Friday, November 4, 2011

Case Study No. 0047: Hubert Stevens

Hubert the Librarian - The BiWeekly Show
Hubert the Librarian visits the show to enlighten Dan on the dangerous life of a library employee.

Produced by
Emily Tharp

Written by
Brett Smith

Dan Corkery
Brett Smith

For more clips check out: user/ UDbiweekly
Tags: UD University of Delaware BiWeekly Show librarian books violence brett smith helmet talk show star trek hubert BWS
Added: 2 years ago
From: UDbiweekly
Views: 184

[scene opens in a television studio, as the male anchor is sitting at the news desk]
DAN: With the end of the semester quickly approaching, the library appears to be the hip place to go, as students flock there in order to finish up all their last-minute projects and get ready for finals. So I figured it couldn't possibly be a mistake to invite one of our very own campus librarians, Hubert Stevens on the show. Hey Hubert.
[camera pans to reveal the male librarian, wearing a bicycle helmet, sitting next to him]
HUBERT: Hey Dan, thanks so much for having me ...
[the librarian stares at the audience in a creepy fashion]
DAN: Hubert, I wanna get to the library stuff in a second, but I feel like I have to ask you ... What is, what's with the helmet and elbow pads?
HUBERT: Well, by now you may have noticed my helmet and elbow pads. There's actually a bit of a story behind that ...
DAN: Okay.
HUBERT: [stares wistfully into the distance, then starts to become agitated]
DAN: Hubert? Hubert. Hubes, Hubes!
HUBERT: Sorry, life on the beat is tough. Turn one wrong corner and ... bam!
DAN: Life on--? Aren't you a librarian? What, what could you possibly have seen?
HUBERT: Dan, of course I'm no Melville Dewey, creator of the Dewey Decimal System. But I've had my fair share of life-threatening terror. Have you ever had to hold your buddy in your arms, and lie to him, saying everything was gonna be okay?
DAN: No ...
HUBERT: Thank goodness, me neither! Yup, my job is full of quick-thinking decisions ... Quick! You've just been served mashed potatoes, butter or gravy?
DAN: [stares]
HUBERT: [picks up a book] Let's say, for instance, a book just like this one comes up to you and ...
[he hits himself in the head with the book]
HUBERT: Oh! oh! oh! And see, it didn't hurt me, I'm wearing a helmet! And this is where your predicament comes into the equation. Your skull is entirely exposed!
DAN: Yeah, but I mean ... I'm not quite sure I understand, because how could a book possibly just come up and--
[he hits Dan in the head with the book]
HUBERT: See what I mean?
DAN: Ow.
HUBERT: PS361.A17 T53 is extremely powerful.
DAN: Yeah, but that's kind of my point I was just about to make. Another person would actually have to be holding the book, swinging it violently at my head, like a dick, to make me make a noise like that. And I'm gonna be honest with you, Hubert, I don't think I know anyone who would do that to another human being.
HUBERT: [pause] Clearly, we associate with very different people.
DAN: Okay, so let's get back on topic here. Um, if you don't mind, please tell us briefly - briefly - what a day in the life of a librarian is like.
HUBERT: Three words ... books, books, books.
DAN: That was just, that was one word said three different ... Okay, maybe I can see where you're coming from, actually.
HUBERT: Dan, I really don't think you're seeing the big picture here. Or in this case, the big book.
DAN: Don't ... No, I just, it's not a "big picture" question. I think it's just a miscommunication.
[Hubert takes his helmet off and slowly tries to put it on Dan's head]
DAN: Okay, I'm not gonna ...
[he waves him off]
HUBERT: Please?
DAN: No, don't. I don't want that.
HUBERT: I think I want to leave ...
[Hubert gets up and leaves]
DAN: [turns and stares at the camera blankly]



Resembling the style of Comedy Central's The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, The Biweekly Show dazzles the University of Delaware campus with news and gossip (and the occasional blatant untruth) on both a local and international level. That's right. Everything from President Harker to President Obama.

The Biweekly Show is taped before a studio audience on tuseday nights. To see the show live arrive at the Student Television Studio in Pearson Hall by 9:30 PM. All episodes are taped in 101c in the Pearson Studio. Pearson is located on Academy and the studio is behind the auditorium.

Catch us on the Student Television Network Ch. 49, Tuesdays at 10 pm!

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