Tomcat Meets Librarian
Librarian takes a "bad boy" home from the library to punish him for overdue books, doodling in books and other offenses to the library.
Tags: librarian rubber
Added: 5 years ago
[Michael gives himself a "pep talk" inside the bathroom of the public library]
MICHAEL: [to his reflection in the mirror] You are gonna go out there, and you are gonna have sex with the first woman you see! The first woman you see! You are gonna be ruthless! You are gonna use every little dirty trick, every little lie, and every little manipulation you know! You know why? Because you da man! Now let's go get her!
[cut to Michael walking through the main reading room]
MICHAEL: [to himself] The first woman you see, the first woman you see, the first woman you see ...
[he walks right into an obese female patron]
MICHAEL: [keeps walking] The second woman you see, second woman you see, second woman you ...
[he notices a pretty red-headed librarian pushing a bookcart]
MICHAEL: [to himself] Oh, this is almost too easy ...
[he grabs a copy of "The Scarlet Letter" from the "Overdue Books" truck and walks up behind her]
MICHAEL: Hi, uh--
[the librarian is startled at his sudden presence and gasps in fright]
MICHAEL: Whoa, hey! Hi ... Um, I was just wondering, where would I bring an overdue book?
[she notices the title, then takes it out of his hands]
JILL: I'll take that ...
[cut to Michael walking Jill home that night]
JILL: I have always loved books. And so I started studying library science at Luther College and ... Oh, I'm sorry, I've been going on and on and on about myself all night. Oh, this is so embarrassing!
MICHAEL: Oh no no no, it is such a treat in this city when you meet a woman who's so honest and direct.
JILL: [looks down and adjusts her glasses] You're making me blush ...
MICHAEL: Aw, you're sweet ...
JILL: Golly, stop it!
[they stop at one of the houses]
JILL: Um, this is me.
MICHAEL: Ah ... Well, it was nice to meet you, Jill.
[he shakes her hand, then "shyly" kisses her hand]
JILL: Oh, thank you! It was really sweet of you to let me pick the restaurant out tonight.
MICHAEL: Oh, please, I love sushi.
JILL: Well, um ...
[she leans in and kisses him on the cheek]
JILL: Good night.
MICHAEL: Good night ...
[he starts to walk away]
JILL: [calling after him] Michael!
[with his back to her, he silently mouths "Oh yeah!", then turns to face her]
JILL: Uh, I was wondering ... I mean, this isn't really how I--Gosh golly, I'm tongue-tied tonight!
MICHAEL: It's okay. You can say it.
JILL: Would you like to come in?
MICHAEL: [feigns surprise] Oh, no, it's way too late ... Okay!
[cut to the two entering her house]
MICHAEL: Wow, nice place ...
JILL: Thank you!
MICHAEL: [looks at something off-camera] Hey, 4H ribbons! Cool ... That's a big cock.
[camera pans around to show a photo of a rooster hanging on the wall, then cuts to an elderly woman sitting in a chair]
JILL: [off-camera] Grammy ... Grammy, hello!
[she kneels down next to her grandmother]
JILL: Grammy, I'd like you to meet my friend Michael. Michael, this is Grammy. She was a librarian, too.
MICHAEL: Ah ...
GRAMMY: [weakly] Hello, young man. Would you two kids like a nightcap?
[she hands him a cup of tea, her hands shaking]
GRAMMY: I hope you like hot butterscotch toddies. They're Jill's favorite.
MICHAEL: [yelling so she can hear] Mine too! This is amazing, it's like your granddaughter and I are on the same wavelength or something! It's spooky!
[while Grammy is looking down at her knitting needles, Jill turns to Michael and mouths the words "You want to go upstairs?"]
MICHAEL: [quickly nods in agreement]
JILL: Sweet dreams, Grammy.
GRAMMY: Night, peanut.
[cut to Jill and Michael entering her bedroom while passionately kissing and taking their clothes off]
MICHAEL: Jill, I think I couId really care for you.
MICHAEL: Yeah ...
[he lifts her up and carries her to her bed]
MICHAEL: Hold on, one second.
[he throws all of the stuffed animals off of Jill's bed and lays down, then Jill quickly gets on top of him]
MICHAEL: Oh, I see the tables have turned!
[as they continue making out, Jill suddenly takes Michael's hands and latches each one to the bedposts]
MICHAEL: [nervous laughter] What're you doing?
JILL: [whispers] Trust me ...
MICHAEL: Oh, oh, oh ...
[Jill continues kissing him, then suddenly bites his nipple]
MICHAEL: Ow! Jesus!
JILL: You can take it ...
MICHAEL: I don't know if I wanna take it ...
[with Michael incapacitated, Jill pushes a button on the wall that seals all of the windows in the room]
JILL: You've been a bad, bad boy.
MICHAEL: [suddenly gets very nervous] No, no. I haven't. I-I've been a very good boy ...
JILL: You had an overdue library book.
[Jill takes off her demure nightgown, revealing a leather dominatrix outfit underneath]
MICHAEL: I gotta tell you, Jill, uh ... this is a little unexpected.
JILL: Call me Mistress, you disgusting little worm!
[Michael begins to realize what he's gotten himself into, and struggles to free his hands]
JILL: You said it ... We're on the same wavelength.
[she opens a nearby toychest and takes out a pair of thigh-high leather boots]
MICHAEL: Uh, yeah ... All that wavelength stuff, to be frankly honest with you, I was just saying that to get you into bed!
JILL: [slowly puts on the boots and zips them up] That is not very nice ... In fact, that is downright naughty!
MICHAEL: [starts begging] I've been a bad boy! I've been very bad! I'm sorry ... I think I should go home and think about what I've done.
JILL: That's right. You should think long and hard about what you did ... You naughty boy.
[she pushes another button, and a secret lever pops out of the wall]
MICHAEL: What is that?
JILL: You piece of slime ...
MICHAEL: What is this?
[she begins turning the lever, and Michael is suspended above the bed]
MICHAEL: Oh boy! Okay! Uh, look at the time, it's getting late! I should really be heading home! It's really way past my bedtime, it's a school night!
JILL: Oh yeah ...
MICHAEL: Y'know, I know you'd probably love to have me hang around so you can--
[Jill pushes the bed out of the way, revealing an assortment of "torture" devices hidden behind a curtain on the wall]
MICHAEL: [yelling] Beat the ever-living shit out of me!
[Jill lowers him down slightly, as Michael begins to cry]
MICHAEL: I really should be going home! Please let me go home! Please, can I go home?
JILL: I know about boys like you. You don't take books seriously.
MICHAEL: [nervous] Yes I do!
[she puts a ball gag in his mouth]
[she rips off his underwear]
JILL: [whispering in his ear from behind] Meow ...
[she heads for the wall and begins picking through her "selection"]
JILL: You don't respect books.
MICHAEL: [muffled] I love books.
JILL: You break their bindings. You doodle in their margins.
MICHAEL: [muffled] No ...
JILL: [whispers] I know you ... Mmm, that's right! You are a doodlebug!
MICHAEL: [muffled] I'm not a doodlebug!
JILL: That's what you are. Just a little, dirty bug.
[she opens yet another secret compartment, revealing an extremely large paddle with a big letter "A" on it]
JILL: Mmm ... [laughs] The Scarlet Letter. Great inspiration in those pages. It's an excellent choice. One whack for every day overdue.
[she gets behind him and whacks him one on the behind]
MICHAEL: [muffled scream]
[she stops, then gives a disappointed sigh, as Michael continues crying]
JILL: I don't know. I'm just not feeling it. Something's ... missing.
[Grammy suddenly bursts into the room wearing a rubber fetish suit and carrying a whip]
GRAMMY: Here's Grammy!
[cut to Michael running out of the house, feeling very sore and rubbing his backside]
MICHAEL: [to himself] That's it. No more redheads ... No more redheads, ever.
[the picket fence door swings back and brushes against his buttocks, causing him to scream and run away in fear]
Poirier, Gregory (Director). Tomcats. United States: Columbia Pictures, 2001.
Starring: Heather Stephens (Jill, dominatrix librarian); Marnie Crossen (dominatrix "Grammy" former librarian); Jerry O'Connell (Michael Delany); Jake Busey (Kyle Brennen)
In a fit of self-mobilization, Michael declares in the library bathroom that he's going to f*** the first woman he sees. Actually the second woman, as the first is decidedly unattractive. But the librarian (ho-hum stereotypical: bun, dowdy, quiet, shy, glasses and cardigan) is perfect, and he loves how she stammers "gosh, golly" when she invites him inside after their date. There he meets "Grammy" who used to be a librarian. Faster than you can say DDS, he's handcuffed to the bed in a den of leather and pain. "This is a little unexpected." "Call me a misfit." She punishes him because "I know about boys like you ... you don't take books seriously ... you don't respect books ... you break their bindings ... you doodle in their margins." He is to get one whack for each day overdue. Then Grammy joins in the fun.