Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Case Study No. 0251: Miss Morton

Let's Play Amazon: Guardians of Eden - Chapter 3 Bonus
B.O.B. and the Librarian
Tags: let's play amazon guardians eden
Added: 3 years ago
From: slowbeef
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From wikipedia.org:

Amazon: Guardians of Eden is a point-and-click adventure video game for MS-DOS from Access Software. It is one of the first games to feature super VGA graphics. Amazon is a movie adventure game about a 1957 expedition into the heart of the Amazon basin, "a desperate, crazed message sends [the player] on a perilous search through a land where legends come to life, danger hides behind every corner, and incredible treasures wait to be discovered."


From gamefaqs.com:

Access Software 1992


Don't worry. BOB's a pushover. Turn around and walk out of the vault and back to the guardhouse. The bear is gone, the lovers are still making out. Walk back to the garbage can and PICK it UP. Go back into the vault. Goodbye BOB.

Now MOVE the lever and open the doors to the vault. USE the crowbar to open the bottom right drawer. PICK UP the map, compass and microfilm. There's nothing else for you here, so walk out again, through the guardhouse, past the tree stump and back into the research building.

The library is now open. TALK to the librarian (you get nowhere the first time) and keep talking until she tells you she only leaves her post if the lights of her car are left on. Walk back along the corridor toward the outside doors. Go to the coat rack outside your office. PICK UP the coathanger by itself over to the right. Go to the parking lot and USE the coathanger on the librarian's car. Once inside, MOVE the light switch on the dash. Walk back into the building and TALK to the librarian again and tell her the car lights are on. This gets you into the microfilm machine. SELECT the microfilm from inventory and place it in the reader. MOVE the arrows to see all the message, then EXIT. Go back to the parking lot, SELECT your own car keys and USE them to get into your car.


From lparchive.org:

Chapter 3: Heavy Metal Monster (an Access Serial)
Jason has the top secret security vault in search of Allen's files. Little does he realize the area is being patrolled by 'B.O.B.' Binary Overseer Biped . This robotic terror is in development for use against the vast commnist hordes who plan the overthrow of the American way of life.
Until that day, this metal titan guards the secrets that keep this country strong....

Okay, so welcome to Episode 3: Heavy-Metal Monster, or as I like to call it: "False Advertising." We get a glimpse of the danger that awaits us...

B.O.B. is patrolling the front of the vault. He's apparently not the best security robot in the world, though, as he's fine with you just standing there in the vault. Walk too close to him...

"B.O.B. has a flaw in his programming that directs him to shoot"

And Jason gets shot. How does B.O.B. shoot him with no visible gun? Why is it listed as a programming fault even though it's actually what B.O.B. is programmed to do? What kind of horrible acronym is Binary Overseer Biped?

Wait, as long as I'm asking the questions, doesn't "Shot Jason" look a lot different from "Imprisoned Jason" and from "Intro Smiley Jason?" And wait - he doesn't get that outfit until later in the game!

The answer to all of these questions is a definitive Fuck You as Access Software just tries to sweep all that shit under the rug. The trick here - believe it or not is to go back outside where the guards are still enjoying their tryst and the bear is just magically gone.

Now take the garbage can and you've solved the puzzle! No, seriously.

"Good morning B.O.B."

Since B.O.B. was developed in the 1950s, I guess it's not so much of a stretch to say you can fool him by putting a trash can on your head. Keep in mind, the game has no concept of "self" to use items on, so if you walk in with the trash can in your inventory, Jason just does this part for you. Which is fine by me, because it's a pretty stupid puzzle.

Anyway, B.O.B. assumes you're taking over his shift (really) and leaves. Even know the chapter is named presumably named after him, that's the last we'll see of it. Jason removes the trash can.

The device on the right is an Introciter. What's that? I don't know, and neither does the game.

"The Introciter sits only partially assembled at the far end of the cavern. This advanced piece of equipment was found in the labs of Dr. Meecham. No one has yet figured out how to make it work."

This isn't a puzzle, or even a red herring. It's just a bit of background that's there for no reason at all. Just pull that lever to open the vault.

The bottom right drawer is the only one that contains anything of interest to you, according to the dialogue boxes. The only problem is: It's stuck closed!

That's okay, because this is a "no-reason" puzzle. You get the crowbar with the bolt cutters from Darlene's trunk - there is no way to take one without the other. You need the bolt cutters to get in here. So, you're guaranteed to have the crowbar which you need for this drawer.

This puzzle, in other words, is solved by an item you are guaranteed to have and is really nothing more than busy work for you to do. Anyway, pry it open to get Allen's "file."

"You carefully remove the map, compass, and the microfilm from the drawer."

You're also not allowed to examine or manipulate your inventory, so there's actually no way to get the game to tell you what this is a map of. Lovely.

Well, that's the end of B.O.B. and the vault, but we've more to do in this chapter. Let's head back inside.

The library - and owner of the third car - is now available. Since she's a huge Slayer fan, that's actually the heavy metal monster we'll be dealing with. We're going to ignore her for now in order to get to Allen's safe.

Behind the dartboard?! Allen! That's like the first spot I looked! Anyway, use the combination (it's an item now) to open it and attain $1000 in cash.

"Now you have everything you need to leave for your search for Allen."

Oops! Actually, we still need to check out the microfilm, so nice try trying to trick me, game!

Also for any of you wondering why I'm not taking the bow, the game informs me that I don't need it. Duh. Blowgun, sure, but a bow is really just ridiculous. Come on.

Well, the only place to get microfilm checked out is the library, so...

"What can I do for you?"

...Cat-eye glasses? Cat-eye glasses? You might as well just give her a t-shirt that says "Librarian".

Jason: Good day, Miss Morton. I need to use the Microfilm machine.
Librarian: What? You want access to one of the technological wonders of the decade? Absolutely not!
Jason: Did you know you're beautiful when your face is flushed red with anger? [It's the best option I saw!]
Librarian: Hold it, mister! I received a report that someone stole microfilm from the vault. What do you want to look at?
Jason: Just some old fishing trip slides taken at Yellowstone.
Librarian: You're acting very suspicious! I think security needs to be notified...


"The suspicious librarian calls security and you are sent to jail."

Oh no! I got sodomized by Bruno! Is he bald or is that a big red wig? What's going on with Bruno? Yeah, saying the wrong things to the libarian is fatal. Let's try that again.

Librarian: Back again?
Jason: I've got a message for you...
Librarian: Well... what is it?
Jason: Mr. Thornick needs to see you in his office.
Librarian: When Mr. Thornick wants to see me, he calls me personally.

I'm glad the game bothered with this whole dialogue tree system even though 95 percent of the time it accomplishes absolutely nothing.

Librarian: Now what?
Jason: Are those a pair of the new cateye style glasses? Makes you look years younger.
Librarian: I may look young, but these aches and pains make me feel ancient! And I'm getting so forgetful! Yesterday, I forgot my purse and last week I left the lights on in my car and I had to leave my station to turn them off. I'd lose my ears if they weren't attached. Also, you'll want to use a coat hanger to break into my car.

Okay, she doesn't say that last sentence, but they pretty much gave you the solution anyway. Keep in mind that Access also provides you with an in-game hint system, so they REALLY don't think much of you.

Thankfully, this is not the end of the conversation. I could pick "Would you like me to watch your station for awhile? You could lie down at the nurses' office", but instead...

Jason: Perhaps I could come inside and use my magic fingers to soothe away those nasty aches and pains.
Librarian: How dare you! I'm a married woman, you unspeakable cad! Get out of here this instant!

Welcome to another one of "You need to be on top of the item to take it" moments that make this game a chore to play. Thanks, Access.

"In the time honored method of opening locked car doors, you twist the coat hanger into a long hook, slip it through the window frame, and unlock the car door."

If you're not a car person or never heard of this, on older models of cars, you can untwist a wire hanger and insert it between the driver side window and the rubber weather sealing. Angle it to catch onto the bolt used to manually lock and unlock the doors. This is a makeshift solution if you lock your keys in your car.

This no longer works on newer models, so put down that coat hanger Stalker McRapist. Also, didn't I tell you to leave?

The button on the left of the dashboard turns on her lights. For God knows what reason you can't just lie about it - you actually have to turn on her lights. Trespassing, influencing people to have sex via chemical, and theft, sure, but not lying about leaving your lights on! That's just dirty pool. Anyway, do it and return.

Jason: I went out to my car and noticed your lights were on.
Librarian: Darn it. I'll be right back!

Now we're in and for no good reason, have all the time in the world. Let's check out the microfilm!

Thousands of miles away from civilization in the remote jungles of the Amazon, famed archaeologist, Hans Stroheim is searching to solve one of the great mysteries of the western world.
Inside a hidden cavern, Stroheim believes he has found clues to the whereabouts of the "Eyes of the Jaguar", the huge emeralds given by Aztec king Montezuma to Hernando Cortez in 1519.
Montezuma believed that Cortez was the great bearded God whose coming had long been foretold in Aztec legend. The eight perfect emeralds were said to be the greatest treasure of the Aztec Civilization.
The emeralds did not stay long with Cortez,however. [sic] One of his own generals, Diaz Valesquez, stole the tribute for himself. Valesquez was pursued to the Amazon basic where all traces of his party and the emeralds were lost.
Dr. Stroheim believes he has found a connection between strange inscriptions inside the recently discovered cavern and the fate of Valesquez and the emeralds. If so, then this mystery which has puzzled the world for over 400 years may soon be solved.

Wow. I'm glad they locked all this information in a vault because God forbid it was the kind of thing you could read in a damn encyclopedia.



Sigh. I think the developers had too many hiding places and not enough stuff to hide. Well, to be fair, Dr. Stroheim is pertinent (fictional) information.

One last thing to to do.

"You get into the car and drive to the airport."

Get the fuck outta Dodge, and find Allen!

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