "Rickeee, solvin' the puzzle. Makin' points. Way to go. All ri-i-i-ght."

A voice trails behind you. "The Rickster, leaving Richard behind."


The Lounge of the Gods is a worn-out room that could use a good coat of paint. A broken nectar machine stands in the middle of the room. The company bulletin board adorns the far wall.

[read book]

You flip past the opening pages and get right to the good stuff:


First, prepare thyself by wearing the sacred costume of Og and by smearing thy cheeks with woad, that thou might seemeth pleasing in the eyes of the great god Otis.

Then, whilst holding a copy of this sacred ritual, shalt thou perform these actions in sequence, remembering all the while that a departure from the correct order shall taketh thee back to square one:

Here, then, are the steps of the ritual:

First, whilst in the Agora, stand upon the Holy Egg of Oblivion, so that memories of all gods other than the great god Otis shall be erased from thy mind.

Second, partake of a live slimewig, the animal most sacred to the compassionate god Otis.

Third, turn around, that thou might be seen from all sides by the all-seeing, all-knowing god Otis.

Fourth, turn around again, in case Otis wasn't watching the first time.

Fifth and finally, thou must squawk like a chicken, for this above all others is the noise most pleasing to Otis, the great and powerful."

Monday, November 28, 2011

Case Study No. 0087: Mary

Operation Repo - THE LIBRARIAN
Froy and Sonia have to repo a Corvette from a librarian. When they arrive, the quiet librarian starts to show her real colors....

*No copyright infringement intended
Tags: operation repo repo repo tv series car repossession tru tv reality tv operation repo fights
Added: 3 month ago
From: TigerLillie1022
Views: 9,969

The stories that are portrayed in this program are based on real events.
The names of the characters were changed in order to protect their identities ... and some honor.

[Froy and Sonia are driving down a street in the tow truck]
SONIA: So anyways, um, we're looking for a 2009 Corvette.
FROY: Nice.
SONIA: Your ... Your, your ... One of your favorite cars, no ?
FROY: Not mine, Matt's.
SONIA: [laughs]
MATT: What is it, at work right now?
SONIA: She's a librarian. Can you believe that?
FROY: That's a nice car for a librarian!
SONIA: Yeah, well, librarians make good money. Everybody thinks just because you're a librarian, you don't make no money. You make money.
FROY: I thought they made like minimum wage.
[cut to Froy speaking to the camera]
FROY: You know, I think I'm gonna change from being a repo man to a librarian, because I don't have a Corvette and she has a Corvette. When did librarians start getting Corvettes?
[back to Froy and Sonia in the truck, as they pull up to a house]
SONIA: Here's the address.
FROY: Do we have a plate?
SONIA: Yeah, [beep].
FROY: Is that it?
SONIA: Yeah, it's the Corvette. Um, what do you want to do, back it up? We ain't gonna be towing that. Look at where the [beep] at.
FROY: I know. I'll block it, and I'll try to pick it up, at least. If you have a chance ... If you have a chance, write down the plate to that Porsche as well, 'cause if this thing is for repo, maybe the Porsche is, too.
[cut to Froy speaking to the camera]
FROY: You know, I'm starting to think that maybe this librarian does something else besides just library work. I mean, is she doing something special? Does she own the library? I don't know.
[back to Sonia knocking on the door]
SONIA: Hi, I'm looking for a Mary [beep].
MARY: Yeah, that's me.
SONIA: How you doing? My name is Sonia. Uh, we have an order for repossession on the car.
MARY: On what car?
SONIA: On the Corvette.
MARY: Uh-uh ... [she comes storming out of the house and confront Froy] No, no, no, no.
FROY: How you doing?
MARY: Chuck just paid this last week, dude ... No.
FROY: Uh, I'm sorry. Who's Chuck?
MARY: My husband.
FROY: Okay ...
MARY: He paid it, the car's in my name. He paid it last week.
FROY: Okay, he hasn't paid it. She's got a paper that she can show you--
MARY: No, that's bull-[beep]!
SONIA: Okay ...
FROY: Hold on.
MARY: He just paid it, what are you talking about?
SONIA: Listen, ma'am--
MARY: No, you are not going anywhere.
[another woman comes out of the house]
WOMAN: Oh my god ...
FROY: Hold on, hold on.
SONIA: Okay, let me explain something before you go on, okay? Listen ...
MARY: Explain what?
SONIA: Do you--
MARY: My car is on here, number one ...
SONIA: Listen.
MARY: Even if he didn't pay it, it's not-- you cannot move it. It will ruin the car.
SONIA: You know ... [points to the other lady] Okay, who's this ?
MARY: Do you hear me? It will ruin the [beep] car !
SONIA: Who's this?
MARY: Don't worry about who she is!
SONIA: Okay, then tell her to get the hell out, and stop yelling at me, 'cause I'm trying to be civil and you're yelling!
FROY: Ma'am ...
MARY: [yelling even louder] How are you trying to be civil when--
SONIA: Because I have an order for repossession.
FROY: Excuse me?
SONIA: Did you hear me?
MARY: You do not have an order for repossession because the car got paid last week!
SONIA: She ain't listening ...
[cut to Froy speaking to the camera]
FROY: You know, honestly, I can't believe that that librarian was that upset. But then again, if you think about it, Sonia kind of brings that out of everybody ...
[back to Sonia and Mary yelling at each other]
MARY: You do not hear what I'm saying, ma'am, when I'm talking to you!
SONIA: You wanna bring the whole neighborhood?
WOMAN: Um ...
[cut to Sonia speaking to the camera]
SONIA: She got off on me, she got in my face, telling me off, okay? She started, not me, so I don't know what the hell Froy's talking about ...
[back to Mary yelling]
FROY: Did I say--
MARY: Get your [beep] back to--
FROY: I didn't say anything about--
MARY: Do you habla ingles ?
FROY: [calmly] I can tell you in spanish if you like as well. Listen, hold on ...
MARY: You want me to say it in Spanish ?
FROY: Could it be a possibility--
MARY: Do you really want me to say it in Spanish?
FROY: Just could it be a possibility--
MARY: [beep] No!
FROY: Is there a possibility that maybe your husband didn't make the payment?
MARY: No, no, no, no!
[Sonia tries to open the door through the window, and Mary grabs her]
SONIA: Don't touch me, lady!
MARY: Don't touch me !
SONIA: You better just gimmee the keys--
MARY: Get your [beep] up out of here! Don't touch me !
SONIA: Don't touch me, lady, you're gonna have a problem.
MARY: Don't touch me!
FROY: Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am ...
MARY: No, you're gonna have a problem !
FROY: Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, listen ...
WOMAN: Don't touch her!
SONIA: This is my car, you hear me?
MARY: Your car!? Your car!? What year is it ?
SONIA: Put your hand on me!
MARY: What year is it, if it's your car ?
SONIA: 2009, 2009 !
MARY: [beep], it's a 2008!
[cut to Froy speaking to the camera]
FROY: You know, I have to tell you the truth. Going out with Sonia to do repos has turned out to be like going with Matt out to repos. There's always someone fighting.
[back to Mary and Sonia yelling]
MARY: You know what? Okay, fine! Fine! [grabs Sonia around the neck]
MARY: Get the [beep] away from me!
FROY: Hey, hey, hey, hey!
SONIA: Chill out!
[Froy tries to separate them]
FROY: Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me ... [gets in front of Mary]
MARY: Move!
FROY: No, you're not gonna win, you're not gonna win. If she tells--
MARY: Oh, you want him to protect you now!
SONIA: I don't need him!
[cut to Sonia speaking to the camera]
SONIA: I have two women on one. Okay, can I handle it? Yeah, if I want to be really badly aggressive, okay? But I didn't want to.
[cut to Froy speaking to the camera]
FROY: And usually, when you think two women fighting ... you know, you start thinking, "Cool! Catfight, wet T-shirt contest. But unfortunately, Sonia was one of those women, so I couldn't really think like that.
[back to Froy trying to get in between the three women]
SONIA: [talking to Froy and pointing to the car] We're gonna drag it out ...
MARY: You're not going nowhere! Pick it up!
WOMAN: Take the friggin' car!
MARY: Pick it up!
SONIA: Go ahead. That's okay, go ahead. Drag it out.
FROY: Get so physical, you're gonna get hurt ...
MARY: Okay, okay, okay! Wait! Wait, okay.
FROY: I'm done trying to talk to you.
MARY: Let me-- okay.
SONIA: You get me the key and then you get something out.
MARY: Okay, let me get some things ...
SONIA: [to Froy] Just go ahead and drag it out.
MARY: [fumbling with her keys] Oh, [beep] you ...
SONIA: You give us the key, otherwise we'll drag it out.
MARY: Let me just get some things.
SONIA: First, you give me the key and you can get some things.
MARY: I've been working all day.
SONIA: Okay, you know what? Let's be civil, then. Give me the key, I'll open the trunk and you can get your stuff.
MARY: Let me open the trunk and then I'll give you the key.
SONIA: Okay, go ahead.
[cut to Sonia speaking to the camera]
SONIA: Man, I expected a better behavior from this R.O. than the one she gave me, which, it was horrible because I was holding in so much anger, 'cause I really wanted to just [makes a slapping motion] Uh! And the other chick, I just wanted [another slapping motion] Boom!
[back to Sonia and Mary]
MARY: [yelling at Froy] What?
FROY: Give me the key, I'm gonna open it, you can get your stuff out. I promise you. I can't let you try to get it and then try to take off with your purse and the key as well.
MARY: [throws the key on her lawn] Go fetch!
FROY: Can you please get the key, Sonia?
MARY: Fetch, [beep]!
[Sonia goes to retrieve the key]
FROY: Thank you.
MARY: [yelling after Sonia] My toilet needs some cleaning! You can go in there and clean it!
SONIA: Why don't you wipe my [beep] first?
[Mary opens the trunk, then she and the woman start taking out books and throwing them at Sonia]
MARY: [beep]!
WOMAN: [throws papers at Sonia] Here, you need a library card if you're gonna act like a [beep] kid at the library!?
SONIA: You know what ... [pushes the woman] [beep] you, lady.
MARY: [pushes Sonia] Leave my girl alone! Fight me! Leave her alone [beep]!
SONIA: You better stop it, you guys!
FROY: [tries to separate them again] Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, hey, hey, hey, hey. Please, yeah, stop, stop, stop. Stop. Relax, relax. Sonia, just get in the car, please.
[Sonia turns to get in the truck]
FROY: [points to the ground behind Mary] Look, your glasses are on the floor, they're gonna break ...
[cut to Froy speaking to the camera]
FROY: See, that's what I'm talking about. I'm trying to do my job, and what does Sonia do? Get back into the frickin' fight.
[back to Froy trying to make peace]
FROY: Go inside.
[Sonia bumps Mary on her way to the truck]
FROY: Go in--
[Mary pushes back]
FROY: [to Sonia] Please go-- Please go inside.
SONIA: You better stop it, lady. You better stop it.
FROY: [picks up Mary's purse] Look, take your purse. Please go inside. Please go inside. Ma'am, go inside.
[Mary picks up a book off the floor and throws it at Sonia's back]
FROY: Don't, don't! Just go inside, please.
[cut to Sonia speaking to the camera]
SONIA: This woman's trying to get me mad, okay? 'Cause she's throwing books at me, and I'm telling you, I'm not gonna be pissed ... 'cause I already got the car.
[back to Mary trying to get between the truck and the Corvette]
MARY: Naw, dude. No, man! Naw, man, no.
WOMAN: You can't do this! Seriously!
MARY: [screaming] No, dude, no! No !
WOMAN: Ew, no, you are ... [actually tries grabbing at the tow truck as it's pulling away]
MARY: No !
WOMAN: Seriously, this is ridiculous! Oh my god! Oh my god!
[cut to Sonia speaking to the camera]
SONIA: I didn't lose here. I got the car, I got the keys. What, what is there to be said?
[back to Froy trying to drive the Corvette out of the driveway, except that Mary is sitting on the trunk]
FROY: [to the woman] Ma'am? You might want to get your girlfriend out of the way. I don't want her to get hurt. She's gonna fall, she's gonna get hurt. It'll be her [beep], not mine.
[cut to Froy speaking to the camera]
FROY: Sonia's always fighting, Matt is always fighting. And this is the reason why I like working with Matt better. At least he finishes fights.
[back to the woman as she is able to talk Mary back into the house]
FROY: [yelling at Sonia as the Corvette and truck are driving side by side] What's with you and Matt always getting [beep]?
SONIA: I'm not-- She's the one that put her hand on me first! What the hell is that? Pippi Longstocking and all this [beep] ...
FROY: It's like you just attract this [beep] to happen.
SONIA: Huh? What's that? Did you see--
FROY: Maybe her husband didn't make the payment on purpose.
SONIA: I-- look it ...
FROY: She's got a big mouth.
SONIA: Did you see her, that she [beep] hit me first?
FROY: I know, that's what I told her.
SONIA: And then they tell us to watch it!
[cut to Sonia speaking to the camera]
SONIA: You know, I don't know what's Froylan's problem, okay? We already got the car, okay? He's been getting kind of whiny. I mean, don't get me wrong, okay? He's a good repossessor. But the way he's talking to me, it's like, I should have done something, you know? I mean, what can I do? I already got the car. What's the big deal?



"Operation Repo"
Episode 802
Aired: 02/2/2011
First, Froy and Sonia try to repossess a luxury car from a high-strung librarian.

Case Study No. 0086: James T. Kirk (Wannabe Librarian)

Star Trek TAS Should've been a librarian
Captain Kirk wishes he had decided to become a librarian in the TAS episode "Bem". Spock, as always, responds by speaking the truth.
Tags: star trek animated tas librarian
Added: 4 years ago
From: herrissyvoo
Views: 61,566

[Kirk and Spock suddenly find themsleves surrounded by saurian aliens on the planet Delta Theta III]
KIRK: There are times, Mr. Spock, when I think I should've been a librarian ...
SPOCK: The job of librarian would be no less challenging, Captain, but it would undoubtably be a lot less dangerous ...



Star Trek: The Animated Series
Season 2, Episode 2 ("Bem")

On a planetary survey mission, Kirk and Spock have to deal with a reckless observer named Bem.

Case Study No. 0085: The Baraboo Bookers

Baraboo Bookers from Baraboo Public Library Book Cart Drill Team-ALA 2009
DEMCO Sponsored 2009 ALA Fifth Annual Book Cart Drill Team: Baraboo Bookers from Baraboo Public Library
Tags: Baraboo Bookers from Baraboo Public Library
Added: 2 years ago
From: Circulatethefun
Views: 531


The fifth annual Library Book Cart Drill Team Championship, showcasing library workers performing inspired dance routines with costumes and creatively decorated book carts, will be held from 4 to 5:30 p.m., Sunday, July 12. The competition is one of the many events taking place during the American Library Association's (ALA) Annual Conference held July 9 – 15 at the McCormick Place West.

Book Cart Drill Teams increase the visibility of the library in their community. Teams can be found at community events such as parades and festivals, traveling to grade schools to promote literacy and provide library staff with the opportunity to build morale and encourage teamwork.

"Each year this event brings in a standing room only crowd to cheer on their favorite team," said ALA Conference Services Director Deidre Ross. "The competition is just another example of how librarians, like libraries, can be fun and hip."

This year's competing teams include:
* "Oak Park Public Library Warrior Librarians," Oak Park (Ill.) Public Library
* "Delaware Diamonds," The State of Delaware
* "Baraboo Bookers," Baraboo (Wis.) Public Library
* "Steel City Kings," University of Pittsburgh
* "The Bibliofiles," Austin (Texas) Public Library
* "Well Stacked Sci-Brarians," Santa Monica Public Library
* "Dewey Decimators," Daniel Boone Regional Library
* "Cart Wheels," Des Plaines (Ill.) Public Library

This event is sponsored by DEMCO, who will provide book carts for the event as well as prizes. First, second and third place winners will receive a plaque, Gold, Silver or a Bronze full-sized book cart. Award-winning children's book author/illustrator Mo Willems (The Elephant and Piggie books) and Jon Scieszka ("The Stinky Cheese Man and other Fairly Stupid Fairy Tales") will serve as Color Commentators for the event.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Case Study No. 0084: "A Sweet Librarian Is Reading a Thanksgiving Story"

Written by David Zebronex ( this charming story takes place at a local library, the day before Thanksgiving at the noontime Children's Story Hour. A sweet librarian is reading a Thanksgiving story about William the Turkey when an unexpected visitor approaches. Comedy. Music by Lucinda McNary, produced and directed by Lucinda McNary ( using Moviestorm software.
Tags: moviestorm machinima animation thanksgiving turkey children library vegan story lucinda_mcnary lucindamc123 david_zebronex holiday
Added: 3 years ago
From: lucindamc456
Views: 341


Written by
David Zebronex

Produced and Directed by
Lucinda McNary

Mark McNary and Lucinda McNary

The Children's Story Hour
A Local Library
Noon - The Day Before Thanksgiving

[a young female librarian is trying to conduct story time ... except that there is only one middle-age man, a certified public accountant from the building next door, listening to her]
LIBRARIAN: Welcome. I'd like to read you a story especially written for Thanksgiving. It's called "William, the Turkey that Cared."
ACCOUNTANT: What does he care about?
LIBRARIAN: The plight of his fellow turkeys ... Aren't you a little old for the children's story hour, sir?
ACCOUNTANT: I forgot to bring my lunch today, so I came in here ...
LIBRARIAN: And decided to help yourself to the free snacks?
ACCOUNTANT: Hey, these graham crackers are pretty good, and this grape Kool-Aid is quite tasty.
LIBRARIAN: Couldn't you have brought a lunch?
ACCOUNTANT: As an expert in financial planning, I'm always looking for new ways to maximize my portfolio.
LIBRARIAN: So you're cheap.
ACCOUNTANT: I call it "strategic utilization of resources."
LIBRARIAN: Okay. Since you're the only one here, do you want to hear my story?
ACCOUNTANT: Please, continue.
LIBRARIAN: [reading from her book] "As Thanksgiving neared, William wondered why everyone would look at him licking their lips and rubbing their tummies."
ACCOUNTANT: He must be a good sized bird?
LIBRARIAN: William was full grown, yes.
ACCOUNTANT: Forty pounder at least?
LIBRARIAN: I guess so ...
ACCOUNTANT: Yup, sounds like one tasty bird.
LIBRARIAN: Sir, you're missing the point of the story.
ACCOUNTANT: I like my turkey with lots of cranberry sauce. Y'know, the jellied kind, not that awful whole-berry stuff.
LIBRARIAN: [continues reading] "William did not want to be eaten and wanted to make sure other turkeys did not suffer a similar fate."
ACCOUNTANT: What?! That sounds downright un-American. Is William some sort of communist turkey?
LIBRARIAN: No, he's enlightened and loves all living creatures.
ACCOUNTANT: Whatever you say, comrade ... What your story needs is Pilgrims and maize.
LIBRARIAN: Grrrrr ... [continues reading] "William became aware of his plight after a beautiful vegetarian liberated him from the turkey farm. Her name was Leslie."
ACCOUNTANT: Ooo, that's a pretty name. Do you have a picture of her?
ACCOUNTANT: I like vegetables, that practically makes me a vegetarian.
LIBRARIAN: That's admirable, sir, considering that five minutes ago you were sizing up William as a potential Thanksgiving dinner.
ACCOUNTANT: I've become enlightened, too. I think Leslie and I would really hit it off. Maybe we could get together for a cup of coffee and a slice of pumpkin pie.
LIBRARIAN: I ... don't think so, sir. She's a character in a story.
ACCOUNTANT: Do you have her phone number?
LIBRARIAN: She's way out of your league, sir.
ACCOUNTANT: Aha! There is a real Leslie!
LIBRARIAN: Dream on, sir ... [looks down at her book] I've lost my place. Where was I in my story?
ACCOUNTANT: The Kremlin had sent the Manchurian Turkey to destroy America by crippling the poultry industry at its most crucial moment.
LIBRARIAN: Grrrrr ... I suppose you could come up with a better story?
ACCOUNTANT: Of course.
LIBRARIAN: Let's hear it.
ACCOUNTANT: Well, it would take place at the first Thanksgiving, and there would be plenty of Pilgrims and maize ...
ACCOUNTANT: An evil supercomputer from the future would send a turkey cyborg back in time ...
LIBRARIAN: "Turkey cyborg"?
ACCOUNTANT: [continues] To stop Thanksgiving. A supersoldier, also from the future - maybe Vin Diesel - would arrive and thwart The Turkinator!
LIBRARIAN: [disgusted] Oh ...
ACCOUNTANT: After it was all over, Santa Claus would make a special guest appearance. Everybody loves Santa!
ACCOUNTANT: Pretty good, huh?
LIBRARIAN: Get out!!
ACCOUNTANT: Okay, okay. I'm out of graham crackers anyway ... If I could ask one last question?
LIBRARIAN: What is it?
ACCOUNTANT: Is Leslie a blonde or a redhead?
ACCOUNTANT: [sits down on the floor]
LIBRARIAN: [to the camera] Happy Thanksgiving!

OZinOH Brungyy 75905404@N00/

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Case Study No. 0083: Staff of Santiago Severin Library

GHI - Holy Ghosts [2 of 3]
The GHI go to two locations in Chile: at the first, they try to contact the ghost of a priest, and then later, visit a library said to be haunted by one of its former librarians.

Aired: 12th August 2009

Tags: Ghost Hunters International Paranormal Spirits Ghosts Haunted Haunting
Added: 3 months ago
From: AusAries2
Views: 698

Case No. 2
Valparaiso, Chile
Santiago Severin Library
Thursday, 6:50 PM

[the Ghost Hunters International team is communicating via walkie talkie while driving towards their destination]
ROBB DEMAREST: Hey everyone, welcome to Valparaiso, Chile. I also want to thank Paul for coming out with us, and Brandy was telling us we have a really good case here, and she's gonna give us the details.
BRANDY GREEN: Hey guys, we're headed to Santiago Severin Library, and it was the second library built in the country of Chile. Now, we've been contacted by the staff of the library, because they say that they've been experiencing some really crazy stuff there. They've seen full-bodied apparitions, and for the most part, they believe they know who these individuals are. They think that they're seeing one of the old directors and his wife, and she's been seen walking through the bookcases and just disappearing. People feel very uncomfortable, and they just really would like some answers.
ROBB DEMAREST: All right. Well, sounds like a great case, a lot of visual stuff going on ... So this is it right up here. Let's get in there and get to work.

The Investigation
Valparaiso, Chile
Santiago Severin Library
Thursday, 8:18 PM

[the team enters the library and speaks with local historian Gerry Woodhams]
ROBB DEMAREST: Good to see you.
GERRY WOODHAMS: Welcome to the Santiago Severin Library.
[cut to Gerry speaking directly to the camera]
GERRY WOODHAMS: The library here plays a very important part in the community, and I've heard many stories about ghosts in the library, and I think it's very important that GHI investigate these occurrences and come up with some answers.
[cut back to the library]
ROBB DEMAREST: Well, we're very excited to be here. Could you tell us some of the history about the place?
GERRY WOODHAMS: Yeah, a very wealthy philanthropist called Santiago Severin decided to build a library. The building was built between 1912 and 1919, and it has about 180,000 books at this moment. There are also a few strange happenings that this library has.
ROBB DEMAREST: Yeah, we're really looking forward to it. If you wouldn't mind showing us where the hot spots are and exactly what's going on.
GERRY WOODHAMS: Okay. Well, let's start off through here, shall we?
[cut to the team entering a small room filled with old furniture]
GERRY WOODHAMS: The living quarters of the second director of the library. He used to live here with his wife.
[he stops and points to a door]
GERRY WOODHAMS: A person who's been working here for fifteen years says that on lots of occasions, she's been in here, and this handle has rattled.
[cut to Monica Moraga, one of the librarians, speaking in Spanish directly to the camera]
MONICA MORAGA: [translated] The doorknob was moving like it was trying to open. I watched the lock jiggle up and down like someone was trying to get in. But there was no one there.
[cut back to the director's living quarters]
GERRY WOODHAMS: And some people believe that it was probably caused by the wife of the director, who used to go through this door every day to church.
DUSTIN PARI: Do we know if the gentleman and his wife who lived here, did they pass away on the premises?
GERRY WOODHAMS: They did, yes.
ROBB DEMAREST: Alright, we'll follow you.
GERRY WOODHAMS: Okay. Walk this way.
[cut to the team entering the library's basement, filled with several bookcases]
GERRY WOODHAMS: Okay guys, this is the basement, and every day they had to bring the daily deposits down the stairs and into the safe.
[he points to the staircase]
GERRY WOODHAMS: Um, when they got to this platform here, they felt extremely cold. It was a very strange cold. They would often feel on the back of their necks as though somebody was blowing on them, and they just didn't want to come down here on their own.
[cut to the team entering the old stacks section of the basement, where shelves upon shelves of old books can be seen]
GERRY WOODHAMS: Okay guys, another member of staff has actually seen an apparition here which everyone calls the Black Lady.
[cut to another librarian, Susana Araya Leon, speaking in Spanish directly to the camera]
SUSANA ARAYA LEON: [translated] Many times, I've seen a woman in a black dress. I looked down, and she had no feet. She was just floating along the basement floor.
[cut to the team entering the repair room in the basement]
GERRY WOODHAMS: Okay guys, one day one of the workers came down to talk to the repairman, and as he was talking, over his shoulder was seen an apparition through there. They said "That's Juanito!" He was a sort of janitor. Juanito died in 1996.
[cut to Edmundo Guerra, the library coordinator, speaking in Spanish directly to the camera]
EDMUNDO GUERRA: [translated] As I approached the repair room door, I could see my reflection on the glass. Suddenly, I saw Juanito standing right behind me. I ran back upstairs, and decided never to go down to the basement by myself again.
[cut Gerry leading the team back to the main entrance]
GERRY WOODHAMS: Okay guys, that's the end of the tour.
ROBB DEMAREST: Then it's time for us to get to work, and see if we can't find some answers for you.
[they shake hands]
ROBB DEMAREST: We'll see you soon.
GERRY WOODHAMS: Okay. Well, good luck!
ROBB DEMAREST: Alright ...
[cut to Robb speaking directly to the camera, as footage of the team setting up their equipment is shown]
ROBB DEMAREST: The people that work here, many of them are afraid, even though they recognize the spirits of the people they think they know. So I think that GHI can come in here and do one of two things. Either we can help to identify the potential spirit activity and who this might be, or we can disprove some of the stories about paranormal activity and help them feel comfortable here.


The Investigation
Valparaiso, Chile
Santiago Severin Library
Thursday, 10:21 PM

[Robb and Paul are investigating the library's theatre]
ROBB DEMAREST: Es Juanito aqui? Por favor, ven aqui.
PAUL BRADFORD: Okay, I just heard a whisper.
[cut to Robb speaking directly to the camera]
ROBB DEMAREST: During the investigation of the theater, at two different times, Paul and I both thought we heard disembodied voices, small whispers.
[cut back to the theatre]
PAUL BRADFORD: It sounded like it came from that side. Do you see where the ... the curtain maybe? Around there somewhere.
[cut back to Robb speaking directly to the camera]
ROBB DEMAREST: We thought it was coming from the back of the stage. We investigated back there.
[cut to Paul and Robb checking the stage area]
PAUL BRADFORD: Is there anybody actually in here with us?
ROBB DEMAREST: I mean, there's no one back here.
[cut back to Robb speaking directly to the camera]
ROBB DEMAREST: We're looking for water pipes or a radiator. Nothing.
[cut to Paul and Robb shining there flashlights around the stage area]
ROBB DEMAREST: Es Juanito aqui?
PAUL BRADFORD: [reacting as if he heard something] Again ...
ROBB DEMAREST: Juanito, ven aqui, por favor.
[a slight noise can be heard, as Paul motions in that direction]
ROBB DEMAREST: [waving towards the apparent source of the noise] Come, come come come. Ven ven ven ven. Rapido, por favor. Es su amigos.
[Paul and Robb move onto the stage area itself]
ROBB DEMAREST: Make a noise somewhere here.
PAUL BRADFORD: Move a chair.
[a noise can be heard coming from offstage]
ROBB DEMAREST: Dude. Did you hear that?
PAUL BRADFORD: You heard it too, yeah?
PAUL BRADFORD: [shining his flaghlight into the audience section] Sounded like someone just sat down.
[cut to Paul speaking directly to the camera]
PAUL BRADFORD: Robb and I were at the front of the stage, asking for someone to come forward, and I decided, "You know what? If you're in the audience, siddown. Move a chair for us." Within seconds, we heard the shuffling of a chair, like someone was either getting themselves comfortable or they were just, you know, preparing to sit down."
[cut back to Paul and Robb standing on the stage]
ROBB DEMAREST: I've never heard the "Can you move a chair?" and it actually--
PAUL BRADFORD: [laughs] It moved the chair!
ROBB DEMAREST: It moved the chair!


The Reveal
Valparaiso, Chile
Santiago Severin Library
Sunday, 6:34 PM

[the team meets again with Gerry to discuss their findings]
GERRY WOODHAMS: Well, hello guys!
ROBB DEMAREST: Good to see you, Gerry.
GERRY WOODHAMS: Nice to see you back. I'm really interested to know what happened or what news you've got to report.
ROBB DEMAREST: Well, we definitely are going to tell you some interesting things, I think.
DUSTIN PARI: At one point in the night, down in the basement level, I was there myself with Barry and following up on the claims that people say they feel a cold breeze or a breath on their neck. And in that particular area, there was a temperature fluctuation that both of us kind of felt. Uh, we also have a piece of equipment that's called the data logger.
ROBB DEMAREST: This thing takes a reading of temperature, humidity, and dew point every two seconds, up to 16,000 readings. We then put it on the computer and it can show us a graph.
ROBB DEMAREST: So if we saw something where suddenly the temperature dropped several degrees, we could say, "Okay, maybe there's something paranormal here" ... There was no significant change.
ROBB DEMAREST: So that is going to have to be kind of left a mystery at this point.
DUSTIN PARI: I did spend some time with Paul looking at the doorknob in the old living quarters of the director and his wife.
DUSTIN PARI: And as you said, you know, there is that door on the outside, obviously, and there's a gate on the other side of it. Um, so we know that no one was coming through and actually manipulating the doorknob themselves.
GERRY WOODHAMS: Right, uh huh.
DUSTIN PARI: We did wanna see, though, if there could have been a draft coming through there or anything, and what we found is there is a slight opening between the doors, but that only actually would shake the door back and forth. It doesn't affect the handle in any way.
DUSTIN PARI: So that's another claim where it was just ... That would have to have been manipulated by some sort of energy, but throughout our investigation, the door handle obviously didn't move or do anything.
ROBB DEMAREST: We had the theater room with the piano. We did find something interesting that we want to play for you.
ROBB DEMAREST: Myself and Paul were standing up on the stage. There was no one in the audience ...
ROBB DEMAREST: And we were asking the spirit to do something.
ROBB DEMAREST: So we'll play that for you now.
[Dustin uses his laptop to play the audio recording of Paul asking the "ghost" to move a chair and the subsequent "thump" that they heard]
GERRY WOODHAMS: That was a bump at the end, no?
ROBB DEMAREST: You can hear that sound, but we were both standing on the stage ...
ROBB DEMAREST: And the sound came, or so we thought, from one of the seats in the audience ... Which is certainly interesting, given that he had just said, "Can you sit in one of the seats?"
[the "thump" sound is played again]
ROBB DEMAREST: Now, we had no further sound from anywhere in that area. So for us to say, you know, this was a spirit responding to the question--
ROBB DEMAREST: Given that the open layout of the library and the way that the sound moves throughout, uh, we couldn't make that step.
ROBB DEMAREST: So, during our time here, no evidence of the paranormal was captured.
GERRY WOODHAMS: No Black Ladies? No Juanitos?
ROBB DEMAREST: Right, nothing.
[they shake hands]
ROBB DEMAREST: Alright, Gerry. Well, thank you for everything, sir.
GERRY WOODHAMS: Well, thank you. You did a fantastic job.
DUSTIN PARI: Alright, thank you Gerry.
ROBB DEMAREST: I appreciate that.
GERRY WOODHAMS: Yeah, let's go.
[cut to Gerry speaking directly to the camera]
GERRY WOODHAMS: The people here that have been seeing these apparitions will be a little bit disappointed that you weren't able to find them. But, um, I think GHI have done an extremely thorough job, and if there was anything around, I'm sure they would have found it.
[cut to Robb and Dustin driving away]
ROBB DEMAREST: I think Gerry, he understood that we were bringing in more equipment than ever before.
ROBB DEMAREST: Paul did a great job, and it'll be interesting to see where the technology that's coming out here takes us.
DUSTIN PARI: Yeah, we got a lot of new pieces of equipment. We got a lot of things that are working together towards the same goal.
ROBB DEMAREST: Y'know, certainly from everything that we received there, there doesn't seem to be paranormal activity any longer.
DUSTIN PARI: Nope. Nice place, just a lack of ghosts.
ROBB DEMAREST: [laughs] Alright, well, let's keep it moving.
DUSTIN PARI: Alright, man.



Ghost Hunters International Season 2, Ep. 6 "Holy Ghosts"

The GHI team is bound for South America and arrive in Chile for two investigations. First stop - the famed El Bosque City Hall, which was once a retirement home for Catholic priests and doubled as a house of detention for the secret police during the reign of Augusto Pinochet. The team will also investigate the Santiago Severin Library, where the librarians are hearing noises they can't "shush" away.



Season 2 - Episode 206
Holy Ghosts

Our second case this week takes GHI to Valparaiso, Chile, to the Santiago Severin Library. Built in the early part of the 20th century, the library houses some 180,000 books and is a central landmark in Valparaiso. According to liaison and local historian Gerry Woodhams, it has also been the site of numerous sightings and experiences, some involving a former director of the library and his wife, as well as a former janitor named Juanito.

The investigation gets underway, with the team excited to see if Paul's new data logger will help them detect any temperature shifts. It's put to the test when Dustin and Barry feel a draft in the basement, but reveals only that there was only a one-degree variation. The investigation's key moments come in the library's theater, where Robb and Paul hear disembodied voices coming from the stage. They look into it, but get an even bigger surprise when Paul's request for a chair to move is answered with creaking from the audience area.

Unfortunately, the analysis of the evidence doesn't bear much fruit. Joe thinks he's found something in thermal imaging, but Barry quickly points out that it's only glass reflecting Dustin's body heat. Neither EVP nor Paul's data logger turn up any new information, and Dustin and Robb relate to their host that no concrete evidence was found. They're a little disappointed at the lack of findings, but drive off excited at what Paul's technological contributions can mean for GHI's future paranormal investigations.

Case Study No. 0082: Skinny Lenny the "Libarian"

Skinny Lenny-Libarian
Shhhhhhh!!! Be quite, this is a Libary! LOL add me at the sites below!
fan page: skinnylenny24
twitter: skinnylenny
online store: skinnylenny
Tags: Skinny Lenny skinnylenny24 skinnylennyvision funny comedy comedian libarian skit drama books
Added: 8 months ago
From: SkinnyLennyVision
Views: 235

[scene opens with a "female" librarian (with frazzled hair, glasses and buck teeth) reading a newspaper, as the sounds of someone smacking their gum can be heard loudly from off camera]
LIBRARIAN: [puts down the newspaper and stares into the camera] Ma'am ... ma'am!
["she" slaps the paper down on the table in front of her]
BOBBIE: [from off camera] Who, me?
LIBRARIAN: Yeah, you! This is a public library, and you have got to be quiet in here! Now, people are trying to read ...
BOBBIE: [from off camera] I'm just tryin' to chaw muh chewin' gum!
LIBRARIAN: Can I help you with something?
BOBBIE: [from off camera] Well ...
[she continues noisly smacking her gum]
BOBBIE: [from off camera] I--
LIBRARIAN: [smacks the side of the camera with her paper] Ma'am, you're gonna have to quit chompin'! Gimmee the gum ...
BOBBIE: [from off camera] You hit me with that paper one more time, Miss, and you've had a bad day!
LIBRARIAN: I am the librarian! I've been a librarian at this library for fourteen years, and you are not gonna distract my people! Now gimmee the gum ...
BOBBIE: [from off camera] No!
LIBRARIAN: Spit it out!
BOBBIE: [from off camera] Over my dead body will you get mah chewin' gum!
LIBRARIAN: [looks around] Will somebody call security? Security! We need security over here!
BOBBIE: [from off camera] Will you calm down a little? You can tell you've been a librarian for fourteen years ...
LIBRARIAN: Listen here, little missie! You don't say nothing about librarians ... and you don't even got a book in your hands!
BOBBIE: [from off camera] I know, I was trying to get your attention because I was needin'--
LIBRARIAN: You respect your elders, honey! You respect your elders!
BOBBIE: [from off camera] I was needin' help in the drama books!
LIBRARIAN: Oh, I'm about to give you some drama! Some drama that you don't want, young lady! You have worked my nerves! I just can't even deal with this anymore ...
["she" rips off her glasses and wig]

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Case Study No. 0081: John Taylor

Steve Penk - Library Book Fine
Steve Penk Radio Wind Ups
Tags: Steve Penk Radio Wind Ups Capital FM Key 103 Crank Calls Funny Trick UK
Added: 2 years ago
From: StevePenkFan
Views: 4,072

[phone rings]
STEVE PENK: Hello, can I speak to Mr. Cooper, please?
RONNIE BUCKLEY: Sorry, he doesn't live here.
STEVE PENK: Hello, Mr. Cooper?
RONNIE BUCKLEY: I say he doesn't live here!
STEVE PENK: Ronnie Cooper?
RONNIE BUCKLEY: Ronnie Cooper doesn't live here.
STEVE PENK: So, there's no Mr. Cooper there?
RONNIE BUCKLEY: No, you have the wrong number.
STEVE PENK: Oh sorry, it's Ronnie Buckley I want.
RONNIE BUCKLEY: This is Ronnie Buckley.
STEVE PENK: Is that Ronnie Buckley speaking?
STEVE PENK: It's John Taylor here, from the library.
STEVE PENK: We called around last week about the, uh, the book about selling.
RONNIE BUCKLEY: Yeah, I brought it in last weekend.
STEVE PENK: Well I've not, I've not seen it anywhere. We're still missing it.
RONNIE BUCKLEY: Well, he brought, he didn't put it down there?
STEVE PENK: Well, I've got the records here. It's 147 pounds you owe us, for the overdue book.
RONNIE BUCKLEY: Well, look ... he brought it in last weekend.
STEVE PENK: Right. Uh, that's 147 pounds then. Could you get it to us as soon as you can?
RONNIE BUCKLEY: No, I'm afraid I'll hafta sue for it.
STEVE PENK: I mean, the situation is that obviously you've had it for about two years now, haven't you?
STEVE PENK: It must be at least two years!
RONNIE BUCKLEY: No, it's not!
STEVE PENK: Uh, what did you do with it?
RONNIE BUCKLEY: [unintelligible]
STEVE PENK: Well, there's jam stains all over the pages! What've you been doing--
RONNIE BUCKLEY: There's jam stains all over the [beep] pages?
STEVE PENK: Yeah, what've you been doing with it?
RONNIE BUCKLEY: You just told me you hadn't had it!
STEVE PENK: Yes, well, that's ... obviously, that must be the one we got back then! Uh, because we only got one copy! I mean, I thought we had two, but it must be just the one copy!
RONNIE BUCKLEY: You oughta make up your mind, the way you've got it back and then you haven't got it back! It all sounds queer to me!
STEVE PENK: Well, don't start getting on your high horse with me, young man!
RONNIE BUCKLEY: Well, you said ... to me either!
STEVE PENK: Yeah, yeah!
RONNIE BUCKLEY: You say you've got it back and then it's fulla jam stains!
STEVE PENK: Well, I'm telling you that we have got it back, and there's jam stains all over it! What've you been doing?
RONNIE BUCKLEY: I've been doing nothing with it!
STEVE PENK: But it--
STEVE PENK: Hey, what? 147 pounds then.
RONNIE BUCKLEY: You, I'll send you [beep] then!
STEVE PENK: Well, I mean, uh ... how soon can you pay it?
RONNIE BUCKLEY: I can't pay it!
STEVE PENK: Well, can't you pay it off, y'know--
RONNIE BUCKLEY: I can pay nothing!
STEVE PENK: A couple quid a week?
RONNIE BUCKLEY: I could pay nothing!
STEVE PENK: Well, why didn't you return the book then?
RONNIE BUCKLEY: Because it was just a mistake! It was forgotten about!
STEVE PENK: Well, you know, I mean--
RONNIE BUCKLEY: And it hasn't been here two years, so don't gimmee that crap!
STEVE PENK: Well, we're try--I beg your pardon? I said, we're trying to run a public library here, and you're--
RONNIE BUCKLEY: You're quite alright.
STEVE PENK: And you're stealing books.
RONNIE BUCKLEY: Put that in writing, will ya?
RONNIE BUCKLEY: Put that in writing!
STEVE PENK: I beg your pardon?
RONNIE BUCKLEY: I said put it in [beep] writing!
STEVE PENK: I can't hear you.
RONNIE BUCKLEY: Yeah, well, wash your [beep] ears out, then!
STEVE PENK: So, I'll leave it with you, then?
RONNIE BUCKLEY: You'll leave it with me, yeah but ... put it in writing that I've been stealing books, will ya?
STEVE PENK: Yeah, stop shouting, you silly man!
RONNIE BUCKLEY: I'm not shouting.
STEVE PENK: Yeah you were, you were shouting.
RONNIE BUCKLEY: No, well, I'm deaf. I'm deaf as well ...
STEVE PENK: Oh, you're deaf and stupid, are you?
RONNIE BUCKLEY: I want you to put that in writing! You called me a thief, you called me stupid.
STEVE PENK: I did not!
RONNIE BUCKLEY: Get it in writing!
STEVE PENK: You started this argument!
RONNIE BUCKLEY: Oh no I didn't.
STEVE PENK: I'm afraid you did.
STEVE PENK: I've got witnesses.
RONNIE BUCKLEY: You said you haven't got it back ...
STEVE PENK: I've got witnesses!
RONNIE BUCKLEY: Well, great! Bring 'em with ya!
STEVE PENK: Well, listen. There's not only, sort of, jam stains all over it. There's, you know, there's egg stains and things.
RONNIE BUCKLEY: Sounds like you're now accusing me of having breakfast on it!
STEVE PENK: Well, what've you been doing with it?
RONNIE BUCKLEY: I've done nothing with it!
STEVE PENK: Nu-nu-nothing with it? Right then. Okay, well, I'll leave that with you then Mr. Buckley.
RONNIE BUCKLEY: Oh, I'm leaving it with you!
STEVE PENK: Alright, and we'll be around with the police later, obviously.
RONNIE BUCKLEY: Oh, alright.
STEVE PENK: Y'know, bang you up for a few days.
STEVE PENK: Uh, but I've got a letter from Jillian.
RONNIE BUCKLEY: [pause] Who's Jillian?
STEVE PENK: Y'know, that daughter of yours?
STEVE PENK: You do remember her, don't you? Jillian?
STEVE PENK: Well, she's written to me.
STEVE PENK: This is Steve Penk from Key 103, Ronnie!
RONNIE BUCKLEY: Eh?!? [laughing]
STEVE PENK: Hey, you're really going there, weren't you Ronnie?
RONNIE BUCKLEY: You are! [laughing]
STEVE PENK: [laughing] Is there anything you wanna say to her, Ronnie?
RONNIE BUCKLEY: Well, you know what I wanna say, but I can't say it on the radio!
STEVE PENK: You what, Ronnie?
RONNIE BUCKLEY: [laughing]
STEVE PENK: See ya, Ronnie!
RONNIE BUCKLEY: Alright, be good now!
STEVE PENK: Bye-bye!
RONNIE BUCKLEY: [laughing]



"Steve Penk's Essential Windups Volume 3: Ronnie Buckley's Late Library Book"

Steve Penk is a British radio and TV presenter. He is renowned for his hilarious wind-up prank calls as heard on the UK radio station 95.8 Capital FM.