Friday, November 18, 2011

Case Study No. 0073: Mr. Bookman and the Die-Brarian

Let's play Spore Galactic Adventures-Readerdome
Huge Filesize is huge. But regardless, here ya go. Galactic Adventures LP. Sorta.
Tags: Let's Play Spore Galactic Adventures LP Readerdome Koopakirby TheKoopakirby
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["Readerdome: Randomizing Data Archetypes. One man enters ... One man leaves ... and usually the guy who entered is the same guy that leaves. Written by Breckin Meyer."]
NARRATOR: Knowledge is Power. Go renew your library card with the Librarian. Maybe he's a guy ... you sexist gamer.
[the player teleports in front of the library]
NARRATOR: Renewed and improved! Go and talk to the head Librarian, Mr. Bookman. Yes, librarians can be men ... you sexist. Now go find him and get your mind outta the '50s. Live in the now!
[the player enters the library and finds the alien librarian sitting behind the front desk]
BOOKMAN: Why hey there, young fella. Here to renew your passport to Knowledgeville, aka your library card? You know, these cards are a privilege. We don't just hand 'em out like we hand out handouts. Yeah, you heard me! I'm old and scare easy, don't you judge me! Not sure if I like the cut of your jib or the shine of your shoes or that bass in your voice. How do I know you can handle the power that comes with THE CARD? You're gonna have to jump through some hoops for this one, sugar pants ... whose pants am I wearing? It's time for my pills, go talk to the bookworm, he'll teach you the steps to this rhumba. And don't forget, I'm gonna keep my eye on you ... the good one ... the one that still sees. The other one holds my lunch.
NARRATOR: Bookworm has an itch that only you can scratch ... No sicko, not that!! Just look for a big freakin' worm that's reading ... geez.
[the player enters the main reading room and finds a large worm standing near one of the bookshelves]
BOOKWORM: Hey! Do I come to your job and knock the fishing pole outta your hand? Yup, I called you a fisherman. Get outta here before I stick a hook in you and dangle you over a shark tank.
[Bookworm looks surprised]
BOOKWORM: Bookman sent you? Why didn't you say so ... oh wait, you just did. So you want a library card. Looking to fill up the ol' thought sponge, eh? I can help you out, but there's something you gotta do for me. I need you to go to the city of Mordork and locate the ring of, NAH I'M JUST FOOLING. This ain't no ordinary library. We got couches!! Also, all the books come to life ... hmmm, I should probably open with the first part, huh? Do me a solid and go fetch me a book about some nice, big juicy ones ... NO YA NUTJOB! Apples! Go find me a book on apples. Man, what's with you kids today!?
[the player begins walking around the library, passing an alien patron]
ALIEN PATRON: I have clown makeup on my bathing suit parts.
[the player stops and looks at a book]
NARRATOR: "Pitcher in the Rice *Updated Version*" by DJ Falinger, now with more vague references to misinterpret.
[the player looks at another book]
NARRATOR: "What Other Inanimate Objects Can Be Evil?" by Steven Queen.
[the player looks at another book]
NARRATOR: "Are You There Steve" by J.C.
[the player looks at another book]
NARRATOR: "The Leonardo Code" by Stan Maroon ... Excerpt. "Yeah, there's some weird stuff under that Louvre and don't even get me started on the Vatican."
[the player looks at another book]
NARRATOR: "How To Succeed In Everything Without Any Actual Talent or Abilities" by Aster Kushion.
[the player looks at another book]
NARRATOR: "Skylight" by Melanie Meyer, NOW A BOOK!
[the player finds one book in particular, as the camera zooms in]
NARRATOR: Once upon a time there was an apple named PC, see what I did there? Anyway, PC was the reddest and most delicious apple of all his friends. One day PC went out for a walk when suddenly a van blocked his path. A gang of angry doctors got out and beat the apple sauce out of PC. As the doctors turned to leave one of them looked back and said, "That's for keeping our patients away, ya red delicious &%@*%#." PC survived but he was never able to play the piano again ... now granted he never played the piano before cuz, y'know, he's an apple but to him it was always an option ... but not anymore. So he slowly descended into madness and now works down by the docks and goes by the name Juicy Pants. The end.
[PC the Apple jumps out of the book]
PC THE APPLE: Wanna know why an apple can't be a cowboy? Cuz we're all redskins! Oh my god, I kill me.
NARRATOR: Applepalooza! Knock, knock. Who's there? Apple. Apple who? JUST BRING THE DARN APPLE BACK TO BOOKWORM!!
[the player leads PC the Apple to Bookworm]
ALIEN PATRON: I just peed a little.
[the player finds Bookworm, who grabs for PC the Apple]
BOOKWORM: Finally I can enjoy an apple!
[a raven flies into the scene and steals PC the Apple away]
[the player leaves and enters another area of the library, where a blind man is staring at the bookshelves]
BLIND MAN: Oh my, Larry Plotter is a girl!
[the player looks at a lion statue in the middle of the room]
NARRATOR: Lionopolis! Go chat with that messy maned Lion but be careful ... he's a lion ... they kill people like, all the time.
[the camera zooms in on the lion statue]
NARRATOR: Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the pedestal today. Look at that mane! It's like a mane if a mane were really unkempt and messy and never wanted to meet anybody ever. This is one grumpy Lion. Remember that movie "Grumpy Old Farts?" Well, if this guy was in that it would have been called "Grumpy Old Lion with really terrible hair" ... and nobody would see it. Maybe there's a book that can help tame this savage mane.
[the player begins looking around the room, passing an alien plumber]
PLUMBER: If I was on roller skates, that would be awesome.
[the player stops and looks at a book]
NARRATOR: "The Ringon Bible" ... Excerpt. "Why would anyone own this? I mean, it's just so stupid! Ringons don't believe in our system of faith, so why would they translate our bible?! Just for fun? It's just so stupid."
[the player finds one book in particular, as the camera zooms in]
NARRATOR: "History's Greatest Brushes with Fame" ... Aha! Here it is! BRUSHES!
[a sentient hair brush jumps out of the book]
HAIR BRUSH: Why yes, this is a new handle. Oh stop, you're gonna make me brush. Tee hee part three - this time it's personal.
NARRATOR: Brush yo shoulders off! Brush plus Lion's messy hair, you do the math.
[the player leads Hair Brush to the lion statue, causing it to transform into an actual humanoid lion]
NARRATOR: How to succeed without lion! The lion bursts out of the statue with nice perfectly combed hair, and is happy.
LION: Make way for Mr. Goodlookin'. Ladies, the line forms to the left. Man, I can't thank you enough. Ow, I got something in my paw. Oh wait, that's just some more handsome down there! I better move down to fiction cuz nobody is gonna believe how hot I am! So you need to get yourself a library card. No problem. What you gotta do is get the final approval of the Head Librarian. Now I gotta give you a heads up cuz she can be a bit of a -- Oh snap! Here she comes, and DEATH'S COMING WITH HER!!
[a giant alien librarian jumps into the scene, crushing the lion]
HEAD LIBRARIAN: The only thing that lion is gonna be good for is LYIN' by my fireplace!!
NARRATOR: The Die-Brarian! The librarian killed the lion! Find what she needs.
[the Head Librarian gives chase, but the player runs off to another section of the library, stopping to look at another book]
NARRATOR: "They Call Me Mr. Shumway" by Barf.
[the player looks at another book]
NARRATOR: "It's Not Easy Being Green" by Seth Green.
[the player looks at another book]
NARRATOR: "Patient Zero" by Plaris Chilton ... Excerpt. "Sorry for the rash."
[the player looks at another book]
NARRATOR: "The Tiger, the Snitch, the Closet."
[the player passes another alien patron]
ALIEN PATRON 2: What's another word for Thesaurus?
[the player returns to the prevous section of the library]
HEAD LIBRARIAN: Time to take a trip to the Obituary section!
[the player narrowly avoids the librarian and runs into another alien patron]
ALIEN PATRON 3: I wish I was at home watching Robot Chicken's Emperor sketch that Breckin Meyer wrote.
[the player looks at another book]
NARRATOR: "A Short History of Time" by that guy in the chair with the voice thing.
[the player looks at another book]
NARRATOR: "Yes I'm Here But I Don't Like You In That Way Margaret" by God.
[the player passes another alien patron]
ALIEN PATRON 4: Thirty five cents for an overdue book! Well, I'll show them. I'm paying in pennies. Rusty pennies.
[the player finds one book in particular, as the camera zooms in]
NARRATOR: A Heart's Hearty Journey to the Heartland by Lovey McLovington.
[Julio the alien jumps out of the book]
JULIO: Let's you and me take a stroll over to the romance section.
NARRATOR: The Card! All that the Librarian needed was some love. Julio love. You can now get your library card from Mr. Bookman.
[they both head back to the previous section of the library, where the tiny alien and the giant librarian experience love at first sight]
HEAD LIBRARIAN: [as hearts swirl around her] This is a dream come true!
[the player heads back to the front desk in order to retrieve the library card from Mr. Bookman]



Spore Galactic Adventures (SGA) is the upcoming expansion to the "universe in a box" game that was the original Spore. Spore took you from a single cell organism to the epitome of life itself – capturing aliens and probing them to your hearts content.

While I found the Tribal and Colonization eras of Spore to be unfinished and boring, the space stage that made up the "meat" of the game was a blast to play. SGA expands the space adventure even more by adding role playing and questing elements to that "endgame". Of course, like the rest of Spore itself, you can create-play-edit these adventures to your hearts content.

How can the Emmy Award-winning animated Robot Chicken TV show match wits with the creative team behind Maxis' Spore? Well first you will need the proper arena - that's Spore Galactic Adventures. Second, you need a sick sense of humour – that's Robot Chicken.

Spore Galactic Adventures launches June 23 here in the U.S. and all of the Robot Chicken adventures will be free to play and downloadable at launch.

"ReaderDome" (by Breckin Meyers) : Begin this adventure in one of the wackiest libraries ever designed. Search through books to find what each member of the library needs in order to obtain a library card. Obtain the library card and win the adventures.

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