Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Case Study No. 0334: Sarah (Tim Shaw's Asylum)

Tim Shaws Asylum: Confessions of a sexy librarian: PT 1/3
Tim gets in bed with a hottie from a library based here in Brimingham. Wish I knew which one it was.
Tags: Tim Shaws Asylum
Added: 3 years ago
From: AsylumArchives
Views: 44,764

TIM: Right, then. Uh, this is it. I'm gonna leave the microphone here, and move over to the bed. Uh, Jean Paul, if you could pass me my cordless mike. Uh, I believe we have one for you as well, Sarah. Just forget the fact you've got that, so you'll still need, as I do, one hand free.
[the sounds of movement can be heard]
TIM: Uh, confessions of a librarian this evening on Tim Shaw's Asylum. Come over here, sexy ...
SARAH: Okay.
TIM: Now, do you wanna go over there, just take your ... You might be more comfortable, do you wanna keep your jeans on for the time being?
SARAH: I'm getting off the time--
TIM: Okay, then, we'll see how it goes ... Okay, right. Now, you get yourself in position there.
SARAH: [laughs] Okay ...
TIM: We've got a 1999 bed from Argos here ... Um, shoes off? Do you want your shoes off? Yeah, shoes are off. Okay now, no sitting. Turn around and spread your legs, ya dirty girl!
SARAH: [laughs]
TIM: Good god, you know how this program works! Are you new to the show?
SARAH: Uh, yes ...
TIM: Well, that explains it, then!
SARAH: [laughs] Sorry!


TIM: Okay, so ... Do you mind if I put my hands on you there?
SARAH: [laughs]
TIM: Is that okay?
SARAH: That's fine, yeah ...
TIM: This helps you to relax, y'know ...
SARAH: Yeah yeah yeah ...
TIM: I'll just put my thumb right there ...
SARAH: [laughs]
TIM: Is that the right place?
SARAH: Well, yeah ...
TIM: Is it? Okay, that's alright ... Okay, I'll just rub it there.
SARAH: Uh huh.
TIM: And that'll help you to relax, and take you right back to the last time that you, uh ... had sex.
SARAH: Yeah.
TIM: Who was it with? Who was the guy?
SARAH: [laughs] I can't remember.
TIM: You can't remember? It's been a long time ...
SARAH: Oh my god. Yeah, it has been ... It was a long time ago.
TIM: Was it really?
SARAH: A year.
TIM: Was it ... Oh god, that's a long time, isn't it?
SARAH: It is a long time ...
TIM: Can I just move that just there?
TIM: And, how does that ... Is that better there?
SARAH: Right, that's brilliant.
TIM: Okay, now ... Um, this work of yours at the library?
TIM: Where are ya gonna go? Like, if you had a fantasy--
SARAH: Yeah?
TIM: About the library, and about someone who listens to this show, because ... I mean, this sounds silly, but as a model--
TIM: I mean, you were a model for five years, and now you've gone into the world of working in libraries. Can you explain that briefly for me, because ... Can you, do you wanna come a little bit closer?
SARAH: [laughs]
TIM: Come over here just a little bit ... Do you mind if I put my other hand on your--
SARAH: I'm nervous!
TIM: Okay, right. Good stuff ... Do you shave there?
SARAH: [laughs] Do I shave what, sorry?
TIM: Where my hand is ...
SARAH: [laughs] Yeah!
TIM: Is it?
SARAH: Mm, yeah.
TIM: Really?
SARAH: Yeah.
TIM: Okay ... Now tell me, um, tell me about how you got into working at the library from being a model. You must have had all the guys just dropping their drawers everywhere.
SARAH: [laughs] I, uh, was a model for five years--
TIM: Yeah?
SARAH: And decided--
TIM: Have you ever had sex with any of the male models? Or, were they not the kind of guys you go to?
SARAH: No no no no no no, they're not ... no.
TIM: What, you're uptight?
TIM: Okay, so you modelled for five years, and then what?
SARAH: And then I decided ...
TIM: Yeah?
SARAH: [laughs] I would like to--
TIM: Sorry, I was just ... My hand was bouncing its way over there.
SARAH: Yeah, yeah.
TIM: So, you keep talking, I'll just put it right here.
SARAH: I would like to go to university next year ...
TIM: Right.
SARAH: [laughs] So, I just--
TIM: Sorry, it's alright. Just enjoy yourself, we're having a good time!
SARAH: [laughs]
TIM: No, that's alright. Just let it come out ...
SARAH: To, uh, get a proper job, so to speak. Um--
TIM: Did you just have an orgasm?
SARAH: [laughs] Almost!
TIM: Did you really?


TIM: So you decided to what?
SARAH: To get a proper job.
TIM: Okay, so this is your proper job?
SARAH: Yeah ... just for a year, and then I wanna go to university!
TIM: Okay, and what kinda guys do you go for?
SARAH: I like ... Um, guys with big personalities.
TIM: Yeah?
SARAH: No, I'm not completely about the looks, but you gotta have something there.
TIM: What kinda thing?
SARAH: [laughs] Um ...
TIM: Arms and legs?
SARAH: [laughs] Yeah, yeah! Pretty much, yeah!
TIM: Anything else?
SARAH: Um ... I don't know.
TIM: The size of the chopper, does that make much difference?
SARAH: No, no actually! I have a real thing about size of ... choppers.
TIM: What, you like a small chopper?
SARAH: [laughs] No, not small, but I'm not ... It does not have to be huge, as long as they know what to do with it.
TIM: Can I introduce you to my friend?
SARAH: [laughs]
TIM: Good god, guys! Um, I don't know if you've thought about sending a text in, but you can do. We actually, every Tuesday, we give away a guy or a girl on "Get Your Rocks Off" here on Tim Shaw's Asylum, and this girl is rapidly approaching becoming a candidate for "Get Your Rocks Off." In fact, we could bring it one night earlier, and make it a Monday night for Sarah.
SARAH: [laughs]
TIM: Um, I'm actually in bed with this girl, where you could be. And, uh, I'm in a position with her, we're sort of spooning at the moment, but forward spooning ...
SARAH: [laughs]
TIM: And my leg is up, um, up your ... crotch area?
SARAH: Yeah, yeah.
TIM: Okay, and my hand is on your buttock.
SARAH: Uh huh!
TIM: And you're a very open girl ...
SARAH: Well, yeah ... [laughs]
TIM: Really?
SARAH: Yeah!
TIM: So take me through, if you were with this guy--
SARAH: Yeah?
TIM: The guy listening to this show ...
SARAH: Yeah.
TIM: And he was Mister Perfect for you--
SARAH: Yeah.
TIM: Um, how soon would it be before you ended up in bed ... uh, having a bit of fun?
SARAH: Yeah, having a bit of fun, that's fine with me.
TIM: Yeah, okay.
SARAH: The "having sex" thing, I'd hold off for a little while ...
TIM: The next night?
SARAH: [laughs] Yeah!
TIM: Really?
SARAH: No no no!
TIM: Yeah ...
SARAH: No, it depends.
TIM: On the same night, still? But just--
SARAH: No no no no, not the same night ... I don't know, I like to build up to it.
TIM: Really?
TIM: Okay, what's your favorite position?
SARAH: Um, oh. Um ... I don't know.
[she starts giggling]
TIM: Really, it's been that long?
SARAH: It's been that long!
TIM: Well, I'll tell you what, what about ... Jean Paul, if you can hear this, if you're outside the studio, if you wanna come in, and we'll practice a few positions--
SARAH: Yeah.
TIM: Remind you of some of them, 'cause you're gonna have to be reminded of some of these sexual techniques.
SARAH: Yeah, yeah ...
TIM: So that when you get with one of our listeners and things work out, you're not completely a novice and stuff.
TIM: Do you think you've forgotten about, do you think you know--
SARAH: No, um--
TIM: All about masturbation and about pleasing a guy?
SARAH: No no no!
TIM: Really?
SARAH: [laughs]
TIM: Are you into a bit of oral?
SARAH: Yeah ... Y'see, what--
TIM: Because you look like you could be ...
SARAH: [laughs] Well, this is the thing, see. I haven't had sex in a year, but I've obviously done every other thing except for that.
TIM: Really?
SARAH: Yeah.
TIM: So you give yourself anal penetration?
SARAH: [laughs] No no no! Every other but that!
TIM: [laughs] Okay ...
SARAH: Sorry, that slipped my mind.
TIM: How do you give yourself oral sex?
SARAH: [laughs] No, not myself!
TIM: [laughs] Oh, okay! Right, you're not that person who had their rib removed to do it ... Actually, we have a guest coming up--
SARAH: I have had ribs removed.
TIM: Have you really?
SARAH: Now that you mention it.
TIM: Why would you have, why?
SARAH: Because I've got a spinal disease, and my ribs were too close to my spine, so I had two removed--
TIM: Wait, can I see? Lie on your back, lemmee see.
[the sounds of movement can be heard]
TIM: Right ... Okay, we're in bed here.
SARAH: I'm kinda--
TIM: Show me, show me these things that I need to see.
SARAH: Okay, I've got one loose rib.
TIM: Where?
SARAH: [laughs]
TIM: Oh, good ...
SARAH: Just there.
TIM: Oh, I can feel it! Yeah, that's ... that's beautiful.
SARAH: And this part pokes out--
TIM: Okay, now lie on your back again, lemmee look at your front.
SARAH: [laughs]
TIM: See, we're doing an operation here ... So, um, do your ribs, can you feel--
SARAH: Yeah, these.
TIM: Yeah.
SARAH: Uh, totally ...
TIM: But that's your breast, though, I'm feeling there?
SARAH: [laughs] No ...
TIM: Well, it feels like it ...
SARAH: [laughs]
TIM: But, it doesn't affect ... I mean, this is surgery.
SARAH: Yeah.
TIM: This is the Asylum, and we have the medical wing ...
SARAH: Yeah.
TIM: Which is what you're in at the moment ... And, uh, your breast feels good.
SARAH: Yeah, thank you ...
[she starts giggling]
TIM: Okay, but it's not affected by the fact you've had ribs removed?
SARAH: No, no!
TIM: Okay.
SARAH: It's a good thing having them removed--
TIM: How's the fact that you've had ribs removed ... uh, done anything to your front bottom?
SARAH: No, nothing at all.
TIM: Are you sure?
SARAH: [laughs] I'm sure ... positive!
TIM: Well, we'll have a little inspection of that next on the program.
SARAH: [laughs] Okay!


TIM: I'm in bed with a librarian this evening, confessions of a librarian right on Tim Shaw's Asylum. Actually, under the covers here, on this bed ... Come over this way a little bit.
SARAH: [laughs] Okay.
[the sounds of movement can be heard]
TIM: Okay, is that better?
SARAH: Uh huh, that's good.
TIM: If you're wondering what that thing is digging into you--
SARAH: [laughs]
TIM: Can you feel that thing digging into you?
SARAH: [laughs] I can slightly, yeah ...
TIM: Really? You wondering what that is?
SARAH: I ... Not really, no!
TIM: No? You know what that is?
SARAH: [laughs] I'm pretty sure I know!
TIM: Okay, now tell me about, um ... I wanna know more stuff what happens in the library where you work.
SARAH: Okay.
TIM: Because you're a horny chick!
SARAH: Well, yeah!
TIM: Okay, can I ask you a question?
SARAH: Yeah.
TIM: Um, if we weren't on the radio now ...
SARAH: Yeah?
TIM: Um ... Could I have sex with you? Just be honest!
SARAH: No ... See, I uh, as horny as I am--
TIM: Yeah?
SARAH: I still want a little bit of fine wining and dining.
TIM: Okay, a little bit of that.
SARAH: Before I--
TIM: So if I took you out for a burger ...
SARAH: Yeah ... Well, yeah, after that would be fine!
TIM: Really?
SARAH: [laughs]
TIM: Okay, alright. So tell me about more stuff that happens in the library. If you could choose ... You were talking earlier on about how you fancy the idea of having sex in one of the different areas within the library--
SARAH: Yeah.
TIM: Sci fi, or fiction, or romance ...
SARAH: [laughs] Yeah.
TIM: Where would you like to be nailed?
SARAH: Well, the actual library itself ...
TIM: Sorry, lemmee just--
SARAH: [laughs]
TIM: Sorry, I've got one free hand here.
SARAH: Okay ... The actual library--
TIM: Yeah?
SARAH: Is not that fun, but I can't help thinking about the lifts.
TIM: Really?
SARAH: Yeah, I work on the thirteenth floor--
TIM: Do you?
SARAH: Yeah, so it's quite, y'know, it's quite far up.
TIM: Yeah.
SARAH: And y'know, if the lifts were to break down, and I did happen to be trapped in the lift with someone ...
TIM: Yeah?
SARAH: Rather nice, then--
TIM: That would be good.
SARAH: Yeah, it would be.
TIM: Okay, so the lifts would be good, but if you had to choose one of the other sections ...
SARAH: Okay, um ...
TIM: If it was with me, it would be in the science fiction section ...
SARAH: Yeah.
TIM: Because it would be kind of a scary experience ...
SARAH: [laughs] Yeah yeah yeah.
TIM: But with anyone else, it'd be the romance section.
SARAH: No no no ...
TIM: No?
SARAH: Not romance, no, not in a library. Um ...
TIM: Mechanical?
SARAH: [laughs] I don't know!
TIM: Really?
SARAH: Anything but romance ...
TIM: Okay.
SARAH: In the library.
TIM: How many people have you had sex with? In your life?
SARAH: Um ... [laughs]
TIM: Now, just be honest. That's alright, this is cool, you can talk.
SARAH: Oh my god ... Not very many!
TIM: How many?
SARAH: Um ...
TIM: Come over this way a little bit, since we're talking about this kind of stuff ...
SARAH: Okay.
TIM: Get a little bit closer.
SARAH: Okay.
TIM: Okay ...
SARAH: Um ... three!
TIM: Really? No, that's alright. That's cool, that's cute! We don't mind that at all ...
SARAH: Good good good girl ...
TIM: Uh, you'd like to up those numbers a little bit?
SARAH: Um ... No, I'm not bothered about numbers!
TIM: Right.
SARAH: With sex, but I, see ... You know, everything else that goes with sex is good with me.
TIM: Right.
SARAH: [laughs]
TIM: Okay, okay ... Now, tell me about some of the guys at work. Do you have a crush on any of the guys at work or anything?
SARAH: Um ...
TIM: There must be some guys there that are kinda cute ...
SARAH: Mm, they're all kind of ... old. Um, maybe there's one or two guys, actually work there. And then, every now and then, you get the work-experience boys that come in--
TIM: Mm.
SARAH: Which I actually have to look after--
TIM: Oh yes.
SARAH: As part of my job, which--
TIM: You show them around?
SARAH: Yeah.
TIM: Your knickers?
SARAH: [laughs] Yeah!
TIM: Do you?
SARAH: Well y'know, I know where everything is and ...
TIM: Yeah?
SARAH: How everything works, and make sure they're doing their job properly.
TIM: And do they do the job right?
SARAH: Yeah, they do!
TIM: Do they?
SARAH: Yeah, after some training, they're--
TIM: Have you ever had ... um, any sort of relationship with any of these work-experience guys?
SARAH: Um ...
TIM: Tell me the truth.
SARAH: I've had an extremely brief--
TIM: Really? And tell me what happened.
SARAH: Relationship with one of them. Um, well ... I get bored at work, so I email random people.
TIM: Mm.
SARAH: And some of them don't reply, which is rude!
TIM: Mm, that's very rude.
SARAH: Yeah!
TIM: And if they knew what you looked like, they'd reply before they even got the email!
SARAH: [laughs] Yeah! But, one of them did reply ...
TIM: Mm.
SARAH: And we spent days emailing each other, and then at the end of it, I just decided ... So, I asked him to meet me in the first coffee room.
TIM: Oh yes!
SARAH: [laughs] Yeah, well! So, but we just had a chat there--
TIM: Yeah.
SARAH: Then we went for drinks. Then ...
TIM: Then what?
SARAH: [laughs] Then, y'know ...
TIM: No no no, what?
SARAH: [laughs]
TIM: I wanna know what! I wanna know what happened!
SARAH: No, we didn't have sex, but ... y'know. Y'know!
TIM: No, I don't ...
SARAH: But it was okay.
TIM: Tell me what, tell me what ...
TIM: Oh, come on!
TIM: You know ... I mean, at least, it's the imagination what--
SARAH: Yeah. Imagination, that's what you need.
TIM: What did he have to eat, when he took you out?
SARAH: We had, uh--
TIM: Fish fingers?
SARAH: [laughs] No. No no no ...
TIM: Did he, did he have fish fingers?
SARAH: [laughs] No he didn't!
TIM: Yes he did!
SARAH: You're wrong!
TIM: [laughs] Oh, did he not?
SARAH: No ... Um, yeah. No, we had--
TIM: Chocolate fingers!
SARAH: [laughs] No!
TIM: Cadbury's chocolate fingers, you dirty girl!
SARAH: [laughs] Oh my god, no! No, we went out for dinner, then we had ... some fun, but not sex!
TIM: Mm.
SARAH: And then, uh, that was it ... After that, he doesn't speak to me anymore. Which is fine, 'cause I didn't speak to him. Which is really awkward, in a place like that.
TIM: In a library?
SARAH: Yeah.


From wikipedia.org:

Tim Shaw (one of the most controversial radio DJs in the history of Great Britain) began working for Kerrang! Radio 105.2 (West Midlands and UK) in 2004, on "The Asylum." It broadcast between 22:00 and 01:00 Sunday to Thursday with help from members of his team nicknamed Juicy Lucy, Donkhole, Nob Holder, Slippy Knickers, Chris Peacock and Toenail and his special friend Judith the Clairvoyant to name a few. The show ended on 20 September 2007.

Shaw's greatest controversy was in 2005 when he and his then colleague Greg Prebble broke into the house of Kerrang Radio's then station director, Andrew Jeffries, live on air. Jeffries returned to his house at 11:20 pm believing that he had been burgled when Tim and his colleague burst out of the cupboards. Tim was immediately suspended 'until further notice' and did not return to Kerrang! Radio for a month.

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