Groucho Marx - You Bet Your Life - inc librarian and newly married
24:53
In part one Groucho meets a good looking 19 year old librarian and decides he might take up reading again - he says he once belonged to Crook Of The Month. Then when a newly married woman comes on - she got married 4 months ago - Groucho asks if it's her first night out
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Added: 2 months ago
From: pdcomedy
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[host Groucho Marx is starting the show with George Fenneman]
GEORGE: Just before we went on the air, we asked if there were any young single people present tonight, and our studio audience selected ... Miss Nina Kramer, Mister Clarence Allen. And here they are. Folks, come on in here and meet Groucho Marx.
[a young man and a young woman walk out on stage]
GROUCHO: Well, welcome. Welcome for the DeSoto Plymouth dealers. And you say the secret word, you'll divide a hundred dollars. It's a common word, something you'll find around the house ... You're both single, eh? And would like to get married someday?
[cut to a closeup of Miss Kramer]
GROUCHO: Miss, uh ... "Nee-na," is that the way you prounounce it?
NINA: "Ny-nah."
GROUCHO: "Ny-nah?"
NINA: Mm-hmm.
GROUCHO: Oh ... I used to know a tenor named "Ny-nah."
[she laughs]
GROUCHO: Uh, where are ... where are you from, Nina?
NINA: I'm originally from Chicago.
GROUCHO: Uh huh ... How original were you in Chicago?
NINA: Nineteen years ago.
GROUCHO: Nineteen years ago? Then you've been here about two years, is that right?
NINA: No, I've been here about ten years.
GROUCHO: [pause] Oh, you're not twenty nine, are you?
[she laughs nervously]
NINA: Now you've got me confused ... No, I'm nineteen.
GROUCHO: [pause] You left Chicago nineteen years ago and you're nineteen years old?
NINA: No, I was nineteen--
GROUCHO: How did you come out, by bassinet?
[she laughs]
GROUCHO: Would you mind repeating that whole thing again?
NINA: Well--
GROUCHO: How old are you?
NINA: I'm nineteen.
GROUCHO: Nineteen?
NINA: Yes.
GROUCHO: How long, uh, since you left Chicago?
NINA: Oh, uh ... about ten years.
GROUCHO: Oh, I see. That would make you ... fourteen years old.
[she laughs]
NINA: You can leave it at that.
GROUCHO: Okay, leave it at that.
[...]
GROUCHO: What sorta work do you do?
NINA: I'm a librarian.
GROUCHO: A librarian, really? Is that so? I didn't realize librarians came this young.
NINA: Oh well, there are lots of young girls in librar--
GROUCHO: Aren't you unusual ... uh, what's that?
NINA: There are lots of young girls in libraries.
GROUCHO: Oh, is that so?
[he raises his eyebrows, and the audience laughs]
GROUCHO: I guess I'll hafta start reading again!
[she laughs]
GROUCHO: I used to belong to the Crook of the Month, is that, uh--
[she laughs]
GROUCHO: Now what, what library do you work for?
NINA: The Beverly Hills Public Library.
GROUCHO: Really? I-I live in Beverly Hills ... I don't think I've been there. Where is it located?
NINA: Well, it's in the City Hall ... uh, right next to the polic station.
[the audience laughs]
GROUCHO: Oh, I've been there alright!
[she laughs]
GROUCHO: On the other hand, maybe it was the library ... As I recall it, they booked me at the time.
[she laughs]
GROUCHO: Now let's see how well you work together as a team. Now, in just one minute, you're gonna play "You Bet Your Life" for a chance at two thousand five hundred dollars. But first, there's something I want you to pay close attention to. It'll prove invaluable in your marriage.
[he checks his card]
GROUCHO: You selected "Animals and Nursery Rhymes" ... Here's your first question, how much will you bet?
[she looks over at her partner]
NINA: Eighteen?
CLARENCE: Eighteen sounds good.
GROUCHO: Eighteen ... Alright, what kind of a pet did Old Mother Hubbard have?
NINA: A dog.
GROUCHO: A dog is correct!
[the audience applauds]
GEORGE: Well, you're on your way, you have thirty eight dollars.
GROUCHO: Remember, you're going for twenty five hundred dollars tonight. Now, how much of the thirty eight you gonna bet on this one?
[she turns to her partner again]
NINA: Thirty five?
CLARENCE: Thirty six.
GROUCHO: Thirty six ... What ran after the farmer's wife?
NINA: Three blind mice.
GROUCHO: Three blind mice, that's right!
[the audience applauds]
GEORGE: I can say you are doing mighty well, you have seventy four dollars!
GROUCHO: Seventy four dollars, here's your third question. How much you gonna go for?
[she turns to her partner again]
NINA: Seventy?
CLARENCE: Seventy three.
GROUCHO: Seventy three ... What did Bo Peep tend?
NINA: Sheep.
GROUCHO: Sheep is right!
[the audience applauds]
GROUCHO: Sheep at half the price! Sheep at half the price, I guess there's nothing there ...
GEORGE: You have one hundred and forty seven dollars!
GROUCHO: Here's your last chance to beat the other couples. How much you gonna bet?
CLARENCE: Hundred and forty seven!
[he quickly turns to his partner]
CLARENCE: How does that sound?
NINA: Alright.
[Groucho turns to his announcer]
GROUCHO: How much have they got?
GEORGE: A hundred and forty seven, they're betting the whole thing!
CLARENCE: Okay, whole thing!
GROUCHO: Okay ... What did Tom the Piper's Son swipe?
NINA: Pig!
GROUCHO: A pig is right!
[the audience applauds]
GEORGE: And you two wind up with a grand total of two hundred and ninety four dollars!
[...]
[after the other contestants play the game, Miss Kramer and Mister Allen wind up having the highest total]
GEORGE: And you wind up with a grand total of two hundred and fifty dollars, and that means the librarian and the geologist - with two hundred ninety four dollars - get the chance at the DeSoto Plymouth two thousand five hundred dollar question!
[the audience applauds, as Miss Kramer and Mister Allen return to the stage]
GROUCHO: Alright now, we find out you've been hanging around those books all these years, we find out if you really know anything!
[she laughs]
GROUCHO: Here we go, for two thousand five hundred dollars, I'll give you fifteen seconds to decide on a single answer between you, so think carefully and please, no help from the audience ... Here it is.
[he looks down at his card]
GROUCHO: If the President of the United States and the Vice President should both resign, who is next in line to succeed to the office of Chief Executive?
NINA: The Secretary of State.
[as the clock begins ticking down, her partner leans in]
CLARENCE: [whispers] Are you certain it's the Secretary of State, or the Chief Justice?
NINA: [whispers] I think it's the Secretary of State. Which do you think?
CLARENCE: [whispers] I'm thinking--
GROUCHO: One answer between you. Talk it over.
[they continue whispering amongst themselves]
GROUCHO: Talk it over. We want one answer between you.
[the buzzer sounds]
GROUCHO: Alright, what is the answer you two have decided upon?
CLARENCE: We'll say the Secretary of State.
GROUCHO: No, I'm sorry. According to law passed in 1947, the Speaker of the House of Representatives.
[they both smile and laugh]
NINA: Oh!
CLARENCE: Okay, so both of us were wrong!
GROUCHO: So that means the big question next week will be worth three thousand dollars! Well, you lost the big money, but you won ...
[he turns to his announcer]
GROUCHO: How much?
GEORGE: Two hundred and ninety four--
GROUCHO: Two hundred and ninety four dollars in the quiz! Congratulations and thanks to both of you, and to all of our contestants on the show tonight!
[the audience applauds]
---
From imdb.com:
You Bet Your Life: Season 7, Episode 5
Episode #7.5 (1956)
TV Episode - 30 min - Comedy | Family | Game-Show
Groucho Marx ... Himself - Host
George Fenneman ... Announcer / Straight Man
Clarence Allen ... Contestant
Ross Crossley ... Himself (as Major Ross Crossley)
Nina Kramer ... Herself
Yucca Salamunich ... Contestant
Silvia Sparks ... Contestant
Norma Welch ... Herself
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