experts in the library.............
The zombie captain tries to kill the experts ............. the library scene from the film hysterical
Tags: horror library doomed experts books zombies parody spoof
Added: 5 years ago
[scene opens with an African American male librarian sitting at the front desk of a public library, when the beeper on his wristwatch goes off, so he approaches the two male patrons sitting at one of the tables]
LEROY: It's closing time, gentlemen.
FRITZ: But we're not finished yet ...
LEROY: I'm sorry, all white people have to leave.
PAUL: I don't think, I don't think you understand ...
[he reaches into his pocket and hands him a card which reads "Official Card - Allowed to Stay in the Library Past Closing Time"]
LEROY: Oh. Well, that's different. I tell you what, I'll lock up and y'all let me know when you're finished, I'll let you out.
[the both loudly say "Thank you!", so the librarian puts a finger to his lips and shushes them]
[they both lower their voices and quietly finish their sentence ("Leroy ... "), as he gives them an angry look and points at all of the papers they have spread across the table]
LEROY: And y'all clean this up.
[he walks away, as the two men continue their research, then cut to the librarian quietly singing to himself as he prepares to close up the library]
LEROY: Everybody likes Duke Ellington ...
[he goes to close the shades on the windows, when he notices the lighthouse outside is shining its light into his eyes, then he turns suddenly at the sound of strange noises coming from behind a closed door]
LEROY: Who's in there? Library is closed. All white people must leave ...
[he opens the door and steps inside to find the source of the noise, then stops and stares at whatever is inside]
LEROY: Oh shit!
[the door closes behind him, but he quickly runs back out into the main reading room and slams the door shut behind him, breathing heavily with a frightened look on his face]
LEROY: I don't believe that shit! I don't believe it!
[someone from behind the door smashes it open with an axe, as Leroy screams in fright]
LEROY: I do believe, I do believe, I do believe ...
[he screams again, then cut back to Fritz and Paul as they continue their research (apparently oblivious to the commotion going on in the main reading room), when Fritz holds up a newspaper]
FRITZ: Hey, Paul. You should read this, it's kinda neat. It's a picture of the lighthouse, and the guy that used to run it. It says he was washed out to sea in a terrible storm, and his body was never found. And on the same night, a ship that his wife was on crashed and sank and she--
PAUL: Wait a minute. Repeat that.
FRITZ: Hey, Paul. You should read this, it's kinda neat. It's a picture of the lighthouse, and--
[he grabs the paper from him]
PAUL: Give me that!
[he looks at the picture]
PAUL: Think I've got it.
FRITZ: You know where the missing corpse is?
[he erases part of the picture, so that it looks like the captain has big white eyebrows]
PAUL: Who's that look like?
FRITZ: Burgess Meredith.
[he erases some more of the picture]
PAUL: Who's that look like?
FRITZ: It's Phil Donahue!
PAUL: No, try again.
FRITZ: Virginia Graham?
PAUL: No! Fritz, it's the lightkeeper. The missing corpse, it's Captain James Howdy!
[the two suddenly hear Jaws-like music playing]
FRITZ: I'm scared ...
PAUL: Don't be scared, Fritz. And you know where that missing body is?
[he shakes his head]
PAUL: Good, so do I. And the first thing we have to do is get down to that lighthouse and warn Casper, he might be in danger.
[Fritz suddenly notices the zombie captain slowly walking up behind Paul, but becomes tongue-tied and can't properly warn him (so Paul continues with his explanation)]
PAUL: Then we gotta go to the Kook house and talk to Ralph, I'm sure that crackpot knows something. We can get to the bottom of this once and for all!
[Fritz starts pointing and mouthing "The Captain!"]
PAUL: What's the matter? What's the matter? Oh, you're ... Oh, you're speechless.
[he holds up seven fingers]
PAUL: Oh, charades! Okay, seven words. First word, small. Your pee-pee!
PAUL: I'm sorry. Uh, small. I, and, or, the--
[he points to his nose]
PAUL: "The!" The ...
[he points to his head]
PAUL: Your bad tooth! The, hat ... The cap. The cap, the soup. Oriental soup. Wanton. The cap-ton ... is!
[he keeps gesticulating wildly as the captain gets closer]
PAUL: The captain is running? He's growing ... He's going? The captain is going to? Going to kill? He's going to kill ... you? No, the captain is going to kill me!
FRITZ: [quietly] The captain is gonna kill you!
PAUL: Fritz, that's absurd ...
[he finally turns around, just as the captain smashes his axe into the middle of the table]
[cut to a closeup of the two men, as they scream and begin to comically run around the stacks in an attempt to escape the captain, when they stop and hide behind a bookcase (pulling out their guns)]
PAUL: I can't believe it, a living dead fiend!
FRITZ: Yeah, a live dead person! Now what're we gonna do?
PAUL: Shut up, Fritz, I'm trying to think!
[Fritz suddenly pulls a book off of the shelf]
FRITZ: Hey, dominoes! My favorite game ...
[he opens the book and starts reading]
FRITZ: "Dominoes, a game played with rectangular blocks, usually twenty eight in number."
PAUL: Wait a minute, repeat that.
FRITZ: Hey, dominoes! My favorite game--
[he grabs the book from him]
PAUL: Give me that!
[he quickly scans through the book]
PAUL: Fritz, I think I've got it!
PAUL: Never mind, just follow me!
[he points his gun at him]
PAUL: Fritz ...
FRITZ: Okay, I'm going, I'm going ...
[they sneak behind another bookcase and spy on the captain]
PAUL: [whispers] There he is, I see him!
FRITZ: The domino theory!
[they both give a thumbs up, then push the bookcase over towards the captain, but it only manages to knock over the immediate bookcases around him before circling back and pinning the two underneath their weight]
A comedy horror film of 1983, "Hysterical," stars the Hudson brothers - Bill, Mark, and Brett - and uses the library and a librarian for comedic purposes in two scenes. Mark is Dr. Paul Batton and Brett is Fritz; they are two itinerant, incompetent adventurers who are hired to solve a problem confronting the residents of Cape Hellview. A zombie captain who died one hundred years ago after a fall from the local lighthouse suddenly reappears, killing local residents who immediately become white-faced zombies. To research this mystery, Paul and Fritz visit the public library, and at closing time, librarian Leroy (Franklyn Ajaye) approaches them and says, "It's closing time, gentlemen." They complain, but Leroy, a Black American, apologetically responds, "I'm sorry, all white people have to leave."
Leroy is killed by the zombie captain, and as the captain closes in on Paul and Fritz, they manage to escape by pushing over a book stack which, in domino effect, knocks over all the book stacks.
Later in the film, they mayor and medical examiner visit the library to find Paul and Fritz, who are missing - they are trapped under the book stacks. Even though it is Sunday and the library is closed, Leroy opens the door for them. Leroy, now a zombie, is in whiteface and greets them, "Hey, you know. What difference does it make?" Leroy follows them around the library, repeating the zombies' favorite phrase, "What difference does it make?"
Leroy, beared and bespectacled, dresses very casually - open collar madras shirt under a gold cardigan sweater, which projects (when coupled with his white socks) an "only 38" image. These visual characteristics and his many occupational tasks - reading at his desk, maintaining silence, and enforcing the library's closing time - buttress the stereotypical image.