Friday, July 25, 2014

Case Study No. 1466: "Cards Against Librarianship!"

Cards Against Librarianship!
Download the full deck here: lets-play.html
Tags: cards against librarianship librarians libraries cards against humanity
Added: 6 months ago
From: ToonLib
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This year, our library participated in Hour of Code. Next year, we'll participate in Hour of ___.
* Haggis.
* Half-assed attempts at gamification.
* Paranoia.

Oh, great. Someone stuffed the book drop with ___.
* Amy's Organic Palak Paneer.
* A tour group of first graders.
* LeVar Burton.

What's a librarian's worst nightmare?
* 52 bags of donated Reader's Digest Condensed Books.
* Sleeping with someone, then learning s/he pronounces it "Liberry."
* Getting endorsed for "public libraries" on LinkedIn.

The internet's down. I guess we'll all have to resort to ___.
* Back issues of Maxim.
* Crop dusting the stacks.
* Seething.

What's our Library Director's guilty pleasure?
* Dr. Who cosplay.
* Sucking and chewing on board books.
* Blogging anonymously.

If our branch manager doesn't stop ___ at every staff meeting, I'm going to scream.
* Inappropriately fondling an Orlando Bloom READ poster.
* Never shutting up about running half-marathons.
* Bringing Jesus into every conversation.

In a surprise rebranding effort, NYPL is replacing its iconic lion statues with with statues of ___.
* LEGO minifigs.
* Storytime MILFs.
* Gollum.

The #1 way to calm down an angry patron? ___.
* Roundhouse kicks.
* Raffi.
* My lovely lady lumps.

___ @ your library.
* Bedbugs.
* Twerking.
* Red tape.

Customers. Patrons. Members. Frankly, I prefer to call them ___.
* Sleestaks.
* Wildlings.
* Antibacterial wipes.

It's just not storytime without ___.
* Sriracha.
* Assisted suicide.
* Lap dances.

___ want/s to be free.
* Dobby.
* Chips and salsa.
* An ALA membership.

I have no idea how that librarian stays employed. As far as I can tell, s/he spends most of the day ___.
* Subtweeting about colleagues.
* Checking Facebook.
* Going into detail about lactose intolerance.

Librarians, you know? Sometimes I get the feeling we're all just ___.
* Letting the Pigeon drive the bus.
* Plotting to usurp Nancy Pearl's throne.
* Paraprofessionals.

I've had it. If I see one more patron ___ in here, I freaking quit.
* Networking.
* Vomiting.
* Failing to check Snopes.

"I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave. The library's scent policy expressly prohibits ___."
* Children.
* Ann Coulter.
* Wearing lots of cologne.

Since flashing the lights and making an announcement weren't working, we've switched to ___ to encourage patrons to leave the building at closing time.
* Gay weddings.
* Singing Kum-ba-yah.
* Giving wet willies.

Reading aloud to ___ can help young beginning readers gain confidence.
* Kale.
* Malcolm Gladwell.
* A Roomba.

Don't tell me you "love books" ... to be a good librarian, what you really need to love is ___.
* Territorial pissing.
* Prezis.
* Deflowering members of the Teen Anime Club during a Miyazaki marathon.

The new Nicholas Sparks book features a heterosexual white couple ___ on the cover.
* Pretending to understand Fair Use.
* Making beef jerky.
* Waiting 'til after the closing announcement to ask a question.

I'm usually pretty mellow, but woe be to the patron I catch in the act of ___.
* Wearing those shoes that look like feet.
* Mansplaining.
* Returning a book full of tape flags.

Well, who knew you could get fired for offering a patron ___?
* Constructive criticism.
* Paranormal romance.
* Deodorant.

Children left unattended in the library will be given an espresso and ___.
* Exorcisms.
* QR code tattoos.
* Brazilian waxes.

To eliminate jargon that patrons find off-putting and confusing, we will henceforth refer to "databases" as "___."
* "Rock star" librarians.
* Gluten-free goodies.
* Dewey, the Library Cat.

It's important for libraries to foster an atmosphere of ___.
* Holiday-themed sweater vests.
* DRM.
* Calling the Help Desk.

We firmly believe that in order to succeed in the 21st century, all children must have equal access to ___.
* Golf pencils.
* Ennui.
* Newbery books that only appeal to adults.

While facilitating access to information is libraries' first priority, ___ must be a close second.
* Pinning wedding ideas.
* Acronyms.
* Keeping up appearances.

Wikipedia can tell you all about ___, but our staff can show you in person.
* Waterboarding.
* Cameltoe.
* Tasers.

Youth Services Librarians agree: it's never too early to introduce your baby to ___.
* Library security guards.
* Annotated bibliographies.
* Sobbing quietly while learning to code.

Patron tip: with your library card, you have 24/7 remote access to ___.
* Siri.
* Google.
* Salon style at an affordable price.

Bulky, intimidating reference desks must go. In the future, nothing will stand between librarians and their patrons but ___.
* Emotional baggage.
* Devices that are incompatible with the library's ebooks.
* James Patterson's "co-authors."

It's Fine Amnesty Day! Today, you can pay off your library fine by/with ___.
* Riverdancing.
* Ritual sacrifice.
* A full performance of the "trololo" song.

What never fails to liven up a staff party?
* Groupies.
* Revenge served cold.
* Playing Jenga with those impossibly small Beatrix Potter books.

A good reference interview should always include ___.
* Feats of strength.
* Side eye.
* Checking out Mozart while doing Tae Bo.

My most popular storytime themes are "On the Farm" and "___."
* Shock and Awe.
* Lying down and giving up.
* Value Line.

The library's new Play & Learn Space offers early literacy-rich opportunities for little ones to interact with ___.
* Christopher Walken.
* Ornamental grass.
* The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.

Sessions are live-tweeted; slides are posted online. But attending conferences in person remains valuable for the opportunity to enjoy ___ with one's peers.
* "Happy ending" massages.
* Mixing up a batch of library-themed cocktails.
* Awkward silence.



Cards Against Librarianship, the starter deck, is here. Please play and give feedback so it can be as much fun as possible.

You can download the deck here:

Cards Against Librarianship Answer Cards (371)
Cards Against Librarianship Question Cards (71)

*Huge thanks to Thomas Maluck, Carl Hess, and various folks on Twitter and the ALATT Facebook group for contributing card suggestions.

*There are many different forms of librarianship, and while I tried to keep the deck mostly general, I have mainly worked on the public-facing side of public libraries and I'm certain that's reflected. I took card suggestions from folks with different experiences, but if, due to lack of niche knowledge and after a simple Google search, I couldn't understand why they were funny, I left them out. I highly welcome and will link to specialty "Expansion Packs"--for ex, "Archivists' Expansion Pack"--as long as the cards in them are phrased to be compatible with as many of the cards in this starter deck as possible. Blank cards are provided above; if you want them to match exactly (not necessary), import each blank into PicMonkey or something similar and type in Arial.

*Creating question and answer cards that are compatible in a maximum number of situations was more challenging than I expected. For this reason, a few of the cards included in the preview versions posted here earlier did not make the final deck. Suggestions in this arena are welcome, too, as well as feedback as to the playability and compatibility of the starter deck. Please send them to elloyd74[at] with the subject line "Cards Against Librarianship" (I sometimes miss notifications of comments on this blog).

*If you make an especially hilarious combination that you want to share, please do so on Twitter with the hashtag #CardsAgainstLibrarianship (or in the comments below, if you're not on Twitter).

IMPORTANT INFO: Cards Against Librarianship is inspired by Cards Against Humanity, and, as in CAH, you will find cards in CAL that refer to sexuality and other topics generally considered taboo in the workplace. If you've never played CAH, you might take a peek at the content of their cards before deciding if CAL is a game you want to look at and play with colleagues (or even alone). As a general rule, CAL is tamer--I didn't go anywhere near CAH's infamous "Toni Morrison" and "Pac-Man" cards--but what I feel comfortable including and what you feel comfortable reading may certainly differ. Using the blank cards provided above, folks can swap in their own tamer cards or raunchier cards, depending on preference.

Posted by Emily Lloyd at 8:05 AM

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