The Krankies at the Library.mp4
A sketch from the BBC 1 Eighties TV series The Krankies Elektronik Komik, starring The Krankies, Ian and Jimmy Krankie. Ian and Jimmy take a trip to the library.
Tags: The Krankies BBC Scotish comedy British comedy Ian Krankie Jimmy Krankie Eighties TV The Krankies Elektronik Komik
Added: 3 years ago
[scene opens with Wee Jimmy Krankie and his father Ian entering the Public Lending Library, where an elderly female librarian (short white hair, glasses, brown sweater) is sitting at the front desk (the plaque on the desk reads "Miss Cringe, Chief Librarian")]
[as Ian opens the door for his son, he puts a finger to his lips and shushes him]
IAN: Shh, shh!
[he then turns to the librarian and, smiling, leans in and yells a greeting]
IAN: Good morning!
[Jimmy blows his nose, as the librarian gets a disgusted look on her face]
MISS CRINGE: Quiet, please! This is a library, you know.
JIMMY: Sorry, miss. I've just got this stinking rotten cold!
IAN: [whispers] I'm looking for a book, on educational literature.
[Jimmy looks at his father in confusion]
JIMMY: You got a sore throat as well?
IAN: [loudly] No!
MISS CRINGE: Shh!
IAN: I wonder if you could recommend something ...
MISS CRINGE: Well, I should be able to. I am the chief librarian.
IAN: Oh, you're the chief?
[he turns to Jimmy]
IAN: She's the chief!
[Jimmy suddenly begins talking like a Native American]
JIMMY: Uh, how now brown cow?
MISS CRINGE: Shh!
IAN: I'm looking for something really deep.
JIMMY: How about "Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea"?
[he points at the librarian]
JIMMY: She looks like Moby Dick ...
MISS CRINGE: Is this sniveling little urchin with you?
IAN: Aw, he's not really well.
MISS CRINGE: Could you ask him to stop sniffing? This is supposed to be a place of quiet!
[Ian turns to his son]
IAN: Try and stop sniffing for the old ... uh, for the lady.
[he stuffs the tissues up his nostrils]
MISS CRINGE: Oh, how disgusting! Follow me for the computer section, would you?
IAN: Thank you. Yes, madam.
[she walks over towards the stacks area, and the two follow]
JIMMY: Hey misses, have you got floppy disks as well?
[Ian nudges his son]
MISS CRINGE: He can sit in the reading room ...
[she reaches over and pulls the tissues out of his nose]
MISS CRINGE: As long as he's quiet.
IAN: He'll be as quiet as a mouse ...
MISS CRINGE: Huh!
[the librarian turns away, so Ian raises his fist to Jimmy's face before following]
IAN: Or I'll give ya one!
[they both exit, so Jimmy begins browsing the shelves]
JIMMY: I'm bored ...
[he looks at one section]
JIMMY: "Do it yourself" ...
[he looks at another section]
JIMMY: Huh, "Ballet Space" ...
[he notices a young female librarian (curly brown hair, blue bloue, short striped skirt) standing on a ladder under a giant sign reading "Silence"]
JIMMY: Oooh ... What a big bumbaloo.
[he purposefully drops his handkerchief on the ground (so that he can bend down and look up her skirt), but his father returns and catches him]
IAN: Hey! What're you doing? What're you doing?
JIMMY: I've just seen the Moons of Balloon!
IAN: You what? Wadda ya mean?
[he points to a book above the librarian]
JIMMY: It's on the top shelf!
IAN: Oh, is it? Come over here!
[he grabs him by the arm and makes him sit at a nearby table]
IAN: Sit in there and behave yourself! I'm going through there to see if I can find the book!
JIMMY: Right ...
[he leaves, then Jimmy (peeking through the shelf) shoots a rubber band at the librarian's behind when she bends over]
[she stands up, then (seeing Ian standing nearby) walks over and slaps him in the face]
[she walks into the backroom, then Ian sees Jimmy crouching near the bottom shelf and laughing]
IAN: What're you doing?
JIMMY: I'm just getting to the bottom of it!
[he laughs again, so Ian forces him into the chair]
IAN: Get up here! Sit down there! Now, I found the book I want, it's through the back ... I think that librarian fancies me.
[he walks into the backroom, as Jimmy wipes his nose]
JIMMY: Fed up ...
[he picks up a pen and starts writing on some paper (which makes a loud squeaking noise), which draws Miss Cringe out of the backroom]
MISS CRINGE: Shhh!
[she leaves, and Jimmy puts the pen down]
JIMMY: Bored ...
[he picks up a copy of "The Works of Shakespeare"]
JIMMY: Oh look, Shakespeare.
[a man sitting next to him (who had his face buried in a newspaper up to this point) puts the paper down to reveal that he is the spitting image of William Shakespeare]
[Jimmy looks at him in shock]
JIMMY: Are you William Shakespeare?
JIMMY: Sorry mister, I've just got this stinking rotten cold.
PATRON: Are you taking a mickey out of me?
[Jimmy points to the picture of Shakespeare on the cover of the book]
JIMMY: No, I was taking the micky outta him!
["Shakespeare" goes back to his newspaper, as Jimmy picks up his glasses from the table and puts them on]
JIMMY: Hafta have good eyesight to see through these, mister ...
[he begins wandering around]
JIMMY: Where am I? I don't know where I am.
[he bumps into one of the bookshelves]
[he continues wandering around blindly]
JIMMY: Where am I? Ooh, where am I?
[he wanders into the backroom of the library, and a loud crashing noise is heard]
[Ian enters from the back, calling for his son]
IAN: Jimmy? Have you seen a wee boy, mister?
["Shakespeare" points to the backroom, as Ian keeps looking around]
IAN: Jimmy? Where is he, Jimmy? Where are ya? Jimmy? Jimmy?
[Jimmy re-appears with a trash bucket over his head]
JIMMY: Where am I? Did somebody put the lights out? Where am I?
[Ian takes the bucket off his head, as the glasses fall off]
IAN: What are you doing? Give the man his glasses back!
[he takes the glasses and puts them back on the table in front of "Shakespeare"]
JIMMY: It's awful dusty in here, Ian ...
JIMMY: I think I'm gonna sneeze.
IAN: You can't sneeze, it's too noisy!
JIMMY: Ah ah ah ... Achoo!
[the power of the sneeze blows the man's pants off (revealing his pink boxers)]
PATRON: Oh my!
[he runs off, as Jimmy points and laughs]
JIMMY: Oh, I think I'm gonna sneeze again ...
JIMMY: Ah ah ah ...
[Miss Cringe enters from the back and stands in front of Jimmy]
MISS CRINGE: What is going on out here?
JIMMY: Ah choo!
[the sneeze blows her wig off, revealing her bald head]
MISS CRINGE: Ahh!
[she runs to the back, as Ian pulls Jimmy aside]
IAN: Come on, Jimmy, we'd better get out of here! Before you cause anymore trouble ...
JIMMY: Oh, I'm gonna sneeze again.
JIMMY: Ah ah ...
[Ian covers his nose with his fingers]
JIMMY: Oh, it's gone.
IAN: Thank goodness for that.
[they start to leave, but Jimmy stops]
JIMMY: Oh, it's back again! Ah ah ...
[Ian covers his nose again]
JIMMY: Oh ...
IAN: Is it gone?
IAN: Good ...
[they start to leave, when Ian suddenly stops]
[his sneeze cause the book shelf behind them to fall apart (starting a domino effect with the other shelves), as they both run out of the library]
"The Krankies Elektronik Komik" (1985)
The Krankies are a Scottish comedy duo that enjoyed success as a cabaret act in the 1970s and on television in the 1980s, featuring in their own television shows and releasing their own music single. They entered semi-retirement in 1992, but they have regularly appeared in pantomime since.
The duo comprises wife Janette Tough and her husband Ian. As the Krankies they portray schoolboy Wee Jimmy Krankie (Janette), and Jimmy's father (Ian), though in their comedy act they also portray other characters.