A chilling tale from San Francisco natives Philip Laird and Sean Lynch. Food for thought in troubled times...
Added: 4 years ago
[scene opens in the Non-Fiction section of a public library, as a young male librarian (red hair, red shirt, brown cargo shorts) is shelving books, when another young male librarian (curly hair, matching shirt and shorts) enters the scene and leans in incredibly close to his face]
SEAN: [whispers] Hey, what're you doing?
PHIL: [whispers] I'm shelving!
[he smiles, as Sean shakes in excitement]
PHIL: [whispers] I know!
SEAN: [whispers] You're shelving?!
PHIL: [whispers] Yeah!
SEAN: [whispers] Hey, later ... let's check out if there's any overdue books!
PHIL: [whispers] Okay! I was thinking first, I'd check all the dates on the books!
SEAN: [whispers] Okay!
PHIL: [whispers] Just to make sure they're dated right!
SEAN: [whispers] Okay! Keep, keep shelving!
PHIL: [whispers] Okay!
["Librarians" appears on screen, as various shots are shown of the two cavorting around the library with dead-eyed grins on their faces (as if this were the opening credits to an 80s sitcom)]
[cut to the two slowly turning towards the camera, each holding a finger to their lips, as they shush the audience]
[cut to the two standing in the "Biography" section (inappropriately touching each other's cargo shorts), then cut to a male patron sitting cross-legged on the floor reading a book with Hitler on the cover (while laughing hysterically)]
[cut back to the two librarians (who look at each other at the sound of the loud laughter), then Sean makes a move to leave but Phil holds him back]
PHIL: [whispers] I got this one ...
SEAN: [whispers] Okay!
PHIL: [whispers] Okay!
SEAN: [whispers] I'll watch!
[Phil moves off camera, then cut to the patron as Phil walks up to him and leans down right in his face (with a very serious expression)]
PHIL: [whispers] Do I come to your house and fuck your wife?
[cut to a closeup of Phil's lips]
PHIL: [whispers] No! This is a fucking library, not a loud room, okay?
[cut to a closeup of the patron's shocked face]
PHIL: [whispers] Not to be loud in!
[cut back to Phil]
PHIL: [whispers] I got bigger fish to fuck!
[he puts a finger to his lips]
PHIL: [whispers] Shhhhhhhhh ...
[he continues to shush the patron, as he gets up (still bent over) and walks bow-legged backwards, never taking his eye off the patron]
[cut back to Sean (who turns to the camera with a blank expression and grins), then cut to Phil sitting at a computer and typing "totally overdue books" into a search box]
[cut to Sean peeking out from behind a bookshelf (with the same dead eyes and creepy smile), then back to Phil as he clicks the "Search" button]
[cut to Phil shelving more books, as Sean suddenly pops up on the other side of the bookcase and stares at him]
SEAN: [whispers] Hey!
PHIL: [whispers] Hey!
SEAN: [whispers] So did you find any overdue books?
PHIL: [whispers] Yeah! There's one that's been checked out for a year!
SEAN: [whispers] A year?!
PHIL: [whispers] A year!
SEAN: [whispers] Let's check it out!
PHIL: [whispers] Okay! Hey, Sean?
SEAN: [whispers] Yeah?
PHIL: [whispers] Does putting books away ever give you a boner?!
[he nods his head vigorously]
SEAN: [whispers] Yeah!
PHIL: [whispers] Okay, good! Me too!
[he laughs and runs off, then cut to the two walking out of the library as David Bowie's "Young Americans" plays in the background]
[the music abruptly stops, then cut to a closeup of a doorbell being pushed (as more ominous music plays in the background)]
[cut to another male patron opening the door, as the two librarians are standing there staring at him]
[the two librarians turn to each other, then turn back to the patron]
PHIL: [whispers] Are you Keith Baumann?
[the two librarians look at each other again, then turn back to the patron]
SEAN: [whispers] Of Fifty Six Crestwood Drive?
PHIL: [whispers] We're from the library ... We're here to get your overdue book!
[Sean looks over his shoulder, then back at the patron]
SEAN: [whispers] And fifty seven dollars in late fees!
[he cocks his head to the side, as the patron gives them a confused look]
KEITH: Why are you whispering?
[they both put a finger to their lips and shush him]
KEITH: Y'know, you have no way of enforcing these kinda things! I don't even know where the book is, and I'm not gonna look for it! And I'm not gonna pay that ridiculous fine!
[the two librarians simply turn to each other and stare]
KEITH: So why don't you two just fuck off?
[he slams the door shut, as the two continue to stand there, then they both turn to each other]
SEAN AND PHIL: [whispers] Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
[cut to the patron on the floor in his underwear, gagged with his hands and feet bound in duct tape, as the librarians walk into the room (as Sean is holding a knife)]
[cut to Phil walking over and kneels down next to their victim, taking the gag out of his mouth]
KEITH: Okay! Okay, I'll find the book! I'll get you the money! Just lemmee go!
[he starts to cry, when Phil takes a copy of Clive Barker's "Mister B. Gone" from behind his back]
PHIL: [whispers] But we already found the book!
[cut to Sean (still holding the knife), as he lifts up his other hand to show a wad of dollar bills]
SEAN: [whispers] And the money!
[cut to a closeup of the knife being thrust downward, as the patron begins screaming in pain]
[cut to both librarians (now each with a knife and their faces covered in blood) standing over the unseen patron and thrusting downward, as the screams continue]
[cut back to the public library, as the camera pans across the bookshelves while the image of Phil speaking directly to the camera is super-imposed over the footage]
PHIL: [whispers] They say you should never judge a book by its cover ...
[cut to one of the librarian's hands as it spins a rotating book rack, then the image of Sean speaking directly to the camera appears over the footage]
SEAN: [whispers] But what if that cover ... is murder?
[the hand stops on a copy of the Quantum Leap novel "Loch Ness Leap", then cut to more footage of bookshelves (as the images of Sean and Phil move back and forth across the screen]
PHIL: [whispers] What if there's blood between the bindings?
SEAN: [whispers] Food for thought, in troubled times ...
[cut to Phil kneeling down in front of one of the bookshelves, as he looks up at the camera (with a grim look on his face) and nods, then the scene fades to black]
Special Guest Stars
Channel 101 is a non-profit monthly short film festival in Los Angeles, which also has a sister festival in New York City, Channel 101 NY. Channel 101 is a creation of Dan Harmon and Rob Schrab in which participants submit a short film in the format of a pilot under five minutes in length. The event is structured such that a panel of previously successful submitters choose what pilots are shown, and a live audience at The Downtown Independent decides which pilots continue as a series for the next screening in much the same way TV programs are rated and managed. According to the Channel 101 website, "Channel 101 is a chance to sit in the worn-out chair of the fat network exec, drunk on the blood of lowly artists whose right to exist is given in exchange for their ability to nourish...You run the network. You pick the programming."
Roughly once a month, a screening for Channel 101 occurs at the Downtown Independent theater in Los Angeles, with (usually) ten shorts being screened. At the screening, the audience votes on which pilots they would like to see return. The top five shows are entered into the "prime time" slots on the Channel 101 website, and get to make a follow-up episode for the next screening. This process continues with new "episodes" being shown at each screening until one fails to make the top five, at which point the series is "cancelled." Some successful shows also can choose to be cancelled voluntarily by running over five minutes, (The first to do so being Ultraforce), disqualifying the show from continuing and leaving one last un-voted episode. Shows that fail to make the prime time spot are known as "failed pilots." An added benefit of having a prime time series is that prime time directors are part of the panel that decides which five new pilots will be shown alongside the five established shows from the previous screening. Shows that fail to make the screenings are known as "rejected pilots." Each calendar year of the festival is referred to as a "season," comprising 10 screenings, due to there being no December screening, plus month break "to allow the creators to rest" between spring/summer and the November screening, which is the yearly awards show (The Incredibly Prestigious Achievement Award or "Channy," so named as a parody of Emmy). The Channy Awards have been held 8 times as of 2012.
Created by Sean Lynch and Philip Laird.
* SCREENING DATE Sunday, August 30th - 2009
* AUDIENCE SHARE 21.7% (10th at screening with 35 votes)
Two librarians make their mark.
According to Sean Lynch, had this continued as a series, their homoerotic relationship would have been developed, as well as eventually revealing that the Librarians are Mormon and illiterate. And related by blood.