The war between two dweeb gangs over their library space!
Tags: library librarians books helmet
Added: 7 years ago
Since the beginning of time, wars have been fought.
Empire against empire have clashed in battle, swords have been drawn and the blood of many honourable men has flown, all for the protection of the state.
Battles of this very nature have continued on for decades ...
George Bush vs Al Qaeda
Sibling vs sibling over the attention of their parents
Aliens vs humans over world domination
But worst of all, student librarians vs student librarians over a sanctuary of peace and quiet.
The story began with 5 individuals.
On one fateful day, Meredith and Scooter came into the library thinking they'd be spending their time there alone, as they usually do.
However, three intruders - Selma, Shelden, and Charlie - got there first.
This library wasn't big enough for the both of them.
[scene opens in a high school library, as a young female librarian (wearing a pink bear plush hat) is pushing a book cart while "upbeat" instrumental music plays]
[cut to another young female librarian (trucker hat, white shirt, black pants) reading a copy of the "V for Vendetta" graphic novel (holding it up so that the camera can't see her face)]
[cut to another young female librarian (white blouse, long black skirt, knee-high socks, ponytail) opening a large dictionary and flipping through the pages excitedly]
[cut to another young male librarian (wearing an orange motorcycle helmet) smiling blissfully as books fall from the top shelf and repeatedly hit him in the head]
[cut to another young female librarian (frizzy hair, black blouse and skirt) taking a book and sticking her nose in it, inhaling deeply]
[cut to all five librarians dancing in the library (to the sound of The Ramones' "Blitzkrieg Bop"), then cut three of the librarians sitting together in the library, reading and stamping magazines]
[cut to two of the librarians (the one with the motorcycle helmet and the one with the ponytail) walking in the hallway outside of the library, as the male librarian points to his backpack]
SCOOTER: I heard it's cool to wear your bag on one side ... but it kinda makes my neck spasm.
[cut back inside the library, as the librarian in the trucker hat (her face obscured by a blue mannequin head sitting atop a dictionary) is talking to the librarian wearing the bear hat]
CHARLIE: Yesterday, as I was running after the bus, I accidentally ran into an old woman ... I think some of her saliva may have come into contact with my skin. Yeah, um, I'm afraid I might have caught some pandemic disease or something.
[cut to the male librarian reading a book while stroking his chin in a contemplative fashion, when he suddenly gets a surprised look on his face]
SCOOTER: Hey gang, gather round!
[the librarian with the ponytail slowly walks over]
SCOOTER: I got my first facial hair!
[cut to Scooter and Meredith walking into the library, when they look in shock at the other three librarians sitting at a table]
SCOOTER: What the bleep?
[the librarian in the trucker hat waves at them excitedly, then cut to her in the stacks (obscuring her face with a manga book) as she reshelves books]
[cut to Scooter typing at a computer, when the frizzy-haired librarian walks up behind him and "knocks" politely on his helmet]
SELMA: What're you wearing?
SCOOTER: A helmet.
SELMA: What for?
SCOOTER: Why else do people wear helmets? To protect you from alien probing, so they don't get in your head. And your thoughts.
[he starts to become agitated]
SCOOTER: Get outta my head ...
[he grabs at his helmet, then bolts out of the chair and runs off camera]
SCOOTER: [yelling] Get outta my head!
[cut to Scooter and Meredith sitting at a table in the library, when she looks up]
MEREDITH: They're taking up too much space in our library ...
[the camera pans over (past two empty tables) to find the librarian in the trucker hat sitting by herself, quietly reading a book]
[cut to the librarian in the trucker hat typing at a computer (with her back to the camera), as Selma stands behind her looking off-camera]
SELMA: His name's Scooter ... "Scooter." Scoot-scoot. Scoooo-terrrr.
[cut to the librarian wearing the bear hat, as she stands behind the librarian in the trucker hat (still typing at the computer)]
CHARLIE: I heard Meredith, she can read a hundred and ninety seven words ... in ten seconds!
[cut to the three librarians carrying stacks of books through the library, when Scooter and Meredith walk by in the opposite direction ... Selma sticks her foot out (with the intention of tripping them), but they just step over her foot and keep walking]
[cut to the two groups sitting at opposite ends of the library (while Meredith is stamping books), when Selma puts down her book]
SELMA: Oh my god, I ... I can't handle it anymore! I can't stand the sound of your stamp!
[cut to Meredith and Selma on each side of a bookcase, as they race to see who can reshelve their books faster (while "Blitzkrieg Bop" continues to play)]
[cut to Scooter and Charlie trying to use their respective headgear against one another (like a pair of rutting elk), when they slip and fall]
SCOOTER: Ow ...
[he rubs his knee, then gets up and quickly runs off]
[cut back to the two groups sitting at opposite ends of the library, when Scooter gets up out of his chair]
SCOOTER: We gotta settle this once and for all! Just like Luke Skywalker did when he defeated Darth Vader! Just like, just liker Spider-Man and Doctor Octopus, episode number one-twenty-one! Just like, just like--
[he voice suddenly drops several octaves]
SCOOTER: Jennifer Aniston and Brad ... J-Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt?
SCOOTER: You guys! I think I just underwent puberty ... Awesome!
[he sits down, then cut back to the five librarians dancing together (once again to the sounds of "Blitzkrieg Bop")]
[cut to a closeup of Scooter's helmet and one loose shoe on the floor, next to his (?) twitching left arm]