The Lucy Show- Lucy Gets a Roommate Part 1
To lower her expenses, Lucy takes in a roommate, Carol Bradford, a shy librarian. Hoping to introduce the girl to some eligible bachelor, Lucy and Mary Jane throw a party - and discover that a couple glasses of wine and can change Carols who personality. Carol Burnett guest stars.
Season 5, Episode 7
Original Airdate: 10/31/1966 on CBS
ALL RIGHTS GO TO CBS HOME ENTERTAINMENT
Tags: Lucille Ball Gale Gordon Mary Jane Lewis The Lucy Show
Added: 2 years ago
[Lucy is looking over personal mail (she has received several replies to her ad for a new roommate) at work with her boss Mister Mooney]
LUCY: Oh, this one looks very promising ... Listen to this.
[she begins reading one of the letters]
LUCY: "My dear Misses Carmichael, I am very interested in sharing an apartment with such a person as you describe in your ad. I too am young, intelligent, refined and pleasant."
[Mister Mooney gives her a dirty look, but she continues reading]
LUCY: "I am a college graduate and presently employed as a librarian. Yours truly, Carol Bradford" ...
[she looks up from the letter with a smile]
LUCY: Oh, she sounds just perfect, if she's five-foot-six-and-a-half.
MR. MOONEY: What difference does it make how tall she is?
LUCY: Well, so we can wear each other's clothes! I just can't wait to interview my new roommate!
[he stands up]
MR. MOONEY: If you don't get to work, I will be interviewing new office mates!
[she hastily begins picking up all of her letters off of his desk]
LUCY: Yes, yes sir ...
[Lucy answers the door, and Carol (a woman wearing dark clothes and thick glasses) walks in carrying a number of suitcases]
LUCY: How do you do?
[the woman barely looks at Lucy, speaking in a low voice]
CAROL: How do you do? I'm Carol Bradford, I answered your ad.
LUCY: Yes yes, and I'm Lucy Ca--
[she clears her throat, and attempts to talk in a more "refined" cadence]
LUCY: I'm Lucy Carmichael, I was expecting you. Can I help you with your things?
[she takes her luggage]
CAROL: Oh, thank you.
[she puts down her luggage, then motions towards her handbag]
LUCY: May I take that too?
CAROL: Oh no no no, thank you ... I'll just put it right over here.
[she puts it down on the table]
LUCY: Oh, okay.
[she motions for her to sit on the couch]
LUCY: Come on, won't you come in?
CAROL: Okay ...
[she trips and stumbles, as her glasses fall off]
LUCY: Oh, I'm terribly sorry! I should've warned you about that step ...
CAROL: No, I'm alright. I'm just glad it happened here instead of at the library.
CAROL: They're very strict about noise.
LUCY: Yes ...
[she picks up her glasses]
LUCY: Oh look, you broke your glasses.
CAROL: Oh no, I always wear them like that.
[Lucy sticks her fingers through the frames]
LUCY: Without lenses?
CAROL: I have on contact lenses, see?
[she uses her fingers to pull down her lower eyelids]
LUCY: Oh, well then why do you wear--
[Carol takes the glasses back and puts them back on]
CAROL: So people won't think I'm vain.
LUCY: Oh my goodness. Oh, I don't think you could ever be vain. You-You're much too refined and dignified for that.
CAROL: Oh, that's my library training.
CAROL: Believe me, it isn't always easy.
CAROL: Especially when you get some of those people in the library who are looking for a book, and they can't remember the title or the author's name ...
CAROL: And you go through shelf after shelf, after book after book, and you wanna say to them ...
[she suddenly yells]
CAROL: "Drop dead!"
[Lucy gives a nervous smile]
CAROL: But you don't dare, because it's a library.
LUCY: Well, it must be very difficult to control yourself at times.
CAROL: Yes ... Well, I'm very dedicated. One time, I was way up high on a ladder, putting a book back on a shelf.
CAROL: And somebody came along, and took the ladder right out from under me and left me hanging there! And do you know something?
CAROL: I waited until that library closed before I would yell "Help!"
[Lucy jumps when she screams the last word again]
LUCY: My! Well, you certainly are dedicated ...
CAROL: Well, I like to be considerate of other people.
LUCY: Oh, well, that's good. That's just the kind of girl that I was hoping to have for a roommate, I can tell you.
CAROL: Well, that's the kinda girl you got!
LUCY: I'm so glad. Uh, why don't we, uh ...
[they both sit on the couch]
LUCY: Y'know, even though we've just met, I have a feeling that ... just by "little things" that we're gonna be very compatible.
CAROL: Y'know, the "little things" are important!
LUCY: Yeah, you said it ... Some things can really drive me batty.
CAROL: Oh, I know what you mean. Y'know, one of the little things that drive me crazy at the library, it's when we get one of those loud finger wetters!
[Lucy gets a confused look on her face]
LUCY: Loud finger wetters?
CAROL: Yeah, you know the kind I mean ...
[she picks up a book off the table, and loudly licks her finger before turning each page]
LUCY: Oh, yes yes yes. Yeah, I knew a girl like that in school, and we never knew whether she was gonna read the book or eat it!
[Carol gives her a blank stare, then suddenly bursts out into loud laughter (causing Lucy to jump back)]
CAROL: Oh, I'm so glad you have a sense of humor! I don't dare laugh down at the library!
LUCY: I can understand that ...
[she suddenly starts picking up magazines up off the table]
LUCY: Y'know, I think I'll just clear this off a little bit and make us some coffee.
CAROL: Oh ...
LUCY: Excuse me.
[she goes to put the magazines away, when Carol loudly sneezes, causing her to drop them on the floor]
LUCY: Bless you ...
CAROL: Oh, thank you!
LUCY: Bless you, I think I'd better close the window, maybe you're catching cold.
CAROL: Oh no no, it's alright, it's just an allergy.
LUCY: Oh, what're you allergic to?
CAROL: Well, we found out it's something in the air.
[she loudly sneezes again, as Lucy bends down to pick up her glasses]
LUCY: I, I think I'd better close the window.
CAROL: Oh no, leave it open ... Harvey likes it open.
LUCY: Who's Harvey?
CAROL: My goldfish.
LUCY: Oh, you have a goldfish?
CAROL: Oh, I hope he's welcome here.
LUCY: Oh, of course he is, of course! Actually, the manager doesn't allow pets, but ... as long as he's housebroken!
[Carol lets out another loud burst of laughter, as Lucy grits her teeth]
CAROL: Oh, you have a wonderful sense of humor!
LUCY: Oh, thank you. Thank you ...
[she bends down and picks up the magazines]
LUCY: I'll get the coffee.
CAROL: Alright, and I'll get Harvey. He doesn't like to be left out of things!
LUCY: No, you bring him in ...
[Lucy goes into the kitchen, as Carol heads for her luggage, but she trips over the step again and knocks over a display of elephant bells from India (making a loud racket which draws Lucy back into the room)]
LUCY: What happened?
CAROL: I'm so sorry! I forgot about that step again, I'm so embarrassed!
LUCY: Well, don't be embarrassed, I do it all the time! I'm gonna have to put in a ski lift ...
[Carol starts laughing again]
CAROL: Harvey's going to love you!
[she opens her handbag and takes out a fishbowl, then starts talking baby talk to it]
CAROL: My widdle baby!
LUCY: That's Harvey ...
LUCY: Oh, you'd better let me carry him.
[she takes the bowl from Carol]
LUCY: I wouldn't want any--
[she trips over the step and throws the bowl up into the air, but Carol is able to catch it without spilling anything]
LUCY: Oh! Oh, I hope Harvey's alright ...
CAROL: Oh, he's fine, he likes to play rough!
LUCY: Oh good ... Well, make him feel right at home, I'll get the coffee.
[Lucy is telling her friend Mary Jane how she's not sure if she can live with her new roommate's quirky behavior, when a loud Tarzan-like scream emanates from the bathroom, causing Lucy to jump up in shock]
LUCY: Carol, are you alright?
[Carol, who was taking a shower, calmly walks out]
CAROL: I was vocalizing.
CAROL: That's the way I vocalize ...
[she lets out another Tarzan scream]
CAROL: I sing in a choir!
LUCY: Oh, she sings in a choir ...
CAROL: We meet every Saturday afternoon.
LUCY: Oh well, that must be very nice for you.
CAROL: It is. I don't have much of a social life. Well, I-I'm kinda shy around people, but somehow when I'm singing I feel more at ease.
LUCY: Oh ...
MARY JANE: Well, besides singing, what else do you do for amusement?
CAROL: Oh, I read a lot!
LUCY: Oh, well, don't you ever go out after work?
CAROL: Oh sure, sometimes the girls and I go out after the library closes.
LUCY: Oh, where do you go?
[she looks around to make sure no one else is listening]
CAROL: We know this after-hours library ...
LUCY: What, uh, what's that?
CAROL: Oh, it's a research library near the university ... It's open until ten o'clock!
LUCY: Well, I guess that must give you a chance to meet some of the boys from the university, huh?
[Carol looks away]
CAROL: No, I haven't met any boys.
MARY JANE: You haven't? Why, I bet there's lots of boys that'd like to go out with you, Carol!
[she loudly hiccups]
CAROL: Oh! Excuse me, I'm sorry. When I get nervous, I get the hiccups ...
LUCY: What're you nervous about?
CAROL: I think it's the topic of our conversation.
MARY JANE: Going out with boys makes you nervous?
CAROL: No ... Not going out with them.
[she runs back into the bathroom]
MARY JANE: We're just gonna have to do something to get that poor girl out of her shell.
LUCY: Eh, I suppose so ... but what?
MARY JANE: Well, lemmee think a minute ... Hey.
MARY JANE: We could have a party, and introduce her to some boys!
LUCY: What boys?
MARY JANE: Well, how about those musicians that live across the hall? They're very nice, and they're just kooky enough to get Carol out of her shell.
LUCY: Maybe she belongs in a shell ...
MARY JANE: Why?
LUCY: Because I think she's some kind of a nut!
[Carol screams again, causing the "Home Sweet Home" picture on the wall to fall down]
[the musicians arrive, ready to party]
LUCY: You brought your instruments, how wonderful!
ATTILLO: Well, this is a party, isn't it?
LUCY: Oh, well, I'm so glad you got here, I was afraid you wouldn't show up.
ATTILLO: Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow could keep us from our appointed freeloading!
DON: Here's a pizza, and a bottle of chianti!
[he hands them to Mary Jane]
MARY JANE: Oh, thank you!
LUCY: Thank you, that's very nice of you.
DON: Now where's that swingin' chick Mary Jane told us about?
[Lucy gets a confused look on her face]
LUCY: "Swingin' chick?"
DON: Yeah, the doll that poses for all those bikini ads!
[Lucy turns to her friend and rolls her eyes]
LUCY: Oh, Mary Jane!
MARY JANE: Well, you wanted them to show up, didn't you?
LUCY: Oh really ... Look fellas, Carol's not exactly a swingin' chick. She's very nice, but she's rather shy and inhibited, and I just thought if I had a few people over, it might bring her out of her shell.
DON: Oh, Mel can handle that ... He's very good at gettin' girls outta things!
[Lucy covers her mouth in shock]
ATTILLO: Once he got a girl outta Cincinnati!
MEL: I did not!
[he turns and looks at Lucy]
MEL: They're just putting me on because I happen to be kinda shy myself ...
LUCY: Oh, well I'm sure you and Carol will get along just fine ... Look, what say we get the party started, huh? How about playing something?
[the musicians move towards the middle of the room, while Mel knocks over the elephant bells]
LUCY: Oh, I know you and Carol will get along fine!
[he gets a confused look on his face as Lucy picks up the bells and puts them back on the table]
LUCY: Okay fellas, just play anything, I want the party really swinging when Carol comes in here!
[they start playing, as Lucy and Mary Jane get the refreshments and begin dancing, then Carol walks in and (noticing the commotion) tries to retreat into her room]
LUCY: Hold it, Carol! Fellas, Carol is here! Come on, Carol, we're having a party!
CAROL: N-no thank you, I'm not much of a party crasher ...
[Lucy takes her by the arm]
LUCY: Oh now, you're not crashing. Come on, honey ...
CAROL: No, Lucy, I have this book I have to finish--
LUCY: Oh, come on now, you're the guest of honor, Carol! Come on ...
[she pulls her into the center of the room, causing Carol to knock over the elephant bells again]
CAROL: Honey, I want you to meet the fellas. Fellas, this is Carol.
[the musicians introduce themselves as Lucy brings over a tray of drinks]
LUCY: Yeah, we thought we'd have a little get together tonight, and these fellas--
MARY JANE: They brought pizza and wine!
LUCY: Yeah, help yourself everyone!
[everyone grabs a glass ... except for Carol]
LUCY: Salute! Salute! Aren't you gonna have some, Carol?
CAROL: No thank you, I don't drink.
LUCY: Oh well, this is just wine ... It goes with the pizza that the fellas brought. Uh, in Italy, they drink this just like water!
[she tentatively takes the glass and goes for a sip ... but doesn't finish until the whole glass is empty]
CAROL: I'm a firm believer in drinking a lotta water ...
LUCY: Well ... Carol, this is Mel.
[she has Mel step forward]
MEL: Hi Carol, I'm Mel.
[Carol smiles, but says nothing]
LUCY: Uh, Carol works in a library.
[he stares at Lucy]
MEL: Oh, that's very interesting ...
LUCY: Yeah well, tell her what you do, Mel ...
[he pushes his face so that he's looking at Carol]
MEL: I don't work in a library.
CAROL: That's very interesting.
LUCY: Uh, look, why don't you go over there and talk a little while? And we'll get the stuff ready for the party, and you just enjoy yourself now.
[she nudges them both towards the couch, while waving everyone else to the other side of the room, and the two awkwardly stand together]
CAROL: Um, uh ... Did you know there are six million nine hundred and fifty thousand books in the New York Public Library?
CAROL: Did you know that, contrary to popular belief, the first public library was not founded in Boston Massachusetts, but in Peterborough New Hampshire?
[from across the room, Lucy and Mary Jane give each other concerned looks, then Carol reaches over and takes Mel's glass of wine before downing the whole thing]
CAROL: Did you know ...
[she turns to Mel, suddenly seeming much looser and more confident]
CAROL: That more than forty two thousand library books are stolen annually?
MEL: I didn't know that ...
[she suddenly gets a look of concern on her face]
CAROL: Oh, that's classified information and shouldn't be given out! I'm going to my room!
[she tries to run off, but Lucy stops her]
LUCY: Oh no, Carol! Don't go to your room, darling! Now stay here, come on now honey, and enjoy yourself ...
CAROL: I can't ...
LUCY: Now listen, stop. Just try to relax ...
CAROL: My head ...
LUCY: Don't be so self-conscious ...
CAROL: I'm so nervous when I get around men!
LUCY: Oh, honey ...
CAROL: And you know what happens when I get nervous, I get the--
[she loudly hiccups]
CAROL: [yelling] See?!
LUCY: Now Carol, for heaven sakes, just try to relax ...
[Carol hugs a nearby railing and continues hiccuping]
LUCY: Listen honey, you said sometimes when you sing, you feel more at ease ...
CAROL: That's true.
LUCY: Yeah, well then come on, why don't you sing a song?
[she makes strange nervous noises in fear]
LUCY: Yeah, come on! Yes you can, pretend that you're singing with your choir ...
LUCY: Yeah, come on. Try it, honey ... Come on, come on.
[she continues hanging onto the railing for dear life]
LUCY: Fellas, Carol said that she'd like to sing a song ...
CAROL: No I didn't!
LUCY: Come on ...
[she turns to the musicians]
LUCY: She wants me to accompany her!
[she drags her to the middle of the room]
LUCY: Come on, honey ... Now, waddaya wanna sing?
CAROL: They wouldn't know anything I know!
ATTILLO: Oh, don't you worry about that! You just start the melody, and we'll jump in!
LUCY: Go ahead, honey ... Go ahead.
CAROL: [pause] Can I have a little more of that Italian water?
[Lucy hands her another glass, and she drinks the whole thing, then begins to sing softly]
CAROL: Oh please, gather 'round me, brethren, and listen to this hymn, 'bout how evil battled virtue, and the fight to sink or swim ...
[she clears her throat]
CAROL: There's a lost sheep that I know of, caught in Satan's web of sin, and I pray for the forgiveness of the evil plight she's in ...
[she smiles, then begins singing even louder]
CAROL: They call her Hard Hearted Hannah, the vamp of Savannah ...
[she playfully takes off her glasses and throws them off camera, then starts dancing]
CAROL: She's the girl who loves to see men suffer!
[she takes off her cardigan sweater and really starts getting down, as Lucy and Mary Jane cheer her on]
CAROL: I saw her at the seashore with a great big pan, there was Hannah pourin' water on a drownin' man! She's Hard Hearted Hannah, the vamp of Savannah G-A!
[she undoes her bun and shakes out her long red hair]
CAROL: She's Hard Hearted Hannah, the vamp of Savannah G-A!
[everyone applauds, while Carol covers herself up with her sweater]
LUCY: Carol, you're just wonderful!
[regaining her composure, she looks at Lucy and speaks calmly]
CAROL: Like I said, music does something to me ...
MARY JANE: Lucy, we got her out of her shell!
LUCY: Yeah, way out!
The Lucy Show
Lucy Gets a Roommate
Season 5, Episode 7, Aired 10/31/66
Episode Summary: To help with expenses, Lucy brings in a new roommate. A shy, frumpy librarian with odd personality quirks soon gets on Lucy's nerves. Mary Jane and Lucy plot to get her a social life (and out of the house) by throwing a party to introduce her to some men. After just a couple of drinks, Carol goes from mild to a wild party animal.
Lucille Ball ... Lucy Carmichael
Gale Gordon ... Mr. Theodore J. Mooney
Carol Burnett ... Carol Bradford
Mary Jane Croft ... Mary Jane Lewis
Lucy comes into the office and Mr. Mooney is annoyed with the fact that she's late. He's further irritated regarding her excuse for being late (which is picking up the mail) because all of the mail that she's picked up at the office mailbox is for her, and it's personal. Lucy explains that she's looking for a roommate and that Mr. Mooney ought to be happy that she's finally saving some money. Mr. Mooney responds by saying that he'd be happy if she actually did some work, now that the morning was half over. Lucy chooses from among the responses that of a woman named Carol Bradford, a librarian, and judges from her letter that this Carol would be the ideal roommate.
Mary Jane comes over later and Lucy has spent a whole week's salary on a piece of abstract artwork that she thinks will really impress her worldly librarian roommate. Mary Jane leaves just before Carol arrives. When Carol comes in the door, Lucy lowers her voice and tries to give off an aura of sophisticated nonchalance. She soon realizes, however, that she need not have tried so hard to put on airs. Carol trips over the step in the living room, laughs uproariously at Lucy's mild jokes and startles her, sneezes "like a sonic blast," and demonstrates overall awkwardness in everything she does.
Lucy finally suggests that she make them coffee, and Carol agrees. Carol asks Lucy if she minds whether she hangs up a few items in the apartment, and Lucy quickly agrees, saying, "it's your place, too." Carol immediately exchanges Lucy's expensive artwork for a framed "Home Sweet Home" done in counted cross-stitch. Lucy is not happy, but holds her tongue. Carol further proceeds to rearrange all the furniture in the living room. When she asks Lucy her opinion, Lucy is reluctant to say. When she brings the coffee in, however, she sets it down where the table used to be and ends up spilling everything.
Mary Jane comes over later and Lucy confesses that her new roomie is getting on her nerves. Mary Jane thinks she must be exaggerating, but when she hears Carol in the shower doing her Tarzan impression, then violently sneezing, she concedes that Lucy might be on to something.
Mary Jane collaborates with Lucy to figure out a way to get Carol out of the house. Carol tells them that her free time is spent mostly reading books or going with some of the other librarians to libraries that close later. When Mary Jane and Lucy bring up the idea of dating, Carol begins to hiccup, a trait that she says happens whenever she gets nervous.
Lucy and Mary Jane decide to plan a party, and invite some brothers that live across the hall and play in a band to join them. The guys come over with high expectations to meet "the swingin' chick" that Mary Jane has described to them. Lucy explains that Mary Jane has greatly exaggerated the bikini-model type that Carol was described to them to be. The brothers agree that Mel, the shyest of the four, should meet her.
When Carol arrives at the apartment, the band is in full swing. At first Carol is terrified and refuses to come near the party. Lucy offers everyone some Chianti, which Carol at first refuses. Lucy tells her that in Italy, they drink Chianti like water. Carol acquiesces, saying she's "a firm believer in drinking lots of water" and chugs the entire glass. Lucy introduces her to shy Mel; they seem to have little to talk about and Carol is flustered. She takes Mel's wine from him in her anxiety and polishes the whole thing off in a gulp. When it's suggested that everyone dance, Carol tries to flee and Lucy physically has to pry her off the ceiling support to which Carol is clinging and convince her to join them. Finally, Carol suggests that perhaps singing something might relax her. Lucy and Mary Jane are hesitant, but the guys agree. Right before she starts, Carol asks for "more of that Italian water" and chugs another glass of wine. She then begins to sing what sounds to be a sort of gospel song...until she gets to the chorus and lets it all out: a bawdy, loud rendition of "Hard-Hearted Hannah." The guys can't believe their eyes, and Lucy and Mary Jane grab one another for support, they're so surprised. Carol gets so into it that she throws off her overcoat, sheds her glasses, and even dances seductively. By the end, her hair is completely down and she looks like a normal, attractive woman.
Lucy and Mary Jane surround her and declare that she is definitely "way out of her shell."