Petticoat Junction - Betty White as Guest-Star - S06 E18 - The Cannonball Bookmobile - Part 1
Mrs. Robinson, er Dr. Craig has old friend come to town, a librarian, who starts a bookmobile on the Cannonball - and all the men of Hooterville, with the exception of Steve of course, immediately begin vying for her affections. But then, she IS Betty White. heh
Tags: Petticoat Junction; Betty White; Dr. Janet Craig; June Lockhart; Uncle Joe Carson; Edgar Buchanon; Billie Jo Bradley; Meredith MacRae; Bobbie Lori Saunders; Bradley Elliott; Linda Kaye Henning; Steve Mike Minor; Sam Drucker; Frank Cady
Added: 2 years ago
[Dr. Janet Craig gives her friend Adelle Colby a tour of the Shady Rest Hotel in the town of Hooterville]
ADELLE: Oh, this is such a charming place. Quaint, homey, and so comfortable.
JANET: Oh, I love it. I've only been here a few months, but it feels as though I've always live here. Course, there's not a great deal of excitement. Nothing much happens.
[she pours Adelle a cup of coffee]
ADELLE: [laughs] Well, we librarians don't expect too much in the way of excitement ... One sugar, please.
JANET: Speaking of work, what're your plans here?
ADELLE: To start a library. We have the books, we have the funds, now we need a location. That's where I come in. Any ideas?
JANET: Well, as a matter of fact, yes. I might have a suggestion ... Oh, hello Uncle Joe.
[camera pans around to reveal Uncle Joe Carson entering the room, wearing a striped suit]
JOE: Good afternoon, ladies. Don't let me interrupt. Just have to check my register.
[he walks behind the front desk and opens the folder on the table]
JOE: I'm the GM here. That's general manager.
ADELLE: You told me.
[he rings a bell on the counter]
JOE: Billie Jo!
[young Billie Jo Bradley enters the room]
BILLIE JO: Yes, Uncle Joe ...
[she looks at his suit]
BILLIE JO: Well, what's the big occasion?
JOE: There's no big occasion. I just decided to wear one of my four suits.
BILLIE JO: Oh, I see ... Well, what'd you want me for, Uncle Joe?
JOE: There's no entry here for three days, how do you explain that?
BILLIE JO: Well, we haven't had any guests.
JOE: Oh. Dismissed.
BILLIE JO: Yes sir!
JOE: Like to keep my help on her toes.
[he walks over to them]
JOE: Well, I can't linger, ladies. Gotta go check my airline, that's the Carson-Elliot. I'm the GM. That's the, uh--
JANET: That's general manager.
JANET: I do believe you've made a conquest.
ADELLE: Oh, he's just being hospitable.
JANET: Not when he wears his ice cream suit. It's more than hospitality when he brings that outta mothballs!
[Bert Smedley the barber enters, pretending not to notice Adelle]
BERT: Oh, hi Doc ...
[he takes off his hat and looks at Adelle]
BERT: Well, hello there.
ADELLE: Hello ... Mister Smedley, is it?
JANET: What can we do for you, Bert?
[he continues staring at Adelle]
JANET: I beg your pardon?
[he snaps out of it]
BERT: Huh? Oh, oh! I-I needed to see you, Doc. I've got that real bad sprain in my clipping wrist.
JANET: Oh, I better take a look at it. Would you care to step into my office?
BERT: Oh, no no no. It's not that serious. You can just check on it here.
[she gets up to look at his wrist, while he continues to stare at Adelle on the couch]
BERT: Oh, how do you like it here so far?
ADELLE: Well, I just got here. I haven't seen much yet.
BERT: Oh, I can show you everthing!
JANET: It does seem a bit stiff ...
[he looks at his wrist]
BERT: Huh? Oh yeah ...
[he turns his attention back to Adelle]
BERT: I can take you all around in my Hudson Hornet!
ADELLE: Well, that would be lovely!
JANET: How much could you move it before?
[he slowly turns to look at Janet]
BERT: Huh? Oh, this? Oh, before it was--
[he begins twirling his wrist with no pain, then catches himself]
BERT: Well, you cured it!
JANET: I'll send you a bill!
[he makes a face]
JANET: Never mind, I'll take it out in haircuts.
[Adelle laughs, when there's a knock at the door and Sam Drucker (owner of the local general store) enters]
SAM: Hi there! Just delivering your grocery order.
[he holds up a single can of peas]
BERT: You came all the way out here just to deliver one can of peas?!
SAM: No trouble. I just swung by on my way home.
[he smiles at Adelle]
JANET: But you live in the back of your store.
SAM: Uh, yeah. Well, sometimes the longest way is the shortest way home, as they say ...
JANET: They do say that, do they?
[he silently mouths something at Janet in annoyance]
JANET: Well, why don't you sit down and have some coffee with us? That is, if you have time ...
SAM: Oh, I guess I have time.
[he quickly sits down on the couch next to Adelle]
JANET: How about you, Bert?
BERT: Oh, I got time too!
[he sits down on the opposite side of Adelle, who promptly stands up]
ADELLE: Janet, let me help you.
JANET: Well, thank you. That would be fine.
[they both head to the table for coffee]
JANET: [whispering] Adelle, what do you do to them?
[she simply smiles and shrugs her shoulders]
[Wendell Gibbs, conductor for Hooterville's steam-driven train, calls out the occupants of the Shady Rest Hotel to show them that one of the baggage cars has been re-fashioned to serve as the "Cannonball Bookmobile"]
JOE: A bookmobile!
BOBBIE JO: Just what we needed!
BILLIE JO: Isn't that great?
JANET: How about that?
BILLIE JO: Well, no wonder you blew the special whistle, Wendell ...
WENDELL: Yes, ma'am! The valley didn't have a library, so we're bringing the library to them!
BOBBIE JO: I think it's a wonderful idea!
WENDELL: And now presenting the librarian of our bookmobile ...
[he opens the door to the boxcar, revealing Adelle inside shelving books]
WENDELL: Miss Adelle Colby!
[everyone claps as Adelle turns and bows]
WENDELL: Just step aboard, folks, and pick out any book you wish! And don't mind the goat, I have to deliver him up the line for Ben Miller.
[camera zooms in to reveal a goat inside the boxcar]
WENDELL: Go ahead, folks! Go ahead!
[they enter the bookmobile and look around]
JANET: Oh Adelle, this is marvelous!
BILLIE JO: Isn't this great? Well, this could be the best thing that ever happened to the valley!
ADELLE: Don't give me credit, it was Janet's idea!
BOBBIE JO: With all these books, it should really work this time!
JANET: You mean it's been tried before?
BILLIE JO: Oh, about four years ago, only it wasn't done on a large-enough scale.
BOBBIE JO: I'll say not! The first stop was the Turloch family with their fourteen kids, and they took out the entire library!
[the women continue looking through the stacks, as Adelle sits down at her desk ... Joe pulls up a crate and sits down next to her, running his finger up and down a book as if speed reading]
JOE: Power reading.
WENDELL: I hate to rush you folks, but we should be moving along.
BILLIE JO: Just a second Wendell, okay?
JANET: We'll just get our books.
JOE: Oh, Wendell?
WENDELL: Yes, Joe?
JOE: Could you hold it for about five minutes, so's I can knock off "War and Peace"?
[the goat loudly starts bleating]
WENDELL: Oh, that was him Joe, not me ... No, we've got to be going. There are other people waiting along the line.
BILLIE JO: Okay.
BOBBIE JO: Alright.
BILLIE JO: Thanks a lot, Adelle. Bye bye!
BOBBIE JO: See you later.
ADELLE: Bye Janet. Billie. Bobbie.
[Billie Jo and Bobbie Jo take their books and exit the train (without checking them out or anthing!)]
JOE: I know what I'll do! I'll just stay on the train and finish my reading!
[Janet shakes her head and leaves]
WENDELL: Well, that's strictly up to you, Joe ... Oh, Miss Colby, would you like to ride in the coach? It would be a lot more comfortable.
[Joe stands up]
JOE: Hey, that's a good idea.
ADELLE: Thank you, Mister Gibbs, but I haven't finished checking all the books and making out file cards for them.
WENDELL: Oh, suit yourself ... You coming, Joe?
[he sits back down]
JOE: No, think I'll stay here near the books. With my power reading, I'll probably finish off this whole shelf before we get to Hooterville.
[the three (former) friends continue feuding over the affections of Adelle]
BOBBIE JO: Isn't this exciting? We've got a love triangle going on in the valley!
BILLIE JO: Quadrangle ... Remember, Bert the barber's in on it too!
JANET: And all caused by my sweet unassuming little friend, Adelle.
BOBBIE JO: Yeah, she's doing okay for a librarian!
BILLIE JO: And I hate to see what's happening to Uncle Joe and his two best friends.
JANET: I'm not too pleased about that, either.
BILLIE JO: Hey, what if you talked to Adelle?
JANET: Oh no, Billie Jo. No, there are two rules in life I've learned to live by. One, never discuss my patients with others. And two, don't mess with Dan Cupid when it concerns others!
[the Cannonball is an hour and a half late, so the three men go to investigate, when they find Adelle sitting in the woods with Wendell reading her poetry]
WENDELL: And we will sit upon the rocks / Seeing the shepherds feed their flocks / By shallow rivers to whose falls / Melodious birds sing madrigals. And I will make thee beds of roses / And a thousand fragrant posies / A cap of flower, and a kirtle / Embroidered all with leaves of myrtle / A gown made of the finest wool / Which from our pretty lambs we pull / Fair lined slippers for the cold / With buckles of the purest gold / A belt of straw and ivy buds / With coral clasps and amber studs / And if these pleasures may thee move / Come live with me and be my loove.
WENDELL: The shepherds' swains shall dance and sing / For thy delight each May morning / If these delights thy mind may move / Then live with me and be my loove.
[dejected, the three men open their boxes of candy (which were meant to be presents for Adelle) and begin eating]
Episode 6.18: The Cannonball Bookmobile
As she is the only attractive single female in their age range in the valley, Sam and Bert are fawning over Janet. Their attentions change when Janet's friend, Adelle Colby (Betty White), arrives in the valley. A librarian by trade, Adelle is in the valley to open up a new library. They have the books and the money, but now need a location. Janet suggests a mobile library in the form of the Cannonball. Sam, Bert and Uncle Joe, each wearing his Sunday best and with gift in hand, does whatever he can to spend time aboard the mobile library to be with Adelle to garner her favor. This competition for Adelle causes a rift between the three friends. But an unlikely person, who has greater access and a more similar mentality, may have the upper hand in attracting Adelle's attention.