Monday, October 22, 2012

Case Study No. 0603: Staff of William Jefferson Clinton Library

Bill Clinton Library
A funny spoof tour of the new Bill Clinton Library starring Frank Caliendo
Tags: billclinton bill clinton monicalewenski minica lewenski frankcaliendo frank caliendo
Added: 3 years ago
From: AllanVictoriaA
Views: 16,426

["William Jefferson Clinton Library" appears on screen, as the scene opens with Frank Caliendo (as Bill Clinton) walking outside of the building]
FRANK: Hi, I'm Bill Clinton, and I wanna invite you to the William Jefferson Clinton Library, and all it has to offer. Come on in ...
[cut to Frank reading a book inside the library]
FRANK: My library's a little bit different. We emphasize having fun while learning. That's why I've doggy-eared the dirty pages in all the medical books. Check out what's on page 12,486.
[he points to a page featuring a medical diagram of the mammary glands]
FRANK: Yeaaaah ...
[cut to Frank walking through a computer lab]
FRANK: Our computers have full internet access, with no parental blocks. Read up on the Family Medical Leave Act I signed as soon as I took office, or enjoy free video clips at "MILF Sluts Dot Com."
[cut to Frank pulling out a book from a shelf marked "Research Center"]
FRANK: We have a complete selection of the Kama Sutra, duh.
[cut to Frank walking down a hallway with portraits of women hanging from the wall marked "Hall of Fame"]
FRANK: We also feature a museum of all my "accomplishments" ...
[he stops at the portrait of Janet Reno]
FRANK: Knock knock, who's there? Too many Jack and Cokes ...
[he makes a face, then cut to Frank looking at some patrons playing mini-basketball]
FRANK: We're also the only library with the Pop-A-Shot ... Kid from Maroon 5 still has the high score on that.
[cut to Frank walking amongst some patrons quietly reading]
FRANK: Doing research? We have a relaxing periodicals lounge, and no one'll think twice if you bring a flask. It's a great place to read about my Welfare Reform Act. I enjoy looking up the profiles of the single mothers I've pushed back to work.
[an African American man walks up to Frank and hugs him]
RAPPER: What up, B? Talk to me!
FRANK: There's something here for everyone. Can you think of a better place to read about the NAFTA agreement I signed back in 1993?
RAPPER: NAFTA, '93. Man, now that's cold pimpin' ...
FRANK: Yeah dog.
RAPPER: Cold pimpin, BC! Brush the shoulders off too.
FRANK: Feels good to me.
[the rapper starts poppin' and lockin']
[Frank does the same]
FRANK: Back atcha!
RAPPER: Ooh! One more time!
[Frank starts moonwalking]
FRANK: Bring it over here!
[cut to Frank entering the "VIP Lounge"]
FRANK: This is our exclusive reference section and VIP lounge. We have two top-notch restaurants, so why not take the edge off of learning?
[a woman wearing a tight "F.O.B." t-shirt brings him a plate of chicken wings]
FRANK: We got 25-cent wings, and several beers on tap. Our librarians are here to serve you ...
[another "librarian", wearing a short skirt and t-shirt arrives, and the two start dancing and grinding around Frank]
FRANK: And trust me, my friend, they will show you where everything is ...
[cut to Frank walking around an empty room]
FRANK: And through this door is a complete replica of the Lincoln bedroom, which you can experience for a small donation.
[a young man and woman walk out of the room putting their clothes back on, then hand Frank some money]
FRANK: But most importantly ... what happens in the Clinton Library, stays in the Clinton Library.
[cut to an exterior shot of the library, covered in Vegas-like neon signs]
ANNOUNCER: Must be 21 years of age or older to enter.
FRANK: [from off camera] Come on, let's make it 18!



Frank TV, Episode S01E01: Franksgiving (Aired 2007-11-20)

A Frank Sitdown: Rick Zeitlan #2
Frank asks Rick what he does for fun. Rick says he likes doing road trips. Frank says he likes going to the library.
Credits: Frank Caliendo (Himself), Rick Zeitlan (Himself)

The William Jefferson Clinton Library
Bill Clinton (Frank Caliendo) takes a tour of his library in a promotional video. At his library, he believes in having fun. That's why he put doggy folds on pages that have nudity in them, so that the average reader can find them easier. At the Clinton Library, there are no internet blocks, so people can enjoy sites like all day long. Also, in the library is a wall of all the women he's banged, pop a shot, and a VIP lounge, with 25 cent hot wings, and plenty of librarians to "serve" you. Just remember the one rule at the Clinton Library. What happens at the Clinton Library, stays at the Clinton Library.
Credits: Frank Caliendo (Bill Clinton), Gary "G. Thang" Johnson (Rapper)

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