Barney Miller - 713 - The Librarian
As a huge Barney Miller fan, I was quite displeased how only the first four seasons of this show were uploaded in full. Well not anymore, I will be uploading EVERY episode from the start of season five to the very end of shows run in season eight.
I've loved this show for many years. Enjoy the seasons, the laughs, and don't forget to subscribe and like the video(s)!
Tags: Barney Miller The Librarian Season Episode Television Show
Added: 1 month ago
[Detectives Harris and Dietrich had been called in to investigate a "disturbance at a library on Sixth Avenue", so they return to the squad room with an older female librarian in handcuffs]
LOUISE: I normally don't do things like this, but under the circumstances, I felt I could make an exception.
ARTHUR: I understand.
BARNEY: This is our disturbance?
RON: Uh, yes Barney. This is Miss Louise Austin, she's the assistant librarian at the Sixth Avenue branch.
LOUISE: I'm in charge of non-fiction ...
[Dietrich holds up a plastic bag containing a gun]
ARTHUR: She pulled out this twenty-two automatic from behind the checkout counter, and started threatening several of the patrons.
[Captain Miller takes the bag, while the librarian looks around nervously]
LOUISE: They were chattering ...
ARTHUR: When they didn't stop talking, she fired a shot in the air.
LOUISE: Noise is the only thing these people understand!
RON: So, by the time we got there, she was just ... herding people out of the library.
LOUISE: I finally had just had enough ... People abusing books, never returning them on time. Vagrants sleeping all day in the reference room, using a dictionary for a pillow! Young people meeting in the stacks for romantic interludes, when they could just as easily read about it!
BARNEY: Uh, Miss Austin--
LOUISE: That's what I do.
BARNEY: Well, we're very sympathetic, Miss Austin, but uh ... I'm afraid we're gonna have to book you anyway.
LOUISE: [pause] Will this take long? I have story telling at three thirty ...
[he hands the bag to Harris]
BARNEY: Why don't you tell your story to Sargeant Harris?
RON: Oh ... Uh, Miss Austin, you wanna take a seat right over here, please?
[he leads her to his desk]
LOUISE: Are you Sargeant Harris, Ronald N.?
RON: Uh, yeah.
LOUISE: We have your book.
RON: Oh, do you?
LOUISE: "Blood on the Badge?"
[he chuckles at the recognition of his status as an author]
LOUISE: Three six four point one two in the Crime section.
RON: Well, uh, I certainly hope people are bringing it back on time ...
LOUISE: [pause] It's never left ...
[an older man enters the police station, carrying a stack of books]
ARTHUR: May I help you?
NEAL: They told me downstairs you were holding Miss Austin up here.
ARTHUR: That's right.
NEAL: I'm returning these.
[Dietrich gives him a funny look, then points to the holding cell behind them]
ARTHUR: Over there.
NEAL: Miss Austin?
NEAL: It's me, Neal.
[he holds up his library card]
NEAL: See? My library card.
LOUISE: Oh, Mister Pomerantz ... You really should have that laminated.
NEAL: I went to the library this afternoon to check out some how-to books on auto repair and screenwriting ... They told me you'd become a little upset, started shooting at people
LOUISE: Yes, I'm ... I'm afraid so.
[Miss Austin and Mister Pomerantz are apparently flirting with each other]
LOUISE: Mister Pomerantz, you certainly have eclectic taste in your reading matter ... "The Illustrated Guide to Good Posture," "Historical Perspectives on the Danish Monarchs," and "Mike Douglas: My Story."
NEAL: I didn't read them.
[he hangs his head]
NEAL: I don't read any of the books I take out.
LOUISE: Then ... why do you take so long to return them?
NEAL: I only do that because I know if I keep them out long enough, you'll send me one of your personal little notes, threatening to revoke my privileges. I've saved every one.
LOUISE: I had no idea.
NEAL: Haven't you ever wondered why I always sit in the reference room across from your desk, browsing through the out-of-town phone books?
LOUISE: I just assumed you had a lot of friends.
NEAL: I don't ...
[Neal checks his watch]
NEAL: Well, I guess I really should be going now ... The movie starts at six thirty. I'm an usher.
NEAL: I say "Shh!" a lot, too!
[they both laugh]
LOUISE: You know, I'll bet you look very impressive with your flashlight ...
NEAL: I suppose I do ... So, uh, what happens to you now?
LOUISE: Well, I believe I'm going to be transferred to another facility this evening, and then tomorrow morning I have to appear before the judge and have my bail set.
NEAL: So ... then you're free tomorrow night?
LOUISE: [pause] Did you have something in mind?
[he points to Detective Harris]
NEAL: Well, that guy over there's giving a party.
Barney Miller: Season 7, Episode 13
The Librarian (19 Feb. 1981)
A gypsy has an incredibly compelling motive for harassing the owner of a novelty store. A librarian takes extreme measures to enforce quiet among her patrons.
Hal Linden ... Capt. Barney Miller
Max Gail ... Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz
Ron Glass ... Det. Ron Harris
Steve Landesberg ... Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich
Ron Carey ... Officer Carl Levitt
Miriam Byrd-Nethery ... Louise Austin (as Miriam Byrd Nethery)
James Gallery ... Neal Pomerantz