Thursday, January 16, 2014

Case Study No. 1179: Mrs. Whitman

new guy clip
From The New Guy; DJ Qualls
Tags: new guy clip
Added: 1 year ago
From: delrossiphysics
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[in the Rocky Creek High School cafeteria, nerdy student Dizzy Gillespie Harrison walks up to cheerleader Tina Osgood]
DIZZY: I was thinking about this whole "type" thing, and to be honest ... You're not my type either!
[he tries to laugh it off, but she just smiles]
TINA: Did you really think that would work?
DIZZY: No, but I thought it was worth giving it a shot.
TINA: You know something ...
[she runs her hand down his arm, and he smiles]
FOOTBALL PLAYER 1: [from off camera] Yo freak!
[two jocks come up behind him and spin him around]
FOOTBALL PLAYER 1: What're you doing?!
DIZZY: Talking. Exchanging words. Innocent conversation.
DIZZY: Yeah.
FOOTBALL PLAYER 1: Then what's this?!
[he points down, as Dizzy looks and gasps in shock, then the jock spins him around so that Tina can see his (embarrassingly obvious) erection]
TINA: Oh my god, that's disgusting!
[he tries to cover up with his hands, but one of the jocks grabs him by the shoulder]
FOOTBALL PLAYER 2: Hey loser, nice pup tent!
[as the rest of the students gather two watch, the jocks give him a "melvin" (i.e. pulling his underwear off from the front of his pants) and place it on his head]
[they push him towards the elderly female librarian (short reddish hair, glasses, pearl necklace, multi-colored vest over a white blouse) sitting at a nearby table, who suddenly reaches out and grabs him by the privates (as Eve 6's cover of "You Really Got Me" plays in the background)]
MRS. WHITMAN: What is this?
DIZZY: Misses Whitman! It's my, um ...
MRS. WHITMAN: Well, it's mine now!
[he tries to back away, but the librarian (who must have poor eyesight?) won't let go, as the camera focuses on the wheels of her chair as she rolls along with him]
MRS. WHITMAN: Is this a weapon? You can't bring loaded weapons to school!
DIZZY: Lady, you're tearing the skin!
[the students continue to point and laugh, as Dizzy continues to try and explain himself]
DIZZY: Misses Whitman! Ow, my di--
[she calmly gets up (while still holding onto his penis)]
MRS. WHITMAN: I'm showing this to Principal Zaylor.
[she starts to walk away, but Dizzy tries to spin around in the opposite direction]
DIZZY: Cut it out!
[a loud "crunch" sound effect can be heard, as Dizzy looks down and (with no sound except for the music) screams in agony before fainting]



In The New Guy (2002), one of the opening monologue's lines succinctly sums up the basic plot of this Grade C high school comedy:

"In high school, popularity ain't a contest, it's a war, and Dizzy Harrison is its greatest casualty."

At the start of his senior year - and start of the film - Dizzy (DJ Qualls) is humiliated at his old high school, and tries to start over as the cool "new guy" at another school. The scene immediately after the opening credits - a mere five minutes into the film - is a memorable one, showcasing perhaps the crassest, most twisted behavior ever from a reel librarian!

And on that note, I must warn you that about very sexually frank words and descriptions below, which may not be suitable for work.

And... now back to the humiliation. It's the first day at school, and there are multiple tables along the main foyer, most likely set up for school orientation. After Dizzy starts flirting with a high school cheerleader, a couple of jocks horn in to point out his "pup tent" and proceed to pull Dizzy's underpants over his head and spin him around toward an older lady sitting at a nearby table.

The old lady (Justine Johnston), dressed in pearls and a vest, screams "What is this?!" and reaches out her hands toward Dizzy and grabs at what is closest to her.

Dizzy, understandably in shock, stammers out, "Mrs. Whitman! It's my..."

Grabbing his penis, Mrs. Whitman screams, "It's mine now!" and "You can't bring loaded weapons to school!"

Pushing Dizzy backwards while she moves forward on her rolling chair, she ends the short scene by standing up and proclaiming, "I'm showing this to Principal Zaylor."


And here is Dizzy's blood-curdling reaction, screaming in pain and humiliation at this living nightmare:

You really do feel for the guy, don't you?

Although less than a minute long, that scene packs quite a punch. And in some ways, it's quite clever. (Not classy, to be sure, but clever.) For example, the start of the film likens high school to a war. And in that shot above, one is reminded of a gladiator scene. After such a debilitating beginning, will Dizzy be able to rise up (ahem) and become a hero?

However, in that opening scene, it's clearly Mrs. Whitman who emerges as the victor. And she knows it.

But how do we know Mrs. Whitman's a librarian?

The next couple of scenes help illustrate that. First up is a scene at the doctor's, where Dizzy reveals that he "can pee around a corner." Hopped up on pain meds, he then creates a disturbance at the local mall and wakes up in jail next to Luther (Eddie Griffin), who begins describing how similar high school is to jail.


Luther: I seen terrible things.

Dizzy: Yesterday, an 80-year-old librarian broke my penis.

Luther: [Pause.] You win.


Personally, I don't think anyone wins watching this film. :(

Dizzy also gets to utter this oh-so-eloquent phrase, "If you break your dick in front of the whole school, they remember."

And remember they do. After a state football championship, the jock football player from his old school replays the video of the librarian incident at Dizzy's new school. On the big screen. At the Homecoming dance. And being teenagers, everyone starts shouting, "Broke dick. Broke dick." Just in case we had missed that point earlier.

Ah, the legacy of an 80-year-old reel librarian.

In real life, Justine Johnston, who played Mrs. Whitman, was 85 years old at the making of this film. She also played a blink-and-you'll-miss-that-librarian in Running on Empty (1988) - see also this post about repeat offenders - but she makes a more, shall we say, lasting impression in this film. Her turn as Mrs. Whitman effectively sets in motion the impetus for the entire film. (I know, that line sounded kind of dirty, but it's not!)

She serves the role of Comic Relief - we the audience are invited to laugh both at her AND her unwitting victim, Dizzy - and her memorable performance, although only a minute long, lands her in the Class III category. After all, her actions set up the plot for the rest of the movie! Her reel librarian, Mrs. Whitman, also joins other librarians on the loose, i.e. reel librarians never seen in libraries but only referred to as librarians by other characters.

And now, go put some ice on that.

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