Diary of a Dirty Tongue - Librarian Fantasy
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Added: 3 years ago
From: curebadbreath
Views: 89,037
[scene opens with a man wearing a giant tongue costume, sitting in his room and speaking directly to the camera]
MORGAN: Hey everybody! It's three PM ...
[cut to Morgan holding up a small digital clock]
MORGAN: Three PM!
[cut back to Morgan speaking directly to the camera]
MORGAN: Just got back from the library ...
[cut to Morgan standing in his room, holding some LPs (including the soundtrack to the movie "Yentl"), then back to him speaking directly to the camera]
MORGAN: Library's got videos that you can rent for free!
[cut to Morgan (still in his tongue costume) walking through the stacks of a public library, grabbing VHS tapes off the shelves]
MORGAN: [in voice over] Sometimes they're VHS ... That's fine.
[cut back to Morgan speaking directly to the camera]
MORGAN: Like, a year ago, nobody knew what a DVD was, and they weren't complaining about quality.
[cut back to Morgan in the library (as he nearly knocks over a male patron while grabbing more tapes), then back to him speaking directly to the camera]
MORGAN: Y'know, squint a little bit and ... it's hi-def!
[cut to another shot of Morgan speaking directly to the camera]
MORGAN: So, uh, no problem there. Another great thing about the library is they have ... periodicals!
[cut to a bunch of magazines spread out across the floor, as melancholy music plays]
MORGAN: [in voice over] You can't check 'em out, but you can spend three or four hours ...
[cut back to Morgan speaking directly to the camera]
MORGAN: And just look at 'em.
[cut to Morgan sitting in the library, reading a copy of "Bridal Guide" and crying softly to himself, then back to him speaking directly to the camera]
MORGAN: So, what magazines do you like to read? Comment below, and maybe I'll subscribe to 'em, and then we can talk about 'em ... and it'll be like a club!
[cut to another shot of Morgan speaking directly to the camera]
MORGAN: But yeah, anyway ... what'd I get?
[he reaches over and grabs a VHS tape]
MORGAN: I got ... oh, this is a treat.
[he holds the tape up to the camera]
MORGAN: Dick Tracy!
[cut to Morgan holding another tape]
MORGAN: Father of the Bride ... Twoooo!
[cut to Morgan holding another tape]
MORGAN: A Miracle on Thirty Fourth Street ...
[cut to Morgan holding up a copy of "Save the Last Dance"]
MORGAN: Julia Stiles ...
[cut to Morgan holding another tape (and smiling coyly)]
MORGAN: The Net ... I learned everything I know about the internet from this movie!
[cut to Morgan holding the tape up to his face and talking softly to it]
MORGAN: Oh Sandra ...
[cut to another shot of Morgan speaking directly to the camera]
MORGAN: There was this lady in the library ...
[cut to Morgan (carrying his stack of VHS tapes) standing in line at the checkout desk, as a female patron is arguing with the young female librarian (glasses, short brown hair, striped blouse)]
MORGAN: [in voice over] Trying to check out some videos.
[cut back to Morgan speaking directly to the camera]
MORGAN: She started having a, a big fit!
[cut to Morgan standing in his room (pretending to yell and kicking his chair down), then back to him speaking directly to the camera]
MORGAN: Because she had a fine ...
[cut back to Morgan as he apologetically places the chair back upright]
MORGAN: [quietly] Sorry, chair ...
[cut back to Morgan speaking directly to the camera]
MORGAN: And she didn't wanna pay a fine, it was like a buck fifty!
[cut back to the angry patron, as Morgan "narrates" her argument using a deep dumb-sounding voice]
MORGAN: [in voice over] "Oh please just let me take these books, but don't charge me when I bring stuff back late! Oh, I'm so stupid!"
[Morgan rolls his eyes behind her, as the librarian sighs deeply]
LIBRARIAN: It's just fifteen cents a day, ma'am ...
MORGAN: [in voice over] "I'm ticked off, 'cause I checked out childrens' books for my snot-nosed kids! Oh, but they didn't read 'em in time, so now I got a fine and I don't wanna pay it!"
[the librarian looks over at Morgan and smiles, then he flashes to a dream sequence where they are both standing in the stacks (as he nonchalantly looks over a DVD while wearing a pair of sunglasses)]
LIBRARIAN: What'cha lookin' for?
[he slowly turns towards her]
MORGAN: Videos on motorhomes ...
LIBRARIAN: Why don't you look for something else?
[he whips off his sunglasses]
MORGAN: Like what?
[she takes off her glasses, then shakes out her hair (even though it wasn't in a bun) in a seductive manner]
LIBRARIAN: Like love ...
[she grabs him and throws him to the floor, then jumps on top of him]
MORGAN: But--
LIBRARIAN: Shh, you're in the library ...
MORGAN: [whispers] Sorry ...
[cut to various shots of Morgan and the librarian cavorting through the library (running through the stacks, her sitting on his lap while reading a "Star Wars" book, etc.) as "sensual" music plays, then cut back to the librarian sitting on top of Morgan on the floor]
MORGAN: Oh, oh ...
[he strokes her hair, when suddenly her "wig" falls off and he recoils at her shaved head]
MORGAN: Ahh!
[she runs off in shame, as he's left lying on the floor]
MORGAN: Wait, I ... No, I'm cool with it!
[the dream sequence ends, as Morgan (shaking the cobwebs out) continues "narrating" the angry patron's diatribe]
MORGAN: [in voice over] "Oh fine, take my money! Oh, I'm so stupid!"
[the patron places some change on the counter and carries her tapes away in a huff, then Morgan slowly puts his stack of tapes down (eyeing the librarian suspiciously as she scans his library card)]
MORGAN: [pause] Is that your real hair?
LIBRARIAN: Excuse me?
[he says nothing, so the librarian goes back to typing on her computer]
LIBRARIAN: You owe eighteen dollars in overdue videos.
MORGAN: I know.
[he hands her some money]
MORGAN: Yeah, my stupid friend had 'em, I just returned 'em ...
[the librarian continues staring at him in confusion, as he tries to smile confidently and takes the stack of tapes]
MORGAN: Go ahead and keep the change ...
[he raises his eyebrows in a "come hither" fashion and slowly backs away, then cut back to Morgan speaking directly to the camera]
MORGAN: So I guess that's the moral for the week, is return your library books and videos on time. Or pay your fines, if you have them.
[cut to another shot of Morgan speaking directly to the camera, as he caresses his VHS copy of "The Net"]
MORGAN: I'm gonna go watch "The Net" with Sandy Bullock ...
[cut to another shot of Morgan speaking directly to the camera]
MORGAN: Tell me what videos you're watching right now. Either on VHS, DVD, or right here on YouTube! And don't forget to prescribe to my channel, so you can see all of my videos that I'm in.
[cut to another shot of Morgan speaking directly to the camera]
MORGAN: Make sure you catch me next Tuesday, and check out my other videos ... 'cause they're great! Bye!
---
From nytimes.com:
To Fix Bad Breath, a Gadget Seen on YouTube
By CLAIRE CAIN MILLER
WHEN Robert Wagstaff came up with the idea for a tongue brush to cure bad breath, he was sure he had a best seller. But a decade later, after dozens of pitches to dentists and retailers and a $50,000 TV infomercial, he had a dud.
That all changed last year, when he posted a funny video about bad breath that advertised the tongue cleaner, called Orabrush, on YouTube.
A year later, people have viewed Orabrush's YouTube clips 24 million times, watching weekly appearances by a giant tongue named Morgan. Orabrush has sold $1 million worth of the $5 tongue brushes through YouTube, and major drugstores are beginning to stock it on their shelves. And in February, its maker - a tiny company in Provo, Utah - lured a former Procter & Gamble executive to become its chief executive.
Big companies have received much attention for creating promotional YouTube videos that go viral, like Procter & Gamble's runaway hit featuring the Old Spice man. But small businesses are increasingly using YouTube to advertise and - in cases like Orabrush - to establish their retail presence.
YouTube videos reverse big companies' marketing equations, said Jeff Davis, Orabrush's chief executive and a 23-year P.& G. veteran.
"What P.& G. taught me is a different model - you have an idea, build a prototype, have a test market, scale the product, find a retailer and distribution, then turn on marketing," he said. "This was the reverse. We basically launched the entire brand on YouTube and Facebook."
Shishir Mehrotra, director of product management and video monetization at Google, which owns YouTube, said that "one of the big surprises is what's happening with small advertisers."
Original Skateboards, for instance, shows skateboard videos on YouTube and gives coupons to YouTube viewers. Blendtec, which makes blenders, captured consumer interest with its video series "Will It Blend," in which it blends things like golf balls and an iPad. Dynomighty Design marketed its magnetic bracelet on YouTube and gets half of its traffic from the video site.
Mr. Wagstaff came up with the idea for the Orabrush when he gave a class on oral hygiene to missionaries in the Philippines, where he led a Mormon mission. Preparing for the tutorial, he discovered that most of the bacteria that causes bad breath lives on the tongue, not the teeth.
But he knew that toothbrushes, made for hard surfaces, would not work as well on tongues. As a former executive at a bioscience company, he had researched ways to clean salmonella off raw chicken and learned it took flexible bristles to pry the bacteria from soft folds.
Based on that, he hatched the idea for the Orabrush. It has soft, rubbery bristles for scraping across the tongue, back to front. He built the prototype, applied for a patent and spent the next few years trying and failing to sell it.
Last year, a desperate Mr. Wagstaff asked a Brigham Young University business class for help. A student, Jeffrey Harmon, now 27, had an idea: make a funny video about bad breath and show it on YouTube.
Mr. Wagstaff, now 76, had never seen YouTube, but he hired Mr. Harmon to make a video for about $500. Mr. Harmon knew a former colleague who had amused him with his workplace rants, so he asked him to rant about bad breath and shot the video at a pool hall.
Orabrush buys ads on YouTube and Google and also promotes the videos on Facebook, showing ads that link to Orabrush's e-commerce site when people watch the videos.
"As soon as I could see we were making as much or more money each day than we spent on ads on YouTube, I knew we had something," said Mr. Harmon, who is now chief marketing officer.
Each week brings a new installment of "Diaries of a Dirty Tongue," in which an actor dressed in a grotesque pink tongue costume rolls on a floor with a librarian or fumbles in social situations. In other videos, an actor dressed in a lab coat and glasses talks about "halitophobia, the irrational fear of bad breath," and lures unsuspecting passers-by to take bad breath tests.
Four pharmacy chains, including Boots in the United Kingdom and London Drugs in Canada, heard about the videos and committed to sell Orabrushes in their stores.
"It's the type of product you can't sell with search, you can't sell with display, but it's uniquely able to sell because of the power of video's medium," said Salar Kamangar, co-head of YouTube. "These are user-choice ads, things that people are choosing to click on."
Though Orabrush's first video had 13 million views, the videos typically get about 40,000 - not even close to viral. Yet that smaller, committed audience proves that Orabrush is connecting with customers, said Jim Louderback, chief executive of Revision3, an Internet television company. Companies that focus on achieving the lightning-in-a-bottle success of viral videos like the Old Spice man are misguided, he said.
"Going viral is diametrically opposed to building that trust and relationship between a media property and an audience," Mr. Louderback said. "Brands spend all this time thinking about how to make something go viral when they ought to think about how to create a meaningful relationship."
Orabrush's YouTube channel, Curebadbreath, has been viewed 24 million times. Almost 40,000 people have subscribed to get e-mail updates every time Orabrush posts a new video, making it the seventh most-subscribed channel, ahead of brands like Disney, BMW and Nintendo Wii.
In July, the Orabrush team attended VidCon, an online video conference that brings in many YouTube celebrities. Orabrush sponsored the Wi-Fi service and left free tongue brushes in attendees' hotel rooms.
Dozens of YouTube celebrities have since made their own promotional videos for Orabrush. (Some were paid for the videos and others made them voluntarily, Mr. Harmon said.)
"What they did was really smart, to get your product endorsed by these alpha dogs of the community you identify with," Mr. Loudberback said.
Mr. Wagstaff, who said he was so inept at using the Internet a year ago that even e-mail was a challenge, now says, "I've become quite a YouTube and Facebook fan."
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