How To Steal A Library Book
A short excerpt from Alvin Sloan's 1999 documentary short.
Tags: UNC Alvin Sloan STV comedy instructional steal theft library book
Added: 8 years ago
[scene opens in a darkened room, where a library thief (wearing a fake mustache and playing with a butterfly knife) is being interrogated]
MAN: Okay, we know why you steal library books, now tell us how you steal them.
LIBRARY THIEF: How I steal library books? Okay, well, there are several steps ... Uh, step one.
["Step 1" appears on screen, then cut to the thief standing in the stacks of Davis Library (University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill), speaking directly to the camera]
LIBRARY THIEF: The first step is easy. Choosing which library books you wanna steal. For the purposes of this demonstration, we'll choose these two, right up here ...
[he uses the shelves like a stepladder, knocking over several books before grabbing the two he was pointing at]
LIBRARY THIEF: Step two is a little trickier ...
["Step 2" appears on screen, then cut to the thief standing in a private study room (the two books sitting on a table in front of him), speaking directly to the camera]
LIBRARY THIEF: So, you've found your books. What now? Well, first you've got to remove the small magnetic strip embedded in each book's spine that will trigger the alarm system if you remove it from the library.
[cut to various quick shots of the security gates set up around the library's various exits, then back to the thief]
LIBRARY THIEF: To do so, simply cut a small section of your book's spine out ...
[he takes out a switchblade, then cut to a closeup of one of the book's spines (with the title "Srpski jamb i narodna metrika"), as he cuts away a piece of the binding]
LIBRARY THIEF: Find the strip, and remove it. That's it! Now, step three.
[he tries to sit casually on the edge of the table, but ends up falling down]
["Step 3" appears on screen, then cut to the thief sitting in a chair, speaking directly to the camera]
LIBRARY THIEF: [whispers] Now, since most books are too bulky to be concealed in your shirt or pants, you need to find another place to hide them ...
[cut to a closeup of the floor, as he straps a book to the bottom of his shoe with duct tape]
[cut to his other shoe, as he repeats the process, then cut to a floor-level shot of the library, as he slowly walks towards the exit]
[cut to a shot of the thief shuffling towards the exit, trying to act casual and waving to someone off camera (as various students and staff can be seen milling about), then he makes his way past the security gate and out of the library]
[cut to an exterior shot of the Wake Forest-Rolesville Park, as the thief (still with the books strapped underneath his feet) uses the ruined books to jump up and down in a flower patch]
[cut back to the thief being interrogated]
LIBRARY THIEF: So anyway, that's how you steal a library book ...
Brought to you by UNC Student Television
Visit us at http://metalab.unc.edu/ uncstv
From Episode 3 of UNC's "Center Ring", a show airing on the university's student-run television network. The episode was nominated for "Best Episode 2000" and won for "Best Editing 2000."
Original Airdate: September 27, 1999
Directed by Alvin Sloan. Producer, Rick Ward