Wonder Man - Danny Kaye (3)
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Tags: wonder man danny kaye
Added: 3 years ago
[scene opens inside of the public library, as a man accidentally drops a book on the floor and all of the other patrons stare at him for making noise]
[the camera pans over to reveal young librarian Ellen Shanley arguing with an elderly female patron in the backroom, then pans down to focus on a young man sitting at a desk and taking notes, when he suddenly starts hearing music in his head and gets very uncomfortable]
[the camera slowly zooms out to show the librarian leaving the backroom, when she walks up to the man and whispers in his ear]
ELLEN SHANLEY: I'll go off the deep end any minute if that woman doesn't--
[she stops when she notices how uncomfortable he looks]
ELLEN SHANLEY: What's the matter, Mister Dingle?
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh ... Uh, do you hear music?
ELLEN SHANLEY: No, do you?
EDWIN DINGLE: Well, I'm not certain. I seem to--
[the music suddenly stops]
EDWIN DINGLE: There, it's gone now, and I feel better. Isn't that curious?
ELLEN SHANLEY: Mister Dingle, I think you've been working too hard.
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, not really, Miss Shanley.
[she picks up a piece of paper from the table]
ELLEN SHANLEY: What's this?
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, it's just part of my chapter on--
[he looks around suspiciously]
EDWIN DINGLE: The topography of the Paleozoic era ...
ELLEN SHANLEY: [reading] "Buzzy, Buzzy, Buzzy, Buzzy ... "
[confused, he takes the paper from her and looks it over]
EDWIN DINGLE: Is, is that what I've been doing? "Buzzy?" That name's been coming into my mind since last night.
ELLEN SHANLEY: What does it mean?
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, I haven't the vaguest idea. I ... I just, whenever I think of it, I seem to hear music in my mind, have difficulty with my breathing, and I feel cold and damp.
ELLEN SHANLEY: You better go home and take your temperature, I think you have the flu.
EDWIN DINGLE: Please don't worry about me, Miss Shanley. I'm alright, really ...
[he suddenly catches himself looking into her eyes]
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh.
[he looks back down towards his papers, then the elderly woman slams the door to the backroom shut and heads for Ellen]
MRS. HUME: [loudly] Young lady, please! You-You've had me going through all those books on ancient Rome, and there's nothing, not a word, about Xanaxamoras.
ELLEN SHANLEY: Madam, I'm doing my best. I've never heard of Xanaxamoras.
EDWIN DINGLE: I don't wish to intrude, but it's Anaxagoras, with a "G."
MRS. HUME: Oh, is it really?
EDWIN DINGLE: Yes, he was born in Clazomenae in 500 B.C. Anaxagoras was a disciple of Anaximenes and a friend of Socrates and Pericles. He died in 420 B.C. at Lampsacus.
[Edwin goes back to writing his notes with both hands, as Misses Hume just stares at him, while Ellen gets a smug look on her face]
ELLEN SHANLEY: There.
[she looks at her confused, then suddenly seems to notice Edwin's "unique" writing style and lets out a gasp]
MRS. HUME: Oh good heavens! He writes with both hands!
[all of the other patrons turn towards her and shush her]
MRS. HUME: Don't shush me! This is a public library, I pay my taxes!
ELLEN SHANLEY: Madam, please. Come, I'll get you the book ...
[she takes her by the arm and starts to walk towards the stacks]
MRS. HUME: No, just a minute ... Um, who is that peculiar person?
ELLEN SHANLEY: Mister Dingle is not peculiar, madam, he's very brilliant. He has a photographic mind. He knows everything.
MRS. HUME: Why does he write with two hands?
ELLEN SHANLEY: He says it saves time.
MRS. HUME: What's he do? For a living, I mean?
ELLEN SHANLEY: He sits there everyday from nine to six ...
MRS. HUME: [loudly] What on earth for?
ELLEN SHANLEY: He's been writing a book called "The Outline of Human Knowledge".
MRS. HUME: Oh.
[she again tries to lead her towards the stacks]
ELLEN SHANLEY: Come this way, please.
MRS. HUME: No no, I must speak to that young man ...
[she walks up to Edwin]
MRS. HUME: Young man, I'm Misses Leland Hume.
EDWIN DINGLE: How do you do?
MRS. HUME: I'm giving a literary tea, and I wonder if you'd like to come to my house and entertain.
[a number of patrons slam their books closed in frustration and leave the area due to the noise level]
EDWIN DINGLE: Entertain? My dear Misses Hume, it isn't possible for me ... Perhaps if I weren't so pre-occupied.
MRS. HUME: Oh, that's quite alright, my guests will be very amused. Now ... Now, if I could just have your telephone number?
EDWIN DINGLE: I can't come, I couldn't think of it ... I've got ochlophobia! Morbid fear of crowds, especially women! Worst case ever recorded in the annals of psychiatry.
MRS. HUME: Oh, yes ... Yes, I see, I understand. Octo-ochlophobia?
EDWIN DINGLE: Yes.
MRS. HUME: Oh, I-I wouldn't want my friends exposed to it. Oh, thank you very much. Goodbye, Mister Bungle!
EDWIN DINGLE: Uh, Bingle!
ELLEN SHANLEY: Dingle!
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, Dingle ...
ELLEN SHANLEY: You said "Bingle!"
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, did I?
ELLEN SHANLEY: Yes.
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, I was so confused, I didn't know what I was saying ...
ELLEN SHANLEY: I'm sorry I let her bother you, it was my fault.
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, not at all, Miss Shanley. I thought you handled it superbly.
ELLEN SHANLEY: I can't imagine how you ever controlled your temper. You should've spit in her eye!
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, I don't think I could do that.
ELLEN SHANLEY: Well, I promise you, I won't let you be disturbed anymore when you come back again ... Do you think you'll be coming back tomorrow?
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, by all means. I enjoy it here very much ...
[Ellen smiles, and Edwin catches himself again]
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, I love the smell of leather binding!
[her face falls]
ELLEN SHANLEY: Oh ...
[she turns and walks away]
EDWIN DINGLE: Uh, Miss Shanley?
ELLEN SHANLEY: Yes?
EDWIN DINGLE: I was wondering ...
ELLEN SHANLEY: Wondering what?
EDWIN DINGLE: Well, I ... I hope you won't think I'm too forward, but I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me.
ELLEN SHANLEY: I'd love to!
EDWIN DINGLE: You would? Sometime around the first of next month.
ELLEN SHANLEY: Oh.
EDWIN DINGLE: Y'see, it's a financial problem ... It has to do with my allowance.
ELLEN SHANLEY: Well, you could have dinner with me tonight!
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, I couldn't do that ...
ELLEN SHANLEY: Oh, I didn't mean I'd take you out to dinner, I meant that we could eat at my place.
EDWIN DINGLE: Well ...
ELLEN SHANLEY: Oh come on, you'll get something warm inside you, and you won't be hearing that music and feeling damp and all that junk.
EDWIN DINGLE: I don't know ...
ELLEN SHANLEY: I've got millions of canned things.
EDWIN DINGLE: You have? Well, I love canned things.
ELLEN SHANLEY: Wonderful! By the way, Mister Dingle, what is ochlophobia?
EDWIN DINGLE: A morbid fear of women.
ELLEN SHANLEY: Oh ... Is there any cure for it?
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh yes, decidedly ... decidedly.
[he smiles as they walk off, then cut to the two in Ellen's apartment as Edwin (wearing an apron) is mixing ingredients in a bowl]
ELLEN SHANLEY: Y'know, Mister Dingle, you have the most extraordinary mind I've ever heard of.
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, I wouldn't say that ...
ELLEN SHANLEY: You're very modest, aren't you?
EDWIN DINGLE: Yes, I guess I am.
ELLEN SHANLEY: That's odd. If I had a mind like yours ... in fact, if I had any mind at all, I'd be a brazen hussy!
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh ...
[they both laugh]
ELLEN SHANLEY: There, I bet that's the first time you've laughed since you read Professor Zimmel's "Inaccuracies About the Phoenician Wars!"
EDWIN DINGLE: Yes, I guess it is at that ... Y'know, I really enjoy being here.
ELLEN SHANLEY: I'm glad ... I like having you.
[they suddenly get very conscientious about how "familiar" they're getting with one another]
ELLEN SHANLEY: I better get to work.
[he puts his head down and resumes stirring vigorously]
EDWIN DINGLE: Yes ...
[she walks over to the other end of the kitchen and opens a can]
ELLEN SHANLEY: You know what you need, is to get away from those musty old books and get yourself a job! With your brain, you should have no trouble at all ... Why, you even know how to cook!
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, I don't, really!
[she turns around to find him separating eggs, so she reaches over to grabs some spices (getting very close to his face in the process)]
ELLEN SHANLEY: Honey?
EDWIN DINGLE: Y-Yes?
ELLEN SHANLEY: Oh, the honey, please.
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh ... Oh, the honey, please.
[he realizes his mistake and gets the jar of honey for her]
ELLEN SHANLEY: Thank you.
EDWIN DINGLE: Uh ...
ELLEN SHANLEY: Mister Dingle, how long have you had to wear glasses?
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, I just wear them for reading.
ELLEN SHANLEY: Well, you're not reading now!
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, I, uh ... I was afraid I might lose them.
[she reaches over and takes off his glasses]
ELLEN SHANLEY: There! You oughta be happy now, Mister Dingle, you don't look the least bit brilliant!
[he gives a nervous laugh]
EDWIN DINGLE: I-I'd be happier if you called me Edwin.
ELLEN SHANLEY: Edwin ...
EDWIN DINGLE: Yes.
ELLEN SHANLEY: Edwin? Do you always wear your hair parted in the middle?
EDWIN DINGLE: Uh ... Yes, why?
ELLEN SHANLEY: Well, I never saw anybody look good with their hair that way, except Hedy Lamarr!
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh!
ELLEN SHANLEY: Let me try something.
[she runs her fingers through his hair]
ELLEN SHANLEY: There! Now, you keep wearing it that way, y'hear?
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, I'll try ... Y'know, perhaps I should come to the library every morning and have you fix it.
[they both laugh]
EDWIN DINGLE: It's a funny thing. My brother used to wear his hair parted in the middle, and then when he changed it, it changed his whole life.
ELLEN SHANLEY: Really?
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, yes. He, uh, he ran away from home and went on the stage.
ELLEN SHANLEY: Well, I don't think there's any danger of that happening to you.
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, I ... I shouldn't think so.
ELLEN SHANLEY: How many brothers and sisters have you?
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, just one brother, but I haven't seen him in years ... Uh, I have a picture of him here in my wallet.
[he takes out his wallet and shows her the picture]
EDWIN DINGLE: We're monozygotic twins.
ELLEN SHANLEY: That sounds frightening! For heaven's sake, what are those?
EDWIN DINGLE: Super identical.
[cut to a closeup of the photo of two young boys who look exactly alike]
EDWIN DINGLE: That's a rare biological phenomenon.
ELLEN SHANLEY: Well, I hope your brother's as nice as you are.
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh well, thank you Miss Shanley, I--
[steam suddenly begins rising out of the stove]
ELLEN SHANLEY: Oh, my souffle!
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh! Wait, I'll--
[he takes the dish out of the stove, as it's burned to a crisp]
ELLEN SHANLEY: What a shame!
EDWIN DINGLE: I'm dreadfully sorry!
ELLEN SHANLEY: Oh well, never mind. We'll have something else ... I know! Frankfurters! You like frankfurters?
EDWIN DINGLE: Yes!
ELLEN SHANLEY: What goes with frankfurters?
EDWIN DINGLE: Well, cranberry sauce. Popcorn. Uh, smoked oysters.
[he gives her a funny look]
EDWIN DINGLE: No ... I have it! Potato salad!
ELLEN SHANLEY: Oh, but I haven't a can of potato salad.
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh ... I could run down to a delicatessen and get some!
ELLEN SHANLEY: Alright, if you insist.
EDWIN DINGLE: Sure!
[he begins taking off his apron]
ELLEN SHANLEY: There's one just around the corner.
EDWIN DINGLE: Alright, I'll be back in just a minute!
[he exits the kitchen and begins putting on his hat and scarf]
ELLEN SHANLEY: Oh, and if Schmidt tries to pass off yesterday's potato salad on you, throw it right in his face!
EDWIN DINGLE: Oh, I'll do more than that ... I'll spit right in his eye!
"Wonder Man" (1945)
Boisterous nightclub entertainer Buzzy Bellew was the witness to a murder committed by gangster Ten Grand Jackson. One night, two of Jackson's thugs kill Buzzy and dump his body in the lake at Prospect Park in Brooklyn. Buzzy comes back as a ghost and summons his bookworm twin, Edwin Dingle, to Prospect Park so that he can help the police nail Jackson.
Danny Kaye plays both Buzzy Bellew, a nightclub singer who is murdered because he witnessed a mob killing, and his twin brother, Edwin Dingle, a brilliant, bookish scholar who spends his days at the library writing with both hands. There he meets and falls in love with the beautiful, young librarian, Virginia Mayo.