Monday, May 21, 2012

Case Study No. 0331: Unnamed Female Librarian (Big Wolf on Campus)

Big Wolf On Campus - The Bookmobile (Part 1)
Part 1 of The Bookmobile
Episode 2 of Season 1

A traveling bookmobile arrives in Pleasantville, filled with a collection of one-of-a-kind books. However, this is because the librarian running it can turn a person into a book simply by scanning their palm. Tommy and Merton, who link the disappearances around town to the bookmobile a bit too late, must find a way to stop the bookmobile before it leaves town. At the same time, Tommy is left struggling with the decision of passing the werewolf curse on to Merton in a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

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[scene opens inside the bookmobile, as a young female student is talking to the elderly female librarian (played by Carol Shamy)]
STACEY: Do you have a book on teen psychology?
LIBRARIAN: What's the problem? Eating disorder? Peer pressure? "Dawson's Creek" withdrawal?
STACEY: No. There's this guy at school, and he can be really sweet, but he's so weird.
LIBRARIAN: Men! I have just the book for you, sweetie. But first, I'm gonna have to scan your pretty palm ...
[she takes a book scanner as the screen fades to black]


[Tommy and Merton walk into the bookmobile, as Merton picks up an ancient-looking tome]
MERTON: Aw, cool book! Is that Babylonian?
[she quickly takes the book away from him]
LIBRARIAN: Yes, but it's from my own private collection. You can't see it ... Uh, the occult section is over there.
MERTON: [with an annoyed look on his face] Mm-hmm ...
[she leaves to reshelve the book]
TOMMY: I choked. I just couldn't give the curse to some unsuspecting guy.
MERTON: Tommy, the answer's right in front'a you!
[Tommy takes a book off of the Spiritualism/Voodoo shelf]
TOMMY: [reading the cover title] "The Big Book of Wizards"?
MERTON: No. Tommy, I was gonna let you come to the conclusion on your own, but you didn't ... I'd be the perfect werewolf, Tommy. Bite me, bite me, bite me!
[the librarian appears and pokes him in the shoulder]
LIBRARIAN: Shh! This is a library!
[she leaves]
TOMMY: [whispers] You?
TOMMY: Mert, you're barely making it as a human ...
[he walks away, then Merton dejectedly goes to the desk and hands "The Big Book of Wizards" to the librarian]
LIBRARIAN: I'll just have to scan your palm ...
[she tries to scan his palm, but he's wearing fingerless gloves]
MERTON: Huh, huh? Pretty cool, huh?
LIBRARIAN: Not in my book! Let's take them off ...
MERTON: Oh, let's not ...
[the librarian reaches over and starts pulling at his glove]
LIBRARIAN: Oh yes ...
MERTON: Oh no!
LIBRARIAN: Let's take them off!
MERTON: [struggling] No! Come on! Lady!
[he pulls his hand away]
MERTON: You probably couldn't boil water with these spells, anyway ...
[he leaves]
[as the two exit, Tommy points to a book on one of the shelves, which has a young woman's picture on it]
TOMMY: Oh weird, look. It looks like Stacey, huh?
MERTON: [reading the cover title] "All American Cheerleader" ...
[they leave, as the camera zooms in to reveal that cover photo is indeed Stacey with a scared look on her face]


[in Merton's room, Tommy is about to bite him in the neck and turn him into a werewolf, when he notices his mother - a local news reporter - on the television]
TOMMY: Oh, my mom. Look.
SALLY DAWKINS: I've just been handed some missing persons bulletins.
SALLY DAWKINS: Searches are being conducted for the following people ... Michael Coozer, Tim and Travis Eckert, Paula Dogherty, and Stacey Hanson.
TOMMY: Stacey's missing?
SALLY DAWKINS: And on a lighter note, we bid a fond farewell to the bookmobile, as it moves on down to Lumberton.
MERTON: Bookmobile? Tommy, what was the name of that book that reminded you of Stacey?
TOMMY: Um, "All American Cheerleader." Why?
MERTON: Yeah, hang on ...
[he goes to his computer and looks up the title on]
MERTON: Like I thought, no such book in print! The librarian wanted to scan my palm, she had those Bablyonian texts! You know what the Bablyonians invented, don't you?
TOMMY: Oh, oh! I know that one! It was the airplane ... No no, that was Orville and Wilbur Redenbacher.
MERTON: Palmistry! They invented palm-reading! They thought a person's life was captured in his palm ... Get it?
TOMMY: Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ... maybe.
MERTON: The librarian is a palm-scanning human book absorbsionist! Okay, that's not the Latin name for it ... but she's turning people into books!


[Tommy, in werewolf form, boards the moving bookmobile and forces the librarian to pull over]
TOMMY: I know what you're doing ... Well, Merton does. But I understand most of it. Now turn these books back into people!
TOMMY: Oh ho ho ...
[Merton enters]
MERTON: Tommy, the window closes in three minutes! Bite me, and I'll take Grandma down!
[as they argue, the librarian takes a book about boxing off of the shelf]
LIBRARIAN: One moment please ...
[she opens the book and is transformed into a male African American boxer]
MERTON: [pause] Maybe you should handle this one.
TOMMY: Hey, Junior Lewis! Hey, I saw you fight--
[the "librarian" punches him in the face]
TOMMY: [pause] We'll talk later.
[the "librarian" continues punching him, as the camera focuses on Merton calling the "action"]
MERTON: Give him a shot to the kidneys ... or you take it in the face.
TOMMY: Style change!
[he uses karate to knock the "librarian" down, so she picks up a book on ninjitsu, turning into a ninja with a sword]
TOMMY: Merton, do something!
[as he dodges the blade, Merton sees a poster showing a finger against a pair of lips with the word "Shh", which gives him the idea to turn on a nearby boombox ... The ensuing loud music transforms the librarian back to her original self, as she covers her ears in pain]
LIBRARIAN: This is a library!
[the librarian advances towards Merton, so Tommy (with his opponent suitably distracted) picks up the scanner from the floor and grabs her hand]
TOMMY: Gimmee your hand!
LIBRARIAN: Let go of me, you furball!
[as the two struggle, Merton tries to open the door to leave the bookmobile]
LIBRARIAN: You're history, spike-head!
[she lunges at Merton, while Tommy tries to get the scanner to turn on]
TOMMY: Come on!
[he finally turns it on]
TOMMY: This book is way overdue!
[he scans her palm]
[she is transformed into a book]


[with the librarian defeated, Tommy and Merton survey all of the books in the bookmobile]
TOMMY: So, what do we do about turning all these books back into people?
MERTON: [reading a sign on the wall] "Books come alive when you read them!"
[he snaps his fingers]
MERTON: That's it! We have to read all these books!
TOMMY: Whoa whoa whoa, I've only read four books in my entire life ... There's, there's gotta be a thousand books here!
[Merton hands him a book]
MERTON: Let's get started ...
[cut to Tommy - back in human form - reading the last book, "All American Cheerleader"]
TOMMY: I can't believe it! It says here, in the last page, that Stacey thinks I'm cute! This is one book I never wanna put down ...
[he kisses the cover, then the book transforms back into Stacey]
STACEY: What am I doing here?
TOMMY: Well, maybe you're lost on your way to Miller's Swimming Hole, where I understand you went skinny dipping last Fourth of July.
STACEY: What?! You've been spying on me? What a perv ...
[she angrily leaves]
TOMMY: Yeah, but I'm a cute perv!


[in Merton's room, Tommy is hiding the librarian book behind a shelf]
TOMMY: [in voice over] Things are pretty much back to normal, for now ... And the librarian? If you're interested in learning more about her, I can recommend a book for you. It's called "How to Run an Evil Bookmobile."
[he turns and smiles at the camera]
TOMMY: [in voice over] But it's hard to find.



Big Wolf on Campus
The Bookmobile
Season 1, Episode 2, Aired Apr 09, 1999

A strange bookmobile makes its way to Pleasantville, with a rather eccentric librarian at the helm. As Tommy continues to pursue Stacey and Merton continues to find ways to deal with the various dilemmas Tommy faces as a werewolf, the librarian is secretly turning her patrons into books. However, when Stacey is turned into a book, Tommy and Merton figure out what the librarian has been up to. However, the librarian can transform into anyone she has ever turned into a book, and she has a rather large collection ...

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