Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Case Study No. 0310: Jeff Paulson and Thomas Newberry

A local documentary crew is on hand to capture Jeff Paulson and his work at the library. What ensues will no doubt tickle your funny bone and really open your eyes as to what a joy it is to work at a place that houses a lot of books. Enjoy!
Tags: three kind roommates sitcom stupid library office documentary
Added: 5 years ago
From: harrisonm
Views: 2,835

[scene opens with librarian Jeff Paulson standing in front of a large stack of phonebooks at the library]
JEFF: An online search engine may be here for now, but these will always be here to stay. I mean, we've got phone books from all over ... At least, California goes. Actually, these are all from California.
[he stares at the phonebooks]
JEFF: Actually, I don't know why we have so many ... I have to write that down on the agenda for tonight.
[he puts his hands in his pockets, then starts walking away]
JEFF: I'm gonna have to get a pencil ...
[he stops and turns to the camera]
JEFF: Never stops here at the library!
[the theme from "The Office" plays, as various shots of the inside of the library are shown]

Sean Becker
Mike Flores

[cut to Jeff staring out the window at a fountain in front of the library]
JEFF: I'm a firm believer that every dog has his day. It's all a matter of when that day is, and who's dog it's ... with. I believe I heard that from Confucious. Or was it that other guy?
[Jeff's friend Mike Gibson walks into the scene, out of breath]
MIKE: Alright Paulson, I'm here. What's the emergency?
[he doesn't turn, but instead continues staring out the window]
JEFF: Beautiful, isn't it?
MIKE: Uhhh, yeah?
JEFF: Y'know, no matter what's going on in the world, as long as I can look out at this fountain, it's kinda like a little liquid heaven.
MIKE: Alright ...
JEFF: Have a seat.
[cut to the two of them sitting at a table]
JEFF: I appreciate you coming out here, Gibson.
MIKE: Yeah, so what's this big emergen--
[he puts his finger to his lips and shushes him]
JEFF: Shhhhhhhhh!
MIKE: [quietly] Alright ...
JEFF: [quietly] Come on, man ...
MIKE: [quietly] Alright! Now, what's the emergency?
JEFF: Well, I was just notified earlier today that ...
MIKE: Uh huh?
[he looks around, then leans in close]
JEFF: [quietly] That I'm being nominated for Librarian of the Year!
MIKE: [pause] That's the big emergency?
JEFF: Pretty awesome, huh?
MIKE: [angrily] I missed work for this!
JEFF: Well, that's why you're not being nominated for ... Lockheedian of the Year.
MIKE: Lockheedian ... What?!
JEFF: I had to tell you, man! I couldn't tell you, this isn't information you can just tell over the phone! This is a big deal, I'm a big deal ... now!
MIKE: Right, okay ... Well, I'm gonna get going, okay? So I don't know what you need me here for.
JEFF: Yeah, you should get back to work. That was pretty much all I had to say.
MIKE: That's it?!
JEFF: Mm hmm ...
[Mike rolls his eyes, gets up, and starts muttering under his breath]
MIKE: Can't believe I came out here ...
[he stops and turns back to Jeff]
MIKE: This is all you wanted me to come up for?
JEFF: [annoyed] Yes!
[he turns and leaves]
MIKE: Ugh!
[cut to Jeff speaking directly to the camera, with "Jeff Paulson, Librarian of the Year Nominee" appearing on screen]
JEFF: Being nominated for Librarian of the Year is more of a ... not, not so much of a surprise to me, as it is an expectation.
[cut to footage of Jeff pulling a copy of "Legal Beagle" off the bookshelf]
JEFF: [in voice over] I've been here for eight years now, and running. And uh, gotta says it's ...
[cut back to Jeff speaking directly to the camera]
JEFF: Uh, feels great to finally feel what it's like to get your due.
[cut back to Jeff fiddling with the book on the shelf, when he turns and shouts to no one in particular]
JEFF: Library meeting!
[cut to Mike speaking directly to the camera, with "Mike Gibson, Friend of Nominee" appearing on screen]
MIKE: Am I surprised he got nominated for Librarian of the Year? Well, let's just say ... I didn't even know he was a librarian.
[cut to footage of Jeff pushing a bookcart through the stacks]
MIKE: [in voice over] Never really brought it up.
[cut back to Mike speaking directly to the camera]
MIKE: He's, uh ... He's not "Of the Year" material. Um, he doesn't read.
[cut to Mike sitting in the library reading a copy of "Alias", when Jeff comes up from behind, grabs the book, then kicks it across the room]
MIKE: [in voice over] Um, he's a pretty rotten person.
[cut back to Mike speaking directly to the camera]
MIKE: Yeah, I am kinda surprised he got nominated for Librarian of the Year.
[he shakes his head, then cut to Jeff standing at the checkout desk and speaking directly to the camera]
JEFF: Alright, this is where the magic happens. This is the check-in/checkout station ... As you can see, there's people hard at work. Too busy to notice the camera, so I'll talk about 'em.
[the camera zooms in on a male librarian scanning books]
JEFF: Very important job, we need to find all the inventory of this place ... They say everytime a book is scanned, an angel gets its wings.
[he smiles]
JEFF: I don't know if it's true, it's just something I heard.
[cut back to Mike speaking directly to the camera]
MIKE: Yeah, Jeff and I go back to high school. Um, we ran track together ... Um, we pretty much keep in the same circle of friends now. Um, although he's kind of that friend that just hangs around still, because we can't really tell him to leave? Or, he'll throw a fit? He-he does throw fits, actually.
[cut to footage of Jeff looking at a book carousel]
MIKE: [in voice over] I don't know if you have that on tape, you should check it out ... He'll do one eventually, one of these times. He just always does it.
[Jeff takes one of the books off the carousel and gets a really exasperated look on his face]
JEFF: Why is there a juvenile book in young adult?
[he puts the book back in digust, then starts to tear up]
JEFF: Fu[beep]!
[he drops down to the floor and throws a temper tantrum, then cut back to Mike checking his watch and speaking directly to the camera]
MIKE: I'm like two hours late for work ...
[cut to an older male librarian speaking directly to the camera, with "Thomas Newberry, Jeff's boss" appearing on screen]
THOMAS: Ah, Jeff, yeah ... Well, we had to nominate somebody, and uh--
[Jeff appears behind him and starts reshelving books]
THOMAS: Well, I've been nomiated twice, and uh ... The other people here have been nominated at least once, and--
JEFF: Oh, I'd like to comment, but I've got so much ... so much work to do! And it--
THOMAS: Yeah ...
JEFF: Never ends!
THOMAS: Yeah, he's great ... And uh, he was starting to wonder why not him? So yeah, that's Jeff's nomination--
[Jeff walks back into the scene and begins laughing uproariously]
JEFF: This guy, how do you turn him off? So funny!
[he gives another nervous laugh]
JEFF: I gotta get back to work ...
THOMAS: Yup, he's a ... he's a professional, yeah.
[cut to footage of Jeff carrying a stack of books, then (when he can't seem to find the right shelf for them) he just places them on the floor and walks away]
JEFF: [in voice over] Supposedly, this year they had this new rule that every librarian is actually nominated for Librarian of the Year. And then they pick five ... out of the eight that work here.
[Thomas walks into the scene, picks up the books, and begins shelving them in the right place]
JEFF: [in voice over] I don't see that as much of a ... I mean, there's no campaigning in this. It's just, it's based on what you've done up to this point. There's nothing I need to do now. So I pretty much gotta just sit back and wait for the reward.
[cut to Jeff speaking directly to the camera]
JEFF: I like to consider myself old-school when it comes to the library, pretty much with the card catalogs and the Dewey Decimal System ... I feel like that's the way I roll!
[Mike walks into the scene]
MIKE: Hey, everything's on computers now, idiot!
[he walks away, as Jeff tries to laugh it off]
JEFF: [pause] That's why he doesn't work here ...
[cut to a "Books Open the Doors to Discovery" sign on the wall, as Jeff points to it]
JEFF: I purchased that! It's good, huh?
[cut back to Mike speaking directly to the camera]
MIKE: That yellow hat he wears ... Uh, where'd that start? It's from a character he once played. Uh, it's a long story, but--
[Jeff nervously walks up behind him]
JEFF: Gibson? Gibson? Thirsty?
MIKE: Um ... No thanks, actually. I'm good. I'm just doing an interview right now.
JEFF: Okay, I was gonna go over to the soda machine, and just, y'know ...
MIKE: Y'know, I'm good. I'm good.
JEFF: Actually, do you mind if I ... borrow seventy five cents?
[Mike gets an annoyed look on his face and begins rubbing the back of his neck]
MIKE: Don't you owe me like three hundred dollars already?
JEFF: Uh ...
MIKE: And you've never paid that? That's like seventy five cents three hundred times, almost.
JEFF: No, it's ...
MIKE: Well, I mean you--
JEFF: You should probably check your math.
MIKE: [pause] I work at Lockheed!
JEFF: Yeah, I know, and I'm a little worried about the future of this nation's security--
MIKE: Okay, here!
[he reaches into his pocket and pulls out some money]
MIKE: Okay, here's a dollar! Okay, just--
JEFF: Well, I need seventy five cents. Do I have to give it--
MIKE: Here, here! Just take it!
[he hands him a dollar bill]
MIKE: Just, I'm doing an interview ...
JEFF: Do I have to give you back a quarter?
MIKE: I ... No! Go!
[he turns back to the camera and tries to ignore Jeff]
JEFF: Well, then I-I should only owe you seventy five cents, that's originally what I asked for. If you give me a dollar, I get a quarter back, but I don't wanna have to owe you back the quarter.
[Mike closes his eyes and begins rubbing his forehead]
JEFF: Or else, I'll just give it to you back now ... Okay, so if you could just put that on the tab--
[cut to footage of Jeff staring at a "Talking Books" poster on the wall]
JEFF: Who put this up? Books can't talk, people!
[he turns to the camera]
JEFF: Now I have to get a petition form, get this blasphemy removed ...
[cut to Jeff standing in the stacks speaking directly to the camera]
JEFF: It's not all time cards and whips here. Sometimes we like to have a little bit of fun ... Because all work and no play makes Paulson a dull boy.
[cut to footage of Jeff running around a group of book carousels]
JEFF: It's a labyrinth of knowledge!
[cut to Mike standing in the stacks and speaking directly to the camera]
MIKE: So, I mean, it's not as big as Lockheed, but I mean--
[a bookcart rolls in from off camera and hits Mike in the hip, sending him down to the floor in pain]
MIKE: Oww!
[camera zooms out to reveal Jeff was the one who pushed the cart]
JEFF: Ha ha, I got him good!
MIKE: What the hell's wrong with you?!
[Jeff stops laughing and puts on a serious face]
JEFF: Just like Gibson, can't even take a joke ... Alright, you can get up now, your acting classes aren't paying off.
[Mike continues writhing in pain on the floor]
MIKE: Awww ...
JEFF: And, and the Oscar goes to ... Denzel Washington, b-because you didn't win.
[Jeff takes the bookcart and leaves]
MIKE: Oh, this is horrible ... Aw, I wish Amy was around.
[cut to Jeff speaking directly to the camera]
JEFF: So, when these doors open, a bunch of empty vessels just yearning for knowledge come in here.
[he puts on a pair of glasses]
JEFF: And it's up to me to guide them.
[cut to Mike reading a book in the stacks, when Jeff slaps it out of his hands and laughs in his face]
JEFF: Heh heh ...
[he calmly walks away]
JEFF: As you were.
[cut back to Jeff speaking directly to the camera]
JEFF: I help them out with what they need, what they came for. They obviously came here for a reason. I mean, gas isn't cheap anymore. So, that's dedication, and I've made a dedication to be here, and to be here for all those adults ... Actually, I work in the kids' section, so the adults are handled by other people. But, y'know, sometimes someone will call in sick and I'll show up. And uh, double duty.
[cut to footage of Jeff looking over the bookshelves]
JEFF: [in voice over] I don't ask for extra pay, and I think that's kinda what qualifies me for Librarian of the Year.
[cut back to Jeff speaking directly to the camera, as he points to his glasses]
JEFF: These, uh ... These actually are just glass. But I figure the, y'know, when you come to the library, you come for the experience.

B.J. Novak

Guest Starring
Don Phillips

First Assistant Director
Kelly Cantley

Key Second Assistant Director
Nina Jack

Inspired by "The Office"
Created by
Ricky Gervais & Stephen Merchant

Camera Operator
Jason Salazar

Edited by
Jason Salazar

Special Thanks to the Milpitas Community Library

Beyond Forever Studios
July 2006



Three of a Kind: The Sitcom

Filmed mockumentary-style, this series based on Christian and his roomates at Apartment 134 stars Sean Becker, Matt Pritchard, and Mike Flores. As roomates, these guys get into all sorts of trouble. Let the comedy ensue!

A few years ago, Jason Salazar decided to create this little show that followed the antics of three of his good friends by using three of his other good friends to play the parts.

So, if you are feeling adventurous, join in the fun with Jeff, Mike, Christian, and a bunch of other crazy characters as they try to tickle your funny bone!

Long live 3OAK!

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