Never Talk in the Library
Just a clip from the show Home Movies, Season 3, Episode 11.
Tags: Home Movies animation series Brendon Small Coach McGuirk Library Reading Studying Cards Books School Life Guard
Added: 4 years ago
[scene opens with eight-year-old Brendon Small trying to read a book in the public library (in order to study for his upcoming science test) when his soccer coach - sitting at a nearby table - sees him and starts yelling]
COACH MCGUIRK: Brendon! Brendon!
BRENDON: [whispers] What?
COACH MCGUIRK: What're you doing here?
[an elderly male patron sitting next to Coach McGuirk tries to get him to sit down and be quiet]
MALE PATRON: Shh!
[McGuirk (who is in his swim trunks and has several bumps on his head) gets in the man's face]
COACH MCGUIRK: Sorry, my fault! Forgot it was a library! Why don't you cruci-[beep]-fy a guy? For [beep]-ing nothing!
[the patron hides under the table, so McGuirk turns his attention back to Brendon]
COACH MCGUIRK: What're you doing?
BRENDON: [whispers] I came here to study.
[McGuirk smiles and picks up a swimsuit magazine]
COACH MCGUIRK: Yeah, me too ... Couple'a losers we are, huh?
[Brendon suddenly notices the bumps on McGuirk's head, as blood begins to drip out from underneath his swim cap]
BRENDON: Uh, Coach, you're bleeding. Did you know that?
COACH MCGUIRK: Yeah, I know! We bleed, Brendon! That's what we do!
BRENDON: Okay, I'm gonna go find a quiet corner, I'll--
[McGuirk suddenly turns and stares at the bookshelf behind them]
COACH MCGUIRK: Hey hey hey!
COACH MCGUIRK: C'mere.
BRENDON: What? I gotta--
COACH MCGUIRK: C'mere. C'mere!
BRENDON: Okay, what?
[McGuirk puts on his swimming goggles, as they both look behind the bookshelf]
COACH MCGUIRK: [whispers] Look what I did to the card catalog. I took all the cards out, and threw 'em all over. Huh?
[cut to a shot of the overturned card catalog, with cards and blood all over the floor, as McGuirk giggles to himself]
COACH MCGUIRK: [from off camera] That is hilarious!
[cut back to a shot of the two looking through the bookshelf]
COACH MCGUIRK: No one will ever be able to use those again!
BRENDON: Coach, you're really angry and weird right now ...
COACH MCGUIRK: Brendon ...
COACH MCGUIRK: Brendon, let's get outta here.
BRENDON: Why, I hafta study.
COACH MCGUIRK: 'Cause they're not like us here.
BRENDON: But I, I'm here--
[McGuirk slams his fist on the desk]
COACH MCGUIRK: Brendon, we're different, alright?!
BRENDON: What ... what d'ya mean?
COACH MCGUIRK: We're not studiers! We're not the worker ants! We're the queens! You and me are the queen bees!
BRENDON: We ... ?
COACH MCGUIRK: Yeah!
BRENDON: What does that mean?
COACH MCGUIRK: We should be runnin' it, man!
[he picks up the swimsuit magazine]
COACH MCGUIRK: We can't be doin' this!
BRENDON: But I, I have to--
COACH MCGUIRK: Stickin' our noses in books!
[he shakes the magazine while crossing his eyes and making weird noises, then he slams the magazine back down on the table]
COACH MCGUIRK: We're not like that, man!
[an older female librarian (red hair, cats eye glasses, white blouse with frills around the neck, black skirt) enters the scene and shushes him]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Shh!
COACH MCGUIRK: You "shh!"
[she walks away, as Brendon covers his eyes in embarrasment]
COACH MCGUIRK: Brendon?
[he turns his back to Brendon]
COACH MCGUIRK: Brendon, get on my back, and let's get the hell outta here!
BRENDON: I'm not getting on your back ...
[McGuirk climbs up on the table]
COACH MCGUIRK: Get on my back, and let's go, man! Let's go!
COACH MCGUIRK: Get on my back and let's ride!
[the librarian returns and shushes him again]
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: Shh!
[he jumps up and screams in her face, causing her to fall backwards and out of camera range]
COACH MCGUIRK: I'm talkin' here!
BRENDON: [whispers] Okay, I gotta get ... I gotta go study.
[McGuirk seems to calm down, and sits back in his chair]
COACH MCGUIRK: I'm gonna take a nap, alright?
BRENDON: Okay ...
COACH MCGUIRK: Meet me later.
BRENDON: Alright ...
[McGuirk's head starts wobbling back and forth, and he falls backwards onto the floor]
"Home Movies" Season 3, Episode 11 ("Broken Dreams")
While filming a movie, Jason starts talking about Melissa's arm, because it is in a cast. Brendon thinks Melissa did it so she wouldn't have to take a big science test. Then, Jason breaks his arm and comes to school with a cast, but Melissa and Brendon don't buy it. Brendon is having a hard time studing for the science test, and decides to go to the library. However, he falls asleep there and gets nothing accomplished. While leaving, Brendon trips and falls down the library stairs, breaking his arm. He arrives on the set with a cast, and Melissa and Jason reveal that both of them were faking. They believe Brendon was faking too.