Friday, January 11, 2013

Case Study No. 0718: Ed Wood, Enforcer Deputy

Chris has a problem.

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Added: 5 years ago
From: dorisfilms
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[scene opens with black and white footage of a man entering the bathroom in his home, when another man pops up out of the bathtub and points a gun at him]
ED: Ahhh!
CHRIS: Goddammit, Ed!
[the man grovels, stammering while holding his newspaper in front of him]
ED: Wh-what're you doin'?
CHRIS: Shit, you scared me! Thought you were somebody else ...
ED: Wh-wh-who?
CHRIS: [pause] Gah, look! I borrowed some books ... from the library!
[he rubs his forehead with the barrel of the gun in frustration]
CHRIS: [screaming] Now they're overdue!
ED: Then just give 'em back!
CHRIS: You know it's not that easy, Ed! I'll have fines ... Fines!
ED: Please, j-just ... j-juh-just put the gun down!
CHRIS: You know it's not that simple, Ed!
[Chris suddenly calms down and gets a distant look in his eyes]
CHRIS: [quietly] What if you go to them?
[Ed begins to cry]
ED: I won't, I swear!
CHRIS: I'm so sorry, Ed ...
[he calmly cocks his gun]
CHRIS: You know too much.
[Ed cries out and drops to the floor, as Chris fires four BB pellets into his side ... however, Ed simply stands up with his back to Chris, his nervousness vanished and his whiny voice replaced with a serious growl]
ED: [quietly] I didn't want it to come to this ...
[he calmly takes out a pair of sunglasses and puts them on, then cut to a badge that has suddenly appeared on the left-hand pocket of his jacket ("Librarian / Name: Ed Wood / Security Level: 9 / Enforcer deputy")]
ED: I'm taking you in ...
[he whirls around and points a gun at Chris, who drops his gun and falls to his knees]
CHRIS: Whyyyyy?!?
ED: You're due, bitch ...
[he hits Chris in the back of the head with the butt of his gun, then "Don't Fuck With Librarians" appears on screen as the scene fades to black]

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