Friday, May 11, 2012

Case Study No. 0316: Betty Glover and the Staff of Hayden Library

1987 - Betty Glover Library Workout Tape Ad
This was a project I did in college at ASU for class. Yes, I also worked at the library, and Betty Glover (an incredibly sweet lady) was my boss. This was way before non-linear editing. It's a bit dated, but still holds up pretty well, I think.
Tags: Hayden Library Arizona State University Librarian Aerobic Aerobics Workout Tape College Project 1987 1980's Betty Glover Pat Willoughby Linda Morten David Ashley Scott Drudge Terri Peggy Walker
Added: 5 years ago
From: deneui
Views: 147,160

[scene opens inside the Hayden Library, as an old-timey record player plays classical music while the female librarian at the reference desk has her head down and is snoring loudly]
[cut to an older female librarian (holding a riding crop) as she gives a stern look]
BETTY GLOVER: Look at this place!
[she takes the record and smashes it on the table, causing the reference librarian to bolt up in her chair]
BETTY GLOVER: Come on, everybody, let's aerobicize!
[she replaces the record with some 80s rock, which causes the librarian to perk up]
ANNOUNCER: Yes, it's true, all you librarians! No longer must you sit around all day collecting flab, flab, flab!
[cut to various still images of morbidly obese people, as "Actual Librarians" flashes on screen, then cut to a shot of a VHS tape with a homemade "The Betty Glover Library Workout Tape" label]
ANNOUNCER: Not with the new "Betty Glover Library Workout Tape!" Finally, a solution to the sedentary lifestyle of most librarians! In this tape, Betty teaches you to utilize the very tools that surround you each day, to break down that cellulite and tone those buttocks!
[cut to a male librarian scanning barcodes in a rhythmic fashion, as "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang plays]
BETTY GLOVER: [from off camera] Sweat! I wanna see some sweat!
[cut to a shot of Betty waving her riding crop around]
BETTY GLOVER: One, two, three, hut!
[cut back to the male librarian wanding in barcodes]
BETTY GLOVER: [from off camera] One! Two! One! Come on, Henry, you're not at the bar!
[cut to a female librarian stapling papers together]
BETTY GLOVER: [from off camera] Staple! Hit that staple!
[cut to a shot of Betty]
BETTY GLOVER: Staple! Staple!
[cut back to the female librarian with her stapler, then back to Betty]
BETTY GLOVER: Stamp! Stamp!
[cut to a male student worker stamping cards]
BETTY GLOVER: [from off camera] One and two and fast! Fast!
[cut to Betty speaking directly to the camera, as "Betty Glover GeD" appears on screen]
BETTY GLOVER: It's true, you no longer need to fear those bulges and slack muscles common to library desk potatoes! Now, you can buy our ninety-minute library workout tape!
[cut to a female librarian spinning a large globe to build arm strength]
ANNOUNCER: And remember, this workout is the only medically-approved workout for librarians!
[cut to a young man wearing a doctor's lab coat and speaking directly to the camera]
DOCTOR: I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV, and I highly recommend that you try the Betty Glover library aerobics tape.
[cut back to several librarians in the stacks, taking books on and off the shelves like exercise weights (with one of them lying unconscious on the ground), as "Dancing in the Street" plays]
ANNOUNCER: What would you pay for such a tape?
[cut to a female librarian picking up and hanging up the phone in a rhythmic fashion]
ANNOUNCER: Don't answer yet! Just listen to these satisfied librarians!
[cut to a female librarian, wearing a comically oversized dress, speaking directly to the camera]
LIBRARIAN 1: This was my dress before I lost two hundred pounds using the library aerobics tape!
[cut to a black and white photo of a morbidly obese woman, then back to the librarian as she flings off the dress]
LIBRARIAN 1: Look at me now!
[cut to another female librarian, wearing a paper bag over her head, speaking directly to the camera]
LIBRARIAN 2: I'm not afraid to show my face anymore!
[she takes off the bag]
LIBRARIAN 2: Don't wait another minute! Order your library aerobics tape now!
[cut to another female librarian desensitizing books in a rhythmic fashion, as "Shout" by Tears for Fears plays]
ANNOUNCER: Included in this revolutionary tape are ...
[cut to a female librarian opening and closing the drawers on a microfilm storage cabinet]
ANNOUNCER: The vertical drawer pull!
BETTY GLOVER: [from off camera] Push! Pull! Faster, faster!
[cut to another female librarian opening and closing the top drawer on a microfilm storage cabinet, then bending down and opening/closing the bottom drawer]
ANNOUNCER: The horizontal drawer pull!
BETTY GLOVER: [from off camera] Pull, down! Pull, and up!
[cut to a male librarian opening and closing three drawers on the microfilm storage cabinet at once (using both hands and his foot for the bottom drawer)]
ANNOUNCER: And the advanced horizontal drawer pull!
[cut to a female librarian stacking phone books on her desk, as "The Power of Love" plays]
ANNOUNCER: The phone book stack!
[cut to another female librarian spinning a book carousel, as "You Spin Me Round" plays]
BETTY GLOVER: [from off camera] One! Two! Twist! Spin! Faster! Faster!
[cut to several librarian pushing bookcarts around the stacks, as "Sunset Grill" by Don Henley plays]
ANNOUNCER: And the book truck push!
[cut to an unseen librarian entering the "Library Employees Only" section]
ANNOUNCER: Why, this tape even allows you to exercise on your lunch hour!
[cut to a female librarian kicking and punching a Coke machine]
ANNOUNCER: With the Coke machine kick!
BETTY GLOVER: [from off camera] Kick and hit! Kick and hit! Harder, harder!
[cut to a male librarian shaking a vending machine]
ANNOUNCER: And the candy machine shake!
BETTY GLOVER: [from off camera] Yank that knob, and push! Push!
ANNOUNCER: Now what would you pay!
[cut back to the VHS tape, as someone reaches in and places a plastic carrying case next to it, as "Plus a Free Carrying Case" flashes on screen]
ANNOUNCER: But wait! You also get this handy carrying case, absolutely free! Now what would you pay for this?
[cut to a female librarian speaking directly to the camera]
LIBRARIAN 3: A hundred and fifty dollars!
[cut to a male librarian speaking directly to the camera]
LIBRARIAN 4: Uh, a hundred and fifty dollars ...
[cut to another female librarian speaking directly to the camera]
LIBRARIAN 5: I'd pay five hundred dollars!
[cut to another male librarian speaking directly to the camera]
LIBRARIAN 6: Specialty tapes like this cost three hundred-plus!
[cut back to the VHS tape, as "Only 69.95" flashes on screen]
ANNOUNCER: No, it's sixty-nine ninety-five!
[cut back to the male librarian with a look of shock on his face]
LIBRARIAN 6: Sixty-nine ninety-five?!
[cut to a female librarian doing stretches, as "Whip It" by Devo plays]
ANNOUNCER: Yes, only sixty-nine ninety-five for the Betty Glover workout tape, so use your credit card and order now!
["Workout Tape, 69.95, 1-800-543-1234, Have your credit card ready." appears on screen]
ANNOUNCER: To order your library aerobics tape for only sixty-nine ninety-five, call 1-800-543-1234! That's 1-800-543-1234! Have your Visa or MasterCard ready and order now! That's the Betty Glover Library Aerobics Tape, for only sixty-nine ninety-five! 1-800-543-1234! That's 1-800-543-1234! Supplies are limited, so order now!

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