Quiet On The Set - Book Crooks
Two dim-witted teens decide to rob a library. When they get there, they are disappointed to find that it has very litlle money. They then decide to "steal" the books. What they don't realize is that they are simply checking the books out. However the clever librarian plays along with their stupidity.
Tags: MELSA Quiet on the Set Short Film Competition Book Crooks Library Thieves
Added: 3 years ago
[scene opens inside the Anoka County Library, as two young men (wearing black shirts and carrying empty bags) enter]
BOOK CROOK 1: Wait ...
BOOK CROOK 2: What?
BOOK CROOK 1: I don't know if I can do this, man!
BOOK CROOK 2: Relax, they do it in the movies all the time. You'll be fine.
BOOK CROOK 1: Yeah, I guess you're right.
A Michael Voit Film
[cut to a young female librarian sitting at the front desk, reading an issue of "Cat Fancy" magazine, when the two crooks approach her in a menacing fashion and slap down a note reading "Give us all the money!!!"]
LIBRARIAN: Um ... This is a library.
BOOK CROOK 1: What?
[he looks around confused, but the other crook puts his hand on his shoulder to reassure him]
BOOK CROOK 2: We know it's a library ...
LIBRARIAN: If you guys plan on robbing a place, I suggest you go somewhere that actually charges money for their goods.
BOOK CROOK 1: So ... you don't have any money?
LIBRARIAN: Not really.
[the crooks both look at each other]
BOOK CROOK 2: Well ... let's just take all the books, then.
LIBRARIAN: Do you guys really want "all" of the books?
[they both look around]
BOOK CROOK 2: Y'know what? We'll just take some of them.
LIBRARIAN: Go right ahead.
[cut to the two crooks walking through the stacks]
BOOK CROOK 2: Y'know, she was really helpful ...
BOOK CROOK 1: Yeah, I didn't expect her to be that cooperative with a robbery.
BOOK CROOK 2: Yeah, it's not every day you meet someone willing to help you steal a load of books.
BOOK CROOK 1: Mm hmm ... Hey, so which books do you think will be the most valuable to sell?
BOOK CROOK 2: Well, that depends ... on market trends, supply and demand, the S&P Five Hundred. Profit and loss statements.
[they walk behind one of the shelves]
BOOK CROOK 2: The weighted average of the G7 currencies, and uh ... Did I say market trends already?
BOOK CROOK 1: Mm hmm.
BOOK CROOK 2: How about we just take these ones?
BOOK CROOK 1: Of course.
[they grab a stack of books and shove them into their bags, as a nearby female patron shushes them]
FEMALE PATRON: Shh!
[one of the crooks gives her a dirty look, then slams his hands down on her table]
BOOK CROOK 2: Don't be a hero, kid ... It's not worth it.
[she simply shrugs, then cut to a montage of the crooks grabbing books off the shelves (and out of patrons' hands) while filling up their bags and piling them up in front of the librarian's desk]
[they try to walk out of the library, but the librarian calls for them to come back]
LIBRARIAN: Wait, you guys ... c'mere.
[they return to the desk]
LIBRARIAN: You guys will need a card to get these books.
[they both look at each other]
BOOK CROOK 1: Think she's trying to trick us?
BOOK CROOK 2: Nah, I think she genuinely wants to help us steal these books. This card could be some kind of ... thief-helper device.
BOOK CROOK 1: Think she wants a cut?
BOOK CROOK 2: Nah.
[they turn back towards the librarian]
BOOK CROOK 2: Okay, fine. We'll take one of these "cards" ...
[he does the "air quotes" with his fingers, then winks at her]
LIBRARIAN: But you guys will need a dollar.
BOOK CROOK 2: [pause] Uh, do you have a dollar?
[they begin emptying their pockets onto the desk (the contents of which includes a cellphone, a lemon, a novelty-sized clothespin, and a mannequin head) before finally producing a dollar bill]
BOOK CROOK 2: Found it!
[the librarian quickly snatches it away from them, then hands over a library card, as the two crooks grab their bags and head outside]
BOOK CROOK 2: [pause] What're we gonna do now?
[cut to inside a pawnshop, as a pile of library books sits in the middle of the counter]
PAWN SHOP CLERK: Sorry, guys ... Uh, I won't be able to take these. They obviously belong to the public library.
BOOK CROOK 2: Listen, we could just take the covers off these books, and nobody would even know.
[the man shakes his head and points to the exit, then cut to the crooks inside their house (sitting on the couch with their pile of library books in between them), when a young girl walks up to them and puts her hands on her hips]
SISTER: You know you could try reading them ...
[she leaves, as they open two of the books and begin reading]
Michael Voit ... Book Crook #1
Alex Pierce-Mitchell ... Book Crook #2
Nicole Roderick ... The Librarian
Larissa Thompson ... Nerd #1
Nick Fletcher ... Nerd #2
Grace Labrant ... Sister
David Watson ... Pawn Shop Clerk
Special Thanks to
Northtown Branch Library
maX it PAWN
This film was produced for the Quiet on the Set Short Film competition
presented by MELSA
and in partnership with
Comcast, Channel Z, and IFP Minnesota