ChuckleVision - 20x04 - Jumping Jackpot (1 of 2)
http://www.freewebs.com/ chucklevisiononline Series 20, Episode 4.
Tags: chucklevision chuckle brothers paul barry
Added: 6 years ago
[scene opens with Barry Chuckle trying to remember where he left his winning lottery ticket]
BARRY: Whenever I take a library book out, I use the jackpot ticket as a bookmark.
PAUL: Brilliant! Where's your library book?
BARRY: [pause] I took it back to the library.
[cut to the two brothers walking towards the public library]
PAUL: There's nothing to worry about. We'll just go in the library, find the book, open it up, and get the ticket ...
[he checks his watch]
PAUL: It's five to eleven, that gives us an hour and five minutes. Now, what was the title of the book?
BARRY: "Bobby Fandango, Space Detective!"
BARRY: Or was it ... "Seymour Wilson, Underwater Agent?"
BARRY: Oh no, it could've been "Colin Budgerworth, Jungle Assassin" ...
PAUL: Oh dear, oh dear ... Come on!
[they walk into library, where a young African American female librarian (hair in a bun, glasses, pearl necklace, brown sweater, yellow blouse, plaid skirt) is sitting at the front desk]
BARRY: I remember now! "Matt Flash, Psychic Spy!"
[she puts a finger to her lisp and shushes them]
PAUL: Sorry ...
[they walk towards a nearby bookshelf]
PAUL: Now then. Spies, spies, spies, spies ...
[he points to something off camera]
PAUL: There it is! Somebody's got it!
[they rush over to the male patron who is reading the book]
PAUL: I wouldn't read that book if I was you.
BARRY: I don't wanna spoil it for you, but uh ... the mermaid's a double agent!
[the patron angrily puts down the book, and they scoop it up]
PAUL: We're rich! We're rich! Haha ...
[Paul flips through the book, then gets a disappointed look on his face]
PAUL: Eh? It's not there!
BARRY: Oh dear, it's the wrong book ... I forgot to tell you, in the "Matt Flash" series, there are ninety eight volumes.
PAUL: Huh? There's only one thing for it ... Start shaking.
[Barry goes into convulsions]
PAUL: Not like that, the books!
[they begin taking the books off the nearby shelf and start shaking them (before throwing them on the floor), when the librarian approaches]
LIBRARIAN: Tsk tsk tsk ... Gentlemen! Do you mind?
[Paul gives her a nervous laugh, then they wait for her to leave]
BARRY: What we gonna do now?
[cut to the brothers wheeling all ninety eight volumes to the checkout desk on a book truck]
LIBRARIAN: You don't have to stack the books, you know. We have staff to do that.
PAUL: Oh, we're not stackin' 'em, we're taking 'em out!
LIBRARIAN: How many books have you got there?
BARRY: Uh, one, two, three ... Ninety eight.
LIBRARIAN: You can't take out ninety eight books on one ticket!
PAUL: Well, how many can we take out?
[she folds her arms and gives them a stern look]
[they nervously look up at the wall clock, then cut to outside the library (where the two are flipping through their allotted five books)]
PAUL: Ah no, the ticket's not here. Let's go in and get another five.
[they walk back into library, as Paul places the books in front of the librarian while Barry walks off camera]
PAUL: Another five, Barry!
[he turns and addresses the librarian]
PAUL: We've finished with those.
LIBRARIAN: You've read those already?
[Barry returns and places another five books on the desk]
PAUL: Oh yes, we're speedreaders!
[as Barry hands a book to the librarian to be stamped, he surreptiously hands it behind his back to Paul (who vigorously shakes it)]
BARRY: Yeah, when I read "Round the World in Eighty Days," it only took forty!
[she accidentally (?) stamps his hand as he hands her another book]
[she gives him a quick apologetic smile (without looking very sincere), then Paul (after shaking the last of the new five volumes) turns to the librarian and smiles]
PAUL: Bringin' those back. Another five please!
[Barry tries to place another five books on the desk, but the librarian takes them from him]
LIBRARIAN: Ah ah ... I'm sorry to say, gentlemen, you've reached your weekly quota.
[she gives them a fake smile and walks away with the books]
PAUL: Don't worry, Barry ...
[he turns and sees some hats and coats hanging on the wall nearby]
PAUL: Nothing chops a Stuckle ... I mean, stops a Chuckle!
[cut to the two returning to the librarian (dressed in the stolen clothes) ... even though they've done nothing to disguise their faces (or Paul's moustache), he starts talking to her in old-lady voices]
PAUL: Hello, m'dear! Me and my friend would like to take out these five books, please!
[the librarian lowers her glasses and stares at them, as Barry takes five more books and places them on the desk]
PAUL: We do love a good spy novel, don't we Mabel?
BARRY: [pause] Yes we do, Edna!
PAUL: So if you wouldn't mind stamping them with your shiny little stamp, we'll be on our way!
[she gets a disgusted look on her face]
LIBRARIAN: You must think I was born yesterday! Get out of my library or I'll call the police!
[Barry sees something off camera and wanders off, but Paul tries to keep up the ruse]
PAUL: You can't talk to me like that, I'm eighty seven years old and I've--
[the librarian pulls off his hat]
PAUL: Aw, forget it ... Come on Barry, let's go.
[he turns to leave, but Barry returns and stops him]
BARRY: No, that's it! The name of the book ... "Matt Flash and the Secret Police!"
[the librarian starts to laugh]
PAUL: What're you laughing at?
LIBRARIAN: "Matt Flash and the Secret Police" was taken out ... Oh! Not five minutes ago!
PAUL: Well, who took it? What'd he look like?
[she plays coy]
LIBRARIAN: Hmm, let me think. I've got a dreadful memory, y'know!
PAUL: Come on! Tell us or we'll, we'll ...
[he looks down at the pile of neatly arranged paperclips on the desk in front of her]
PAUL: Um, we'll mess your paperclips up!
[she quickly puts her hands over the paperclips]
LIBRARIAN: Five-eleven, dark hair, grey suit!
PAUL: Ah ha, that's better!
[they turn to leave, but Paul stops]
PAUL: Barry ... mess 'em up anyway!
[he spreads the paperclips all over the desk, then they both run away as the librarian starts crying]
ChuckleVision was a British children's slapstick comedy television series created and written by John Sayle, Barry Elliot and Paul Elliot for the BBC. It ran for 292 episodes over twenty-one series, running from 1987 to 2009.
It follows the adventures of the two Chuckle Brothers (played by Barry and Paul Elliott), who find themselves in all sorts of situations that they must cope with.
ChuckleVision: Season 20, Episode 4
Jumping Jackpot (31 Jan. 2008)
Barry is in possession of the winning lottery ticket which will scoop the brothers fifty thousand pounds provided it is presented within two hours. He thinks he left the ticket in a recently-returned library book but now someone else has borrowed it and he's moving house so the brothers pose as removal men, causing so much damage there is precious little prize money left.
Director: Jack Jameson
Writer: Julian Dutton
Barry Chuckle ... Himself (as The Chuckle Brothers)
Paul Chuckle ... Himself (as The Chuckle Brothers)
Velile Tshabalala ... Librarian