48 Hour film "Conan the Librarian" by Backyard Prod. 2007
This is a film that I starred in in 2007. I played as Nick McCray the big black linebacker grillin in the back yard of his Momma's house. Every time I see this, I feel slightly embarrassed for some reason
Tags: Backyard Productions Conan Librarian Nick McCray Little Rock Arkansas LAMAN Library
Added: 4 years ago
[scene opens inside the Laman Library, decorated with several American flags, as two female librarians are talking in the back office]
LIBRARIAN 1: I can't believe they've got us working on the Fourth of July ...
LIBRARIAN 2: Who can't use time and a half pay every once in awhile? And did you know the President declared today National Library Day too?
LIBRARIAN 1: Does this mean we put the flags at half-mast?
[she laughs, then hands the other librarian a piece of paper]
LIBRARIAN 1: Have you noticed this list of overdue borrows?
LIBRARIAN 2: Ah, I see we have all the usual suspects listed ... Nick McCray. Joey Lewis. Oh, and here's a new one. Who's this? Bill Ballantine?
LIBRARIAN 1: Hopefully, with our offering an amnesty on fines, we can get all these truants to bring in their books!
[another female librarian enters the room, carrying a cake]
LIBRARIAN 3: Tah dah! It's National Library Day and the Fourth of July!
[she puts down the cake, which has "Happy 4th of July" written in red and blue frosting]
LIBRARIAN 1: Oh!
LIBRARIAN 3: Happy birthday, America!
LIBRARIAN 2: I don't care if this goes straight to my hips ...
LIBRARIAN 1: Like you should care!
LIBRARIAN 2: [hands the newest librarian the list] Have you seen the latest list of overdues?
LIBRARIAN 3: Yeah, I've seen it and I took care of it ... I sent that new guy out to collect the books and fines.
[the other two look confused]
LIBRARIAN 2: What new guy?
LIBRARIAN 3: Conan.
[ominous music plays]
LIBRARIAN 1: You did tell him about amnesty day? No fines for late books ... didn't you?
LIBRARIAN 3: Um ... I forgot?
LIBRARIAN 1: [pause] Oh my god.
[the first two librarians run out of the building and get in their car]
[cut to a large male librarian driving a motorcycle down the street, when he stops in front of a little girl holding a sparkler]
[she runs off into the house, as Conan walks up to the door and knocks loudly]
MARCIA BALLANTINE: [slowly opens the door a crack]
[Conan pushes the door open and takes a piece of paper out of his jacket pocket]
CONAN: [in dubbed Arnold Schwarzenegger voice] Is Bill Ballantine here? I'm from the library. I'm here to collect overdue books.
MARCIA BALLANTINE: He's not here!
CONAN: [looks around] I'll be back ...
[he leaves, as Marcia quickly closes the door behind him, then her husband peeks out from behind the corner]
BILL BALLANTINE: [nervously] Didja get rid of him?
MARCIA BALLANTINE: I hope so ...
[the front door is suddenly knocked off its hinges by a returning Conan]
MARCIA BALLANTINE: Ahh!
[he walks in and pins Bill against a wall, grabbing him by the neck and lifting him off the ground]
MARCIA BALLANTINE: Bill! Bill!
BILL BALLANTINE: Give him the book! For god's sake, give him the book!
[cut to the librarians arriving at the Ballantine's house, as they exit the car and run into the house]
LIBRARIAN 2: [from off camera] Oh no!
[they run back out of the house and get back into their car]
[cut to Conan driving his motorcycle to another house, then loudly knocking on the door, as a man in a wheelchair answers the door]
JOEY LEWIS: Get outta here, you can't touch me! I got the ADA, the ACLU, the NAACP, and I'm 504 with OCD!
[Conan continues advancing towards Joey, then the scene cuts to the librarians arriving and finding him out of his wheelchair and laid out on the floor]
LIBRARIAN 2: Oh!
LIBRARIAN 1: Oh no!
JOEY LEWIS: I think the Governor almost terminated me ...
LIBRARIAN 2: Are you alright?
JOEY LEWIS: [looking over the young librarian] You free for dinner tonight?
[they both give him a disgusted look]
LIBRARIAN 1: Come on!
LIBRARIAN 2: Men!
[they leave, then the scene cuts to Conan visiting yet another house and loudly knocking on the door, as an African American woman answers]
CONAN: I'm looking for Nick McCray.
NAOMI MCCRAY: He ain't here ...
[he pushes the door open and walks into the house]
NAOMI MCCRAY: Hey! Where do you think you're going? Who do you think you are? Hey, man! Get outta my house! Nick, Nick! What're you gonna do? Don't you hurt my baby! Nick! Nick! Wadda you want with him?
[he exits the back door and walks into their backyard]
NAOMI MCCRAY: Nick! How dare ... Don't you dare hurt my baby! Nick! Oh god!
[he walks up to a large African American man wearing an apron and standing in front of a grill]
CONAN: I want the books.
NICK MCCRAY: Look, I don't know who the hell you are, but I'm Nick McCray! Former star athlete of the Green Bay Packers! Now if you don't get the hell outta my yard, I'm gonna bust your ass up!
CONAN: Hasta la vista ...
[he grabs Nick by the testicles]
NAOMI MCCRAY: Ahh!
NICK MCCRAY: [in a high pitched voice] Ahh! Oh god, get the books!
CONAN: Say it like you mean it, baby.
NICK MCCRAY: [crying] Ah, get the books!
[cut to the librarians in their car, when they see Conan driving by on his motorcycle]
LIBRARIAN 2: Oh! Oh! There he is! There he is! There he is!
LIBRARIAN 1: Oh, there he is!
LIBRARIAN 2: I think he's, he's turning into the library!
LIBRARIAN 1: He's turning into the library! Okay ... Oh my gosh.
[cut to Conan walking up to the library carrying a stack of books, as the librarians pull up next to him and confront him]
LIBRARIAN 2: Conan, what've you done?! Don't you realize the damage you've caused?
CONAN: Books had to be returned ... at all costs.
[he hands the stack of books to the first librarian]
LIBRARIAN 1: But you can't, you can't ... you can't just go around--
[Conan takes out a roll of bills]
CONAN: Three thousand four hundred and nine dollars in fines ...
[he hands the money to the second librarian]
CONAN: Happy Fourth of July.
[they both smile]
LIBRARIAN 2: Conan ... I have this ex-husband who owes me an enormous amount of alimony.
[she takes him by the arm as they walk into the library, and the scene fades to black]
Producer/Director - David Bogard
1st Assistant Director - Marcia Barnes
1st Assistant Director - Apple Kahler
(They both wanted to be first)
Script Writers - David Bogard, Apple Kahler, Pam Kahler
1st Librarian - Paige Reynolds
2nd Librarian - Judy Trice
3rd Librarian - Heidi Clements
Conan! The Librarian! - Douglas Williford
Voice of Conan - Apple Kahler
Nick McCray - Henry Toliver
Naomi McCray - Naomi Summerville
Joey Lewis - Joey Stoval
Bill Ballantine - Bill Trice
Marcia Ballantine - Marcia Barnes
Little Girl with Sparkler - Eleanor Ronis
Man in Library - Jim Christopher
We wish to Thank:
Kierre's Kountry Kitchen, Maumelle AR
Jeffrey L. Baskin, the Laman Library and the City of Little Rock, Arkansas
"Conan the Librarian"
by Backyard Productions
A Holiday Film from the Little Rock 2007 48HFP.
Screened at Riverdale 10
on July 25th, 2007, at 7:00, 7:15, 9:00, and 9:15pm.
Awarded Best Special Effects.