Friday, September 19, 2014

Case Study No. 1587: The Cryptkeeper (Wannabe Librarian)

Tales from the Cryptkeeper - All Booked Up
22:05
A boy who hates to read gets trapped in a library where he goes inside the dark world of classic literature.
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[Greg is skateboarding through the school parking lot, when he runs into his friend Jay setting up for the annual book fair]
GREG: What're you doing, Jay?
JAY: Setting up for the book fair, waddaya think?
GREG: What do I think? I think this is a big waste of time, and I think reading is an even bigger waste of time ...
JAY: Greg!
GREG: Yeah, I know. You like it. Books are fine for you, but not for me. I'd rather rent the movie.
JAY: You can't compare a movie to a really exciting book! Books have so much more to offer!
GREG: Save it for the book club! Reading is a snore. It just doesn't interest me ... and y'know what? It never will!
[he skates off, as the Cryptkeeper (dressed in a suit with glasses) appears in the background and speaks directly to the camera]
CRYPTKEEPER: I'm not so sure about that, Greg! Everybody enjoys curling up with a frightfully good book now and then, and yours ghouly has just the book for Greg! One that I'm dead certain he'll find totally ... captivating!
[he laughs menacingly]

[...]

[Greg reluctantly enters the (seemingly empty) school library in order to find something for his upcoming book report, when the door slams shut and locks behind him]
GREG: Aww ...
[he turns and comes face to face with the Cryptkeeper, causing him to scream and fall backwards]
CRYPTKEEPER: Is anything wrong?
GREG: No, it's just that ... the library, it looks different.
[camera pans around to show cobwebs and rats running around the stacks]
GREG: Although, it's been ages since I've been in here.
[the Cryptkeeper grabs him by the arm]
CRYPTKEEPER: We've done some remodeling since your last visit.
GREG: Oh ... nice. Anyway, I'm Greg Davis, I'm in Misses Bell's literature class, and I need a book from this list.
CRYPTKEEPER: I know who you are, and what you need. You'll find it over there ...
[he points to a table]
GREG: But how did you--
CRYPTKEEPER: I have the list, too. The books are on the table. Take your pick.
[he walks over to the table, then sighs and starts talking to himself]
GREG: [whispers] Okay Greg, you may as well face facts. You're gonna have to read one of these duds. So which one will it be?
[he picks up on of the books and reads from the cover]
GREG: "Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley."
[he carelessly throws the book on the ground, then picks up another book]
GREG: "The Man in the Iron Mask, by Alexander Dumas."
[he does the same thing, then picks up the final book]
GREG: Or "Tom Sawyer, by Mark Twain?" Oh, I'm getting bored just thinking about it! It'll take me all week to wade through one of these!
[the Cryptkeeper suddenly appears behind him, pushing a bookcart]
CRYPTKEEPER: I take it that none of those books have piqued your interest?
GREG: Oh. Um, sorry about that. It's just, I'm not a big fan of reading, that's all. I like excitement!
CRYPTKEEPER: I see. Well, there is one book in my collection that may ... excite you.
[he picks a book up off the truck and puts it on the table (kicking up a cloud of dust that causes Greg to start coughing)]
GREG: Are you kidding? This thing is thicker than a phonebook! And probably twice as boring, I'll never get into this!
CRYPTKEEPER: Oh, I seriously doubt it! This is one book that will really ... grab you and not let go!
GREG: Well, I dunno. Maybe I'll--
[he looks up, but the Cryptkeeper has vanished ... he turns to look for him, when a green glow appears behind him]
GREG: Whoa! What was that?
[he looks at the glowing book, then opens it]
GREG: Hey, what is this? What's happening?
[the book suddenly starts pulling objects into itself, including Greg]
GREG: Hey, help! This thing, this book has got me! It's pulling me inside!
[the Cryptkeeper suddenly appears, calmly shelving books]
CRYPTKEEPER: Oh yes, great literature has a way of doing that ... Enjoy!

[...]

[Greg finds himself in the laboratory of Victor Frankenstein, dressed in turn-of-the-century garb]
GREG: I'd say this was a dream, but I usually sleep during Misses Bell's class, not after ... This place is too weird, I'm outta here!
[a body, covered with a sheet, suddenly stands and grabs Greg by the arm ... as Greg struggles to get loose, the figure pulls off the sheet (revealing himself to be the Cryptkeeper)]
CRYPTKEEPER: Sorry, did I frighten you? I was just resting ... in pieces!
[he laughs]
GREG: Hey, I know you! You're that weird librarian from before ...
CRYPTKEEPER: And you, my friend, are Victor Frankenstein ... for the time being.
GREG: I am? You mean, I'm the guy who goes on to create Frankenstein? I'm like, the dad of Frankenstein?
CRYPTKEEPER: Now there's an angle nobody thought of! And you don't go on to create him ... you already have!
[he laughs again, as Greg turns to see another body covered with a sheet, then jumps when he hears a door slam behind him]
GREG: Wait! What's that supposed to mean? Come back! How do I get outta this? What's gonna happen to me?!

[...]

[after experiencing life as "The Man in the Iron Mask" and "Tom Sawyer", Greg finds himself back in the library (where the Cryptkeeper is once again in his librarian disguise)]
CRYPTKEEPER: How did you enjoy the book? Pretty ... riveting, wouldn't you say?
GREG: I'll say, that was great!
CRYPTKEEPER: You weren't scared?
GREG: Of course I was scared! And happy, and sad, all at the same time! It was like a roller coaster!
[he picks the book up off the table]
GREG: I can't wait to find out what happens to them all!
[the Cryptkeeper grabs the book from him]
CRYPTKEEPER: Sorry! That one is all booked up ...
[he points to the books that Greg had carelessly thrown on the floor]
CRYPTKEEPER: Why don't you check those out?
GREG: Yeah, those are the stories! I'll take 'em all!
[he picks up all three books and runs out of the library, as the Cryptkeeper yells after him]
CRYPTKEEPER: Happy reading!

---

From wikipedia.org:

"New Tales From the Cryptkeeper" (Season 3, Episode 9) - "All Booked Up"

The Cryptkeeper poses as a school librarian, in order to convince book-hating student Greg Davis about the wonders of reading ... even if he has to live through every classic work of literature in order to do so!

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