That 70s Show - The Acid Queen (Part 2)
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Tags: That 70s Show The Acid Queen Part 2
Added: 3 years ago
Brooke Leslie Rockwell (born May 4, 1957) is a smart and attractive librarian and the valedictorian of the high school class two years before Eric's class. The summer after Kelso's graduation, she had sex with him and got pregnant. Initially, Brooke did not trust Kelso and didn't want him in the child's life. Eventually, Kelso convinced her to give him another chance. Brooke gave birth to Betsy in 1979.
That '70s Show, Season 6 Episode 4 (The Acid Queen)
No one in the gang believes Kelso's claim that he hooked up with Brooke (played by Shannon Elizabeth), a beautiful librarian, at a Molly Hatchet concert. Much to Kelso's shock, Brooke denies knowing him and rejects all of his advances. Brooke's presence also disrupts Jackie and Hyde's relationship when Jackie asks for his opinion about Brooke's looks. Also, Fez decides to pursue college-bound virgins while Eric learns of an interesting collection kept at the local library.
(Donna and another girl walk through the door.)
Kelso: Oh my God. That's - that's the girl, that's the one I made it with at the Molly Hatchet concert.
Eric: That's Brooke.
Hyde: (He moves over to Kelso's side to get a better look.) Man, no one sleeps with that Brooke. When we were sophomores and she was a senior, she turned down her science teacher, and he drove a Corvette.
Eric: Yeah, she was like some sort of mythical creature, like a unicorn.
Hyde: It's weird, it seems like she's moving too fast. It's probably cause all my memories of her are in super jiggle sexy slo-mo.
Kelso: Well all I know is that's her, and I did it with her, and I'll prove it. (He gets up and walks over to where Brooke's standing by the duke box.)
Kelso: Hey Brooke, now I know this is kinda awkward but could you tell my friends over there... (They wave.) about you and me at the Molly Hatchet concert?
Brooke: Do I know you?
Eric: (Walks up to Kelso.) Hey I'm sorry to interrupt but uh... Burn! (Sits back down.)
Kelso: No, it's me Michael from the concert. Okay, I've been looking for you for weeks and I think you were so blissed out, and that does happen, that you gave me the wrong phone number. But the good news is I wasn't a dream.
Brooke: I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about. (She walks off and he follows her.)
Kelso: No, Michael Kelso. 'Let's do it in the men's room, it's more romantic.' (Yells.) No, what... I kicked that kid out of the handicapped stall so we could have more room!
(Kelso walks in and starts rifling through Donna's desk drawers. Donna and Eric stare at him.)
Kelso: Hey guys.
Donna: Kelso, what are you doing?! (She snatches a book from his hands.)
Kelso: I'm looking for Brooke's phone number. I mean why won't she admit that we did it?
Eric: Kelso, there are racehorses, and there are donkeys. And you are a great donkey, you are like top donkey. But she's a racehorse, and guess what? She don't want no donkey.
Kelso: She might. Look, we had a great time together, and not just cause of the sex part, but because we had a really great time. Donna, please help me find her.
Donna: Okay, I'll give you a hint about where she works. It's in a quiet building, you could try and check her out on a date, but she's probably booked for the future.
Kelso: She's a travel agent?
Donna: She translated her love of books into a career.
Kelso: She's a translator.
Donna: (Say's something in Latin.)
Kelso: She's the translator, not me Donna. Y'know, enough with these brain teasers. (He runs to her drawers and pulls out a handful of her panties. Donna tries to grab them from him.) You tell me where Brooke works, and I'll return your underpants to safety.
Eric: Kelso, aren't you a little old to be stealing Donna's undies?
Kelso: A collector never stops collecting, Eric.
Donna: The library, Kelso, she works in the library. Now will you put my underwear back you perv?
Kelso: I lied. (He runs out the door with Donna's underwear and she chases him.)
(Kelso and Fez walk in.)
Fez: Look at all the smart, lonely girls. Little ones, big ones; it's like a virgin pumpkin patch. (Kelso walks up to the counter and rings the bell. Fez walks to the book cases.)
Brooke: Can I help you?
Kelso: Yes, I'd like an order of books please.
Brooke: Could you be more specific?
Kelso: Could you be more beautiful?
Brooke: Could you be more lame?
Kelso: Yes. (A boy walks up behind Kelso, holding a book.)
Kid: Excuse me, I'm trying to read.
Kelso: Don't be a sissy. Y'know what? (He digs in his pocket.) Here's a firecracker, go live a little.
Brooke: Look, I know why you're here and I'm sorry, you're not my type. I was high school valedictorian and you're the antithesis of that.
Kelso: The anti-who-of-what?
Kelso: Okay no, come on don't be like that okay? Look I really like you and I just thought that maybe we could go out some time, like for coffee and then if that went good, then we could go to a movie, and then when we really start to trust each other, you can tell my friends how we did it at the Molly Hatchet concert.
Brooke: Look, I don't make it with guys at concerts. I read two periodicals a week about the Dewey Decimal system, which I'm sure you've never heard of.
Kelso: Okay I have heard of Dewey Decimal... it's Donald Ducks nephew.
(Eric is sitting on the back of the couch and Kelso and Fez are sitting on the cushions. Hyde is sitting on his chair with his legs on the table and Donna's on the other chair.)
Kelso: I can't believe Brooke. I mean standing there at the library, totally resisting me.
Hyde: I can't believe we have a library.
Eric: I know, what is it like invisible?
Kelso: No, no, you know that parking lot where we drink beer in? (Hyde nods.) Okay, well you know that wall that we lean up against? That's the library. (Hyde mouths 'Oh.')
Fez: Well then, guess who has peed on the library? (Points to himself.)
Kelso: (Reaches into the deep freeze for a Popsicle.) Well all I know is that Brooke and I had a romantic night together at the concert. Why is she pretending like it didn't happen?
Donna: Well maybe she's embarrassed. I mean she's used to dating really brainy guys.
Hyde: Yeah, not guys who set their own pants on fire. (Donna points at him in agreement.)
Kelso: On a dare. And I won a dollar.
Donna: Kelso, if you want Brooke to like you, y'know maybe you should go down to the library and show her you can be smart.
Kelso: (Whining.) I hate the library. The only good thing about it is that you can check out Playboys. I mean they have every issue since it started.
Eric: Wait, every issue? Are you telling me that they have the one with Pamela Sue Martin, televisions Nancy Drew, in a grotto, straddling the world's luckiest boulder? (Everyone stares at him.) Uh, they have periodicals you say?
(Kelso is reading at the counter, and Eric walks up carrying a bunch of magazines.)
Eric: Jackpot my friend. Not only did I get Nancy Drew, but I also got Margot Kidder, Superman's Lois Lane, in an outfit that, let's just say you don't need x-ray vision to appreciate.
Kelso: Well get those outta here, man I'm trying to impress Brooke with my intelligence. Here she comes. (Brooke walks in and goes behind the counter.) Say Eric, this encyclopaedia of scientific terms has really taught me something. See by lifting this encyclopaedia of scientific terms above my head, I'm using my body's stored energy, also known as uranium.
Brooke: Um, actually it's known as calories, but I do believe at some point you were exposed to radiation.
Kelso: Alright look, I don't know what you have against me, but I'm not leaving here until I convince you to go out with me. (The boy walks in with his mother.)
Kid: That's the man who gave me the firecrackers, Mom.
Kelso: I gotta run. (He runs out.)
Brooke: You wanna check something out? (Eric hides the magazines behind his back.)
Eric: No, um is there someone else who can help me? Like a man.
Brooke: So you wanna check out those Playboys, or not?
Eric: Okay, fine. (He puts them on the counter.) I'm a man, I would like these Playboys.
Brooke: (Takes the magazines.) Well, you can't have them. I want you to get in your car, buy some flowers, give them to Donna, and thank God an actual live woman lets you touch her.
Eric: Yes ma'am. (leaves.)
(Brooke is working at the counter and Eric peaks at her from behind a pillar. He sees the kid walking towards him)
Eric: Psst kid, hey you see this? (He shows him a Playboy.) That's a Playboy. And inside are things beyond your wildest dreams, magical glorious things. So if you toss it in your book, and you check it out for me, I'll let you have a look see, what do ya say?
Kid: You're pathetic, just go buy a Playboy, you loser.
Eric: Loser? Hey I'm not the one reading Hardy Boys. For your information the stolen money was hidden in the grandfather clock! Who's the loser now?