Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Case Study No. 0178: The Kroton Library Girls

Check It Out 1
Fun at the library. Librarians and patrons intereact and sing songs about their lives.

Tags: read books library librarian green environment comedy musical moments
Added: 3 years ago
From: buckleyroo
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"Check It Out"
by Judy Prenovost

A West Coast Films Production

[scene opens with a pregant librarian addressing the audience]
ASHLEY: I can tell you, as a librarian nine months pregnant and not married, living in a small town with my parents, two cats and a dog, the gossip is rampant. So when I try to keep moving, everyone stops me in my tracks, telling me their experiences ... I don't ask for advice, I just get it!
[cut to Ashley standing behind the front desk with a male patron, as an older female librarian enters the scene]
MARY: Is anyone here to check out a book?
ALEX: I'm here to check out books. Never too many books! Books ... Hmm. Books are my psychological fix to deal with life!
[he walks off, as the phone rings]
MARY: [into the phone] Kroton Public Library, how may I help you? How many gallons ... are there in a cubic foot of water? I will research that question for you, can you hold for a moment? I'll be right back.
[she puts down the phone and walks off, then Ashley picks it up]
ASHLEY: One cubic foot of water contains around seven-point-five gallons ... Mm hmm. You're welcome.
[she hangs up, as Mary returns carrying a book]
MARY: [reading from the book] One cubic foot of water contains around seven-point-five gallons ...
ASHLEY: Cool, but I had it in less than a minute ...
MARY: [pause] Yeah, but you didn't get to touch the book ... There's nothing like the feel of a good book.
ASHLEY: [takes the book and starts caressing it] I love those sinewy muscles ... Oh. Oh! Oh! Yes! Yes! Yes!
[cut to Mary as she addresses the audience]
MARY: Hello, I'm Mary, director of the Kroton Public Library. When I walk out to the front desk, I put on that Broadway smile! On stage, my job is a juggling act ... So, come one, come all, and share with me a day at "Le Bonne Marche!"
[cut to another female librarian, holding a Nancy Pearl action figure, addressing the audience]
JESSICA: As you can see, I'm not at all the prissy hair-in-a-bun librarian, wearing a suit, glasses on a chain, shushing people, as the Librarian Action Figure conveys. I'm the antithesis!
[she turns and walks away, as the camera pans down to reveal that she has a piece of toilet paper stuck on her shoe]
[cut to the three librarians, as they stand shoulder to shoulder and begin singing]

As the Kroton Library Girls,
We always aim to please
Pull a map down for directions
We answer patrons' questions
Available at the counter
A brief encounter
Kroton Library Girls.

Library babes looking gorgeous
We always dress to thrill
Despite our attire
When your internet expires
Or when your books are overdue
We will help you thru
Kroton Library Girls.

We're librarians with many goals
We have our lives to fulfill
While mending broken spines
Our sophisticated minds
Do belly dancing tricks
All but a broken heart we fix
Kroton Library Girls.

[cut to a skinny male library worker, pushing a bookcart with one hand while lifting a small barbell with the other, as Ashley puts down the book she had been caressing before Mary stormed off]
ICHABOD: [in a bad Austrian accent] Arnold Schwarzenegger is here to shelve books! Easy Ashley, it's only a book!
ASHLEY: Knock it off Ichabod, you're no Arnold Schwarzenegger! You're tall, skinny, lanky Ichabod ...
ICHABOD: My feelings are hurt ... That would constitute discrimination!
ASHLEY: Listening to my conversation with a book would constitute eavesdropping!
ICHABOD: Yes Ashley, I will no longer eavesdrop on your conversations ... But don't call me skinny! I'm building up, and this time I am going to get the beautiful women!
ASHLEY: [rolls her eyes]
[cut to Jessica dealing with a male patron who claims to be God, asking to check out a copy of Richard Dawkins' "God Delusion"]
JESSICA: Are you sure you haven't already read it?
GOD: Indeed I have, and in view of the poor light in which I was portrayed, I'd like the publisher's name and address so I can take the matter up with them.
JESSICA: You would like to make a complaint?
GOD: Not exactly, but I have some pestilence and a leftover plague of locusts I don't know what to do with ...
JESSICA: What about love and forgiveness?
[cut to God addressing the audience, as he breaks out into song]

Went down to Kroton
To the great house of Ken
Thought I'd save the souls
Of all those learned library women
Walked in with the Good Book
The cover gold and black
The lady at the counter said
"'Bout time you brought that back!"
Well, it's hard to love your neighbor
When you're up against a heart so hard
It's tough to be the savior
When they won't give you a library card
Walked up to that counter
I said "Don't you know who I am?"
She smiled in pride and said to me
"Not until I've done your scan."
Just then the spirit moved me
I began to speak in tongues
She said "Ooh, you need foreign languages
Up on Aisle 21!"

[scene fades to black]

The Cast (In Order of Appearance):

Ashley #1
Jordan Sena

Ashley #2
Lauren Warren

Alex #1
Stewart Johnson

Mary #1
Diane Green

Mary #2
Trudy D'Armand

Jessica #1
Coleen Abbott

Jessica #2
Judy Prenovost

Sean Matson

Jeremy Kerslake

Andrea Idao

Sadie Kerslake

Samuel Jolosky

Sarah Jolosky

J.C. Heck

Alex #2
Randall Thomasson

The Songs
All original music recorded live at D'Armand Studios
Buckley, Washington

"God's Librarian Card Blues"
lyrics, Jeremy Kerslake
music by Jeremy Kerslake
performed by Jeremy Kerslake

"But If You Loved Me"
lyrics, Judy Prenovost
music by Jeremy Kerslake
performed by Sean Matson

"Kroton Library Girls"
lyrics, Judy Prenovost
music, Jeremy Kerslake
performed by Lauren Warren, Trudy D'Armand, Judy Prenovost

"Step Up To The Plate"
lyrics, Judy Prenovost
music, Jeremy Kerslake
performed by Randall Thomasson

"I'm a Daydreamer"
lyrics, Judy Prenovost
music, Trudy & Perry D'Armand
performed by Jeremy Kerslake and Jordan Sena

"Don't Shake My Tree"
lyrics, Judy Prenovost
music, Jeremy Kerslake
performed by Sadie Kerslake

"The What Not To Do Girl"
lyrics, Judy Prenovost
music, Jeremy Kerslake
performed by Jordan Sena

This film is for entertainment purposes only. Any similarities of characters depicted here to characters in real life is purely coincidental.

West Coast Films

This film is dedicated to brave librarians everywhere.



In this new play by Jeremy Kent, all the colorful characters in the make-believe town of Kroton eventually show up at the public library. They all see life from their own peculiar perspectives.



For librarians everywhere,

How can they even think of closing libraries?? Our services are so valuable, it would be like closing down the space shuttle mission. People come to the library, as a home away from home. When I move to a new town or city the first place I visit is the local library. We're ministers to the public. We humour eccentric patrons (God), we welcome regulars, we help people on computers' applying for jobs. We get to know and care about our patrons. That is why we have written a musical comedy about Kroton Public Library.


A huge collection of records and ideas,
First established in ancient Mesopotamia,
Man has recorded his relations with others,
And the world around him for six thousand years.
Librarians guide you to find information
On biographies, history, countries and phobias.
Do you have a book of "Insults for Children"?
Or, "How to be a Miserly Mother?" It's the trend.
Where are your newspapers, magazines and info-trac?
I'm looking to relieve the pain in my back.
Guide me to thrillers, sci-fi, westerns, mysteries,
Psychology, astrology and the world's art galleries?
I need manners, good hygiene, health gurus
Please lead me to a map with the streets of Kelso.
Do you know Sacagawea's birth state?
What's the area code for Peru?
Can you figure my tax rate?
You follow Oprah's book reviews.
They've got feature and non-feature DVD's,
Latest books on CD's and cassettes,
Hooked up to surf the internet.
All for the price of plastic card,
Beats' the best of "The Tightwad Gazette"
So for the best deal in your community,
At your library get yourself out of debt,
All the books you can carry away,
You get a receipt, but do not pay.
See you at "Le bonne marche!"

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