Freakarama - Short Horror Film Starring Warren Speed
Short horror film, produced and directed by Chris Greenwood and Warren Speed. Edited by Simon Craig and Antoni McVay (Mitsuko Studios). Music by Synoiz.
Synopsis: Jack, a rambler and part-time librarian, discovers a hidden entrance to another world while he rambles through the countryside. He finds himself captured and taken prisoner by a strange group of people. Bizarre and surprising activities ensue, including topless custard wrestling and guinea pig throwing...
Tags: warren speed growling clown entertainment simon craig chris greenwood zombie women of satan antoni mcvay scary clown topless custard wrestling
Added: 2 years ago
Growling Clown Entertainment
Present a Chris Greenwood
& Warren Speed production
[scene opens with an older man (short brown hair, glasses, brown flat cap, checkered shirt, brown vest, brown pants, red boots, walking stick) smoking a pipe and carrying a backpack through the woods, when he finds a black trapdoor in the ground]
[cut to the man opening the trap door, then (after looking around) climbing in and shutting the door behind him]
["Freakarama" appears on screen, then cut to a group of women (wearing leather corsets and other "revealing" outfits) standing in an underground bunker as an alarm can be heard]
[cut to a man (white facepaint with red streaks around the eyes, top hat, red leather jacket) looking around in confusion, as another man (hunchback, top hat, leather gloves, goatee) stares off into the distance]
PHISTULOUS: What the hell is that?
JONES: Uh, it's the alarm, sir. I believe we have intruders.
[the camera pans the room, then stops on two clowns holding spears]
PHISTULOUS: Zeus! Orpheus! Go and check it out!
[they run off, then cut to the man in the flat cap alone in the dark ... until one of the clowns appears behind him and grabs him around the neck]
[he drags him off, then cut to the man in the red leather jacket holding a guinea pig and yelling at it]
PHISTULOUS: Rubbish! You're rubbish!
[he "throws" the guinea pig off camera (actually replacing it with a stuffed doll), then cut to a closeup of one of the women's faces]
CORSET GIRL: Hey!
[the camera pans down to show that the real guinea pig has "landed" in her cleavage]
[cut to one of the clowns dragging the man into the bunker, as topless women (save for some pasties over their nipples) wrestle in an inflatable swimming pool filled with custard in the background]
PHISTULOUS: Who the gerkin is this?
ORPHEUS: He says he's a rambler!
PHISTULOUS: A rambler? What the vrook is a rambler?
JONES: Uh, they're people who like wandering hills and valleys ...
PHISTULOUS: Why? Are there badgers to hunt? Are there girls runnin' topless through the trees, with their boobs bouncin' up and down?
[he gets an excited look on his face, then turns to the intruder]
PHISTULOUS: Are there? Are there?!
JACK: [pause] No.
PHISTULOUS: Well, where's the fun in that? Anyway, ya skanky gortak, how did you get in here? No one on Earth even knows it exists!
JACK: Well, I found the door by accident. I just got a bit curious, so ... very sorry, sir. So, I-I'll be goin' now. See ya!
[he smiles and tries to leave, but the clown guard has a hold of his collar and pulls him back]
PHISTULOUS: No, you will not, spunko! You'll be stayin' here ... You've come for my badger, haven't ya? You've come for the Golden Badger!
JACK: I really don't know what you're talkin' about ... I'm just, I'm just a rambler, who's a bit of a librarian on the side.
PHISTULOUS: You're a liar! Who are ya?
[he points off camera, then cut to a man wearing goggles and a straitjacket, as he's being "electrocuted"]
PHISTULOUS: [from off camera] We'll sic the gimp on ya!
[cut back to the librarian pleading his case]
JACK: The name's Jack, I'm not here to do anybody any harm.
[he holds up a letter]
JACK: I found this outside your trapdoor, and it's addressed to ...
[he squints his eyes and reads from the envelope]
JACK: "Prince Phistulous Withers the Third" ... Now, does anybody here have any idea who this might be?
PHISTULOUS: That would be me, weeder! Here, give it here!
[the clown guard forces the librarian forward, as Phistulous takes the letter and sits down between two scantily-clad ladies]
PHISTULOUS: A golden envelope ... Is it from Willy Wonka? I went to school with Willy Wonka, didn't I, Jones?
[cut to the hunchback, who shakes his head and gives a confused look]
PHISTULOUS: It does indeed got my name on it, Prince Phistulous Withers the Third!
[he opens the envelope and starts reading, then looks up with a confused look on his face]
PHISTULOUS: What's your name again?
JACK: Jack Swettlesby.
[one of the women hands the prince a machine gun, and he aims it at the librarian]
PHISTULOUS: Are you from Netherworld?!
JACK: Please! Don't, don't shoot me! I've got, I've got glasses! Please!
PHISTULOUS: I don't trust you, ya weeder! Where'd ya get that letter from?
JACK: I told ya, I found it by your trapdoor ...
PHISTULOUS: Found it, rubbish! How'd ya get in here? Where'd ya find it? Who sent ya?
[he puts a smile on]
PHISTULOUS: You can tell us, we're all friends here ...
JACK: I told ya, I found it!
PHISTULOUS: Who sent ya?
JACK: Mister Withers, I'm sorry, nobody sent me. I-I just brought your envelope ...
PHISTULOUS: How'd ya know my name?
JACK: Well, it's on the envelope!
[he lowers his gun]
PHISTULOUS: I tell ya what ... I'm a nice guy, mate. If you can score two outta three in a game of "Gimp Hooplah", we'll set ya free! How does that sound?
JACK: So, if I ... if I get two out of three, you'll let me go?
[the prince turns and yells at someone off camera]
PHISTULOUS: Thumbelina, get the dildo on the Rev!
JACK: Well ... what if I don't get two out of three?
[the prince gives him an evil smile]
PHISTULOUS: You're ours, bitch!
JACK: I thought you said you were a nice guy ...
PHISTULOUS: I am a nice guy ... now play the freakin' game!
[the scene fades to black, then cut to the man in the straitjacket, now outfitted in a large strap-on dildo covered in three rings]
[somone off camera reaches in and takes the rings off the dildo, then hands them to the librarian for a perverted game of "ring toss"]
[cut to slow-motion footage of the librarian tossing the green ring at the dildo, getting it around the target]
[cut to slow-motion footage of the librarian tossing the orange ring, which bounces off the tip and falls to the floor]
[cut to a closeup of the librarian's face (as he bites down on his pipe), then to the closeup of the green ring around the dildo]
[cut to slow-motion footage of the librarian tossing the purple ring, getting it around the target]
JACK: Heh, free! Oh, I'm free! I'm free!
[he laughs, then the clown guard walks up and grabs him by the collar]
PHISTULOUS: [from off camera] As if I would ever let you free ... Orpheus, chain him up!
[the clown guard drags him off camera, then cut to the prince (now shirtless and wearing tassles over his nipples) sitting back down in his throne]
JONES: Do you mind if I ask ... what the letter says, sir?
PHISTULOUS: It's from me father, Jones!
JONES: Ah ... Not good then, sir?
PHISTULOUS: No, Jones. The old codger wants me back in Netherworld!
JONES: Uh, I presume you won't be--
JONES: Maybe you should go and have a word with the good Lady Jezabel, sir.
[cut to a woman (corset, tattoos, long red goatee) shuffling a deck of tarot cards in a tent, as the prince (back in his red leather jacket) enters]
PHISTULOUS: Jezabel, my darling!
JEZABEL: Don't call me "darling", you pussbag ... Wadda you want, Phistulous?
PHISTULOUS: What're you doing, are you playin' ... are ya playin' card? Snap? I love Snap! Could we play Snap, Jezabel? Come on, I love Snap! Could we play Snap?
JEZABEL: Is that all you've come for?
PHISTULOUS: No ... Y'see, there's a stranger among us.
[she begins placing the cards down on the table]
JEZABEL: Jack isn't that much of a stranger ...
PHISTULOUS: Isn't he? Wh-What's he want, then?
[he holds up a bottle of whiskey and a plate of Swedish meatballs]
PHISTULOUS: Come on ... Look, tell me! Jezabel, I've got presents for ya! I've got presents for ya!
[cut to a split screen of the two]
JEZABEL: You mean these?
[her half of the camera pans down to show the whiskey and Swedish meatballs on the table in front of her, then he looks down to see that his hands are now empty]
PHISTULOUS: Yeah ...
[cut to Jezabel feeding one of the meatballs to her "slave girl", who waves her fingers around and produces a "video screen" in mid-air, which shows a woman with white face-paint and multi-colored dreadlocks swinging a sword around]
JEZABEL: I think you'll find the Harlequinettes will be entertaining you quite soon ...
PHISTULOUS: Ugh, not the psycho bitches from hell ... That's all we need, isn't it? Eh? The psycho bitches comin', when we got the new sackless trap to deal with--
JEZABEL: Now get out of my tent, you ball of rancid rat droppings!
[cut to the prince exiting the tent]
PHISTULOUS: Everyone! Harleqeena and the psycho harpies are on their way! Be prepared!
[cut to the librarian with his hands shackled to the wall (his pipe is still in his left hand, as he vainly tries to put it in his mouth)]
PHISTULOUS: So Jack, you wanna tell me who you really are?
JACK: Well, I told ya, I-I'm just a rambler and a village librarian ...
PHISTULOUS: Yeah yeah, and I'm a banjo-playin' squid! Who are ya?
JACK: I told ya!
PHISTULOUS: So Jack, how does a geek like you manage to get into a secret bunker? A bunker that no one on Earth knows exists?
JACK: I told ya that, it was an accident.
PHISTULOUS: Accident, my ass! The entrance is hidden!
JACK: Well, it's not very well hidden ...
PHISTULOUS: Who sent ya with the letter?
JACK: Nobody sent me the letter, and I gave the letter to you!
[an "electric pulse" sound effect plays from off camera]
PHISTULOUS: Oh, not the bleedin' Harlequinettes! Jack, I'll deal with you later ...
[he walks off]
PHISTULOUS: Battle stations, everyone! Let's kick some ass!
[the alarm sounds again, as the woman from the vision (white facepaint, rainbow-colored dreadlocks, red corset, green shorts, sword) enters the bunker, followed by several women in revealing outfits]
[she swings her sword and takes down one of the guards, starting an all-out battle]
[cut back to Jack, who (taking advantage of the distraction) is able to undo one of his shackles]
[cut back to Jezabel's tent, as she emerges and shoots a lightning bolt from her hand]
[cut to the prince (again shirtless but now his pants have been replaced with leather underwear) as he holds up an axe to deflect Harleqeena's sword attack]
[cut back to Jack, who is able to undo his other shackle and (after placing his pipe in his mouth) runs off camera]
[cut back to the prince and Harleqeena fighting, as he is down to one knee while she wields her sword perilously close to his face]
[cut to the prince's handmaids, who are watching from afar, then back to the prince struggling to hold off the sword with his axe]
PHISTULOUS: Release the Tits of Death!
[cut to the three handmaids, who remove their corsets (revealing pasties covering their nipples) and begin "jiggling" their breasts as hypnotic pinwheels fill the screen]
[cut back to Harleqeena, who looks up and slowly disappears]
[cut to one of the prince's henchmen standing behind a cannon with a lit fuse, then to the prince (back in his pants and red leather jacket) as he runs towards the man in the straitjacket]
PHISTULOUS: Okay Rev, cue one up!
[he bends over, as the prince places a lighter next to his backside, sending a "fart fireball" into the air]
[cut to two of the Harlequinettes, as the fireball "vaporizes" them]
[cut back to the man in front of the cannon, as it explodes, "vaporizing" two more Harlequinettes]
HARLEQEENA: [from off camera] We'll be back, Phistulous ... You know we will!
[cut to the prince relaxing on his throne again]
PHISTULOUS: Oh Jones, I do love getting to grips with the Harlequinettes!
JONES: Of course, sir ... and they are such saucy little minxes, too!
PHISTULOUS: Jones, you dirty little tinker!
JONES: Well, it's that Harleqeena! She, she's juicier than an over-ripe peach!
PHISTULOUS: That Harleqeena seems to know Cyclone Jack as well ... How do, how do you think he got that name? Uh, what, has he got some flatulence problem?
JONES: [pause] Maybe Jack's from Netherworld, sir. M-maybe he was sent with the letter.
PHISTULOUS: Well, how did he get to Earth?
JONES: That would be quite remarkable, sir. As far as I'm aware, it's only us and-and the Harlequinettes who can jump between the dimensions.
[the scene fades to black, then cut back to the hunchback with a frightened look on his face]
JONES: Sir, sir! J-Jack appears to have escaped! I think he's got out of the bunker!
PHISTULOUS: How's he escaped?
[cut to Jack emerging from the trapdoor in the woods]
JONES: [in voice over] Uh, don't worry ... We'll take care of it.
[cut back to Jack running through the woods, as the two clown guards chase after him]
You have been watching ...
Produced & Directed by
Chris Greenwood & Warren Speed
Prince Phistulous Withers III
Jones the Butler
Orpheus the Clown
Zeus the Clown
Miss Mimi Couture
1st Assistant Director
Antoni McVay/Mitsuko Studios
www dot MitsukoStudios dot com
www dot synoiz dot com
Growling Clown Entertainment
www dot GrowlingClown dot com
The Cutting Edge film festival is Newcastle-Upon-Tyne's new annual festival of the weird and the macabre. Featuring short horror films from around the world and premieres of multiple horror films created in Newcastle, The Cutting Edge hopes to establish itself as the number one platform in the North East for independent horror film-makers.
On Saturday 26th November 2011 The Cutting Edge runs from 2pm till 6pm at Barkollo then from 7pm till 11pm at the Side Cinema.
Barkollo will play host to an array of horror shorts, music videos by international horror bands, show-reels from local horror artists and live burlesque entertainment. This afternoon session will be free so come along early to show your support for Newcastle's dark underground.
Entry to the Side Cinema will be by ticket only. Tickets are now sold out, but email us at email@example.com if you'd like to be put on a waiting list in case any more become available. The Side Cinema will host screenings of cutting edge horror shorts from around the world including Banana Motherfucker from Portugal, Man In A Bag from Argentina, Fallow from Canada, T Is For Torture from the USA and Cold Call from the UK. We'll also be screening new films from the organisers Mitsuko Studios, including La Belle Dame Sans Merci, The Treatment and Dark Passenger. The evening event will feature live entertainment, including burlesque by Constance Peach and will play host to our first audience-voted events ceremony.
It's strictly for over 18s only, due to the content of the films.
Barkollo will start showing trailers from around 1:30PM on November 26th. The festival will begin at 2PM and the line-up is as follows (films and times may vary slightly on the day - don't shoot if if there are changes!):
She (2010) - By Antoni McVay
Spectre - By David V G Davies
Australian Zombie Film - Jordan Dautovic
Zomblogalypse - By Miles Watts
Year Zero- By Richard Cunningham
15 minute Intermission (3:05PM) - which will include some extra bonus videos (or you can get a drink, have a chat with the film makers... or do whatever you fancy:)
A sneak peak at the film Monitor - By David Davies
The Devil's Fork - By Dan Thompson
Faux - By Brenda Fies
Don't Know Jack - By Dan Brownlie
An Awesome Secret film!
Something Under the Bed is Drooling - Dan Brownlie
Intermission + Synoiz Music video and live performance (4PM)
A live burlesque performance by Constance Peach
Freakarama - By Warren Speed
The Funny Man - By Jake Barsha
Alone - By Damaine Radcliff
Blarghaaahrgarg (2010) - By Nuria Leon Bernardo
Nightmares (2011) - By Kayla Wren and Antoni McVay
End - 6PM
The event will continue at the Side Cinema and Gallery at 7PM (trailers will start showing there at about 6:45PM). The day is free for all and everyone is welcome. The night is admission only with a ticket (and tickets have already sold out!)
Trailers will start at about 6:50PM at Side Cinema and Gallery
Introduction video at 7:05PM
Papa Wrestling (2009) - By Fernando Alle
Deus Irae - By Pedro Cristiani and Guillermo A Gatti
Cock - By Dan Thompson
The Treatment (2011) - By Terri Cutts
15 Minute Intermission (7:55PM)
Live Burlesque by Bettina Spankenhaus
Dead Funny (2009) - By David Keith
The Dark Passenger (2011) - By Lee Bibby
Dead Magazines - By Brand B Corporation
Technophobia - By David V G Davies
Dead Girl Walking - By Jason Brown
Cold Call - By Clive Ford
La Belle Dame Sans Merci (2011) - By Antoni McVay and Phillip Michael Buchan
15 Minute Intermission (9:15PM)
Live Burlesque by Constance Peach (9:30PM)
Dead on Time - By Antreas Labropoulos and Kostas Skiftas
Love Hurts - By Shariff Nasr
T is for Torture - By Elisabeth Fies + Brenda Fies
Fallow - By Dave Alexander
Man in a Bag - By Pedro Cristiani
10 Minute Intermission + Time to vote for the audience voted awards ceremony (10:15PM)
Banana Motherfucker - By Pedro Floréncio & Fernando Alle
Awards Ceremony - 10:30PM
Final Closing Video
End - 11PM