Ultimate Book Of Spells - Episode 7 - Part 1
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[scene opens with an elderly man (wearing a blue wizard's robe) as he exits a taxi]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Oh, I'll never get used to such primitive transport!
[he pulls a large trunk out of the backseat]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Oh, my stars and garters!
CAB DRIVER: [laughs] Uh, need any help carrying that, sir?
BEAGLEBOYCE: Think I'm too old and feeble, eh?
[the cab driver tries to pick up the trunk, but it doesn't budge]
CAB DRIVER: Nothing to be ... ashamed of!
[he keeps straining to pick it up, then gives up]
CAB DRIVER: What've you got in here?
[the elderly man easily picks up the trunk by the handle]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Books! I'm the new librarian ...
[he walks off, yelling back to the cab driver]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Light as a feather, really ...
[he laughs, then the cab driver gets back into his cab and drives off]
CAB DRIVER: I need a vacation ...
[Beagleboyce stops at a large building, which magically transforms into the Vonderland School of Magic, then looks down at his trunk]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Now, run along inside!
[the trunk grows alligator legs and a tail, then runs into the building]
[...]
[the students are returning from practice on their "Scoot Zoomers," when they see Beagleboyce and a woman shaking hands on the staircase]
CASSY: Hey, who's that talking to Head Mistress Crystalgazer?
GUS: Oh, must be Beagleboyce.
VERNE: The new librarian?
GUS: Yeah, my dad told me he was once a master wizard!
CASSY: Was?
GUS: Well, before he lost his wand license. He forgot one too many, or so they say ...
CASSY: Really? Hmmm ...
[...]
[the students are having lunch, when Beagleboyce walks up to one of the tables (where a student is making a bowl of spaghetti levitate)]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Not bad ... but I know a better one!
[he waves his hand over the bowl, and the contents shoot out onto the student's shirt]
BORGIA: Ugh!
[he gives Beagleboyce a dirty look, but the librarian simply smiles]
BEAGLEBOYCE: When I was in Florence, as a guest of the Medicis, I performed my "Eels a la Bolognese" spell ...
[he points at the bowl]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Eela Bola Ella Gnese!
[the spaghetti turns into snakes, as the students gasp in astonishment]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Well, I must admit it's a rather difficult spell, but I have some experience!
[Head Mistress Crystalgazer walks up behind him]
CRYSTALGAZER: Professor Beagleboyce, we don't want to encourage our students to play with their food, now do we?
BEAGLEBOYCE: Terrible sorry, Miss ... "Mizz" Crystalgazer! I don't know what came over me!
[as Beagleboyce apologizes, Gus turns to Verne and Cassy]
GUS: Y'know, that old guy's pretty cool ...
CASSY: Yeah, he sure put boring Borgia in his place!
[cut to the three students walking down a hallway, still talking about Beagleboyce's spell in the cafeteria]
CASSY: I wonder if Professor Beagleboyce will teach us that spell?
VERNE: That story he told us about the Eels a la Bolug ... uh, Balog ... Balognese? Whatever. I've heard it somewhere.
[they turn the corner and see two ghosts arguing]
GALEN: My dear Madam Curie, the black plague was a mere imbalance of phlegm and--
CURIE: Galen, my wise and learned Greek, modern science has shown us that with penicilin--
[Beagleboyce walks into the scene and confronts the ghosts]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Actually, having been a guest of the Pope back in 1340, I can tell you the only way to survive a black plague is to sit squarely between two roaring fires!
CURIE: Hm, true enough.
GALEN: Yes, certainly.
[Gus turns to his friends]
GUS: Aw, the guy is amazing!
CASSY: What a life he's lived ...
[she turns to Verne]
CASSY: Don't tell me you read that in a book?
VERNE: Maybe.
[cut to Verne sneaking into the school library]
VERNE: [to himself] Think, think! It's just got to be here!
[using his flashlight, he finds a book on the shelf and pulls it out]
VERNE: Yes! Here's where I read the story of the Eels a la Bolog ... whatever. And the story of the black plague.
[he opens the book, but all the pages are blank]
VERNE: What? Wha, empty? But, but how--
[he notices a light behind one of the bookcases, and sneaks up to find Beagleboyce flipping through a giant pile of books]
BEAGLEBOYCE: [muttering to himself] No no no, nothing new here!
[...]
[Verne finds Gus practicing stunts on his Scoot Zoomer]
GUS: Pretty slick, huh? Beagleboyce just taught it to me, he learned it from the flaming chariot racers in ancient Rome!
VERNE: Listen, last night in the library, I found the book with--
GUS: Later!
[he flies away, yelling back to Verne as he goes]
GUS: Oh yeah, and tell Cassy she doesn't stand a chance!
VERNE: But ... Aw.
[he walks outside and finds Cassy practicing her own stunts]
VERNE: Hey Cassy!
CASSY: Look Ma, no hands!
[Cassy lands her Scoot Zoomer next to him, as he gives her an annoyed look]
VERNE: Don't tell me, Beagleboyce taught you that ...
CASSY: Yes, this morning!
VERNE: Listen, remember how Gus said Beagleboyce lost his license for forgetting stuff? I know how he got his memory back!
[Cassy takes off and performs more flying stunts, yelling down at Verne without actually listening to what he has to say]
CASSY: Beagleboyce learned this in Constantinople! Now there's no way Gus can beat me!
[she lands, as Verne pleads with her to listen]
VERNE: Look, I found the book! The book Beagleboyce stole all his stories from!
CASSY: Book? Stolen stories?
VERNE: The pages were ... empty.
CASSY: Like your head! Verne, what's with you and Professor Beagleboyce?
VERNE: We need to talk to UBOS now!
CASSY: Later, gotta practice!
[she flies off]
VERNE: Fine, I'll just handle this on my own!
[cut to Verne walking into the library, where he finds a crowd of students watching in admiration as Beagleboyce fences with a floating sword]
BEAGLEBOYCE: And, when Shiek Ali charged, I knew there was no escape! Ha!
STUDENT: What did you do?
BEAGLEBOYCE: I had no choice! I executed an encantada taught to me by Haji Baba himself! Heeyah ha!
[he continues his fencing display with the floating sword]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Followed by a nuvieum of my own invention! Ha ha ha!
[he swings at the sword, which vibrates before falling to the floor]
BEAGLEBOYCE: And brought Shiek Ali to justice! Thank you!
[all of the students cheer and applaud ... except for Verne]
VERNE: What a rip-off! That move is from "Swashbuckling Swords," the most famous book about fencing warlocks ever written!
BEAGLEBOYCE: What? Some other wizard's stolen my move? Oh ...
[all of the students begin murmuring about Verne (obviously siding with the librarian on this matter)]
VERNE: No, it's true!
LUCRETIA: Right ... like we're gonna take the word of a morty over a distinguished wizard?
[Gus and Cassy run into the scene and grab Verne by the shoulders]
CASSY: Okay Verne, let's take a walk!
[they drag him out of the library]
VERNE: Hey! Hey! Why doesn't anyone believe me?!
[...]
[in a faraway castle, the evil wizard Zarlack is receiving a report from his goblin spies on Beagleboyce]
ZARLACK: Goblins, report ... Now!
ROWCE: They said when Boycebeagle--
SNERROT: No, that's Beaglebounce!
[the wizard slams the two goblins' heads together]
ZARLACK: [calmly] That's Beagleboyce, you twits ...
[he lifts them up by the necks and starts yelling]
ZARLACK: Report now or so help me!
[he throws them into a nearby fire, as they run out with their backsides on fire]
SNERROT: Oh boy, that's-a hot!
ROWCE: Owie owie owie owie!
[they rub their butts on the floor to put out the fire, then collapse in front of their master]
ROWCE: When Beagleboyce reads the book--
SNERROT: Words disappear from the pages!
ZARLACK: It appears the new librarian is absorbing what he learns ... literally. A power that will serve me well. Once he is given the proper material to absorb!
[he uses magic to make a book appear out of a black cauldron]
ZARLACK: Meet the goblin on level one, and make sure he delivers this to the new librarian!
[...]
[Beagleboyce is walking in the library by himself, unaware that Verne is spying on him from behind the bookshelves]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Pretty pretty pretty!
[Beagleboyce is carrying a wrapped package, and puts it down on the table]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Ooh, I can hardly wait to open my present! Surprising there's no card ... Must be from one of my admirers, eh?
[he laughs, then opens it and finds Zarlack's book inside]
BEAGLEBOYCE: [reading the title] "Passage to the Underworld" ... Well, this should be an exciting addition to my collection!
[he laughs, then waves his hands over the book]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Absorbus libris!
[the words are literally "sucked" out of the book and into Beagleboyce's mouth]
VERNE: [to himself] I've got him now!
[Beagleboyce closes the book, then waves his hands again]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Libris terminus!
VERNE: So that's how he does it!
[...]
[Verne is absent mindedly wandering the halls (frustrated that his friends still refuse to believe him), when he bumps into Head Mistress Crystalgazer]
CRYSTALGAZER: Your mind seems to be elsewhere, Verne! And where might that be?
[he shows her the book full of blank pages]
VERNE: My favorite library book's lost its words!
CRYSTALGAZER: Hmm, there's been quite a rash of these the last few days ... Eh, nothing that a simple spell can't fix!
[she takes out her magic wand]
CRYSTALGAZER: Revealis literaturus!
[she waves her wand and the words return to the book]
VERNE: Thanks, Miss Crystal--
[he looks up and she has disappeared]
VERNE: Gazer ... I'll never get used to that.
[...]
[Verne has performed the "absorbus libris" spell for his friends, finally convincing them that Beagleboyce is stealing stories]
VERNE: [condescendingly] Now ... what was that again?
CASSY: [yelling] For the twentieth time, we're sorry! Now, let's get back to Beagleboyce ... You say this gift book had no card?
VERNE: That's right, it was called "Passage to the Underworld."
GUS: Who'd want him to absorb a book like that?
[they all stop and say "Zarlack!" at the same time]
CASSY: You guys go get UBOS! I need to talk to Beagleboyce!
[they run off, as Cassy enters the library and finds Beagleboyce with his magic trunk]
CASSY: Professor Beagleboyce! Are you leaving?
[he stares at her blankly and speaks in a monotone voice (as if in a trance)]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Leave? No, of course not.
[Gus enters and whispers to Cassy]
GUS: [whispering] Psst, Cassy!
CASSY: [whispering] Not now, Gus!
GUS: [whispering] Cassy, now!
CASSY: [whispering] Okay!
[she turns to the librarian]
CASSY: I'll be right back, professor ...
[they exit, then cut to them walking up to Verne with a worried look on his face]
CASSY: This better be good!
GUS: No, no it's not! It's bad, it's very bad! UBOS is gone!
VERNE: Waddaya wanna bet Beagleboyce took him?
[she gasps, then they run back into the library to find that Beagleboyce is gone]
VERNE: He's gone! Now what?
CASSY: We follow him to Zarlack!
GUS: How can we without UBOS?
[Verne looks down and sees "Passage to the Underworld" on the table]
VERNE: With this!
CASSY: But it's empty ...
VERNE: Not for long! Revealis literaturus!
[the words re-appear in the book]
CASSY: Why you clever morty! Okay, let's find that tunnel!
[...]
[the students magically appear in the caverns underneath Zarlack's castle, where they eventually catch up with Beagleboyce (who is walking down the tunnel in a trance-like state), when Cassy grabs his trunk]
CASSY: Hand it over, Professor!
[once the trunk is out of his hands, Beagleboyce snaps out of the trance]
BEAGLEBOYCE: What? Oh dear, ooh! I appear to have been sleepwalking!
[she opens the trunk and UBOS flies out]
CASSY: UBOS! He didn't absorb you!
UBOS: Better wizards have tried and failed!
[Zarlack suddenly appears before them]
ZARLACK: But not better than me!
ALL: Zarlack!
VERNE: We're trapped!
BEAGLEBOYCE: Back in my conquistador days, I defeated a supreme wizard with a single spell!
CASSY: Show us how, professor ... fast!
BEAGLEBOYCE: Ooh, with pleasure!
[he takes out his magic wand and points it at Zarlack]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Rollus lattus!
[a giant boulder appears and rolls towards Zarlack and his goblins]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Works like a charm!
CASSY: Come on, UBOS! Let's go while we still can!
[cut to the two goblins whimpering and screaming the word "Boulder!", while Zarlack simply knocks them each on the head]
ZARLACK: Oh really?
[he shoots a blast of green energy and destroys the boulder]
ZARLACK: Give me the book!
[cut to UBOS, as he glows and pages start flying out of him]
CASSY: UBOS!
[each page lifts up a student and sucks them into a vortex emanating from UBOS]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Now, this is special! I usually suck the contents out of the--
[a page lifts the librarian up and sucks him into the vortex]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Oooh!
[the book closes, then fades away]
ZARLACK: Noo!!
[cut to outside of the school, as UBOS materializes and "deposits" the students and Beagleboyce onto the ground]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Oh my goodness ... Yes, well.
[he gets up and brushes himself off]
BEAGLEBOYCE: Well now, that's one for the books! Yes ...
[the book floats over him and surrounds him with yellow energy]
UBOS: Sorry, professor ... but this adventure you are going to have to forget.
BEAGLEBOYCE: [pause] Wasn't I in the library? How did I get out here?
CASSY: Don't you remember, professor? You're on your way to the Scoot Zoomer championships with us!
BEAGLEBOYCE: Oooh, sounds like fun!
---
From tv.com:
"Ultimate Book of Spells"
Season 1, Episode 7 – Aired: 10/24/2001
The New Librarian
Professor Beagleboyce becomes the new librarian. He absorbs books' contents and he thinks those things actually happened to him!
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