The Librarian
7:56
Random cheap short student film. By Howard Cohen and Martin Butt
Tags: short film comedy
Added: 5 years ago
From: cozinho1
Views: 5,116
The Librarian by Howard Cohen
[scene opens with a young male librarian in his office being interviewed by the unseen cameraman]
LIBRARIAN: When the shit hits the fan, everyone's gotta do something. Why not put books on shelves?
[cut to the librarian shelving books, then back to his office]
LIBRARIAN: Library work, when I first got into it ... Y'know, I wasn't too sure. I thought, "Am I going too far too quickly?" And, y'know, I decided that library work was probably the best for me. I'm a quite quiet person. I don't go out, ever really. Y'know, I mean ... I have, well, I had friends. Y'know, quite a long time ago before the library work. Books are my friends now. That's, that's how I live my life.
[cut to the librarian sitting at the front desk]
LIBRARIAN: We used to have a sign here, about it being bad to work here ... but then we had someone who had to quit on us, so it wasn't very funny then.
[cut back to the librarian in his office]
LIBRARIAN: And it's like, the most important thing about being a librarian is the quiet. You've gotta be quiet, and to me, that's just ... there's not enough quiet in the world.
[cut back to the front desk, as an alarm sounds]
LIBRARIAN: Uh, that noise ... It's a bit of a disruption to the quiet that we're usually used to here. It's a little bit irritating from time to time. Maybe I better go and check that out, just bear with me one minute.
[he gets up and walks off]
LIBRARIAN: [to himself] How many times ...
[cut back to the librarian in his office]
LIBRARIAN: Some people might say "You're boring," y'know? I say no, I'm not boring.
[cut to the librarian showing off two tape dispensers]
LIBRARIAN: These are two-sided tape. Right there. One, extra strength. One, normal strength.
[cut back to the librarian in his office]
LIBRARIAN: I'm not boring. It's, it's ... It's not boring.
[cut to the librarian walking through the stacks]
LIBRARIAN: What do the Danes know that we don't, is the question you wanna ask yourself. I mean, does it really make any sense for a Danish bakery to be that good?
[the sound of a cell phone ringing can be heard]
LIBRARIAN: Alright, you see. Here's a, here's a classic example of the point ...
[he walks up to a female student talking on her phone]
FEMALE STUDENT: [in here phone] Hi?
LIBRARIAN: Excuse me?
FEMALE STUDENT: [in her phone] No.
LIBRARIAN: Uh, excuse me?
FEMALE STUDENT: [in her phone] Yeah.
LIBRARIAN: Hi, excuse me.
FEMALE STUDENT: [finally notices him] Yeah, what? No ...
LIBRARIAN: Could, could you--
FEMALE STUDENT: [tries to ignore him and continues talking into her phone]
[cut back to the librarian in his office]
LIBRARIAN: I mean, alright. It might not have the thrills of a rally driver ...
[cut back to the librarian and the female student]
LIBRARIAN: Excuse me?
FEMALE STUDENT: Yeah, what's your problem?
LIBRARIAN: Okay, there's no phones permitted in the library, friend ...
FEMALE STUDENT: [in her phone] Yeah.
[cut back to the librarian in his office]
LIBRARIAN: Y'know, I might not be seeing naked women like a page-free photographer but, y'know ... I-I get my perks.
[cut back to the librarian and the female student]
LIBRARIAN: Uh, excuse me? Can you listen to me?
FEMALE STUDENT: Yeah, okay. Look, I'm just on the phone.
LIBRARIAN: Yeah, but do you wanna not listen to him and listen to me?
[cut back to the librarian in his office]
CAMERAMAN: [from off camera] What do you find the biggest perk for being a librarian?
LIBRARIAN: What, apart from the women?
[he gives a weak laugh, but it quickly trails off]
LIBRARIAN: No, not ... not the women. Um.
[cut back to the librarian and the female student]
LIBRARIAN: Look, there's no way you should be allowed to--
FEMALE STUDENT: Will you--
LIBRARIAN: Look ...
FEMALE STUDENT: [in her phone] Okay.
[cut back to the librarian in his office]
LIBRARIAN: The biggest perk of library life? If I'm honest, it's the books.
[quick cut to the librarian dropping a stack of books, then back to his office]
LIBRARIAN: I can, y'know, everyone else is pretty much allowed fifteen or so books ... I can take up to twenty.
[cut to the librarian trying to clean up the pile of books on the floor, then back to his office]
CAMERAMAN: [from off camera] How would you say the introduction of the internet has affected people coming to libraries and using the library?
LIBRARIAN: Well, I can't tell you how disappointed it makes me.
[quick cut to the librarian starting at a computer screen and rubbing his eyes in frustration, then back to his office]
LIBRARIAN: Y'know, things haven't been written in books, so that you can just go and type a word in on Goggle, or whatever it is, and just y'know ... Hey, press 'Load' and here's your answer. Y'know, there's a lot more to it than that. With books, you've gotta look through pages.
[cut back to the librarian at the computer, then back to his office]
LIBRARIAN: I, I'm not a believer. I think it will crumble. How long has the internet been around?
CAMERAMAN: [from off camera] About twelve years now.
LIBRARIAN: How long have books been around?
CAMERAMAN: [from off camera] Uh ...
LIBRARIAN: Exactly. Don't even go there, because you don't know! I don't know!
CAMERAMAN: [from off camera] Uh, I believe that the Chinese invented paper around five thousand years ago, so ...
LIBRARIAN: They were just writing on their hands before then, probably.
CAMERAMAN: [from off camera] Books on hands?
LIBRARIAN: Makes sense, doesn't it? Well, I mean, just like, y'know, "Read my hand!" You don't even have to take 'em out, then. Just, you can have a library of hands ... It's not the point, really. Books have been around a lot longer than the internet, and I think they'll probably outlive the internet.
[cut back to the librarian and the female student]
FEMALE STUDENT: I'm just having a conversation, if you'd just go over--
LIBRARIAN: [agitated] Look, there's people trying to read!
FEMALE STUDENT: You're making the noise.
LIBRARIAN: People are trying to--
FEMALE STUDENT: [in her phone] Sorry, no ...
[cut back to the librarian in his office]
LIBRARIAN: I like to erase any mistakes.
[quick cut to the librarian dropping another stack of books, then back to his office]
LIBRARIAN: We go through couple of staff a month because, quite honestly, they're half-assing it. I mean, they're putting books on shelves that ... I don't think they're even looking. I think they're just thinking, "Well, this is the history section, I'll pop this book on there and y'know, no one will care."
[cut to the librarian pointing to a book on the shelf]
LIBRARIAN: Y'see, here we've got 338.105 where the 338.1052 should be. And uh ... I mean, it's the classic library scenario. You've gotta fix these things, you can't just go by it.
[he reshelves the book]
LIBRARIAN: [clears throat] I mean ...
[cut back to the librarian in his office]
LIBRARIAN: In here, I can be at solace with my own thoughts, and think about the things that are important to me and my life.
[cut back to the librarian and the female student]
LIBRARIAN: You're not allowed food or drink, and that's much more of a necessity than a mobile phone.
FEMALE STUDENT: Man, you need to get a life.
LIBRARIAN: I need to get a what?
FEMALE STUDENT: [laughs] Yeah, a life.
LIBRARIAN: I've got a life, I work in a library! What do you do? Oh, you're a student!
[cut back to the librarian in his office]
CAMERAMAN: [from off camera] What things are important to your life?
LIBRARIAN: [loosens his tie] Um ... Well, there's the library, which is crucial. Uh ...
[cut back to the librarian and the female student]
FEMALE STUDENT: What about if I put it on silent? Okay?
LIBRARIAN: It still makes a noise.
[cut back to the librarian in his office]
LIBRARIAN: I've got ... books, which are kind of, y'know, very much intertwined with the library. Um, then ... there's, uh ...
[cut back to the librarian and the female student]
FEMALE STUDENT: I'm just gonna be ... You're making more noise. I was whispering, you're not.
LIBRARIAN: But ...
FEMALE STUDENT: Uh, look. Hold on ... [in her phone] No, he's ... Hi. Hey, you still there?
[cut back to the librarian in his office]
LIBRARIAN: I'm, I'm happy with it ... I mean, I'm not happy, but ... but who is, really? Who's happy?
[sad music plays as various slow motion shots of the librarian fidgeting in his office are shown]
LIBRARIAN: Y'know, what else is there to talk about ... Don't really know what to talk about now.
Guest Appearance by Mahjabeen Galaria
Camera Operator - Martin Butt
Music Composed by Douglas Piccininni
Titles - Gavin Round
Editor - Franco Bugino
By Howard Cohen
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