Friday, May 11, 2012

Case Study No. 0317: Mary Ann Kowalski

pink chiquitas mindc control clip,
Enjoy guys, This is one of the gereatest mc movies ever, hot girls in this as well!
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[librarian Mary Ann Kowalski and her boyfriend Clip are walking through the woods, searching for a crashed meteorite, when he points to something in the distance]
CLIP: Mary Ann, look!
[she stops and leans up against a tree in exhaustion]
[Clips runs over to a glowing red stone on the ground, which is emanating a weird high-pitched noise]
CLIP: We found it, Mary Ann!
MARY ANN: What we saw was much ... bigger than that, wasn't it?
CLIP: It must've burned up on its way in through the atmosphere ...
[he takes out a handkerchief and picks up the stone]
CLIP: This'll be all that's left ... Ow! Ow! Ow!
[he runs back and shows the stone to Mary Ann]
MARY ANN: Oh, it glows ...
CLIP: Yeah, it's still kinda hot too!
[she slowly takes off her glasses]
MARY ANN: Oh, listen to it Clip!
[he puts it up to his ear]
CLIP: Now why is it making a sound like that?
[she suddenly grabs Clip around the neck in a fit of passion]
MARY ANN: Clip, let's do it ...
CLIP: [surprised] What, here?
[she kisses him]
MARY ANN: Here, now! I need you, Clip!
CLIP: Honey, I should take this home and study it ...
MARY ANN: Oh Clip, oh!
CLIP: Don't you realize what this means? A find like this? This means my job! I was born for a moment like this!
MARY ANN: I don't care about rocks or jobs, I care about you Clip!
[he puts the rock into his pocket, and Mary Ann suddenly snaps out of it]
CLIP: Oh honey ... Uh, I-I'll make it up to you! I promise! I'll give you a ride home!
[he runs off, as Mary Ann continues to try and figure out what just happened]




Currie, Anthony (Director). The Pink Chiquitas. Canada: Mount Pleasant, 1987.

Starring: Elizabeth Edwards (Mary Ann Kowalski, Librarian); Frank Stallone (Tony Mareda, Jr.); Bruce Pirrie (Clip Bacardi, TV Meteorologist)

When the opening credits announce that you're about to see a film "featuring Eartha Kitt as the voice of 'Betty' the Meteor" with "original songs by Frank Stallone," and one of the first lines in the movie, from a car radio broadcast, is "In other news, scientists are picking up startling data about the rings around Uranus" – you just know this is going to be one helluva classy production. Or maybe not ... Librarian Mary Ann Kowalski (Elizabeth Edwards) is first seen in her date's car at a drive-in movie. She's dressed like a 1950s church lady with black-rimmed glasses, big clip-on pearl earrings, tied back hair, close-fitting hat, shirtwaist dress with cardigan, and a handbag. Her boyfriend, the ├╝ber-geeky TV meteorologist Clip Barcardi (Bruce Pirrie) (don't call him a weatherman or he'll spill popcorn on your shoes), becomes distraught when she announces that she's going to run for town mayor. His dismay is interrupted by the crash of a meteorite in the nearby woods, and most everyone at the drive-in takes off to find it. The ladies who venture too near, however, are turned into nymphomaniacs who lustily attack and stupefy their satisfied boyfriends. Clip finds a piece of the meteorite and inadvertently infects the entire female population over the airwaves ("Did this come from Uranus" he asks viewers), and all the ladies are soon wearing skimpy costumes that look like someone went nuts with a BeDazzler, and Mary Ann is the big-haired, half-nekkid and very shiny leader of the nymphos. Frank Stallone (yes, Sly's brother, and wearing a series of white ice cream suits) plays Tony Mareda, Jr., who helps the folks in the small town of Beamsville figure out what happened to their women folk, while at the same time battling inner demons (the high expectations of his late great ghost-father) and mobsters trying to gun him down. Meanwhile Clip consults a book in the library to learn about meteors, and witnesses the ladies organizing Mary Ann's mayoral campaign. As for Clip's own fate, he hears "the wimp must be eliminated." The "library" looks like someone's garage, with just a desk and a some racks of black metal shelving sloppily covered with old encyclopedias and flea market volumes. Mary Ann finds herself in jail but zaps the deputy with her eyes and escapes. Out in the dark woods, Clip and Mareda follow clues in an attempt to clear her and explain the odd behavior. With the men all zombies, Mary Ann is sure to win the election, so the mayor (who looks like an escapee from the Munsters set) tries to rig the ballot box until Mary Ann catches him. Somehow the ladies commandeer a pink tank (!) and use it to blow up the jail. I won't give away the dramatic climax, assuming you ever make it that far. This film tries to be a silly spoof but from the first Uranus you know you can file it under "comedy for stoners." Notable quote: Mary Ann: "Clipper, there's a ringing inside my head!" Clip: "Trust me, Mary Ann, there's nothing in there."

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