Friday, February 1, 2013

Case Study No. 0764: Mrs. Shusher and Miss Osburne

Disney The Replacements 03) Insecurity Guard - Quiet Riot!
22:37
A. After being beaten up by a bully named Donny Rottwieler, Todd replaces the school's not-so-helpful security guard with a security robot that gives Todd a bad reputation.
B. Todd replaces the librarian with a rock star at the same time their semester projects are due.

Hope you like it!

The Replacements (c) Disney Channel

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[scene opens with Riley dragging her brother Todd through the halls of George Stapler Middle School]
TODD: [whining] Couldn't I go to the dentist instead?
RILEY: Todd, it's the end of the semester, and we all have projects due! I know you haven't finished your report on bovine growth hormones!
TODD: It's not as fun as it sounds.
RILEY: You don't wanna go to summer school, do you?
TODD: No.
RILEY: Then there's only one place to study ... a cool little hangout I like to call the library.
[they stop outside of the library entrance]
TODD: Please don't make me go in there! I've heard ... things.
RILEY: Todd, relax. The library is an idyllic place, full of fun and adventure and excitement.
[she imagines the library full of historical figures like George Washington, Napoleon, and Caesar]
TODD: Really?
[he imagines the same scenario in his mind]
GEORGE WASHINGTON: I cannot tell a lie ...
[the historical figures all draw their swords]
GEORGE WASHINGTON: I'm gonna kick some revolutionary butt!
[they begin to fight, then Todd's dream sequence ends and he gets an excited look on his face]
TODD: Wow, let's go!
[he grabs Riley's arm and goes running into the library, only to run right into an overweight female librarian who leans down and puts a finger to her lips]
MRS. SHUSHER: Shh!
[he wipes her spittle off his face]
TODD: But I didn't--
MRS. SHUSHER: Empty your pockets!
[he reaches into his pocket and takes out an eraser, some lint, and a feather]
MRS. SHUSHER: You can have these noisy things back when you leave.
[she grabs them out of his hand]
TODD: Noisy? Those weren't--
[she grabs him by the head and turns him around, taking an airhorn out of his backpocket]
TODD: Okay, ya got me on that one ...
MRS. SHUSHER: Shh!
[the force of her "shush" causes him to fly across the room and land in a chair next to Riley, who winks and gives him a thumbs up]
[cut to Todd taking notes, when the tip of his pencil breaks off, causing the librarian to appear from behind a "Silence is Golden" sign (which has her picture on it)]
MRS. SHUSHER: Shh!
TODD: What--
[she wags her finger]
TODD: Oh, come on--
MRS. SHUSHER: Shh!
[he folds his hands and tries to remain quiet, but notices that a drop of sweat is forming on his brow ... unable to stop it, the drop of sweat falls onto the table and creates a "loud" splashing noise]
MRS. SHUSHER: [loudly] Shush!
[she grimaces (causing the wrinkles on her forehead to spell out the word "Quiet"), so Todd nervously raises his eyebrows to spell out the word "Sorry" on his forehead]
[cut to Todd and Riley exiting the library]
RILEY: See? Wasn't that great?
TODD: Only if there's some new definition of "great" that really means "horrible"!
RILEY: Todd, you're being ridiculous ...
[she notices her picture on the bulletin board in the hallway has a mustache drawn on it, so she calmly erases it]
TODD: No I'm not, it's too quiet in there! Misses Shusher's gone off the deep end!
RILEY: It's a wonderful sanctuary of peace and quiet ... How do you think I got to be student of the month?
[Buzz, the school bully, appears and draws a new mustache on Riley's picture]
BUZZ: [laughing] Aw, library's for nerds with mustaches! I'll never go in there, and I'll never grow a mustache!
RILEY: If you don't study, Buzz, then you'll end up in summer school ... again, where I'll be your tutor.
BUZZ: No girl with a mustache is gonna tutor me! You'll have to catch me first!
[he runs off]
BUZZ: Freedom!
TODD: I never thought I'd say this, except if Buzz was sitting on me hitting me with my own hand, but he's right. The library is lame ... Or at least, the librarian is, and that I can do something about.
[he takes out his cell phone, then cut to the owner of the FleemCo Company answering his phone]
MR. FLEEM: [into the phone] Hello, FleemCo.
TODD: [from off camera] Hello, Mister Fleem? I need a replacement librarian who doesn't hate noise. In fact, just the opposite.
MR. FLEEM: [into the phone] We're on it.
[cut to a group of students (including Todd and Riley) sitting in the library as Misses Shusher approaches with a suitcase]
MRS. SHUSHER: Students, I have two announcments. First ... Shh!
[the power of her "shush" nearly blows everyone out of their chairs]
MRS. SHUSHER: And second, FleemCo Publishing has asked me to write a book ... "An Unabridged History of No Talking!"
[she pulls out a pamphlet with various historical figures (including Abraham Lincoln and Gandhi) putting their fingers to their lips]
MRS. SHUSHER: Exciting, isn't it?
[the students stare blankly at her]
MRS. SHUSHER: Now, while I'm gone, please respect your new librarian ... Miss Osburne!
[she walks out, as the students break out into applause, while Riley leans over and angrily whispers to her brother]
RILEY: Todd ...
[he looks away and starts whistling (as if he had nothing to do with it), then the door suddenly flies open, as a younger woman wearing a trenchcoat enters the library]
[cut to a closeup of the librarian, as she pulls out the chair at the front desk, scraping the leg against the floor to create a grating "nails on the chalkboard" sound]
MS. OSBURNE: Oh, I'm sorry ... Does that disturb you?
[she puts her feet up on the desk and takes out a bag of potato chips, which she starts to eat with loud chewing noises]
MS. OSBURNE: Am I too loud for you?
[Riley raises her hand]
RILEY: Well--
MS. OSBURNE: [loudly] Well, too bad! Because there's only one rule in Miss Osburne's library! You do not talk ...
[Riley gives Todd a smug look, as if to say "Your plan has backfired"]
MS. OSBURNE: You rock!
[she takes off her sunglasses and trenchcoat, to reveal she has purple hair and a punk rocker outfit]
[Todd smiles broadly, as the new librarian gets up on the desk and yells into a microphone]
MS. OSBURNE: Hello, George Stapler Middle School Library! Are you ready to make some noise, with a "z"?
[she grabs a guitar and starts singing]
MS. OSBURNE: Don't need no books, ow! Don't need no books! Don't care about no teacher's dirty looks!
[Riley covers her ears and turns to her brother]
RILEY: Todd, what have you done? The other kids are gonna hate not being able to study, and ... Todd?
[she looks over to see that Todd is no longer sitting in his seat, but standing on the desk with Miss Osburne and dancing]
MS. OSBURNE: Don't need no books, ow! Don't need no books! Don't care about no teacher's dirty looks!
[he jumps into an impromptu "mosh pit" created by the other students]

[...]

[Todd and Riley are at home, having dinner with their adopted parents Karen Mildred (a secret agent) and Dick Daring (a stuntman)]
TODD: Libraries are awesome!
DICK: They sure are, son! They're easy to jump over on a motorcycle, and if you happen to fall through a skylight, the books can break your fall!
[he turns to reveal a copy of the "Encyclopedia Galactica" embedded in the small of his back]
DICK: Aim for the paperbacks, because these reference books hurt ...
RILEY: Mom, dad! Todd only likes the library now because he replaced the librarian with a rock and roller!
KAREN: Really? How very imaginative of you, Todd!
DICK: I'll bet he got that way from all the time he's been spending in the library!
RILEY: But, but ... Oh, never mind!

[...]

[scene opens inside the library, as the camera is zoomed in on Miss Osburne's face]
MS. OSBURNE: Alright kids, time to hit the books! Ready?
[camera zooms out to show each student standing in front of a pile of books, hitting them with sticks as if they were drums]
MS. OSBURNE: One, two! One, two! One, two ... three, four!
[Riley reaches in and grabs Todd from his pile, pulling him out into the hallway]
RILEY: Okay, Todd. It's time to get rid of Miss Osburne!
[she hands him her cellphone]
TODD: Gimmee one good reason!
RILEY: How about it's the last week of school and in two days we'll all have projects due that we haven't finished and we'll flunk!
TODD: Oh yeah ...
RILEY: And I'll end up in summer school!
BUZZ: [from off camera] Not all of us!
[camera pans over to reveal Buzz hanging his picture with "Student of the Month" written on it on the bulletin board]
BUZZ: Eat my smarts!
RILEY: You're student of the month?
BUZZ: I'm gonna be! Lucky for me, I have never been in the library in my life, and because of that, I am now the most smarter-est kid here!
RILEY: No you're not!
BUZZ: But I will be, when I'm the only kid in school that turned in an end-of-semester project!

[...]

[Todd and Riley convince Buzz that being the "smarter-est" kid in school means being a tutor at summer school, so he threatens to beat them up if they don't get rid of Miss Osburne ... Since this bit of reverse psychology works, Misses Shusher returns and forces all of the students to clean up the library]
MRS. SHUSHER: I'm gone for a week, and my library is in shambles! I'm almost glad FleemCo changed its mind about my book ...
[Riley turns and whispers to Todd as she sweeps up the floor]
RILEY: It'll be good to get this place back to normal ...
TODD: Definitely! Hate to admit it, but we need places for work as much as places for play ...
[he imagines George Washington, Napoleon, and Caesar putting their swords away to sit down and read a book]
TODD: Sorry, fellas!
MRS. SHUSHER: Shush!

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From tv.com:

The Replacements (Season 1, Episode 3) - The Insecurity Guard / Quiet Riot

Saturday September 9, 2006

Todd and Riley replace the school's librarian with a heavy metal rocker.

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From wikipedia.org:

Mrs. Shusher (voiced by Tara Strong) - The shush-happy librarian at George Stapler Middle School. Todd got sick of her forcing everyone to be quiet, and later replaced her with a librarian who was the complete opposite of her. She returned later in the episode when her replacement was returned by Todd and Riley.

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