Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Case Study No. 0798: Lt. Bruno Burke and the Silence Enforcement Agency

Be Quiet in the Library- or Else...
The librarians at BCHS decide that they are sock and tired of the noise and shennanigans that kids make. So they decide to ban all noise in the library and hire three security guards, Bruno, Brutus, and Steve to enforce the law. If you thought that sighing, whispering, and typing loudly was ok, then you're in for a big surprise...
Tags: bctn bear creek high school quiet library security guard
Added: 3 years ago
From: cnquistador
Views: 1,226

[scene opens inside Bear Creek High School (Denver CO) Library, as a young female student ("Melina Khat, Library Assistant") is speaking directly to the camera]
MELINA: Hi Bears, this is Melina. We thought that, after the last public service announcement about being quiet in here, you guys would be quiet. Well, you haven't been, and so we have decided to ban any noise in the library. To enforce this, we have hired some security guards. Here's what happens when you break the new rules ...
[cut to an overhead shot of a male student sitting in the library, as "Actual Security Footage appears on screen]
[three large male students wearing black t-shirts sudeenly surround him]
BRUNO: What are you doin' in my library, boy?! Are you makin' noise in my library?!
MALE STUDENT: But, but, but, but ...
BRUNO: Take 'em away, boys!
[the other two security guards drag him out of his chair and out of the library]
MALE STUDENT: No! Help! Ahhh!
[cut to Bruno ("Lt. Burke, Captain, Silence Enforcement Agency") speaking directly to the camera]
BRUNO: My job? Well, I love my job.
[cut to a female student entering the library and putting her bookbag on the table, then cut back to Bruno speaking directly to the camera]
BRUNO: Chasin' away kids ... Yellin' at kids.
[cut back to the female student, who begins emptying her bag and noisily placing the books on the table, as Bruno pulls up a chair and sits down next to her]
BRUNO: Hi sweetheart, did you know that the library is a sacred place ... of solace and silence?!
[as he raises his voice, everyone else in the library turns and stares at them]
BRUNO: And you have just violated the solace and silence! What I want you to do, I want you to exit the premises immediately!
FEMALE STUDENT 1: I'm sorry!
[she gets up and runs out of the library, then cut back to Bruno speaking directly to the camera]
BRUNO: It's like, it's like what I was born to do, y'know?
[cut to two female students browsing the stacks]
FEMALE STUDENT 2: Hey, do you know where "The Photographic History of the Civil War" is?
FEMALE STUDENT 3: Yep, it's right here!
[she pulls the book off the shelf, to reveal Bruno staring at them from the other side]
FEMALE STUDENT 2: Oh, thanks!
[they don't seem to see him, so he walks over and starts yelling]
BRUNO: Hi! Have you met Dewey?!
BRUNO: Do you know his decimal system?!
BRUNO: Well, Dewey invented the decimal system for yo mama, yo papa, and yo grandmother!
[cut back to Bruno speaking directly to the camera]
BRUNO: I mean, God gave me a gift, and if I don't act on the gift, it's like slappin' God on the face!
[cut to another female student loudly typing on the computer]
FEMALE STUDENT 4: I wonder where my book is at? I can't find it!
[Bruno walks over and slams his hands on the computer desk]
BRUNO: Talking ... and typing in the library?!
BRUNO: How do you do it, princess?
BRUNO: Get 'er outta here, boys!
[the other two security guards grab her chair and push her off camera, then cut back to Bruno speaking directly to the camera]
BRUNO: That's right, Superman!
[cut to the male student trying to re-enter the library, except the two security guards are waiting for him and chase him into the hallway]
[cut back to Bruno speaking directly to the camera]
BRUNO: Y'see, and ...
[he suddenly looks at something off camera]
BRUNO: Hey, hey you!
[he turns to the camera]
BRUNO: Excuse me ...
[he gets up and heads off camera]
BRUNO: Hey you! You makin' noise?!
[cut to Melina speaking directly to the camera]
MELINA: You better remember to be quiet in here, Bears, or else ...
[one by one, the security guards walk up behind her]
BRUNO: Bruno ...
BRUTUS: Brutus ...
STEVE: And Steve ...
MELINA: Will get you.
["Be quiet in the library, Bears! Or else ... " appears on screen]

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