Thursday, November 3, 2011

Case Study No. 0045: Winifred Proxmire

Doris Day Show - 01x09 (The Librarian) part 1 of 2.avi
Doris Day Show season 1
Tags: Doris Day Show 01x09 The Librarian part 1 of 2
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[Doris enters the kitchen carrying a pile of books, as everyone is having breakfast]
DORIS: Oh, hey Leroy. Um, if you have time today, would you do me a favor?
LEROY: Sure, anything ya ask.
DORIS: Well, those books are due, and--
[she trips over something on the floor]
DORIS: Oops! Aggie, what is that?
AGGIE: Sorry, honey.
DORIS: Uh, anyway, I don't think I'll get into town, so I'd appreciate it if you take them back for me, wouldja?
LEROY: [pauses] To the library?
AGGIE: You don't take books back to the meat market!
LEROY: Well, libraries make me uncomfortable ...
AGGIE: Now how many times you been in one?
LEROY: Once.
DORIS: Well, why don't you try it again, Leroy? I mean, really take the bull by the horns!
LEROY: [picks up the books] Okay, but I'd rather take the bull by the horns ...


[Leroy returns to the library carrying two large piles of books under each arm]
AGGIE: He stuck up the library!
BUCK: Hey, Leroy. Where'd you get all them books?
LEROY: With my library card.
AGGIE: Your what?
LEROY: My library card.
BUCK: Since when have you had a library card?
LEROY: Since this morning ... They're free, y'know!
BUCK: Well, is that a fact? For a fella started out hating libraries, you sure converted awful quick!
AGGIE: Are you planning on reading all those books?
LEROY: Yes, ma'am!
BUCK: You, uh, mind if we have a look?
[they take one of the piles and start looking over the titles]
BUCK: "History of Greek Philosophy Since Plato" ... Since when are you interested in Greek philosophy?
LEROY: Well, I thought it was about time I started getting into it ... [nervous laugh]
AGGIE: "A Study of the Hatching Muscle of Some North American Ducks"?
BUCK: Not what I'd call, uh, light reading.
AGGIE: Or light carrying, either!


[after just one night, Leroy returns to the library to return his books, and walks up to the young female librarian sitting at the front desk]
LEROY: Brought these books back.
WINIFRED: [laughs] So I can see ...
LEROY: [has trouble hearing her low voice] Hmm?
WINIFRED: Why don't you put them over there?
LEROY: Books?
WINIFRED: The books ...
LEROY: Oh yeah! Over there ...
[he places the books on a nearby cart, dropping several of them as nearby patrons look up at the source of the noise]
LEROY: I was here yesterday.
WINIFRED: [laughs] I know.
LEROY: You remember?
WINIFRED: [whispers] Well, it's hard to forget someone who took out so many books.
LEROY: [leans in] What?
WINIFRED: It's hard to forget someone who took out so many books.
LEROY: Yeah.
WINIFRED: You must be a terribly fast reader.
LEROY: Well, I try not to fool around.
WINIFRED: [laughs] Are you one of those people who can read a book in a whole hour or two?
LEROY: I wouldn't say that ... If I'm not in a real readin' mood, I might go as high as three-four hours!
WINIFRED: That's amazing.
LEROY: [leans in] Huh?
WINIFRED: That's amazing.
LEROY: Nah, it's ... It's just a knack. Like milking cows, for instance. Some people got the hands for it, and some people don't.
WINIFRED: [laughs]
[an elderly woman approaches the desk and hands Winifred a book]
LEROY: I hope I'm not talkin' too much ...
WINIFRED: No, of course not.
LEROY: Sometimes, I keep broadcastin' when I oughtta be tunin' in!
WINIFRED: [stamps the book] That's alright ...
[Leroy smiles, as the old woman gives him a dirty look]
WINIFRED: [hands the book back to the woman, who leaves]
LEROY: Maybe I oughtta introduce myself.
WINIFRED: I already know your name. Mister Leroy B. Simpson.
LEROY: Well, how about that? You know my name!
WINIFRED: Well, don't you remember? I made out your library card yesterday.
LEROY: So you did. My oh my, so you did, and you remember me all the way down to my "B"!
[she laughs, then gets up to put a drawer back into the card catalog]
LEROY: You got the advantage over me ... I mean, I never did make out a library card on you.
WINIFRED: My name is Winifred Proxmire.
LEROY: Winifred ... That's an awfully pretty name.
WINIFRED: [laughs] My friends call me Winnie.
LEROY: You won't believe this coincidence, but when I was a boy, my favorite dog was named Winnie ... I mean, I hope you'll take that the way it was meant. I really did love that little dog!
WINIFRED: [laughs] I'm sure you did ...
[she sits back down at the desk, as Leroy continues to follow her around]
LEROY: Say, do you think maybe I could call--
[a man suddenly approaches the desk and hands Winifred a book]
TRAVIS: Winnie, good morning!
WINIFRED: Good morning, Professor Peabody!
[she takes the book and looks at the title]
WINIFRED: Keats! I love his poetry!
TRAVIS: Do you? Well, maybe someday I, uh, could show you a special first edition of his work that I have.
WINIFRED: Oh, I'd love that!
TRAVIS: Fine, just come by the office anytime ...
WINIFRED: Thank you, Professor Peabody.
[he walks away, as Leroy watches him leave with jealousy in his eyes]
WINIFRED: That's Professor Travis Peabody. He's one of the leading authorities on nineteenth-century English poetry.
[she carries some books over to the stacks, and Leroy follows her]
LEROY: Y'know, I happen to love nineteenth-century English poetry myself.
WINIFRED: Really? How wonderful! Our poetry club is meeting right here this week. Maybe you'd like to attend.
LEROY: I sure would!
WINIFRED: It would be nice if you could do a reading for us.
LEROY: It sure would!
WINIFRED: You could pick your favorite nineteenth-century poet.
LEROY: I sure could ...
WINIFRED: And, maybe afterwards, we could go out and have a cup of coffee together.
LEROY: Just the two of us?
LEROY: Well, it's a date! And I'm buyin'!
[she laughs, then heads back to her desk, while Leroy remains in the stacks]
LEROY: [to himself] Leroy, you are in big trouble ...


[Doris helps Leroy learn "To a Skylark" by Percy Bysshe Shelley, but on the day of the poetry reading at the library, Professor Peabody ends up reading that very poem before him]
WINIFRED: That was lovely, Professor Peabody! Um, and now, we have a new member of the group, who is going to recite one of his favorites for us. May I present Mister Leroy B. Simpson!
[the group politely claps, as Leroy slowly gets up and makes his way to the podium]
LEROY: First off, I guess I oughtta tell you people that I ... really don't know anything about nineteenth-century English poetry. Fact, only poem I know is one my daddy taught me a long time ago. Doesn't have any "thees" and "thous" and "werts" in it, but ... Well anyway, here goes.
[he clears his throat]
LEROY: "When things go wrong, as they sometimes will"--
[the audience starts to laugh]
LEROY: "When the road you're trudging seems all uphill, and the funds are low and the debts are high, you wanna smile but hafta sigh. When care is pressing you down a bit, rest if you must but don't you quit." Thank you.
[Doris is the only one who claps, as Leroy puts his head down and heads for the exit]
DORIS: [gets up and whispers something to Winifred, who runs off after Leroy]
[cut to the hallway outside, as Winifred sees Leroy leaving]
WINIFRED: Leroy, wait! Please Leroy! Could I talk to you?
LEROY: You still want to?
WINIFRED: Of course I do. Misses Martin told me about everything.
LEROY: [starts walking away] Aw, she shouldn't have done that ...
WINIFRED: No, I mean ... I mean, I'm glad she did, really.
LEROY: Well, you must think I ... You must think I'm an awful dumbbell.
WINIFRED: I certainly do not. I think you're very brave.
LEROY: You're just saying that ...
WINIFRED: No, it's true! I mean, how many people could have the courage to go through with something the way you did?
LEROY: I must look pretty silly compared to Doctor Travis Peabody ...
WINIFRED: No, it's not true! I don't care what you know, I care what you are.
LEROY: You mean that?
LEROY: You remember the other day, when I was in the library and we was talking? Well, you're probably pretty busy right now ...
WINIFRED: [laughs] Leroy, you remember that cup of coffee you promised me?
LEROY: Yeah. I'm buyin', Winifred.
WINIFRED: Call me Winnie.
LEROY: [laughs] Okay ...



Season 1, Episode 9 ("The Librarian")
Aired: 12/3/1968

To the astonishment of all, Leroy becomes an obsessive bookworm and a fiend for 19th-century verse. His ulterior motive is a lovely librarian who has invited him to a meeting of the local poetry club.

Doris Day ... Doris Martin
Fran Ryan ... Aggie Thompson
Denver Pyle ... Buck Webb
James Hampton ... Leroy B. Simpson
Kelly Jean Peters ... Winifred Proxmire
Ryan MacDonald ... Dr. Travis Peabody

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