Thursday, January 9, 2014

Case Study No. 1162: Dolly Chaplin

Poor Keanu - The Librarian
In the first episode of this new series from the UCB Harold Team Graceland, famous actor Keanu Reeves visits his local library.

Keanu Reeves: Peter Sherer
Dolly Chaplin: Johnna Scrabis

Writer: Annie Barry
Director: Justin Lamb
Director of Photography: Tim Young
Production Assistant: Talia Koren
Graceland Outro: Ryan Simmons

Actor and Tai Chi aficionado Keanu Reeves can't catch a break in this new web series from the UCB Harold Team Graceland. Featuring Annie Barry, Sean Casey, Justin Lamb, Joey Price, Peter Sherer, Johnna Scrabis, Marshall Stratton and Joel Weidl.

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Tags: Keanu Reeves (TV Actor) Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre (Organization) Library (Building Function) Buddhism (Religion)
Added: 5 months ago
From: Graceland
Views: 1,059

[scene opens with "Keanu Reeves" sitting on a bench while Billie Holiday's "Stormy Weather" plays, as "Poor Keanu" appears on screen]
[cut to Keanu walking up to the front desk of a public library carrying a stack of books, as the young female librarian (long brown hair, low-cut black blouse glasses) is reading a copy of Linda Lael Miller's "Big Sky Summer" (not even bothering to look up as he approaches)]
[cut to a closeup of the librarian's face (her lips moving as she continues to read), while Keanu patiently waits for her to acknowledge him]
DOLLY: I'm sorry, this is just getting so--
[she lifts up her glasses and finally looks up at him]
DOLLY: [pause] Good.
KEANU: Uh, that's alright, I just ... wanna check out these books.
DOLLY: You're Keanu Reeves!
KEANU: Yeah, it's nice to meet you.
[he smiles and offers his hand, which she shakes vigorously]
DOLLY: Dolly ... Chaplin! I'm the librarian here.
[she smiles, then gets an overwhelmed look on her face]
DOLLY: Wow, you're ... just amazing. This is more exciting than when we had the blood drive.
KEANU: That's very, that's very nice.
[she smiles and continues staring at him, so (without breaking eye contact with her) he slowly pushes the books across the desk towards her]
[she laughs and reaches for the books]
DOLLY: Lemmee get those set up for you, Keanu Reeves!
[she reads the title of the first book]
DOLLY: "The Purpose-Driven Life" ...
[she gets a confused look on her face, as she looks up at him]
DOLLY: Purpose driven life ... Why would you need to read something like that? You're Keanu Reeves!
[he gives an awkward smile, then she suddenly gets a serious look on her face and lowers her voice]
DOLLY: You know what your purpose is.
KEANU: It's about, uh, not trying to have negative thoughts. Y'know, I ... I'm very hard on myself.
DOLLY: Ah ... That is so unattractive in a man.
[she quickly looks back down at the book, while Keanu (though obviously flustered by her response) keeps smiling]
KEANU: Whu, uh, what?
DOLLY: You're Neo! And you're ... that character you played in "Speed!" Y'know?
[she laughs]
DOLLY: You're, you're the tough guy! All you have to worry about is saving the world, and ...
[she pauses, then pulls her hair back and gives him a "come hither" look]
DOLLY: Falling in love with the gorgeous brunette.
[she smiles, then puts her hand on the stack of books]
DOLLY: So that's why these are, just like, such a joke! Y'know, what're you really reading?
[he nods his head and continues to smile]
KEANU: Uh, those were just movies I was in.
DOLLY: [pause] I know that those are just movies you were in ... Are you implying that I don't know the difference between fantasy and reality?
KEANU: Uh, no, I wasn't trying to imply that.
[she looks down]
DOLLY: I, I get it.
[she looks back up at him, her smile gone]
DOLLY: I sit here reading romance novels all day, so ... I must be too stupid to know the difference between fiction and non-fiction. Is that it?
[he looks around nervously, as she gives him a dismissive laugh]
DOLLY: Yeah, okay. Well, let's finish this.
[her star-struck demeanor now replaced with an all-business (and slightly offended) attitude, she slams the book down on the desk and begins reading the titles of his other books]
DOLLY: "The Four Agreements," okay ... "Teach Yourself Fucking Buddhism?"
[she looks up at him in disgust]
DOLLY: Are you fucking kidding me?!
KEANU: Uh, I'm not sure you should be ... yelling obscenities in the library.
[she takes the glasses off her head and throws them down on the desk, then gets up and stares him in the eye]
DOLLY: I can yell all the obscenities that I wanna yell! I! Am! The! Librarian! Okay?
[she takes the books and tosses them into his chest]
DOLLY: There ya go! And another thing, Keanu Reeves ... Bet if there was a bomb in here, you wouldn't have a fucking clue how to dismantle it.
[she sits back down]
KEANU: Uh, you are corr--
[she tosses the last book on top of the pile in his arms, then sits back down]
KEANU: Correct, I wouldn't know anything about that.
[she goes back to reading her romance novel (without her glasses), while he just stands there awkwardly]
KEANU: [pause] Look, I'm so sorry if I upset you. I'm not sure what I did. Uh, whatever--
[the librarian (without looking up from her book) angrily points towards the door]
KEANU: [pause] Okay.
[he takes his stack of books and leaves]



Sad Keanu is a photoshop meme based on a paparazzi photograph of the Canadian American actor Keanu Reeves sitting on a park bench and enjoying a sandwich by himself.

The photograph of sullen-looking Reeves eating a sandwich was taken sometime in May 2010 by the Splash News photographer Ron Asadorian. The earliest known "Sad Keanu" photoshop thread can be found on 4chan-like archive called, from the /tv/ (television & films) board, dating May 23th 2010. Another thread would pop-up on 4chan imageboard's /a/ (anime) board dating back to June 1st, 2010.

On June 3rd, 2010, Reddit user rockon4life posted an image with the phrase "I really enjoy acting...Because when I act, I'm no longer me" in a thread entitled "Keanu. More sadness in comments". The thread quickly made it to Reddit's front page, gathering over 281,000 page views.

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