Classic Dave - NBC bookmobile, 2/4/88
8:15
The bookmobile tries to drive into the set of Live at 5.
Tags: david letterman late night bookmobile
Added: 3 years ago
From: jerkylfish
Views: 4,835
[scene opens with David Letterman standing on stage, addressing the audience]
DAVID: Ladies and gentlemen, as that unmistakable music tells us, once again--
[the music suddenly starts playing]
DAVID: It's time for another visit from the NBC Bookmobile. Here it comes, bring it on in.
[he turns and talks to someone off camera]
DAVID: Watch your feet over there!
[the camera zooms out to show a forklift being driven into the studio, as it carries an elderly woman sitting at a desk (with the NBC peacock logo and "NBC Bookmobile" written across the front) attached to a small bookcase]
DAVID: There you go, that's right.
[he walks over and shakes the woman's hand]
DAVID: Ladies and gentlemen, please say hello to the beloved library lady Kathleen Anchors, and of course gruff but lovable old Gus, the bookmobile driver. Kids, nice to, nice to have you with us as always. Thank you very much.
[the audience applauds]
DAVID: And uh, my gosh, it sounds like you've really been working on the bookmobile. It seems like you've tuned it up a little, huh?
KATHLEEN: She's purring like a bloodthirsty jungle cat after the kill!
DAVID: Well, that's ... that certainly--
[Gus revs up the engine on the forklift]
DAVID: Oh, there it is, right there. That's certainly impressive.
KATHLEEN: It's all in preparation for the upcoming Battle of the Network Bookmobiles, at Raceway Park!
DAVID: Uh huh. Well--
[Gus revs up the engine again]
DAVID: There it is, yeah ... Uh, it sounds awfully wonderful, and what a great way to promote young people reading more. I think that's a wonderful, and I hope you bring home the trophy.
KATHLEEN: Yes, so do we. Unfortunately, last year we were disqualified.
DAVID: Aw, that's too bad.
KATHLEEN: When gruff but lovable old Gus blatantly rammed the CBS Bookmobile.
DAVID: Ah.
KATHLEEN: And forced it into the wall!
DAVID: Yeah.
KATHLEEN: Resulting in a hellish inferno of smoke and flames, punctuated by the horrible screams of the injured!
DAVID: Oh, how ... gosh, how awful, and also how lengthy. I hope that, I hope that nothing like that happens this year, library lady.
KATHLEEN: We'll do what we have to do to win, David.
[Gus revs up the engine again]
DAVID: [pause] I'm distracted because of those weasels across the hall ...
KATHLEEN: Of course!
[he turns to Gus]
DAVID: Why don't you just take this thing over there? Could you get this in across the hall?
[he revs up the engine again, as Dave laughs]
DAVID: Alright ... Alright. Well, we'll just finish up here. Just take it across the hall, screw 'em!
[he turns back to Kathleen]
DAVID: Um, alright. Let's take a look at some of these brand new books right here, library lady.
[she hands him a large book from her desk]
DAVID: Thank you very much, is this the first offering tonight?
KATHLEEN: Yes.
DAVID: Alright.
[he turns to the camera]
DAVID: Uh, y'know folks, for many years Rand McNally has been a top name in road maps, and now they've come up with a unique new publication. It's the new Rand McNally "scratch and sniff" edition!
[cut to a closeup of the book ("1988 Rand McNally Road Atlas Scratch-And-Sniff Edition")]
DAVID: There it is. Let's see how this works
[he opens the book]
DAVID: I just open it up here, and give it a try ... Waddaya, just scratch anywhere on there, like this?
KATHLEEN: Yes.
[he scratches the page and puts it up to his nose]
DAVID: Oh yeah ... it's New Jersey!
[he pulls the book away (as if he's smelled something horrible), then hands it back to the librarian as the audience applauds (and Gus revs the engine again)]
DAVID: Okay, enough'a that nonsense!
[he starts looking through the bookcase]
DAVID: Where's the next one? Oh, right here ... Here it is.
[he takes a book off the shelf]
DAVID: Here's a brand new sports book that captures all the raw emotion and the behind-the-scenes action of the 1987 football season. It's entitled ... "Wow! Free Cleats! Memories of an NFL Scab."
[he holds up the book (featuring a cartoon of a football player holding up a pair of cleats by the shoelaces) as the audience laughs, then he hands it to the librarian]
DAVID: Free cleats! Memories of a scab! Uh ... If you were moved by the magnificent photographs of "A Day in the Life of America" or "A Day in the Life of the Soviet Union," then you'll certainly be carried away by this brand new collection right here.
[she hands him another book off the desk]
DAVID: Oh, there it is. It's called ... "A Day in the Life of Norm Huber."
[he holds up the book (featuring a picture of a middle-aged man with a mustache sleeping on his couch in his pajamas)]
DAVID: That's right, twelve hundred of America's finest photographers catch all the memorable moments in a typical twenty-four hour period of Norm Huber's life.
[he opens the book and begins leafing through pictures of the man doing mundane tasks]
DAVID: Here, let's just take a look at some of these photos ... There's Norm brushing his teeth, and sorting his socks right there. There he is dozing a little bit, checking the TV Guide. And ordering dinner, reading a book. Yes, it just seems to get funnier and funnier, doesn't it?
[he slams the book shut, then Gus revs up the engine again]
DAVID: Okay, alright ...
[he hands the book back to the librarian, then yells at someone off camera]
DAVID: What're they doin' at "Live at Five," Hal?
HAL: [from off camera] Doing a taping, Dave.
DAVID: What is the piece?
HAL: [from off camera] Uh, Tom Cruise. Something--
DAVID: Well, let's see Tom Cruise! Let's see Tom, put him on!
[cut to footage of the movie "The Color of Money"]
JACK CAFFERTY: [in voice over] Martin Scorcese's sequel to "Hustler," moved Tom Cruise to even greater heights--
DAVID: [from off camera] Alright, that's enough, pal! Come on!
[cut back to David in the studio]
DAVID: This, this ... this bookmobile stuff is much better than that, isn't it?
[Gus revs up the engine again, as the audience applauds]
DAVID: Alright!
[he grabs another book off of the bookcase]
DAVID: Y'know, fans of Stephen King will wanna buy this book, it's absolutely his creepiest and scariest one ever. It's called ... "The Face in My Mirror," by Stephen King!
[he holds up the book (featuring a photograph of Stephen King's face superimposed inside of a mirror), as the theme song from "Psycho" plays]
DAVID: Thank you.
[he hands the book to the librarian]
DAVID: Okay, got that Tom Cruise nonsense over here ...
[he takes another book from the bookcase, but then immediately puts it back]
DAVID: Oh, that's the wrong one ...
[he takes another book]
DAVID: Y'know, kids are fascinated by the world of grownups, and that's why they'll spend hours with this educational activity book. It's called "The Touch 'N Feel Book of Hair Replacement."
[he holds up the book (featuring a comb with loose strands of hair surrounding it)]
DAVID: Let's open it up here ...
[he turns to the first page, featuring a cartoon picture of a man's head with brillo pads glued to the scalp (and the word "Weave")]
DAVID: You see, you have the weave. That would be the hair weave.
[he rubs his hand across the brillo]
DAVID: Get an idea of how that would feel.
[he turns to the next page, featuring the same cartoon picture but with burnt-colored cotton glued to the scalp (and the word "Monoxodil")]
DAVID: And here would be monoxodil ... Very nice.
[he turns to the next page, featuring the same cartoon picture but with individual bristles glued to the scalp (and the word "Implants")]
DAVID: And finally, my favorite ... the, the implants.
[he closes the book and hands it back to the librarian]
DAVID: Alright ... How many more do we have, library lady?
KATHLEEN: Two, I think.
DAVID: Okay ... Oh, this is a good one.
[he takes another book from the bookcase]
DAVID: Uh, this is a guy who has seen it all and heard it all, and now he's telling his story. It's "One Thousand and One Ways to Misspell My Name," by Paul Shaffer.
[he holds up the book, featuring a picture of his band leader along with several versions of his last name crossed out (Shafer, Schafer, Sheaffer, Shaefer, Shafeer) before getting to "Shaffer" stuck on near the bottom]
DAVID: There it is ... Okay. You have a lotta trouble with that, don'cha Paul?
PAUL: [from off camera] I do actually, yeah. All different ways.
[David puts the book down on top of a pile on the librarian's desk]
DAVID: Well, that should be cleared up right there in that lovely publication.
PAUL: [from off camera] Lemme keep that book ...
DAVID: Alright ...
[he points to another book on her desk]
DAVID: Is this, this one?
KATHLEEN: That one.
[he picks up the book]
DAVID: Y'know, books like "Above New York" and "Above Los Angeles" present beautiful aerial photographs of their subjects. Well, here's the latest volume from that series ...
[he clears his throat]
DAVID: Excuse me while I clear my throat.
[he clears his throat again]
DAVID: It's called ... "Above Larry Holmes!"
[he holds up the book (featuring an aerial shot of the boxing ring as Holmes lies knocked out on the canvas)]
DAVID: Yes, it's every bit as breath-taking ...
[he opens the book (which features the same shot over and over)]
DAVID: Let's take a look at some of these photos ... There's Larry, just kinda out cold there.
[he closes the book, then turns to the librarian]
DAVID: Did I get 'em all in there, or not?
KATHLEEN: I think so.
DAVID: Alright, let's see ...
[he takes another book from the bookcase]
DAVID: Oh, final one here, and then when we finish this up, we're sending the bookmobile into "Live at Five?"
[he turns to Gus]
DAVID: Just as fast as you can get it going ...
[he turns back to Kathleen]
DAVID: They didn't even call! They didn't even offer! They didn't even, it wasn't even a "maybe!" Not even a last minute kinda deal!
PAUL: [from off camera] Drive this sucker over there!
DAVID: Uh ... finally, if you're captivated by the magnolia-scented romance of the Old South, then this charming storybook should be in your home. It's "Jimmy the Greek's Plantation Tales!"
[he holds up the book (featuring a photograph of Jimmy Snyder wearing a cartoon hat and white suit)]
DAVID: Okay, kids!
[he puts the book down on the desk, then shakes the librarian's hand]
DAVID: Thank you very much, Kathleen! Nice to see ya!
KATHLEEN: Thank you!
DAVID: Alright, Gus ... Good luck! Take it outta here! Hurt somebody!
[Gus drives the forklift in reverse]
DAVID: Watch it!
[he continues backing up, as Kathleen waves to the audience]
DAVID: Just go! Just ram it! Ram the damn door!
[the camera follows as he backs out of the studio and heads into the hallway]
DAVID: [from off camera] Okay, there they go ... Go! Alright, they're not even in the hallway yet.
[Gus continues backing out into the hallway (with Kathleen still sitting in the desk)]
DAVID: [from off camera] Can they, can someone open the door over there so they can get in?
[two security guards run ahead of the forklift and open a set of doors]
DAVID: [from off camera] Yeah ... Oh yeah! The-the security guys are opening the door!
[Kathleen laughs, as Gus continues backing up]
DAVID: [from off camera] Boy ... boy, is that a good sign!
[the camera suddenly cuts to footage of Jack Cafferty from "Live at Five"]
DAVID: [from off camera] Look out, Jack! Run for your life, Jack! Oh my god ... Get under the desk, Jack!
[cut back to Kathleen and Gus (slowly) making their way backwards through the hallway]
HAL: [from off camera] They're taking it nice and slow ...
DAVID: [from off camera] There they are ... Alright.
[he laughs]
DAVID: [from off camera] Are they in there now? Alright, they're by the makeup room.
[two more security guards run ahead of the forklift to open another set of doors]
DAVID: [from off camera] And once again, the security guys opening the door! Highly trained SWAT team!
[the forklift comes to a stop]
DAVID: [from off camera] Will it fit?
[the forklift begins backing up again]
DAVID: [from off camera] That's right, just ... as far in as you can get it. Then just, uh, set fire to it and run out.
[he laughs, as Kathleen starts re-arranging the books on her desk]
DAVID: [from off camera] The poor, poor Kathleen riding on this thing! And she's gonna ... so these guys are gonna take the fall for this! They'll be arrested, I'm over here like nothing happened!
[the forklift stops again]
DAVID: [from off camera] Is, is that it? Okay ... okay, alright.
[cut back to David in the studio]
DAVID: We, we gotta do a commercial. We'll, uh, count up the dead and the wounded, and we'll be right back.
[the audience applauds]
---
From sfgate.com:
Letterman turns to L.A. to redecorate
BILL MANN, EXAMINER COLUMNIST
Published 4:00 am, Monday, March 18, 1996
You'll see a new set in New York on David Letterman's show beginning Monday night, and the red floor will also be gone - as well, of course, as will exec producer Bob Morton. The set was built at CBS Television City in L.A., where, says KPIX set designer Malcolm Rogers, "they'll probably also build the one for his shows here in San Francisco in May." Rogers says he's in constant contact with Letterman's scenic design chief Kathleen Anchors (who also plays the Foul-Mouthed Lady on the "Late Show" ) and her assistant, Chris Goumas.
"Once they get the New York set out of the way, they'll start building the one for here, which will be dissembled and shipped up from L.A." Rogers says. "It'll have a San Francisco theme, though, probably with a Golden Gate Bridge." Rogers was over at the Palace of Fine Arts Theatre last week, getting snapshots of the P of FA's stage to send Goumas. "We just don't have a big enough shop to build the Letterman set here," he says.
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