Friday, August 23, 2013

Case Study No. 0941: Staff of Unnamed Library (Study Hard)

Study Hard
A mockumentary about college libraries...

A Letter in the Sea Production
Tags: whitman college short film mockumentary library humor letter in the sea productions Kim Wetter Emily Goll Julie McQuary
Added: 5 years ago
From: seekerkim
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Letter in the Sea Productions
Study Hard

College Library, USA
6 days until finals

[scene opens with a female student worker in the library speaking directly to the camera]
STUDENT WORKER: A lot of shit goes down in the library ...
[cut to the student worker behind the front desk, as a male student is complaining to her]
MALE STUDENT 1: Those were important movies, I can't just watch those in one sitting. I, you guys did not do a good enough job of telling me when they were due back. Forty dollars is too much money to pay!
STUDENT WORKER: I'm sorry, you're gonna have to pay those fines if you wanna rent something else.
[she shrugs]
MALE STUDENT 1: Lemmee ... buy you dinner.
STUDENT WORKER: No, you still hafta pay.
MALE STUDENT 1: Come on, "Die Hard"'s an important movie!
STUDENT WORKER: Yeah, yeah. But you still have to pay the fines on it.
[he pauses, then turns and walks away]
MALE STUDENT 1: Whatever ... bitch.
[cut back to the student worker speaking directly to the camera]
STUDENT WORKER: The only time working in the library is fun, is when guys that want to rent "Die Hard 3" are unable to because they have fines for "Must Love Dogs" ...
[she laughs, then cut back to the front desk, as a female student tries to get the student worker's attention (as she reads a book without looking up)]
FEMALE STUDENT 1: Um, excuse me.
[the student worker (still without looking up from her book) holds a finger up]
FEMALE STUDENT 1: Uh, I'd like to check out a book ...
[the student worker continues reading, then (after the female student taps the desk in front of her) finally looks up]
STUDENT WORKER: Sorry, do you need something?
[cut back to the student worker speaking directly to the camera]
STUDENT WORKER: Okay, I'm gonna be honest. So like, one minute you're Facebooking the guy with the permanent boner from your physics class, and the next Kerry Kappa is asking you where she can find "The Life and Times of Britney Spears" ...
[cut to a group of five female students all sitting at a table together]
FEMALE STUDENT 2: I'm never gonna get this paper done ...
FEMALE STUDENT 3: Yeah, me neither.
[the students (instead of working on their papers) continue to procrastinate by checking their phones and putting on lip balm]
FEMALE STUDENT 4: You look really pretty today.
FEMALE STUDENT 2: Thank you!
FEMALE STUDENT 3: [pause] You guys wanna take another break?
[the girls all sigh with relief and slam their books shut, as one of them points to her laptop]
FEMALE STUDENT 5: Ooh, you guys hafta see Mark's new Facebook picture!
[she turns the laptop towards them]
FEMALE STUDENT 5: He looks so hot!
[they all giggle]
FEMALE STUDENT 5: Can you believe we made it to second base already?
FEMALE STUDENT 6: Oh my god!
FEMALE STUDENT 3: Does this mean you're like, dating now?
FEMALE STUDENT 5: Mm hmm! He said he might see me at the party on Saturday!
[they all giggle, then cut to one of the students speaking directly to the camera]
FEMALE STUDENT 3: How often? Oh, I'm at the library all the time! Yeah ... I find no matter where I am, the library's the most productive place for me. Yeah. I mean, isn't that what college is all about? Learning how to balance your academic and social life?
[cut to the student checking her Facebook page on a laptop in the library, then back to her speaking directly to the camera]
FEMALE STUDENT 3: I just feel so bad for the people who sit alone in the library. I mean, college is stressful. And y'know, you need your friends. Besides, they just look so ... alone.
[cut to a nerdy-looking male student sitting alone in the library, as a couple of laughing female students walk past him]
MALE STUDENT 2: Sigh ...
[he watches them as they walk past, then cut to him speaking directly to the camera]
MALE STUDENT 2: I hate people. They have no respect for people that are working. I mean, like, people are going around acting like college isn't difficult, but our futures are on the line here. I mean, if people were really doing everything that they should and could be doing, there wouldn't even be a cafe here.
[cut to a male and female student sitting at a table together in the library's cafe, as she points at her notebook]
FEMALE STUDENT 7: Okay, so the cosine starts at one, and the graph looks like that.
MALE STUDENT 3: Okay, so that's a sine graph?
FEMALE STUDENT 7: No, that's a cosine graph.
MALE STUDENT 3: Aw! I'm gonna fail this test ...
FEMALE STUDENT 7: No, it's okay, relax.
[the camera pans over to another table, where a male and female student are sitting and drinking coffee together]
MALE STUDENT 4: No, I'm totally okay on McDreamy ...
FEMALE STUDENT 8: He's so boring!
[he shrugs]
MALE STUDENT 4: They're meant to be together, it doesn't matter if he's very interesting. Besides, there's nothing intriguing about McVet ...
[the camera pans over to the checkout line of the cafe, as a male student waits for his order]
MALE STUDENT 5: Yeah, uh, can I get a grande non-fat triple-shot mocha?
[the cashier takes his card and scans it]
[cut to the student (holding his coffee) speaking directly to the camera]
MALE STUDENT 5: What am I doing here? Well, I'm writing my thesis. It's about the suppression of women under the Ronald Reagan administration.
[he pauses]
MALE STUDENT 5: Yeah, I know. Totally boring, right? And it's like a womens' thesis, and I'm not a woman ... Well, I think it's something that's really important, that our society should really take a look at. Yeah.
[he takes a sip]
MALE STUDENT 5: Alright, I'll be honest ... I haven't slept in like, what, four days? And it's due in like, six days? I just need a little more time to formulate my thoughts, and--
[he pauses]
MALE STUDENT 5: Well, I'm actually investigating some connections between Nancy Reagan and Hillary Clinton, and how that relates to previous administrations and uh, Eleanor--
[cut to the student alone in the library, fast asleep with his face down in his laptop, then cut to a male student worker (wearing a yellow safety vest) speaking directly to the camera]
LIBRARY SECURITY: Uh, yeah, we get a lotta sleepers. Um, and sometimes I hafta wake them up. It, it's a rough job, but y'know, someone has to do it.
[cut back to the sleeping student, as the student worker walks up and taps him on the shoulder]
[the student bolts up, realizing he's about to be kicked out of the library for sleeping]
MALE STUDENT 5: Oh, oh shit!
LIBRARY SECURITY: You can't sleep here, sorry.
MALE STUDENT 5: Uh ... I'm working! I'm working. Um--
[he places his fingers on the keyboard]
MALE STUDENT 5: I need to work!
MALE STUDENT 5: Don't kick me out!
[he starts flipping through a book next to the laptop]
LIBRARY SECURITY: Shouldn't you go home and get some rest?
MALE STUDENT 5: Uh, I'm working! I'm working!
MALE STUDENT 5: I need to work!
[he turns and walks away, as the student stares at the screen and begins typing]
MALE STUDENT 5: I need to work ... I need to work ...
[cut back to the student worker speaking directly to the camera]
LIBRARY SECURITY: Yeah, the job can be pretty dangerous. Um, we've had some problems with kids coming in with beer ... a few times.
[cut to two male students sitting in the library and reading, when two other male students enter the scene carrying a six-pack of Keystone Light]
MALE STUDENT 6: Beer fairy!
MALE STUDENT 7: Beer fairy ... yeah!
[he places a single can on the table in between the students, then rubs one of them on the head]
MALE STUDENT 7: Have a beer ...
[they leave, as the two students awkwardly look at one another]
MALE STUDENT 8: [pause] I can't drink this beer.
[he pushes the beer can over to the other student's side of the table]
MALE STUDENT 9: Well ... I have class tomorrow.
[he pushes the can back]
MALE STUDENT 8: It's a Thursday night.
MALE STUDENT 9: Well ... Well, should we throw it away?
[he turns and looks towards where the other students walked off]
MALE STUDENT 8: [whispers] They might get angry.
MALE STUDENT 9: Okay ... Okay, just put it in your backpack.
MALE STUDENT 8: [pause] What if security searches me?
MALE STUDENT 9: You're so paranoid! Who ... Who's gonna think you have a beer?
MALE STUDENT 8: Hey, I drink!
MALE STUDENT 9: When was the last time you drank?
MALE STUDENT 8: [pause] That time we were playing Dungeons and Dragons!
[they awkwardly look back down at their notebooks]
MALE STUDENT 9: We could ... drink it on the fourth floor.
[they giggle nervously (as the two "beer fairies" run back and forth in the stacks behind them), then cut back to the female student worker speaking directly to the camera]
STUDENT WORKER: The fourth floor?
[she stifles a laugh]
STUDENT WORKER: Okay, I try to avoid the fourth floor ... because, I mean, not only are there a lot of stairs, there are also things up there that no sane person wants to see.
[cut to two students making out on a couch in the library]
STUDENT WORKER: [in voice over] Sexually active freshmen ...
[the camera pans over to the stacks area, where one of the previous students is looking around nervously while sipping from the beer can]
STUDENT WORKER: [in voice over] People drinking beer ...
[cut to a closeup shot of the men's bathroom door closing]
STUDENT WORKER: [in voice over] And boys masturbating to the cylons on "Battlestar Galactica" ...
[cut back to the nerdy student speaking directly to the camera]
MALE STUDENT 2: Well, obviously the fourth floor is the quietest, but I would never go up there ... I mean, the reading room is pretty quiet too, but in such a public arena, I would never expose my perfect study habits to unworthy opponents.
[cut back to the female student speaking directly to the camera]
FEMALE STUDENT 3: Oh, I would never study in the reading room! You, you can't even talk in there! And I heard that some people have a contest to see who can stay there the longest ... Re-tar-ded!
[cut to the library's reading room, as a single female student looks around to find that no one else is there, so she jumps out of her chair and pumps her fists in the air with excitement]
[cut back to the female student worker speaking directly to the camera]
STUDENT WORKER: I think Hitler would've studied in the reading room ...
[cut to the nerdy student (again sitting by himself), as he looks over at a male and female student reading a book together and laughing, then cut back to him speaking directly to the camera]
MALE STUDENT 2: People just don't get it. The library is for studying, and studying alone! If I wanna socialize, I would ... go attend some social event, or something.
[he crosses his arms and looks around sadly]
MALE STUDENT 2: [quietly] Yeah ...
[cut back to the two male students who were sharing the beer, as they sit at a table in the library and nervously look around]
MALE STUDENT 9: I think I'm drunk ...
MALE STUDENT 8: How do you know?
MALE STUDENT 9: Oh, I don't know, I was just ... thinking maybe I should ask Sarah out. She looks--
[he turns and looks at something off camera]
MALE STUDENT 9: Even more pretty after half a beer.
[the camera pans over to show three female students sitting at a table together]
FEMALE STUDENT 8: Oh my god, what happened with you and Max last night?
FEMALE STUDENT 9: Okay. Well, this stays just between us ... Max and me totally fucked last night!
FEMALE STUDENT 10: Uh, "Max and I" ... totally fucked last night.
[the camera quickly pans back to show the "drunk" student (who had gotten up and was ready to ask the object of his affection out on a date) frozen in his tracks, as he slowly turns back and heads towards his friend]
MALE STUDENT 8: What're you doing? Aren't you gonna talk to her?
MALE STUDENT 9: Let's just drop it, okay?
[he looks down and continues writing in his notebook, then cut back to the female student worker speaking directly to the camera]
STUDENT WORKER: So the library's pretty boring, and there's nothing much to do ... but it buys me that eight-ball each week.
[she laughs]
STUDENT WORKER: And it doesn't require much effort on my part. Overall ...
[she gives two thumbs up, then cut to the group of five female students standing in front of the library exit]
FEMALE STUDENT 4: So, meet here same time tomorrow?
FEMALE STUDENT 3: Of course ... This paper's taking so long!
FEMALE STUDENT 5: Seven thirty, same place?
FEMALE STUDENT 3: Same table!
[cut to the student worker sitting in the dark]
FEMALE STUDENT 3: [in voice over] I'd never get anything done if I didn't come to the library ...

Written and Directed by
Julie McQuary
Emily Goll
Kim Wetter

Sarah Hathaway
Peter Richards
Chelsea Nash
Laura Trutna
Margi Bhatt
Rachel Bishop
Linda Phan
Becka Johnson
Andrea Wendel
Chelsea Bissell
Stephen Carter
Wes Matlock
Chris Lukes
Erin Rayburn
Tracy Brown
Todd Van Osdol
Alex Kerr
Drew Varedy
Tyler Clancy
Erik Baxtrom
Russ Caditz-Peck
Bebhinne Hall
Charlie McKiver
Kim Hooyboer
Emily Goll
Kim Wetter

Special Thanks to
Robert Sickels
Claudia Yeung
Tracy Brown
Dalia Hagan
Whitman College Library
David Sprunger
Ezra Fox

This has been a
Letter in the Sea

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