Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Case Study No. 0150: "Ninjas and the nation's library system"

Dewey Decimated: Taking Back The System!
In this shocking thriller, Josie Willis, an intrepid library journalist, goes deep undercover to expose the conspiracies that lie between ninjas and the nation's library system. Written, shot, and edited in 48 hours for the 48 hour film festival.
Tags: ninjas library libraries conspiracy 48 hour thriller sketch silly spoof naked gun zucker airplane parody short film
Added: 3 years ago
From: hingesimprov
Views: 88

Fact: The United States library infrastructure is one of the most secretive in the world.
Fact: 678,000 people have died to protect its secrets.
Fact: Kelsey Grammar sings and plays the piano for the theme song of "Frasier".
Look them up!

[scene opens in the home of Josie Willis ("28, White Female, Library Reporter, San Diego Sun Times Tribune") as her phone starts ringing]
JOSIE: Hello?
BOB: [over the phone] Josie, they're after me! Save me!
BOB: [over the phone] The ninjas, they're librarians! They--
[the sound of an explosion cuts off the call, as Josie drops the phone]

Dewey Decimated:
Taking Back the System

[cut to a park]
JOSIE: [in voice over] How will you recognize me?
JOE: [in voice over] You come dressed as Ben Franklin.
JOSIE: [in voice over] How will I know it's you?
JOE: [in voice over] I'll be holding a red crayon ... And my name is Joe Beeble, the construction worker.
[camera focuses on Josie (wearing glasses and a bald cap), as a man wearing a hard hat and carrying a giant novelty crayon walks up and stands next to her]
JOSIE: So, uh ... you gonna help me find out how Bob died?
JOE: Wow, you get right to the point. Like putting a wiener in a donut hole, without, uh ... without any foreplay. Well, I'm in danger, and I could be killed at any moment. And that's how Bob died. Now look, what happened to him--
JOSIE: Look, are you gonna help me find out about the Intelligence Mafia or not?
JOE: [looks around nervously] I can't tell you everything. But I ... You're gonna hafta find out some things on your own. Just ask yourself one question! Why do libraries still exist? I mean, nobody goes in 'em! And who would wanna work there? And if they do hire somebody, it's a quiet person!
[he continues looking around]
JOE: Why do libraries still exist?
JOSIE: It's, it's to promote the ... Uh, the love of reading?
[he shoots her a dirty look]
JOE: Are you that naive? You buy into that?!
[the sound of an explosion can be heard, as Josie hits the ground while Joe runs away]
JOE: [shouting back] Don't follow me!
[Josie slowly gets up and - seeing that Joe has dropped his crayon - she opens it up to discover a piece of paper inside, which reads "Requirements for Master's Degree for Library Sciences. Time to Graduate: 4 years. Retirement: Never. Classes: Books and Learning. Dewey Decimal 101. Stacking 101. Stacking 201. Stacking 301. Physical. Argumentation 101. Baking 101. Specialized Classes: Gymnastics. Balance. Silent Prowling. Throwing Stars 101. Advanced Throwing Stars. Nunchuks 101. Deadly Killing Techniques. Required Reading: Bomb Maker's Bible. Work with C4. Top 10 Ways to Kill Someone with One Hand. Sexual Techniques."]
[she looks over and sees a large woman staring at her, who ends up taking off her dress to reveal that it's actually a man carrying a knife]
MAN: [throws the knife to the ground and assumes a fighting stance]
[Josie runs away, and the man sprints off in pursuit ... she grabs a bottle of water and a book from someone lying on a blanket, then hides behind a tree, and (when the man stops to answer his ringing cellphone) she sprays him in the face with water]
MAN: Ow!
[he drops his phone in the confusion, so Josie grabs it off the ground before making her escape]
[cut to Josie back in her home, as she checks the man's phone contacts (which include "baba booey" and "big boss"]
JOSIE: Okay, maybe it's under "B" for "Big" ...
[the phone suddenly rings, so Josie answers it]
WILFORD: [over the phone] Hey, did you hear the news?
JOSIE: What?
WILFORD: [over the phone] A new baby panda was born ... but that's not relevant at the moment. We've been watching you, lady.
JOSIE: I don't die easy ... We need to talk.
WILFORD: [over the phone] I agree.
JOSIE: How will we recognize each other?
[cut back to the park, as Josie (wearing a Pope hat) is sitting on the ground reading "501 Spanish Verbs", when a man in a pink t-shirt with a band aid on his face sits down next to her]
JOSIE: There you are. I was wondering when you'd show up ... Who in the h-e-double hockey sticks are you?
WILFORD: [scratches his band aid] I'm Wilford Clamtrend, I run the CIA ... Y'know, you're awful hard to kill.
JOSIE: "Awfully."
WILFORD: [pause] It's "awful." You're wrong.
JOSIE: "Awfully" ... It's an adverb.
WILFORD: You're wrong ... Uh, agree to disagree.
JOSIE: What're you doing in San Diego?
WILFORD: I came for Comic Con, stayed for the weather. Why is it relevant?
JOSIE: Just making conversation ...
WILFORD: Good. I know what you're here for, and I'm here to give you some information and a warning. You wanna know what libraries have to do with ninjas?
JOSIE: Mainly that, and--
WILFORD: Please, don't interrupt. I'm a CIA agent, the head of the CIA ... And you wanna know why we only recruit people who are particularly silent?
[he leans in close]
WILFORD: We pick people in high school, and then we cultivate them as assassins. We give them their own library, so they can have free will, and run their assassin squads from there. We've been doing it since the fifties, that's how we defeated the Soviets! Are you okay with that, lady?
JOSIE: Y'know, for people who are so skilled at silence and secrecy, you're an awful bunch of Chatty Cathys!
[he puts a knife to her throat]
WILFORD: Yeah, we are ... but we can still kill you. Now.
JOSIE: Hey, did you hear the news?
WILFORD: Another baby panda?
JOSIE: No. I don't die easy!
[she picks up her book of Spanish verbs and hits him in the head, knocking him out]
WILFORD: Awww ...
JOSIE: And I'm awfully hard to kill ...

An important film by: Joe Caldwell, Tim Goggin
Produced by: Joe Caldwell, Tim Goggin, Anne McElvain
Written by: Erin Campbell, Tim Goggin, Faryl Zaklin
Directed & Edited by: Joe Caldwell, Tim Goggin
Starring: Tim Goggin, Michael Robert Kelly, Anne McElvain, Antonio Salinas, Milana Vayntrub
A Production of: Hinges
(c) 2008 Tim Goggin/Joe Caldwell



"Dewey Decimated: Taking Back The System"
by The Hinges

After the explosive death of her friend, Josie Willis must fight the CIA and the library system to find the truth and save her own life.

A Political Drama from the San Diego 2008 48HFP.

Screened at UltraStar Cinemas Mission Valley
on August 16, 2008, at 1pm.

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