Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Case Study No. 0906: "Some post menopausal chick, giving you the stink eye"

Adam Carolla versus quiet cars!
Adam and the gang discuss the noise level on commuter trains ... Riveting!

From the June 14th (2012) edition of "The Adam Carolla Podcast."

Used without permission.
Tags: adam carolla podcast alison rosen todd barry quiet car long island railroad penn station atlantic terminal trains amtrak conductors librarians shush shushing
Added: 1 year ago
From: BoondyAlBoondy
Views: 542

[Adam and his crew are on stage speaking with comedian Todd Barry]
ALISON ROSEN: The Long Island Railroad is ramping up the number of quiet cars they have on their trains.
ALISON ROSEN: On Monday, they'll add a quiet car to all single level electric trains to Penn Station and Atlantic Terminal during morning peak hours.
ADAM CAROLLA: Now do you ... The trains are quiet, or like no farting in the trains?
[the audience laughs]
ALISON ROSEN: Yeah, they have odor-free cars.
ADAM CAROLLA: You have to be quiet?
ALISON ROSEN: You have to be quiet. They discourage loud talkers, phone calls, and electronic devices.
TODD BARRY: Yeah, but people aren't ... On Amtrak, I've ridden a quiet car, and they just, they don't--
ALISON ROSEN: They aren't?
TODD BARRY: They're not quiet, is what I'm trying to say.
ADAM CAROLLA: They're not?
TODD BARRY: No, and everyone will kinda just sit around looking, 'cause there'll be someone on their cellphone, and they're just going "Lookit that guy talking ... "
[the audience laughs]
ALISON ROSEN: So it's a bunch of really passive people and one loud person.
TODD BARRY: Yeah yeah, it's like watching a crime in progress.
[the audience laughs]
ALISON ROSEN: That sounds awful!
TODD BARRY: Then you find out, "Oh, no one ever called the cops."
ADAM CAROLLA: The quiet car!
ALISON ROSEN: It's bystander apathy ... Uh, I heard--
ADAM CAROLLA: The quiet car sounds like a euphemism if you have, like, a special-needs kid.
ADAM CAROLLA: "Take Jeremy, use the quiet car."
[the audience laughs]
ALISON ROSEN: Right, or something--
ADAM CAROLLA: One of, the one with all the foam rubber padding.
ALISON ROSEN: It takes you to rehab.
ADAM CAROLLA: Yeah, take 'em to rehab in the quiet car.
TODD BARRY: I took a train from Portland to Seattle, and people would go in between cars, to make phone calls. Just on their own.
ADAM CAROLLA: Oh, really?
ALISON ROSEN: There's nowhere--
TODD BARRY: Yeah, they walk between the cars to make a phone call. Like, I almost fainted.
ALISON ROSEN: Would you agree with me, there's nowhere more frightening than between cars of a moving train?
ADAM CAROLLA: Yeah, well, they do have that little whisp of chain that's supposed to stop you, but ...
[the audience laughs]
ADAM CAROLLA: It's really just gonna get tangled up in your jeans and you'll be dragged--
ADAM CAROLLA: To death, really!
ADAM CAROLLA: You'd be better off just going in one clean shot!
TODD BARRY: I'd rather hear him ... Yeah, I'd rather hear the guy falling between cars than, imagine him having a conference call with his web designer or something.
ALISON ROSEN: That's true ...
ADAM CAROLLA: Well, you know what they need--
ALISON ROSEN: Sacrifice that guy!
ADAM CAROLLA: Y'know, I think libraries are going the way of the dodo. Like, y'know, it's just a buncha homeless people reading the USA Today for free on one'a those giant wicker canes, right?
ADAM CAROLLA: No kids need the fuckin' library anymore. That's a, that's a waste of space ...
ALISON ROSEN: Goodbye, microfiche.
ADAM CAROLLA: Librarians need jobs! How about we put the librarians on the quiet cars ...
[the audience laughs]
ADAM CAROLLA: And get some post-menopausal chick, giving you the stink-eye!
TODD BARRY: Hushing people, yeah ...
ADAM CAROLLA: With the glasses with the chain on it, coming by ...
ALISON ROSEN: No, Adam! When she lets her bun down, she's actually hot!
ADAM CAROLLA: Oh, yeah! Porn librarians!
ALISON ROSEN: That's how all librarians are, didn't you know?
ADAM CAROLLA: Yeah, yeah.
ALISON ROSEN: Um, well, according to Newsday, the conductors on the quiet cars ... Instead of shushing someone, 'cause that would be noisy. 'Cause, y'know, there's nothing louder than people trying to tell you to shush. Uh, they hand you a card. I don't know if this is true, but I like the idea of it.
ADAM CAROLLA: Like a soccer ref!
ALISON ROSEN: That's right.
[the audience laughs]
ADAM CAROLLA: They hold up like a yellow card, and they're like--
TODD BARRY: "Long Island Railroad would like you to shut the fuck up."
[the audience laughs]
ADAM CAROLLA: Well first off ... "Here's my home number on the back, in case you wanna talk more about this in a more appropriate setting."
[the audience laughs]
ALISON ROSEN: I'll meet you between the cars ...
ADAM CAROLLA: What's going on in this car? Like, is Tiger Woods setting up a putt, or what's going on? Wh-why can't people fuckin' talk on a fucking train?
TODD BARRY: It's awful, though.
ALISON ROSEN: Well, they can talk on every--
ADAM CAROLLA: It's loud enough!
ALISON ROSEN: I know, but ... and I'm gonna yell about this. I never realized, and I lived in New York for eight years, I never realized how fucking loud it is everywhere here until I sat in a restaurant yester--Time is destroyed. Yesterday.
ALISON ROSEN: And I don't know, I don't think it was especially loud. I just think that I'm now used to LA, where I'm in a car or I'm in a quiet place. I forgot ... It's so great and so stimulating here, but man is it loud!
ADAM CAROLLA: But, are ... Is somebody performing oral surgery on this fuckin' train? Like, what's going on that you need this--
ALISON ROSEN: Not if they're gonna use a drill!
TODD BARRY: No, but you're hearing like ten different conversations ... One-sided conversations going on.
ADAM CAROLLA: Yeah, but I like that!
TODD BARRY: It's like, "Bernie, what, should we have Italian food tonight?"
TODD BARRY: That's a perfect impression, by the way.
ALISON ROSEN: I would think you'd like the quiet car, because you're so hyper-aware of sounds.
ADAM CAROLLA: I do, but then it would bother me, because somebody would talk and then I would ... I'd rather just go on, is there like a fiesta car? Or--
[the audience laughs]
ALISON ROSEN: God, there should be!
ADAM CAROLLA: Yeah! A bullhorn car!
ADAM CAROLLA: Something ...
ALISON ROSEN: Everyday is Saint Patty's Day car!
ADAM CAROLLA: Yeah, people swingin' pinatas, y'know ...



Adam opens the show discussing his busy day of book press, and a reporter who didn't know the Richard Gere gerbil rumor. He then answers audience questions about wedding rings, cleanliness vs. talcum powder, and why car gas gauges are so awful. Next up, Alison opens the news with clips of Wendy Williams saying that Adam was the worst guest she ever had. The guys also chat about Skunk Day, rattlesnakes, and peeing in the sink.

Later in the news, Alison discusses the banning of sugary drinks in New York, and the death of Henry Hill. Another news story is about the addition of more quiet subway cars, and Adam recalls a bizarre subway experience that happened earlier in the day. After stories about pizza vending machines and a guy who attacked his girlfriend with wasabi, the show wraps up with What Can't Adam Complain About.

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