Thursday, January 16, 2014

Case Study No. 1178: Staff of the University of Miami Library

Sex in the Library
Picking up girls in the library is easy...with the right pick up line
Tags: Off the Wire comedy skit sketch college show sex pick up lines humor funny
Added: 6 years ago
From: OffTheWire
Views: 219,856

[scene opens inside a dorm room, as a male student is holding a stuffed dolphin and talking to it]
GUY 1: What? You want me to kiss you?
[he starts to lean forward, but his male roommate enters the room and flops down on the couch next to him]
GUY 2: Aww man ...
[he quickly hides the dolphin]
GUY 1: I thought you said you were going to the library!
GUY 2: I did, man ...
GUY 1: But you're all sweaty ...
GUY 2: Yeah, I know, man. So I'm walking around the library, right? Just trying to scope out a spot to study some calculus, and next thing you know ...
GUY 1: What?
GUY 2: Come on, man, you know ...
GUY 1: [pause] No way.
GUY 2: Way!
GUY 1: I read the Facebook group, but ... I didn't think people actually did it.
GUY 2: Sex in the library, man? Happens all the time! The library is like this giant aphrodisiac on campus ... Hey man! You should come with me, you should try it!
GUY 1: No no no no, even I'm not that desperate ...
[cut to the two standing inside the University of Miami library, where several students and library staff can be seen milling about the stacks]
GUY 1: Okay, I'm desperate.
[his friend points to an attractive young lady reading a book across the aisle]
GUY 2: Shakespeare! Boo-yah! Alright, here's what I want you to say, okay? Say, um ...
[he whispers something into his ear, then cut to the student nervously approaching the girl]
GUY 1: [with his voice cracking] Oh hey, hi! Shakespeare, oh me too! Um ... Y'know, they, they have an unabridged copy upstairs of ... Shakespeare. I could show it to you! It's very ... long?
[she backs away slowly, then cut to the guy returning to his roommate]
GUY 2: That line didn't work?
GUY 1: Yeah, I know.
GUY 2: Huh. Mmmm, how 'bout her?
[he points to another female student]
GUY 2: Right there, with the anatomy book.
[cut to the guy walking up and nervously pointing at the girl's book]
GUY 1: Umm, that's wrong ...
GIRL 2: What?
GUY 1: Yeah, that's ... not good. Um, if you really wanna learn about a body ...
[he strikes an awkward "body builder" pose]
GUY 1: You should study this one.
[the girl backs away slowly, then cut to the guy going back to his friend and knocking the book out of his hands]
GUY 2: I really thought we struck gold with that last one, man.
GUY 1: Yeah, who would'a thought?
[another girl walks by]
GUY 2: Hey, how 'bout her?
GUY 1: I think I've had enough for tonight ...
GUY 2: Your loss, man ...
[he goes up to the girl and whispers something in her ear, then she smiles and goes behind one of the bookshelves with him]
GUY 1: Whu?
[the books on the shelf begin to fall over, as the guy can only watch in frustration]
[cut to both guys sitting at table, as the guy who got lucky zips his pants back up]
GUY 2: Whoo!
GUY 1: What did you say?
GUY 2: Huh? Oh, just now? I just told her I wanted to f[beep] the s[beep] out of her, heh heh heh ...
[the other guy shakes his head]
GUY 2: Ahhhhh.



"Off The Wire" is an award winning student produced late night sketch comedy show which explores the irony and idiosyncrasies of pop culture, politics, and college life. Local Miami personalities, live antics, witty jokes and original comedy sketches are the cornerstones of the show which is taped before a live studio audience at the University of Miami.

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